4
Recognize You Have an Enemy

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10

We will never achieve the levels of peace, joy, and effectiveness to which we are called if we are being influenced by evil in certain compartments of our lives.

Robert Morris

The previous chapter revealed that there are many potential contributors to depression and that frequently a combination of factors turns a case of the blues or a subjective feeling of sadness into depression. Regardless of the cause, and while everyone’s experience is unique, depression has some fairly predictable spiritual consequences.

When we consider depression, we think of how it impacts our emotional and mental functioning. But if we don’t arrest the downward spiral, over time it swells from affecting our emotional and mental functioning to negatively impacting our bodies and our spiritual health. In short, depression affects our entire being.

Depression hurts in so many ways, and the pain and emotional turmoil, to a very large degree, can feel like a broken heart. Scripture attests to this: “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit” (Prov. 15:13).

Let’s look at what the enemy does to us through depression.

Depression Turns Us into Someone We Don’t Recognize

After eleven years of marriage, I became pregnant with our first child. My husband and I were both so excited, as were the grandparents—who I suspect had almost given up on the idea of receiving grandchildren from our union. My mother was especially ecstatic, as this would be her first grandchild from either my brother or me. I had imagined for years what it would be like to bring a baby into this world and to be a mother. I had all sorts of expectations for our life as a family. But when depression descended, those expectations dissipated like a dream upon waking, and even this wondrous time of life took on a gray, cheerless tone.

After a healthy pregnancy and a fairly routine labor and delivery, we brought our son home from the hospital. I felt like the happiest mother who ever lived. Shortly afterward, however, I didn’t recognize myself anymore. It was as if I had gone to bed one night a happy mother of a newborn and woken up the next day feeling devastated, like I had lost everything. Even when the baby wasn’t crying, I was.

I had no idea why I was crying. Nor could I stop. Tears sprang from nowhere. I loved this sweet baby. I was so happy to finally be a mother, yet all I could do was cry. I’m not talking about the little sniffle that follows the predictable sad ending of a chick flick. I lapsed into uncontrollable weeping in response to trivial events like knocking a paper off the countertop—or nothing in particular. I wasn’t in pain. It couldn’t yet be attributed to weeks of newborn-induced sleep deprivation. I was not yet overwhelmed with the daily schedule of caring for an infant. I didn’t know why I was crying, and nothing helped to stop the tears. I tried sleeping when the baby slept. I made sure I ate well. I took the baby in his stroller for daily walks to get my exercise. Warm showers only signaled to my body that it was time to nurse. Nothing helped.

There wasn’t much I could say for certain during that time. I only knew this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I had brought home a precious, healthy, beautiful baby boy. I couldn’t have asked for more, but it seemed I couldn’t feel worse. This wasn’t anything like I had expected. I knew I should be happy, but I just couldn’t find my happy place.

I was ill equipped and began to feel not only devastated but also like a personal failure. I hadn’t seen any of my friends go through anything like this. And it certainly didn’t look like any of TLC’s programming about babies and motherhood. This situation was so much harder than nine months of pregnancy or labor and delivery, and it wasn’t improving.

My mother called to check on us one evening during one of my frequent crying spells. When she asked what was wrong, I gave her the same tearful response I gave anyone who asked: “I don’t know. I just can’t stop crying.” After a few more questions, she identified my tormenter and explained that I was suffering from postpartum depression. She made me promise to hang up the phone with her and immediately contact my physician.

It helped a little to know what I was dealing with, to have a name for it. But that knowledge alone wasn’t enough to rid me of the despair I felt. That would be like knowing a hurricane is coming and expecting that knowledge to be enough to repair the damage sustained in its wake. I had heard of postpartum depression before, but I couldn’t relate to it in my childless years. All I knew was that I no longer felt like myself.

Depression can turn us into a person we don’t recognize. Sometimes the transformation happens seemingly overnight, as in my case after the birth of my son. For others depression slowly infiltrates daily life over weeks or months or years, like when you step onto a scale for the first time in a while and think, “When did I put on thirty pounds?” Depression can take you from the person you used to be and turn you into someone your spouse, your kids, and your friends don’t understand, leaving them to wonder, “What happened?”

