What Madeline loved most about Dawson was that everyone knew everyone else. What she loved least was that everyone knew everyone else’s business. As she walked through the Dawson Community Center, formerly Back Street Church, she got the feeling that everyone knew. Or maybe they only thought they knew something.
She slipped past a group of teenagers who were preparing to be citizens of Bethlehem. She had a role as shepherdess, one of the few who were overwhelmed by the presence of angels in the sky on that first Christmas morning. She didn’t see it as a lowly role, but as one of the most important.
It symbolized something to her, that the angels appeared to mere shepherds. Not to kings, to the wealthy or religious, but to poor shepherds watching their flocks by night. Thinking about it made her heart rush with love for the God who had loved her that much.
She hurried down the steps to the basement of the community center. Beth Hightree looked up when Madeline walked into the dressing room. Newly married, Beth smiled with a certain glow. She held out a robe. “There’s my last shepherd.”
“Sorry, I meant to be here earlier.” Madeline took the robe.
“I’m sure you did. Tell Jackson you have to be here early tomorrow.”
“I don’t know…” Madeline stopped mid-denial and shook her head. “Beth, I…”
She didn’t have a clue what to say. How in the world did these people spread information so quickly?
“You don’t have to explain. He’s cute. He’s single. You’re cute and single.”
“It isn’t like that.”
What was it like? It was a shared secret. It was about helping a neighbor who, until yesterday, hadn’t even been a friend. She looked up, making uneasy eye contact with Beth.
She wouldn’t lie to her. She wouldn’t lie to anyone, but Beth was more than a friend. Beth, Jenna McKenzie and Madeline had formed a support group in the last year. Each had gone through a difficult situation and survived. As survivors they knew being strong meant holding on to each other and lifting each other up. Staying strong.
Beth had survived an abusive marriage.
Jenna had survived injuries suffered in Iraq.
Madeline had survived her abusive nightmare of a childhood.
They had done more than survived. They had escaped. They had overcome. They were still overcoming.
“Madeline?”
She looked up, smiling at Beth. “It isn’t what you think. I can’t share what Jackson is going through. But I can tell you that I’m fine.”
“Really?”
The two sat down on a little bench. Madeline held on to the rough cotton robe she still needed to change into.
“It’s crazy, really. I’ve spent my life living in my little shell, protecting myself.”
“And Jackson Cooper is cracking the shell?” Beth smiled big, her brown eyes sparkling with humor.
“No, I mean, I can’t even call him a friend. I guess he’s just a surprise. He’s also a nice person.”
Beth laughed at that. “Yes, he’s a nice person. He’s a flirt. He’s dated more women than most of the Cooper men put together. But he’s nice. He’s actually sweet. And he’s the last person you need to open yourself up to.”
“Right. You’re right.” She stood and slipped the robe over her head. It hung to the floor and then some. “I think it’s too long.”
“I have a feeling you got the wrong robe. I saw Johnny Scott leave here in a robe about two feet too short.”
“We can trade next time.”
Beth handed her a long piece of rope. “Here’s a belt. We can blouse it out over this and maybe you won’t trip on your way up the stairs.”
“That works for me.” She wrapped the rope around her waist twice and then pulled to blouse the top of the robe. “Beth, I’m not going to get hurt. I’m just helping Jackson with something.”
Beth nodded and reached for a box of safety pins. “I know, Madeline. The whole town knows.”
Great. “There aren’t any secrets in this town, are there?”
“Nope. Well, a few, but usually they get found out eventually.”
Beth’s words were innocent, teasing, but Madeline’s mind went elsewhere, thinking about how things might change if everyone knew her secret.
“Madeline, are you okay?”
She nodded because words wouldn’t come. Her throat tightened with emotion and she turned away. A hand touched her shoulder.
“Madeline, you have friends here who love you.”
“I know.” She hurried out of the room and up the stairs.
She knew she had friends who loved her. But suddenly she wanted more. Suddenly she wanted what she’d never wanted before. She wanted to be loved forever by a man who would walk next to her and never let her down. She wanted a man who could hear her story and not run or make her feel as if she’d done something wrong.
She didn’t know if such a person existed. She remembered being little and looking up at a man she’d called Father, only to find he couldn’t be trusted at all. He’d bought her ice cream and pretty dresses, and he’d taken her to the movies.
