STOP MAKING MONEY AND START MAKING A DIFFERENCE – MONEY
Money, Money, Money … Moooooney!
It’s seems all we hear about. Beginning as early as I can remember: fights about money, not having enough money, people with money are ‘this and that’, ‘money is evil’, ‘money makes the world go round’, ‘without money you’re nothing’, ‘we don’t have enough money for that’, ‘that takes a lot of money’, ‘good luck with that – it costs a lot of money’.
Do you remember hearing things like this? Whether you grew up with lots of money or very little, money will have been a common, if not the most common, conversation. And so how could we not adopt the belief that it was of utmost importance? Not only to our survival but to our value in the world? And within that belief, our quest for more began. We’ve become a servant of money versus being of service to ourselves and humanity.
As we grow and as our social structure becomes what one would call more ‘sophisticated’, our inner value seems to become the servant of our perceived outer value. And so begins the quest for more, which never becomes enough. More money, more accolades, more things, more value. We sacrifice our highest good, our truest selves, our health and our relationships in an attempt to be seen (‘valued’).
But as we discussed earlier in Chapter 3: ‘Your Worthiness is Not an Outside Thing’, and with our increased awareness, we can eventually understand this. That is, if we’re conscious enough to pay attention and realize that no matter how much or how little we have, our value doesn’t budge. It’s within, not without. We just need to be still enough to know.
But that’s quite the challenge in a world that is so full of noise. Everywhere we turn we are fed the story that money equals value – on billboards, during commercials, on reality TV, in magazines, books, and especially through our social media.
How many ‘get rich quick’ advertisements have you seen while scrolling through Facebook, or while watching YouTube, and now via Twitter and Instagram? We just can’t get away from the ‘money equals value’ story. That is, unless we consciously step away. And like any conditioned thought, or addiction, that’s tough. Especially as the Silicon Valley folks are more and more focused on how to keep us engaged. It all reminds me so much of the series Star Wars: the Dark Side versus the Light Side of the Force. The Dark Side being our Ego, the Light our Spirit. It’s a battle that has seemed intrinsic since our creation or the Big Bang, whatever you believe. As it is laid out in the Bible, as well as almost every piece of non-fiction, literature or childhood fairytale. We have opposing forces within us; our head leading us in one direction and our heart leading us in another.
And from my personal experience, our guts are literally the translator between the two. You’ve heard the term ‘trust your gut’, right? Well, I used to dismiss it as bullshit, new age jargon, until I experienced it within my own life. And when my gut is all out of sorts, I know it’s a sign that my life is out of sorts. You see, from the time I was a little boy I had stomach and intestinal issues, and from what I have experienced, and from what I know to be true, it is because I was being sent signals that things were not right, or in alignment. At least for me. And once I started to heed its message, things began to calm both with my inner and outer wellness. Perhaps you’re working in corporate finance but have always been called to be an artist. Every day you show up at the office and you feel lethargic, have indigestion, anxiety and just don’t feel fully alive? I’m positive if you’re reading this book, you have been getting signs, big signs, and perhaps weren’t able to identify what they were. Maybe they’re as subtle as indigestion, or perhaps as intense as anxiety or depression?
The key is listening to all the signs, heeding their messages, and giving yourself the space to inquire within for direction. That voice, the one that waits for us in the stillness, has all the secrets to our most radically authentic life. Therein lies the ‘pot of gold’ that the leprechaun is searching for at the end of the rainbow, or the ‘home’ that Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz went looking for, or the treasure the boy sought in Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, which is definitely a book I would recommend if you struggle with finding your purpose or destiny.
And once you’ve heard the call, it most definitely doesn’t mean it’s going to get easier! This I know to be true. In my life, the closer I’ve come to truth, the more resistance I’ve experienced. And it shows up in a myriad of self-talk and self-defeating ways, like a trickster that seems to lure us back into old, unconscious patterns. This is where deep listening and inquiry come in. Pay attention, ask, and listen.
Every time in my life when I’ve felt the rise of these emotions and I’ve mustered up the courage to listen to my gut, to follow my heart, and to focus on making a difference and being of service, I get hit like a ton of bricks with the conditioning. It can show up as negative self-talk and other people’s voices, and with resistance as fear, laziness, and even bouts of extreme anxiety attacks, and a downward spiral.
