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"Sooooooo. How are things?" Charlotte dragged the words out so long that she sounded like a snake. He was impressed that she'd waited until they were nearly done with dinner to broach the subject. That almost counted as restraint.
West slid a California roll into his mouth so he wouldn't have to answer immediately. Because who even knew what the answer was. He'd spent two days with Noah and now they were texting and waking each other up with slow kisses and he couldn't wait to return to Noah's apartment and his bed. West's whole body buzzed with the need for more. A few months ago that had seemed impossible.
But maybe she was just asking about his classes.
He reached for another California roll.
Charlotte's eyes widened. His silence was evidently incriminating enough for her. "This is so exciting. You should invite Noah over. We need another holiday so you can bring him to dinner. Mom'll shit herself."
The next few seconds came rimed with prickling ice. He choked down his bite and took a long drink of tea until his vision stopped pulsing. "Don't talk like that."
"Weston, please. You're ruining the moment."
"I'm not the one who brought up Mom."
"You're going to have to tell her eventually, right? You can't not tell her."
"Watch me."
She shot him a look. "Yeah. I'm sure that'll work out great. You can't even keep secrets. You always fold immediately. And Mom already knows something's up. She asked why you were ghosting her and I had to make up a lie about your classes—you're welcome by the way. And you're screwed."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"You're welcome. But she's not gonna believe that a second time, so you should just tell her everything now. Get your public shaming over with so we can all move on. And so you can invite Noah to dinner. It'll make it more interesting. For me personally, not you. It'll be a fun change to watch you suffer instead of me."
"This is my private life not a rom-com. Don't you have any gossip of your own so you can stop stealing all mine?"
"Sadly no. My life is boring. You'll have to keep entertaining me at least until I graduate."
"I thought you were into that guy. With the... name."
She giggled. "You're really terrible at this, you know that? His name was Taylor and don't even mention him. He's a jerk."
"Since when?"
"Since I found out he's a homophobe. So never mind."
"Oh."
"He wasn't even that cute now that I think about it. So back to you." She nibbled at a shred of ginger, all teeth and silent knowing as she bounced like a giddy penguin on a pogo stick. He could feel the soft thud every time she hit the seat on the opposite side of the booth. "You like him though, don't you? You seem happy. And he seemed nice before. I like him. You could even invite him next time we go out. I don't mind."
"And play third wheel to you two again? No thank you."
"It wasn't that bad."
"It was exactly that bad. But we'll see. If he's not busy, maybe."
Charlotte popped her last tempura roll into her mouth, smile stretching wide as she chewed it. "Weston has a boyfriend," she crooned after she'd swallowed.
"Are you done?"
"Not even close."
He reached over the table to flick her in the head. She dodged sideways to avoid him and almost fell out of the booth instead. One hand slapped against the top of the seat as she tried to hold on. "You've got a boyfriend," she said just before she went over.
*****
SHE WAS STILL TALKING about it as they got into the car. West started the engine and pretended like he couldn't hear her, but it was hard to keep the smile off his face. He had a boyfriend. Maybe. Possibly. They hadn't actually discussed it.
"You have a boyfriend," she whispered.
"Yeah. I think I might." The thought curled up in his chest like sunlight. He'd never said that out loud before. "Oh. There's something in the backseat for you. Don't—kick me while you're grabbing it," he said as she dove between the seats and did just that. "I'm driving. Get back in your seat."
She resurfaced with a groan. "What's this?" She held up Noah's jacket to the passing street lights. "Whoa. Did he make this?"
"What?"
Her fingernail scratched against the tip of one of the red hearts. "This looks like paint."
West glanced at the jacket but it was too hard to see anything while he was driving. He'd run them right off the road. "I don't know. It might be."
"Didn't you even ask, West? Where's your sense of curiosity?" She lowered her face into the leather and inhaled. "It even smells good."
"Did you just smell my boyfriend?" He couldn't even say it without smiling. Have to work on that.
"No, I was smelling the leather. Can I put it on? I'm gonna put it on. This is so great." The car jostled as she wriggled her way out of her coat and into Noah's, the leather creaking in time with her movements.