He’d taken everything from her and left her with nothing but nightmares, guilt and a heart that had closed itself off to the idea of ever being loved.
She walked outside, into bright sunlight, through the crowds of people who considered her a friend and neighbor. God had changed her life in the last few years. He’d brought her here. He’d taught her lessons about love and forgiveness.
Now it seemed as if she might be on the brink of learning another lesson, about God and about herself.
Someone touched her arm. She turned and smiled at Dixie Gordon. “Shepherds are over here. And it looks like you might have the wrong robe!”
“I think I might.” As she followed Dixie her thoughts turned to Jade and Jackson, making it hard to concentrate on being a shepherd.
Out of the blue it hit her, she wanted to go home. She wanted time alone to think. She shook her head as she tripped over the robe. She wanted to be with Jade and Jackson, doing whatever it was they were doing.
She looked up, wondering how God could ask her to put her heart on the line this way. Of course she wanted to trust. But this felt like jumping into quicksand, knowing full well what it was before she jumped.
Who would do that?
The puppies barked and chased each other in the fenced-in yard. Jackson watched Jade run with them, then sit to let them crawl on her lap and lick her face. They were sable and black balls of fluff, wagging tails and sharp eyes.
Adam McKenzie shook his head and didn’t say anything.
“I want a male.” Jackson leaned on the fence. “They’re nice-looking pups.”
“Best German shepherd puppies in the state.” Adam glanced his way before settling his attention back on Jade and the mother dog who had crawled up next to her for attention. “Not a mean bone in that mama dog’s body. I found a male that was a good match.”
“So a great pet as well as a great guard dog?”
Adam nodded. “Sure, they’ll protect you. Why do you need a guard dog?”
“It isn’t for me. It’s for Madeline Patton.”
“Oh, okay.”
The tone said it all. Jackson waited for Adam to say more but Adam had turned his attention back to the girl inside the fence and the puppies. Jade picked up a puppy and it wriggled close to her, giving her face a crazy bath. She laughed and then rolled on the cold ground with the dog. “This one.”
He nodded in agreement. Definitely that one. He still wanted to know what Adam McKenzie wasn’t saying about him buying a dog for Madeline. What did he want Adam to do, talk him out of it? Tell him to back off before he got hooked into something he couldn’t get out of.
Or better yet, tell him not to hurt her. That thought had run through his mind more times in two days than he could count.
Two days, and here he was buying a dog and remodeling her house. Yeah, big words telling Wyatt Johnson that Rachel would get under his skin. Big words, buddy.
“Talking to yourself?” Adam turned, a big grin on his face. Adam, ex-pro-football player, could squish him like a gnat.
“Not at all. We’ll take that one.”
Adam opened the gate for Jade to exit with the puppy.
“Fine by me, but he’s a she.”
Jade looked up, eyes big, pleading. But she didn’t say anything. He’d learned something about her. She was pretty used to disappointment. When he’d announced that he’d have to take her home at the end of the week, she’d accepted with a quiet dignity unusual for a thirteen-year-old kid. She’d accepted it the way kids accepted when they were not ever getting what they wanted.
A home and a family shouldn’t be one of the things a kid had to wish for. A kid shouldn’t have to accept going back to abuse. And every time he thought about a hurting child, he shouldn’t also connect dots to Madeline Patton.
He let out a long sigh and shook his head. His life was no longer his own. Not one but two females were getting under his skin.
“A girl puppy is fine.” He touched the spiky, wet nose of the shepherd pup. “What do we call her?”
Jade held the puppy up, looking her in the face. “Angel.”
“Angel?” He grimaced and shook his head. He should have known better than to let her name the dog. “Sure, why not. She’s a guardian angel.”
“Exactly.” Jade pulled the puppy close again.
“How much?” Jackson pulled out his checkbook and Adam shook his head. “Adam, I’m buying the dog.”
“Consider it a Christmas gift.”
“I can’t do that. I tell you what, I’ll write you a check for Camp Hope.”
“That’s a deal.” Adam took the check and slid it into his shirt pocket. “Have fun with that dog, Jade.”
She smiled. “I will. But I have to go home next week. This is just a vacation.”
A vacation from reality. Jackson put a hand on her shoulder and guided her back to the truck. Thanks for putting a knife in my heart, kid.