But I keep getting up. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it over and over again – it’s a Zen proverb – ‘fall down seven times, get up eight’. The key is to be present to the process, it’s all part of the journey to ourselves. Life is duality. We will have good days and bad, challenging months and effortless months, but what’s most important is that we stay the course, that we cultivate the awareness to listen to our guts, follow our hearts and make the choices that align with who we are, with what our gifts are, and that we give them to the world with all we’ve got. And so it is that, when we are shining with authenticity, in alignment with our true selves, that is when we will find the riches (both money and other means) that align with our desires.
And to understand that in the powerful words of Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do … it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.*
Do you get that? Do you feel it from the depths of your soul? Stop playing small. Let your light shine … as I’m writing this I have the old Sunday school song in my head:
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!
Put this on your fridge, on your desk, program it into your phone and let this be your mantra. Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shine!
The world needs you, but what’s most important is that you need you.
My Story: On the Dance Floor with Daisy
It’s a Sunday afternoon as I hear the bells of what I believe to be an ice cream truck in the distance. As its gets closer I know it has to be true, as I hear kids calling their parents and running from their houses towards the truck. It was pretty common to hear the bells and then the sounds of excited children no matter where you lived back then. And as I called out to my mom and my little brother and I ran towards the truck like our life depended on it, I was reminded of our limitations. Yes, I could have an ice cream, but it had to be under a certain price, and herein lies one of the stories that created my desire for money.
More money meant more choices and, later I would learn, more opportunities and attention. But what I didn’t know then, that I know now, is discernment. Like any child would in the same circumstances, I learned that in order to have more I needed more. I would get a sinking feeling in my belly as I ate my Spacecicle and watched the children from across the road eat their more expensive ice cream. I didn’t even know if it tasted better. All I knew was that I wanted it … because I couldn’t have it. And without the wisdom to know the difference I set out on a destructive journey that would lead to much financial turbulence in my life.
As I mentioned in Chapter 7: ‘What We Put In, We Get Out’, the very first time I went grocery shopping as a student on my own, with my very own money, I filled my cart with everything you could imagine. Everything I couldn’t have, or that my family couldn’t afford as I was growing up, and not only did that lead to my life-long struggle with weight, but with finances as well. A lack mentality led to over-compensation on every level – doing whatever, and spending whatever, in order to feel seen and fulfilled.
And so I did whatever it took to make that happen, whether it was delivering newspapers, cleaning out fish tanks, telemarketing, factory work, drag shows, working at whatever and for whoever would notice me, give me a job and money. I became somewhat of an employment chameleon. Never really taking the time to focus on what it was I truly desired but what would make me enough money to buy my way to importance.
I remember the day when it all began to feel different. I had signed up for co-operative education in high school, which was a credit program where you got to work within the community. I knew I was attracted to the program, but I didn’t know where I wanted to work. I left it up to the facilitator to find me something. The memory is so vivid as I sit here typing: it was a bright, sunshiny day as I walked into the guidance office to meet the facilitator and as I sat down she said to me, ‘Shayne, would you like to work helping seniors?’ ‘Old people?’ I said. She laughed and replied, ‘Yes.’ At that moment something inside of me came alive, something that felt similar. The memory flashed through my mind of helping the little girl at the preteen dance when I was younger, and how connected and fulfilled I remembered feeling. The word ‘helping’ was what had sparked that memory, and the feeling of excitement that fired up my soul. ‘Yes,’ I said …
And that would be the first of many endeavors that involved helping people. Both work- and volunteer-related. I remember how alive I felt just to know that what I was doing was making a difference. No matter what it was, if it brought a sense of joy to someone’s life, it brought joy to mine. I remember holding spa days at the seniors’ home, painting their nails and laughing. And one particular memory is of a woman named Daisy who said that when I walked in the room it was ‘like a sunrise’. Then she asked me to dance, without knowing it was my absolute favourite thing to do – especially to old jazz and they had a plethora of options to choose from, from Nina Simone and Ella Fitzgerald to Billie Holliday. We danced the afternoon away. She was short with a button nose and bright blue eyes and wearing a cheery flowered dress. Her face was glowing and her smile was ear to ear, and I hold that memory in my heart today.