The house blazed with light when they pulled up. That meant Mom was home. She had a habit of flipping switches as she traveled from room to room, leaving a path of light in her wake when she forgot to turn them off again. He should go in and say hi. Get his monthly hug from her. If he got it over with now, he might be able to avoid a repeat until after Reese had left. The thought had its appeal.
"You don't have to come in if you don't want," Charlotte said when she noticed him following her to the door.
"I might as well since I'm here."
The moment the door opened voices met his ears. His mom. And Reese. His stomach dropped. They had situated themselves in the dining room, just barely visible from the entryway as they sat around the table.
"Charlotte? Is that you?" Mom called.
"Yeah, it's me. I'm home." She headed over to say hello and West followed without thinking. Autopilot had taken over.
The dining room table was scattered with papers, probably some kind of research, his mother sitting in the middle of it all with a cup of coffee and a plate with a half-eaten sandwich. Bought probably. His mother didn't cook. She barely prepared. She always said it was too much work for something that was only fuel. Reese sat opposite, one arm folded over the back of his chair as he turned towards them, a smile already in place. Another notch on the tension scale. West could already feel cold sweat prickling in all those little uncomfortable cracks and crevices he forgot about until moments like these. Reese had said some of the worst things with a smile on his face, as though the expression could change the meaning of what he'd said.
"Oh and Westie's back too. That's twice in one day. Isn't this a treat." He nodded at Charlotte. "Where did you get that?"
She looked down, hands pressed against her chest as she inspected herself. "What? Get what? What's on me?"
"The coat, Char. The coat. You didn't have that when you left. I thought you were going to dinner, not out shopping."
"We did. This is from West's—"
"Charlotte," he warned. Not with Reese here. No. Just no.
"Isn't it great?" Charlotte went on like she hadn't said anything a second ago. She spun in place to display her prize. Reese's look was noncommittal, but Charlotte seemed not to notice as she bounced over to kiss their mother on the cheek. "I'm off to shower. Goodnight."
She shot West a conspiratorial look before she trotted off, her feet thumping up the stairs to her room. Everywhere she went, she went loudly.
"That was quite the coat. A little much though, don't you think? Looks like she dragged it out of the kindergarten trash."
West ignored him. He really tried.
His mother finally looked up and seemed to notice he was still standing there. "The prodigal son returns!" she said. "I was starting to think you'd fallen off the face of the world. I left you two messages yesterday. You never return my calls anymore. I needed to talk to you."
"I was busy."
"You can't make time for your own mother? I thought you were done with finals. What could possibly be keeping you that busy?"
"It wasn't school."
She stared unblinking, awaiting further explanation. He should have prepared an excuse. Now his mind spun futilely as he searched for a way out of this conversation that wouldn't end in more questions later.
"Oh, I think someone made a friend," Reese sing songed.
There was no stopping the rush of heat that flooded West's face.
Lie. Change the subject. He had to do something.
The silence was enough to damn him. Reese's smile turned wolfish. "Got it in one."
His mother looked vaguely shocked but that was probably due more to the fact that she still harbored dreams of marrying him off to the son of one of her business partners and starting her very own dynasty. She'd never expressed an ounce of interest in his dating habits for any other reason.
"Mom didn't believe me when I said you'd probably met someone. But, I asked myself, what could be tying up all of West's time? Even you don't study that much."
Tying up.
God, he couldn't breathe. Reese didn't even know the power of those two words or he would have used it already. At least that secret was safe. But even brushing against it sent West into a panic and panic made him angry. Anger had always been his safest place.
"Fine. Yes. I made a friend."
"Looks like I touched a nerve." The little laugh that accompanied it was razors down West's spine.
"Do you even remember what friends are, Reese?"
"Stop it, both of you. This isn't a preschool. If you're going to bicker you can do it outside. I have work to do."
"Sorry," West said at the same time as Reese said, "I was only kidding." If West could have snatched his apology out of the air, he would have. He hated that he'd done it at all.
"You still have no sense of humor, Westie." Reese gazed up at him. "So what's this friend of yours do? What's his major?" His tone was one of only idle curiosity but it was enough to hook West's tongue and drag the words struggling up and out of his throat.
"He's not in school." Stop answering. Just stop answering. It wasn't worth it. Fade away. Just like he always did.