“Jade, you and I have to do something on Monday.” He opened the truck door for her and she looked up.
“What’s that?”
“We’re going to the doctor for a test. We need to make sure we know what’s going on so we know how to fight.”
“How to fight?”
“Yeah, for you to be able to stay here, we have to have proof that you’re my daughter.” Heat climbed up his cheeks.
Jade climbed into the truck. “Sure, okay. But I am your daughter.”
Yeah, he kind of wished she was. When the test came back with the results he knew they’d get, what then? What happened to Jade when she learned the truth?
When he pulled into Madeline’s drive, Jade and the puppy were sleeping in the passenger side of the truck. Wake them up or leave them? He decided to let them sleep. He could get his ladder set up, find the electric box and get his work done before Madeline got back.
In a perfect world.
As he set the ladder up, the truck door opened and the twin tornadoes scrambled out. The dog ran to the corner of the yard. Jade chased after her. Jackson climbed the ladder, smiling as he listened to Jade talk to Angel. The puppy yapped and ran in circles.
He’d bought motion lights for the front porch and the back. When Madeline came home, she’d have security lights that came on with any motion. Maybe this way she could sleep at night without being afraid.
It didn’t feel great, climbing the ladder. But it felt better than a few days ago. He reached for the old light, slipping it off the bracket and unscrewing the wire nuts that held the light to the light box. He wasn’t an electrician, but he knew enough to hang a light.
In the yard Jade laughed and the puppy barked, yipping as the two of them raced around a tree. Every kid should have a dog. He let out a sigh, then froze as the ladder wobbled.
He looked down, the puppy stood on her hind legs, front legs on the first wrung of the ladder.
“Jade, could you get the dog?” He held the new light up to the wiring and twisted the correct wires together. He needed to connect them with the wire nut and then do the other set of wires.
Jade raced across the lawn to grab the puppy. “Sorry.”
He let out a long breath and worked the other two wires together. “No problem.”
The light fit into the box and he used the old screws to attach it. In a minute he’d flip the switch and make sure it worked.
The ladder wobbled again. He glanced down. That dog meant to kill him. He held tight and whistled to get Jade’s attention. She’d gotten distracted, pulling Christmas lights out of the box he’d bought. She wanted Christmas lights on the front of Madeline’s house.
The dog ran to the other side of the ladder. A ten-pound puppy shouldn’t be able to push a ladder over. Jackson reassured himself with that bit of reality.
He grabbed the old light off the rafter of the front porch roof and slid the tools into his tool belt. He didn’t want to make a scene, but he wasn’t crazy about heights. A car came down the road and he knew Madeline would be home soon. It might be her now, catching him in the process of surprising her.
It wasn’t.
“Here are the Christmas lights.” Jade held them up, a strand of new lights.
“Sure, okay. Find the middle and I’ll hook them here first.”
She stretched them, pushing away the puppy who thought she’d found the best chew toy in the world. Finally she handed them up, bent where she’d found the center. He hooked them over a planter hook already in place.
Finished, he climbed down, more than a little relieved to be back on the ground. Good, solid earth. He stretched to relieve the tension in the middle of his back.
“You look a little weird,” Jade announced as he moved the ladder to the end of the porch. “You okay?”
“Of course I am.” He climbed the ladder and pulled the hammer from the tool belt around his waist. He pulled a nail out and made a makeshift hook for the end of the lights.
“Perfect. But hurry, she might be here in a few minutes.”
“I’m hurrying. Is there even a place to plug these in?”
“Yeah, over by the door. You’ll need an extension cord.”
“Gotcha.” He moved the ladder to the other end of the porch. The ground didn’t look too level and the ladder wobbled as he climbed.
“Uh, be careful.”
“You think? I’m recovering from cracked ribs and a bruised kidney. If I go down, kid, I’m taking you with me.”
She laughed and he shook his head. “No respect for old people,” he grumbled.
“You’re not that old.”
“Thanks, I think.” He hammered a nail into the wood trim of the porch roof. “There we go. She has a security light and Christmas lights.”
“Isn’t she too old to be afraid of the dark?” Jade moved close to the ladder.
“People are afraid of a lot of things, Jade.”
“Yeah, I guess.” She shook the ladder and he screamed. “Chicken.”