We see in his writings that David experienced the same thing and lamented to God about his state of despair: “But LORD and King, help me so that you bring honor to yourself. Because your love is so good, save me. I am poor and needy. My heart is wounded deep down inside me” (Ps. 109:21–22 NIrV). Yet David went on to share hope. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Ps. 147:3). That is God’s commitment to us. While we may feel broken and wounded in our despair, God promises to heal those places in us.

The Truth about How God Sees Us

While depression can turn us into someone we don’t recognize, it can help to remember that Jesus sees us not only as we are but also as we can be. Jesus is God, and God is and was and always will be (see John 1:1–3). So God in his omniscience knew our entire future before we took our first breath, and our fall into depression comes as no surprise to him, nor does our journey out of this desert land. Furthermore, the Bible tells us, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jer. 1:5). God knows where we started out, and he knows who we are and what our struggles are. He knows how his redemptive power can transform and restore us. When God looks at us, he sees the righteousness of Jesus. We are told in 2 Corinthians 5:21, “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

My go-to verse for comfort is Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’” (NLT). While God sees us in our season of pain, he also knows that he has so much better in store for us after we make it through depression’s dark tunnel and arrive on the other side.

Often during periods of depression, we don’t admit to others how we really feel, and we pretend to be happier than we are. In their book The Cure, John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall note, “All masks are the product of pretending something in our lives is true, even if experience denies it.”1 Jesus looks past the masks we put on for the rest of the world to see us as we truly are, even as we try to hide the guilt, shame, and utter despair we feel. He doesn’t see our faults. He doesn’t see the things others don’t like in us. He doesn’t see those parts of us we don’t like in ourselves. No. Instead, he sees a wounded child who needs the shelter of his wing and the comfort of his healing touch so that we can assume our rightful place as his heir. He wants to take our pain, our “ashes,” and exchange them for beauty.

During my darkest days, I found hope in Isaiah 61:1–3:

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor.

This passage reminds us it’s always God’s desire to comfort his children, heal the brokenhearted, give us joy for our sadness, and show us the path to freedom.

Depression Contributes to Loneliness

Depression destroys our foundation and contributes to loneliness. My postpartum depression hit like a tsunami. I had no idea that depression would be a consequence of giving birth. I felt so alone. I didn’t personally know anyone who had suffered with postpartum depression, so I was unprepared and isolated. I began to believe the lies that I was alone in my suffering and that there was something wrong with me. I was embarrassed to talk about it.

I feared there was something inherently flawed about me that was making me suffer this devastation to my sense of well-being. I felt ashamed. I didn’t have the wherewithal to consider that if I was too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about my experience, perhaps others were too. In my quietness, I suffered alone. Now I realize I wasn’t really alone. Isaiah 43:2 promises, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you” (NKJV).

Did you hear what that said? Did you hear the warning? The verse doesn’t say we won’t go through difficult times. It doesn’t say we won’t feel as if we are drowning or go through times so intense that they are like walking through fire. Oh no! It warns us about when we will go through trials. We are implicitly promised that we will go through difficult times, destructive times, painful times, times that will change the landscape of our lives forever. But we will not go through them alone. God promises his presence with us the entire time. When we go through difficult times, we will not suffer alone because God will be with us.

Have you ever seen the devastating effects of a flood? Floods destroy. This verse in Isaiah took on personal meaning for me when we experienced our own flood.

We bought a home several years back. It wasn’t fancy, but we loved it. When we moved in, we gave fresh paint to every wall and decorated. We filled every room with furniture. Shortly thereafter, we went away for a week. When we returned, it was midnight and our two young ones were sleeping in the car. We unfastened their seat belts, and my husband and I each carried one in our arms. We walked into our house to find it covered from one end to the other with water. The entire week we were away, a toilet overflowed and flowed and flowed. Six inches of water blanketed the entire house. It soaked the carpets and swelled the drywall. It damaged the furniture and destroyed everything stored at ground level. Our front door sat somewhat sheltered from the road, so no one saw the water seeping out the front door or around the foundation. Even if they had, they would not have known how to reach us, for we had just recently moved in and were still strangers to the neighbors.

