2
You Are Not Alone

For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.

2 Corinthians 2:4

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.

Helen Keller

I’m here to tell you the secret is out: even Christians get depressed. Unfortunately, Christians are often the ones who most feel they must hide their pain and pretend that nothing is wrong. We go to church each weekend with a smile plastered on our faces and an “I’m fine” on the tip of our tongues. All the while we tell ourselves:

“If they knew the truth, they would think I’m pathetic.”

“If they knew how much I really do not have my act together, they would think I’m incompetent.”

“If they knew how desperately alone and unhappy I really feel, they would think something is wrong with me.”

This line of thinking can make depression worse and more difficult to overcome.

When you experience despair daily, and it seems no matter what you try, things don’t get better, it becomes easier for you to accept that your feelings are “normal,” that this is your fate.

But hope prevails! I say this not just because I am a doctor but because I’ve been there. The thoughts suggested above mirror my experience through multiple bouts of depression. I hope and sincerely pray that by reading these pages you will feel comforted and you will know you are not alone.

Depression does not have to become a permanent way of life. There is hope. Jesus has offered “inexpressible joy” (1 Peter 1:8 NKJV), which must be the absolute opposite of depression. The Bible offers a wealth of promises for those who suffer through the torrent of depression. Matthew 5:4 promises, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Psalm 126:5 promises, “They who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.” We have access to the God of all comfort (see 2 Cor. 1:3–4).

During my darkest days, when I truly could not fathom a time in the future when I would not suffer the gut-wrenching despair of my depression, I clung to the promises found in Scripture. Verses such as Isaiah 51:11 provided me with the hope that no one else could offer: “Those who have been ransomed by the LORD will return. They will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness” (NLT). Oh, how I wanted to be overcome with joy and gladness.

Can you relate? Is that how you feel?

After a particularly devastating period in my life, when depression clung to me like a spider web that you just can’t shake loose, I could appreciate the value of the trial. I remember telling a friend, “I don’t ever want to go through anything that painful again. Honestly, I wouldn’t voluntarily choose to endure such pain, nor would I wish it on anyone. But now that I’m on the other side, I can see how even in the midst of such pain God was there. And truly, he used even pain for my good. For that I am thankful.”

Still, there were days I wasn’t sure I could go on. Or that I even wanted to. Days when I begged God to take the depression from me. Days when I literally could not pray anything other than a tearfully whispered, “Help.” But after the sorrow and mourning disappeared, I had a new appreciation for 1 Peter 4:12–13, which says, “Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through. . . . Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory” (NLT).

You may be reading this and thinking, “That’s all well and good for her, but she doesn’t know what I’ve gone through.” Or perhaps you are reading this and thinking, “If one more person tells me another Bible verse and thinks that will make me feel better, I’ll scream.” Can I tell you something? I thought those very same things! I was tired of even trying, and I was sick of crying. I tried to smile on the outside, but on the inside I felt like I was dying. And I just wanted it to stop.

I had been a Christian since I was seven years old. I had memorized hundreds of verses by the time I graduated from high school. When I was in the throes of depression, a friend said I needed to “snap out of it.” As if it was yesterday, I remember thinking, “She has no idea what I’ve been through. If she did, she would understand why I feel the way I do and why I can’t just snap out of it.” And I remember getting frustrated to the point of being angry when fellow Christians would quote Bible verses to try to make me feel better. I felt like all they were doing was giving me platitudes, which, in my mind, just proved to me they had no idea what I was going through.

Time to Be Honest

If you are reading this book right now, I suspect one of two things is true. Either you struggle with depression, or you love someone who does. I wish I could sit right beside you and hold your hand. Sometimes when we hurt so badly, we don’t necessarily want anyone to say anything; we just need a warm embrace or a knowing touch that speaks more than words. Quite possibly, if we were sitting together right now, if I put my hand on your shoulder and gave you a glance that conveyed, “I understand,” tears might start to flow. Maybe as you read this you are trying to hold back the tears. Let them come. Don’t try to hold them back. You don’t need to pretend anymore.

Do you remember the questions I asked you in chapter 1? I wanted you to feel free to give answers that rang true in your deepest core. If you want freedom from depression, you have to decide you are ready to dispel some myths and lies and replace them with truth—God’s truth. That includes the lies you unknowingly allowed yourself to believe about yourself, the lies you may have believed about others, and those you’ve let others believe about you. So if you read something in these pages that causes a tear, let it run. Feel it. Ask yourself, “What prompted that?”