But it wasn’t long before I felt that pull again, the pull to something that fulfilled (or at least so I thought) the desire in me to have and to be more, and so I left the memory of that blissful day in the past, only to embark upon a journey that filled my pockets and emptied my soul. It was off to college and a choice between taking a path that would help people but pay little, and a choice that promised fame and fortune.
I left my destiny of helping others on the dance floor with Daisy to join the factory that promised the product of my desires (more like my ego’s desires). And I did monetarily well, especially for my age. My drive and ambition for more, partnered with a radically creative nature, worked in my favour. But this led to an emptiness and a thirst that couldn’t be quenched with money. Because within me, and I believe within all of us, is an innate blueprint, a calling, our purpose, that no matter how strong our egos are can’t be ignored. It’s always right there, beneath the service, knocking on our heart’s door, whispering ‘here I am’.
And as fate (at least that’s what I call it) would have it, there came a time when I couldn’t drown out its voice. It seemed to get louder and louder and the more I ignored it the more pain I experienced, and eventually a bout of depression which began to affect every aspect of my life. And now, I had no choice but to listen.
There are choice points in our lives. I know them as feelings; sometimes they come as lethargy, anxiety, depression, and sometimes they come as inspiration. Either way I know them as signs that either it’s time to let go of something, or time to walk towards something else. And each time I’ve heeded their voice I’ve ended up exactly where I was supposed to be – making a difference in the lives of others, and inherently within my own. Like Glinda said to Dorothy, ‘You had the power all along, my dear.’ And it was calling. I only had to listen.
***
But what was equally important was the journey. Each and every part of it: the good, the bad and the ugly. I wouldn’t take any of it back, even for a moment. Every experience had walked me home to who I am. They challenged me, they opened me and they moulded me into who I am today. And without the challenges and the experiences, I wouldn’t have learned the very lessons that uncovered the truth of who I am today, and led me to the understanding that my life, all our lives really, aren’t about making money, but about making a difference. And if we are in true alignment with who we really are, and using our gifts to make a difference in the world, the money will come. Because money is just a form of energy. And the more in alignment we are, the more we gain.
The Practice of Money
What’s Your Intent?
Everything, at least from my experience, revolves around intent. It seems to be the law of laws. The Universe, God, Source, Fate – whatever you choose to call the force that breathes life, it seems that it responds to our deepest intent, versus what we may unconsciously think we want, or desire.
So, what is your intent, your core intent? The purpose behind everything you do. Do you know? Take some time, get quiet and ask yourself. What is motivating my actions? Is it money, things, recognition, jealousy, envy, revenge? Or is it a deep desire to know yourself better, to find your gifts and to help others? Money, recognition, revenge – they’re not rooted in the truth of who you are. They’re egoic intentions. Conditioned and rooted inside us, these are intentions that perhaps are creating your suffering and the resistance to finding out the truest intent within the depths of your soul.
In order to get there you’re going to have to start by identifying what’s not yours and what’s toxic, and then get stiller, go deeper and uncover what’s at the core. What is it that you really desire? Sift through the thoughts that have run autopilot in your mind for so long and let them fall away, whoever’s voices they are, whatever conditioning that arises, let that fall away too. The stiller you become the more you will hear, and the longer you are still and without distractions, the better you will get at hearing your own voice, and then taking action from that place.
And then do a life scan – a review of the times in your life that have felt good and those that have not. When things felt effortless, full of joy, what was your intent?
Throughout my life there have been many distractions that have held my intent hostage from being revealed. There’s been so much jealousy, and envy which have taken the form of competition, which in reality is a distraction from walking our own path as we’re paying too much attention to others to notice. This always reminds me of the childhood tale of the Hare and the Tortoise, which I use a lot when coaching others to walk their own path versus paying attention to others. If you’re not familiar with it, the moral of the story is that when you focus on winning (competition), you lose every time, and when you focus on a life with intent, and surrender and enjoy the process, you win every time. It’s not about winning against others; winning – at least to me – is about being the most radically authentic version of myself and then embodying that in everything I do.
Ask Around
Asking around may seem contrary to what I have suggested. When we are in a rut of unawareness it can sometimes, even through deep self-inquiry, be a challenge to hear our own voice. Conditioning runs so deep that even now I have to continually question if my actions are in alignment with my intent. And who better to ask than those who are closest to your heart. At least if you’re in healthy relationships.
