Chapter 6
Abbie sometimes felt a little like Persephone, traveling from the world of Rhett Butler Blaylock to her normal everyday life of being a single mom, a sister, and a business woman. The division felt especially stark at moments like this one, when she was sitting alone in the stands watching Dustin’s soccer practice.
Not that Rhett lived in the underworld. After visiting his current home, she knew he had good taste. She’d gone there fearing it would be full of wild decorations, like snakeskin chairs or an array of hides or stuffed animals with beady eyes. But she’d been wrong. His house was tastefully decorated—full of warm-colored, geometric-styled Western rugs, Native pottery, and rugged landscape paintings of the surrounding area straight out of a John Ford movie.
She’d felt comfortable there, shockingly. Almost at home.
And he dressed mostly in normal clothes when they were together. Sure, he wore cowboy boots, but not the open leather vests or chaps he so famously sported on the poker circuit.
Behind the scenes, he was just Rhett: kind and thoughtful, intense and controlled. When she was with him, she felt like she was his whole world, that nothing existed outside the little bubble they were in. The way he loved her body amazed her. She’d been afraid of sex for years—heck, for a decade and a half—but she never felt that with Rhett. Sure, at first everything had been so new to her. In the beginning, she’d hesitated a lot, always worried she wasn’t doing something right, but that had fallen away.
It always felt right with him.
Part of her wondered if that feeling was because he was so good with women. He clearly had tons of experience. Yet it seemed like more than that. When he’d suggested talking on the phone or texting when they were apart, she was all the more convinced. He’d been vulnerable with her. Even she’d seen that, sharing how he missed her. The fact was, she missed him too, and it bothered her. Way more than she liked to admit.
The parents around her started cheering. She popped out of her reverie as Dustin broke free from the pack and headed up the field toward the goal, dribbling the ball with a control and precision his coach said were far beyond his years.
“Go, Dustin!” she shouted, gripping her knees.
Dustin kicked the ball toward the corner of the goal. The goalie jumped sideways to stop it, but it sailed past him, hitting the net with force.
“Great job!” Abbie stood as he pumped his fist in the air to celebrate.
His teammates ran toward him, cheering. Even though it was practice, they still played like it was a real game. His coach instilled that in them, which was why she liked him. She and Mac continued to remind Dustin of the importance of doing his best no matter how low or high the stakes.
She sank back down on the hard metal bench, nodding at the other parents who were smiling at her in that your-kid-is-great way. Returning their good wishes, she noted the couples around her. Usually, she didn’t much mind being on her own, but today she felt the absence of a man beside her, someone who would be rooting for Dustin right along with her. Sure, Mac came to games, but he wasn’t Dustin’s father, and everyone here knew it.
Rhett came to mind, and she felt the tug to text him about Dustin’s goal. Her fingers inched toward her purse. Rhett would be pleased to hear about it. He loved Dustin. And it was innocuous enough.
Before she could change her mind, she grabbed her phone.
Hey! Sitting here at Dustin’s soccer practice. He just made an incredible goal.
She looked at the words. What else should she say? God, she didn’t know. Frowning at the screen, she settled for something simple.
Wanted to share. Hope you’re having a good day.
Telling him she missed him right now was a bad idea. This was enough for now. Her phone immediately beeped, signaling a text.
Hey there! You made my day. Awesome on the goal. You tell Dustin I wish I’d seen it. Miss you, honey. More than I can say.
She stared at the screen. Her throat grew tight, and she had the oddest urge to cry. Sitting up taller, straight back, no slouching, she put her phone away. She tried to focus on the rest of the practice, but her mind kept wandering.
Vivid images of Rhett making love to her had her body temperature rising. So not appropriate, given where she was. She clenched her hands in her lap to prevent herself from reaching for her phone and texting Rhett back. If they started this…
She worried Dustin or Mac would see her phone and discover what she was doing. But she was also worried she wouldn’t be able to control her longing for Rhett. When they left each other, she did her best to forget about him.
The more time passed, the further they pushed this…thing, the less it worked. She was becoming obsessed with being with him and how he could make her feel. If she thought they could have a future, she might feel differently, but they didn’t.
She wanted a dependable man, someone who had the same values that she did. Rhett was not that man. Nor was he stepfather material. He and Dustin might love each other like crazy, but he wasn’t a good role model. He was that fun uncle who allowed hijinks like wild cowboy rodeos in their backyard and indulged her son’s sweet tooth with an extra helping of ice cream.
But knowing all of that didn’t stop her from wanting to be with him.
Her whole life, she had never done anything only for herself. As a child, she’d done what her parents had wanted in attempt to please them. At eighteen, she’d been date-raped by a monster on her second date with him and gotten pregnant. Since then, she’d put Dustin first at every turn and tried to be a good mother. But he was getting older, and she’d been feeling the confines of the box she’d created for herself.
Until Rhett, she hadn’t believed she’d ever want to be with a man. To experience all the carnal pleasures the body had to offer. She certainly hadn’t expected to laugh in bed like she did with him. But he made sex so fun and easy, much like he made everything around him.
It had made her realize this was something she wanted in her life. And yet she knew she couldn’t have it with him. The only thing she could do was to enjoy their sensual sojourn and leave it at that. Rhett clearly was enjoying it if he hadn’t been with another woman. What a relief that had been…
But she wasn’t going to confuse what they had for something more.
She’d done that once before, and she’d paid for it in the worst way. Dustin had been the only good thing to come out of it.