In my naïveté, I thought, “Give it six weeks and we’ll be back to normal.” Well, this was one time when naïveté benefited me. The flooring had to be replaced. Most of the drywall had to be cut out and replaced. At one point, we could stand at one end of the house and look between the exposed studs and see all the way to the opposite end of the house. The flood ruined our floors, our walls, our furniture, and our cabinets. Our home was a mess. What was previously a place of refuge and comfort became a place of frustration and despair. Contractors spent months tearing out the damage, putting up new walls, and painting, laying new flooring, and installing new cabinets and fixtures. A year later, our house still wasn’t back to normal; the rebuilding process seemed unending. It was dirty and dusty, and it left us crying out, “When will this be over?”

God’s Word tells us that rivers may roar, but they will not overflow us. It tells us that we will walk through fire, but we will not be burned or scorched. Because of God’s great love, these hard times won’t destroy us, although during periods of depression, we might feel as if they will. I certainly did. Because of his love, God promises to be with us during our most difficult times—during periods of depression. We must hold tight to that promise as our feet get wet and our backs get hot. God is here to hold on to us and walk every step with us. The secret to this verse is to accept that difficult circumstances will happen while remembering that we are not alone in our adversity. We have an enemy who would like to paralyze us in fear with the rivers, floods, and fires of our lives. Instead, we must take God at his Word and believe that what he tells us is truth and applicable to our concerns.

The depths of depression can feel so very lonely, like no one cares and no one understands. And at times, it may feel like not even God cares. During the darkest days of my depression, I felt completely alone. I cried out to God from the privacy of my bedroom, “You promise that you will never leave us or forsake us, but I feel all alone! Where are you?” In those periods of despair, I had to choose to believe God and trust in his promises rather than my feelings. I ultimately found comfort not in people or possessions but in the truth of God’s Word. One of the verses that spoke so strongly to me, and I hope it will bless you as well, is 2 Corinthians 4:17: “These troubles and sufferings of ours are, after all, quite small and won’t last very long. Yet this short time of distress will result in God’s richest blessing upon us forever and ever!” (TLB).

Depression Causes Us to Focus on Feelings Rather Than on Truth

I used to think that feelings are neither right nor wrong; they just are. But feelings are capricious and can’t be trusted. They are also strong and compelling. The enemy uses our feelings against us. He uses the despair and the loneliness we feel during periods of depression to convince us of the lies he whispers in our ears. “Your God says he will never leave you, but where is he now? If he was really here, you wouldn’t feel so lonely!” In those times, we must cling to the truth of God’s Word. God cannot and will not lie. “God is not like people, who lie; he is not a human who changes his mind. Whatever he promises, he does; he speaks, and it is done” (Num. 23:19 GNT).

The enemy, however, is the master deceiver. He makes his career out of lying. “From the very beginning he was a murderer and has never been on the side of truth, because there is no truth in him. When he tells a lie, he is only doing what is natural to him, because he is a liar and the father of all lies” (John 8:44 GNT). It’s important to know God’s Word, to study and learn it, so that when we are tempted to trust our feelings, the Holy Spirit will remind us of truth so we will not be deceived by the enemy’s lies. We are told of this in John 14:26: “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” But the Holy Spirit cannot remind us of the verses we have not read.

In some of my darkest days, I cried out to him through my tears, “God, I know you say in your Word that you will never leave us or forsake us, and I want to believe that, I do, but where are you now? I hurt, physically and emotionally. I feel so alone. If you are really there, why can’t I feel you?” I thought I was doing all the right things. I regularly attended church, had my morning devotions, and read God’s Word. Yet none of that seemed to make a difference. Time has a way of giving perspective.