If you’re not, it’s probably not the best practice. But most of us have someone who knows what’s in our hearts and can speak it when we have forgotten. Throughout my life I have had many toxic relationships in which I allowed their opinions to dictate who I was. However, I’ve found the more I’ve grown to know and love myself the more the people I surround myself with reflect that back to me. But beware, just because you know and love yourself doesn’t mean the assholes don’t slip in the back door. This is where discernment comes into play. Pay attention – you know in your heart of hearts who you can trust. And once you have identified those people, your ‘good vibe tribe’, then ask away!
Invite them in for a cup of tea, and if you don’t drink tea or coffee, then a glass of wine, but not too many glasses of wine! Ask them how they see you, and if they were to give you one action word to describe your deepest intent, what it would be. And most likely, if they know you well, they’ll nail it.
My go-to people are my husband, my mother, my mother-in-law and my dearest friends: Crystal-Lee, Raquel, Jodi, Elsii, Eloise, Brenda, Linda … OMG, I’m just realizing how many amazingly authentic people I have attracted in my life. Most have seen me in my most vulnerable places, are deeply aware of themselves, and carry a laser-sharp pointer directed right at the truth within my heart.
One time I asked my mother-in-law, Marilyn, what she saw, and the perspective she gave me pointed right to what I needed to do to find the answer I was looking for. She told me, ‘Your mind is like a mail room with a tiny door,’ which brought me to the understanding that I have so much in there, so much wisdom and so much to say, but because the door is so tiny and I had never given myself the time to sort it out I operated in a state of fogginess. So what I needed to do was to get still and sort it all out, and well, once I did, like magic … this book!
I’ve also found that those silly little Facebook quizzes work. You know – ‘What Princess Are You?’ or my favourite, ‘What Downton Abbey Character Are You?’ I wanted to be the Dowager Duchess, but I got Mary. Yes, I’m Mary. And the most intriguing thing is that once I paid more attention to her character, I realized this quiz was right. (And my husband got the Dowager.)
Fun and games aside, asking around is a great way to explore who we are, what our deepest desires and intent may be and then checking back in with our own truth barometer to see if it resonates.
What Would Your Seven-Year-Old Self Do?
This is a good one but also a deep one. From my own research and experience, seven years old seems to be a point of transition, when we stop listening to our own voice and start listening to others. Sometimes it’s a challenge cutting through all the self-talk, conditioning and resistance to pull up a chair with your seven-year-old self. Also one that can be triggering and even traumatic. So if there’s some dark stuff back there I would suggest a psychotherapist to assist you in working through it. I’ve suggested a psychotherapist, and not a life coach or spiritual teacher, because an untrained professional can only take us so far, and sometimes cause more damage. When we open that can of worms we most definitely want it to be with someone who knows something about how to take care of them. From my experience I’ve found life coaches and spiritual teachers to be great facilitators of philosophy, as well as to offer techniques and tools to enhance our path. But the real deep stuff, the stuff that when revealed can make or break us literally, I’d say to leave it to the trained professionals.
So with the help of a professional, or if you’re able to get there on your own, get still and take a seat with your seven-year-old self. And like an Oprah Winfrey-style interview, ask yourself (your seven-year-old self) what he/she knows to be true? What’s your deepest desire, intent, purpose, and what do you want to be when you grow up?
And listen …
Aligning with Your Passion and Desires
You probably know what you love to do – but perhaps can’t see the bigger picture. You most likely know if you like apples or oranges better, so let’s start with the little things:
What makes you lose track of time?
What doesn’t feel like work or effort?
What makes you feel fulfilled when you’re finished?
I almost said ‘a bag of chips and a hell of a good dip’. However, I know this is not true. It brings instant gratification but in the end, well, I’ve already said – let’s just leave it there.
Do I like kale? No. I eat it because every damn article tells me that it’s good for me. Do I like chips and dip, hell yeah, but it makes me feel like shit. So again, it’s about going deeper, checking in with ourselves and really feeling for what’s right. How do our food choices have anything to do with our deepest intent? Because it’s not actually about the food, it’s about the process – however, food just made a good example, especially for me.
