They spent Saturday morning in bed. Nicola felt that, finally, they were making up for all the lost hours they’d been apart the rest of the week. After the concert when she’d told Dmitri how much she had missed him, he’d laughed and said that he missed her too; then spent all night showing her how much.
Nicola took another sip of the coffee on the bedside table. Dmitri liked bringing her coffee, taking care of her. She had to think back long and hard, to the days of her early childhood, before she could remember anyone wanting to do that. It was definitely something she could get used to.
‘We should get up,’ Dmitri said. He ran his hand along her thigh under the covers in a way that was absolutely no incentive to get out of bed.
‘It’s only ten o’clock,’ she said. ‘I thought they weren’t coming until noon.’ Kolya was coming down, along with his partner and his children. They had agreed to meet for lunch at a pub near the river.
Dmitri gave her a sly smile. ‘Yes, that’s why I thought we had better start getting ready now.’
Nicola laughed. It was true – on the days Dmitri had slept over, she had ended up hopelessly late for work. Not that she was complaining.
By the time they finally left the house and made it along the riverside path to the pub, they were fifteen minutes late.
Nicola spotted Kolya near the riverbank. He was chatting to another man: his partner, she assumed. Nearby, two children were feeding the ducks from a bag of crisps. Kolya waved when he saw them approach, hand in hand.
‘Ah, the lovers,’ he said, his smile radiating warmth.
Nicola hugged him – he was like a giant bear. ‘Nice to see you too,’ she replied.
Dmitri went off to find a table at the pub. Kolya introduced her to Nigel and the children, Alex and Katya. Nigel was a tall, but slight Englishman with wavy blonde hair and small, wire-framed glasses. The children were also blonde and elf-like.
Nigel shook her hand vigorously. ‘I’m so pleased to meet you,’ he said. ‘I hope you’re keeping Dmitri out of trouble.’
Nicola liked the twinkle in his blue eyes. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I’ve hardly seen him the last few days. He’s got so many rehearsals, and then he’s also practising the piano for hours on end.’
‘Sounds like we’ll have you to thank when we see him performing someday. Do you think that will happen?’
‘I hope so,’ Nicola said, smiling. ‘If that’s what he wants.’
The children had wandered off nearer the river. Nigel excused himself to go after them. Nicola and Kolya stood side by side. She was happy just watching the children, the birds and the play of light on water.
‘It seems that things happen in their own time,’ Kolya said, his voice deep and reflective. ‘But it took a catalyst. A reason to change. I think you are that reason.’
‘I’m sorry I put you in a bad position before,’ Nicola said. ‘Dmitri told me how angry he was at you.’
Kolya gave her a kindly smile. ‘I’m sure you too understand that sometimes, the ends justify the means.’
Nicola laughed. ‘Yes, you could say that.’
‘And things are good?’ Kolya said, quizzing her now.
‘Yes… but…’
Kolya stayed silent but she knew he was listening. Though Nicola had only met this man twice, she could understand why Dmitri hero-worshiped him. He was intelligent, insightful and good.
‘You were right,’ Nicola said. ‘That day at the shelter. I didn’t tell you my “one thing”. But now, I need your help. Things are good – very good. I don’t want to mess it up.’
Nicola recounted to him a very brief version of what she had told Dmitri. Talking about it – reliving it in her mind – made her feel sick and out of control. And though she hadn’t had the same physical response of fear and recoiling that she’d had that first night, all week long she’d found herself becoming panicky and tearful at odd moments. The walls were down, and there were a lot of things trying to get out.
Kolya shooed a duck away from a bench and gestured for her to sit down. She did so. He sat beside her and stared out at the water. ‘You have lived with this inside you for a very long time,’ he said. ‘You took it upon yourself to handle everything alone. And you have borne the consequences of that decision. But now you have taken the first step. To finally live the life that you want, and that you deserve.’
She broke down then, the tears flowing freely from her eyes. She wrapped her arms around herself, and Kolya made no move to touch her, but she was aware of his presence and that was enough.
‘What you have done for Dmitri, I do not think you can even fathom,’ Kolya said. ‘An act of kindness, of love – that was inside you all along.’
She nodded, as the tears kept coming.
‘But as I say, this is the beginning. There is a long way to go before you will be free of this thing. It will be very difficult for you. Probably for Dmitri too. But you can be free of it. I will help you find the proper support. But—’
‘Are you coming inside or not? I’ve ordered drinks—’ Nicola looked up and saw Dmitri approaching. The smile dropped from his face when he saw the state of her. He looked at Kolya, his eyes fierce. ‘What have you done?’
‘Nothing,’ Kolya said calmly. ‘We are talking.’
Dmitri sat down next to Nicola. He seemed unsure whether to comfort her or not.
‘It’s OK,’ she said. Smiling through her tears, she took his hand, twining her fingers with his. ‘I’ve told him the truth – what I told you. It may be difficult, but I’m going to get through it. For us.’
Nicola rested her head against Dmitri’s chest and let him stroke her hair. Nigel and the kids came back and Kolya directed them to go inside the pub and order. Eventually, she sat up again, taking a deep breath. She could do this – she could heal.
‘I know it is difficult to talk about.’ Kolya said. ‘But talking about it is what you must do – when you are ready, and in the right environment. And it would be helpful to have some more information. Do you know if this… individual has harmed anyone else?’
Nicola shuddered. If she’d acted sooner, gone straight to the police, would it have made a difference? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, the past couldn’t be changed. ‘Not that I know of,’ she said. ‘He lives in New York now. He has a wife, a family. They are innocent. I don’t want to mess up their lives. I just want to rebuild mine.’
Kolya nodded. ‘Yes. I asked because sometimes people are set on revenge or justice. They are disappointed to learn that, often, that is not the way of it. Many times, Nicola, there is no justice.’ He sighed. ‘I know this from personal experience.’
‘You?’ she stared at the big man. Beside her, Dmitri clasped her hand more tightly.
‘Yes,’ Kolya said. He stared out at the ever-changing water. ‘As I said, we all have our “one thing”. For me, it was when I was a boy. Doing so-called service for my country. Other boys can be very cruel when the adults choose to look the other way.’
Nicola swallowed hard. Dmitri looked like he was going to be sick.
‘But as you see, I am happy now.’ Kolya smiled. ‘It is possible. To have a good life and a strong relationship. To no longer be a victim but a survivor.’
Nicola reached over and took his hand, clasping it together with Dmitri’s. She felt such a strong sense of… love – for both of them. It was joyous and painful all at the same time. It was real.
‘Now,’ Kolya said, ‘let us talk of something more pleasant. Like Christmas. I’m sure you have other invitations, but Nigel and I would love to have you both over during the holidays, and Tanya and Mark too. I have texted them.’
Nicola smiled as Dmitri gave her a goofy grin. ‘Christmas, Nicola?’
‘Sounds perfect,’ she said.