I am an achiever by nature—a doer. I have a very driven personality. Yes, I was having my morning devotions, but truthfully, I was not really having much of a quiet time per se. My surroundings were quiet, but my heart and mind were not.

Even as I read my devotion or the Scripture for the day, my mind jumped ahead to my schedule or plans or problems of the day. And if time was running short and I needed to head off to work, I would cut short my time in prayer. The time I cut short was the time I spent listening to God.

God was gentle in his correction, as he helped me to see the error in my thinking. He had not left me, but my lack of attention was not conducive to recognizing his presence or the gift of comfort he offered. He tenderly showed me this one morning as I reread a familiar story about another woman who had difficulty setting aside her to-do list to be still in his presence:

She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:39–42)

The Lord showed me that we can be lonely when we are too busy to take time to rest in his presence and listen to him. His Word is true. He promises he won’t ever leave us, but he won’t force us to stay in his presence either. We need to spend time with him and in his Word so we know his truth and can use it to combat our feelings.

Satan uses three primary tactics to perpetuate our depression, affecting us to such a degree that we no longer recognize ourselves. He seeks to kill our joy, steal our peace, and destroy our identity. We feel alone in our pain and focus on our feelings rather than on God’s truth. The enemy’s key motivation in the life of a Christian is to thwart our effectiveness in glorifying God and blunt our ability to share the good news with others who would trust in God. We are warned in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy,” but then it goes on to give us great hope, as Jesus promises, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

In the pages ahead, I’ll share with you how the truth of that verse manifests itself within the experience of depression—what depression does to us spiritually. We will reflect on how the enemy kills our joy, steals our peace, and seeks to destroy our identity. Then we will uncover what, by the grace of God, depression cannot do to us. The enemy seeks to keep us in the storm of depression, but God is so good that he doesn’t allow the enemy to determine our worth, dictate our destiny, or separate us from God’s love. In fact, we can take solace in knowing that what the enemy intended to harm us, God will use for good (see Gen. 50:20). That’s what I call “godly revenge.” Take heart, my friend. No matter how bad you feel right now, hope prevails!

Your Rx

Consider what you were like before you encountered depression. What has changed that makes it difficult to recognize that old you? What would your friends or family identify as changes? Choose one thing consistent with either the old you or the person you would like to become and take a step of faith toward that new version of you. Perhaps you used to enjoy a daily walk, a bike ride, or artwork. Pick an activity and strive to incorporate it into your life. Or maybe you used to enjoy spending time with friends but have let some of your friendships fade. You could send a text message, email, or call one friend just to touch base.

Look up the following verses: Psalm 147:3; Isaiah 43:2; 61:1–3; Jeremiah 1:5; John 10:10. Write them on index cards and place them where you will see them frequently. Read each of these passages aloud three times daily, committing them to memory.

Make a list (for your eyes only) of the things you like about yourself (e.g., “I don’t like others to hurt,” “People share their problems with me because I won’t tell others,” “I do what I say I’ll do,” etc.) Then each morning as you stand in your bathroom getting ready for the day, look at yourself in the mirror and proclaim over yourself those characteristics or traits you like (e.g., “I am compassionate,” “I am trustworthy,” “I am reliable,” etc.). Remember, faith comes by hearing. If depression has turned you into someone you don’t recognize, it’s time to start listening to the truth about who you are.

My Prayer for You

Father, you are no stranger to pain, and I take comfort in knowing that you weep when we weep—that is how much you care for your children. I pray, Father, that you will enfold this one in your mighty strong arms of love. In our darkest hours, sometimes it can be hard to recognize ourselves, but you know every hair on our heads. You know when we sleep, and you know when we wake. And you know our greatest need. Comfort your child now, Father, in a way that only you can, for in your Word you say that you came to give not only life but abundant life. Breathe life back into this despairing heart, I pray. I thank you that we can stand on your promises and know that you will be faithful to your Word. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Recommended Playlist

4 Recognize You Have an Enemy

4
Recognize You Have an Enemy