So ask yourself, what are your deepest desires? What is it you want from life, and even deeper from what you do? Or if that’s too difficult a place to start, what are you passionate about? Maybe exercise (make sure it’s you and not you trying to look good for someone else), food, sports, arts, spirituality, making things, travelling or helping people? Write down everything you can think of, and if nothing comes to mind, then google a list of passions and write down those that call to you first.
Then look at your calendar and schedule in time in the next few weeks to focus on those things. Yes. Like an appointment, find time in your calendar to incorporate what you’re most passionate about. I’ve found that what you’re passionate about will most likely lead you to your purpose, and most definitely will teach you more about yourself and attract people into your life that are more in alignment. And, like magic, you just may unveil your gifts and your purpose.
Test it Out
If you were looking to buy a new car, you’d take it for a test drive. So let’s apply this to every area of our lives. Not just purchasing cars. Once you have uncovered what you’re attracted to, passionate about, or desire, then test it out. Perhaps take a course or sign up for a workshop, a team, an online group or volunteer.
I’ve found that in my experience testing things out has been super-beneficial and, man, have I tested a lot of things out. But I wouldn’t take any of it back as it all gave me the wisdom and experience I needed to get where I am today. I’m one that follows what I’m curious about and if I don’t I always feel regret, and regret is not a feeling I like. So absolutely no regrets for me – well, that’s a bit of a lie, I have a lot of regrets around food, but I’m working on it. The signs are always there, the wisdom always speaking to me before I hit the drive-through … but we’re all a work-in-progress and this is where I need it the most.
Maybe I’m a little too passionate about food, if that’s even possible. But that aside, once you have a list of what you’re passionate about (I’d start with ten) and inquire within to narrow it down to just three, and start with the first. For me I had a deep interest in theatre and so I volunteered at the local theatre and took whatever position they had. It ended up being make-up, which I knew nothing about, but I learned and the experience was fulfilling, and beyond that I met many beautiful people who I’m connected with today.
I’ve also taken many courses, workshops and even attended conferences around the globe. And doing so ended up in my exploring whether I wanted to do the same thing – run conferences, be a speaker or spiritual celebrity. I dabbled in all that, but through the experience realized it wasn’t for me. But it did end up leading to the rediscovery of my ability to write, and use the media via my web series, My VividLife, as a catalyst to amplify my message of radical authenticity and, well, we know where that ended up.
Reflection: Who, What, Where … and How Much?
We have an obligation to use our deepest and most authentic gifts in service to the world and, most importantly, for ourselves. When we’re disconnected from that we create a ripple effect in the world. And a world out of harmony both within and without is a recipe for destruction. Imagine if I’m really an artist acting as an accountant then I’m taking away an accountant’s job. We take away the opportunity for the right person to be in the right position when we are not true to ourself. We are responsible for our own as well as collective suffering if we are not in service of ourself, and using our gifts to service the world is part of a Vivid Life.
We follow what’s trending, we do what we’ve been told, we choose from what’s been presented to us as options versus checking in with ourselves and our truest intent to feel if it’s right. We chase ideas of success for accolades and adoration. Falling short, and feeling empty within ourselves often using material things, relationships and substances to silence the voices, suppress the emotions, to shut it all out because perhaps it’s all too difficult to hear.
And if we stop and listen, if we operate by way of our own internal GPS rather than the one that’s been programmed for everyone, we may find that the life we’re living and the desires that we have isn’t really in alignment with who we are. Perhaps we’ve chosen it for fear of standing out, or perhaps we’re standing out for the wrong reasons as well. But the only way we will ever know is if we give ourselves the space to explore, to evaluate where we’ve been, where we are, what got us here and if we’re really on the path of our own choosing. If we take a closer look even at what we eat, wear, drive and who we’re in a relationship with to see if it could have been a decision made from a place of conditioning and laziness, we can break through the conditioning and the challenges that follow to living a deeply authentic life.
And we get to choose. Just like in a restaurant (I know – food again) we get to choose what’s on life’s plate. But what’s most important is that the decision is ours, we get to say where, what, with who and how much. And if we compromise, we pay the price. Our karma is in our actions.
* MARIANNE WILLIAMSON, A RETURN TO LOVE: REFLECTIONS ON THE PRINCIPLES OF “A COURSE IN MIRACLES”