You might also think, “I’m afraid if I let myself cry I might never stop.” Those were once my exact words to a therapist. I promise that healing your hurts will dry your tears. Don’t deny yourself the feeling and pretend it doesn’t exist. If you do, it will resurface later only stronger and probably at a less opportune time.

So often, unfortunately, we feel shame attached to our plunge into depression, as if the devastation of that period of darkness isn’t enough suffering. I experienced that too on multiple levels. I felt ashamed because I was the doctor who was “supposed to have all the answers.” If I had the answers for other people, why couldn’t I prevent myself from falling down the slippery slope into the valley? I have friends who are always cheerful and peppy, while for years it seemed like a black cloud followed me everywhere. I didn’t want to be like that, and I repeatedly asked the question, “What is wrong with me?” I tried so many of the treatment suggestions I prescribed for my own patients, and yet they weren’t enough to stop up the flood of tears or produce a rainbow that I could appreciate.

I’m going to be honest with you. I never found one magical cure-all. I did, however, through my years of professional practice and years of personal struggle, come to realize that there are several factors at play during bouts of depression that affect us spiritually and perpetuate our ordeal. Once I became aware of the spiritual aspects of depression, the curtain was pulled back and I found new ammunition to fight the battle. Then, just like with a good deal at a favorite store or restaurant, I couldn’t keep it to myself. I don’t want anyone to suffer one more minute if I can offer help.

The circumstances that led to our struggles with depression may be different, but there is hope. There are things that depression does to us on a spiritual level, but by the grace of God, there are also things that God will not allow depression to do. We will explore some of the lies and myths that influence our experience of depression. “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

Often we lose perspective and need the guidance of someone who can understand our situation and knows the appropriate course of action. Especially when traversing the valley of depression, we can struggle with indecision and decreased drive and motivation. If you were to see a doctor for a physical illness, they might prescribe a medication to help you. If you came to see me in my office for depression, I would give you a prescription of treatment suggestions. Just as your physician can’t force you to take the prescribed medication, I can’t force you to take my recommendations. Jesus didn’t force the lame man by the pool to follow his commands (see John 5:1–15). The man wanted healing badly enough to do as Jesus suggested. That was the implied question Jesus asked. It was not so much “Do you want to get well?” but rather “Are you willing to do what it will take to get well and stay well?”

Are you ready to exchange your despair for an abundant and full life? Are you ready to get well? In the next chapter, we will discuss where depression comes from. Once we know where depression comes from, we can be strategic in avoiding the traps that have previously lured us in.

Your Rx

Prayerfully consider and answer the question, “Have I allowed myself to feel shame because I’ve suffered with depression?” Then take that shame to God in prayer, telling him you want to exchange it for his perfect perspective of you. You are not your depression, and shame does not come from God. It comes from the enemy, who wants to keep you stuck in the valley.

Ask yourself this question: “Am I willing to do what it will take to get well and stay well?” If the answer is anything but a firm yes, then ask God to reveal to you what is standing in the way. Ask him to help you surrender to his leading.

Look up the following verses: Psalm 126:5; Isaiah 51:11; Matthew 5:4; 2 Corinthians 1:3–4. Then write them on index cards and place them where you will see them frequently. Read each of these passages aloud three times daily, committing them to memory.

My Prayer for You

Father, my heart is heavy for the one reading this book right now. And I know that your heart is inclined to this precious child of yours as well. Your Word says in 3 John 1:2 that you desire for us to enjoy good health and for all to go well with us. I know that is your desire for me and for the one reading along, so I ask you to grant a fresh revelation to us so that we may exchange darkness and despair for good health. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” so, Father, I ask that you will remove any vestiges of shame or embarrassment that this dear one has felt as a result of suffering from depression and being misunderstood or maligned by those who have never experienced its wrath. I know, Father, that you understand our pain and our sorrows because Isaiah 53:3 tells us that Jesus “was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” Father, I thank you that you understand our pain and offer hope. Infuse this dear one with an extra measure of faith and hope in you for brighter days ahead. Because of your Son and his sacrifice for us, amen.

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2 You Are Not Alone

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You Are Not Alone