"Oh really? What does he do then? He does have a job, right? We have to make sure he's good enough for you." When Mom shot him a cautionary look, Reese laughed. "West knows I'm only teasing. Don't you, West." West didn't nod, but Reese went on like he had. "What does he do?
"He's an artist. A photographer."
Stop talking.
Just stop.
Talking.
Reese didn't have to laugh this time. The subtle twitch of his lips was amply clear.
"He's really good," West snapped, heat rising up to his ears until they felt ready to burst into flame. "He has a solo show coming up soon at a local gallery and it's going to be incredible. We've been working for weeks—" He stopped. A second too late.
His mother set down her pen, a frown creasing her forehead. "Oh, West, I don't know. That's what's been keeping you so busy that you can't call home for five minutes? Some... art thing? Who is this person? Where did you meet him? This is the first I've heard about a photographer." She said it like the word was foul.
He couldn't even comfort her by saying that she would like Noah. She wouldn't. She would meet him, and between the clothes and the fidgeting and the... him-ness the meeting would be a disaster. Her smile would turn cold and she would be perfectly polite until later when she had West alone and could be 'really honest' about what she thought. West could see it all happening like it was in the past instead of the future. It was the past. They'd had that conversation before. Not about Noah, not yet, but about other things.
When he asked for piano lessons and she asked what he planned to do with them.
When she found him cutting out photos of celebrities and told him to be "more realistic."
When he said he asked if they could get a dog and she smiled and hugged him before saying they didn't have the time.
She would never have a chance to hate Noah's work. She was never going to see it. West planned to make sure of that.
While he was distracted, she had started up again. "What about school? Do you really have time for this—whatever it is you've been doing? You're going to be graduating soon and—"
"I know, mom."
"West, I just don't want you to—"
"I know, mom."
She threw up her hands then in mock surrender, eyes rolling heavenward. "Fine, I won't say anything else about it."
If only that was true.
She took a sip of her coffee and set the mug back down with a soft click, subject dropped for the moment as she changed tack. "Oh, that's right. Since my son isn't taking my calls, I haven't had a chance to tell you the good news." She reached out and squeezed Reese's hand resting on the table. "Your brother is moving back."
A black hole opened beneath West's feet. His toes curled in his shoes as he tried to hang on to the rapidly crumbling ground. "What?"
"Surprise. I didn't want to say anything until it was official, but I just closed on a place last week. Papers are all signed. Looks like we're going to be sharing a city again." He grinned at the room at large. "Hey, maybe I can go to your friend's art show, see what's been keeping you so busy. It must be really something."
"Yeah, maybe," West heard himself say.
*****
THE FIRST CALL CAME in while West was in the car. He ignored it as his phone buzzed, insect-like, against the cup holder where he'd dropped it. He never talked and drove. Not even for Noah. Not that he could have formed a single word at the moment if he wanted to. Every word felt inadequate. He didn't even know which ones he wanted to use. Which he could use.
The next time it rang, the phone was in his hand. West dropped it. His palm stung like he'd been bitten. The phone landed face up on the floor of his apartment. The cracks across the screen split Noah's smiling face from cheek to jaw. Another corner of West's heart crumbled.
It shouldn't bother him. They'd always been like this. A hundred times over they had needled him into being whatever shape they wanted.
West was used to it.
That was the worst part. He'd lived with it so long their judgment felt like life. The way things were supposed to be.
He could convince himself that things were different—he was different—that being with Noah had changed him at some base level and armored his heart.
But it hadn't.
He was the same. Everything else had just been a dream. He saw that now.
He'd spent the rest of the brief visit at the house letting his mother lecture him about his future. The seriousness of it.
"This is no time to be slacking off."
Reese had looked like he wanted to use a different word. His lips formed the shape of it while Mom spoke but he didn't say another thing until it was time to say goodbye. He'd already done enough. He came. He saw. He ruined everything. Reese was inevitability.
And somehow West had to go back to Noah and pretend like it wasn't a countdown to the next moment Reese ruined. To the next moment West let him smash through like a wrecking ball.
He didn't know how to do that.
The phone vibrated again. Voicemail this time.
West stared at the screen as the notification appeared.
Then he turned off the phone.