“I’m going to get you, good.”
She ran, laughing. The yapping puppy went with her. He saw another car. He turned and waved as Madeline came up the drive. Before he could make adjustments, the ladder swayed. He leaned, trying to push it back the right way. Slowly it fell backward, taking him with it.
Jade screamed. Madeline’s car door slammed and she yelled.
As if he could answer as he jumped. He landed on his feet a short distance back from the ladder that crashed to the ground.
Madeline got to him before the dog. “Are you okay?”
He nodded because he couldn’t really get the words out yet. These two women were determined to make him look like a weak little girl. He brushed a hand through his hair and inhaled sharply.
“Phew, that was close.”
“You think?” Jade snickered and he reached for her. She moved quickly and got away.
Madeline looked up at her porch and then at him. “You put up Christmas lights.”
“One better. You now have motion lights. Well, one motion light. I still have to put up the one for your back stoop.”
“Jackson, you don’t have to. I’m fine.”
“You’ll be able to sleep with the lights off.” He didn’t stay to discuss it with her. He picked up the ladder and headed around the side of the house, moving a little slower.
She appeared as he set up the ladder and pulled the second light out of the box. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“I know I didn’t. I’m being a good neighbor. I should have thought of it sooner.”
She stared at him, big eyes searching his face, questioning him. Probably questioning his motives, he guessed.
“Why? Why would you think of it sooner? For all you know I’m a night owl, an insomniac, addicted to computer games and coffee.”
“You drink tea. Probably herbal. And you live out here by yourself.”
It didn’t sit right, knowing her story and her not knowing that he knew. He’d have to tell her. But how did he tell her, basically a stranger, that he knew her secrets?
“Jackson, whose puppy is that?”
He climbed the ladder and pretended to busy himself removing the old light, but he looked down at the woman standing close, holding the ladder. She didn’t smile when she looked up. She didn’t look away, either. He thought she had the sweetest face he’d ever seen. Pretty. She was definitely pretty. And he hadn’t noticed till now because she hid behind those sweaters and big glasses.
“The puppy is yours, too. It’s easier to be in the dark if you’re not alone.”
“I can’t take a gift like that.”
He hooked up the new light and twisted the wire nuts. “Yeah, you can. I’ve dragged you into my life and you’ve not asked for a thing in return. I wanted to do this for you.”
“It wasn’t necessary. I was helping a neighbor.”
“That’s what I’m doing.” He climbed down. “And if you want to flip your breaker, we’ll see if this works.”
She nodded once and walked away. He watched her go, and he couldn’t believe how much he wanted to go after her. But he stood his ground because he’d already warned himself that he wouldn’t hurt her. She wasn’t a woman he could casually date and then walk away from.
She had too much at stake. Too much to lose.
Madeline flipped the switch and stepped back outside to see if the light worked. Jackson stood nearby, looking up at the unlit light. He walked past and it flickered and came on. He stood beneath it in the gray light of early evening. She couldn’t look away.
Jackson Cooper probably topped the list of eligible bachelors in Oklahoma. And he had just installed lights for her to sleep more securely at night. He stood in her yard, a cowboy in faded jeans and a dark blue flannel shirt. His blond hair spiked a little when he took off his hat. His slow, easy smile revealed a dimple in his chin.
Years ago she’d realized she could look at a man like Jackson and feel nothing. Which was better than the fight-or-flight instinct of her childhood. But feeling nothing had felt hollow.
Hollow but safe.
Jackson made her feel safe. But he wasn’t. He could break her heart.
Because he made her feel.
“It works.” He walked toward her, slow and easy, casual but she saw his grimace of pain.
“It does. Thank you.”
Jade rounded the corner of the house, the puppy at her heels. “Hey, the lights on the porch work. Come and see.”
Jackson reached for her hand. Madeline drew in a breath as his fingers clasped with hers and she allowed him to lead her around to the front of her house.
“Well, look at that, you have Christmas.” He tugged her close, sliding her hand with his into the pocket of her heavy coat. His fingers curled around hers, around her emotions, her heart.
She needed space. She needed to breathe deep and clear her head. She moved a step away, focusing on the glittery lights that ran along her porch roof. It took a moment for her world to settle, for her thoughts to settle. The man standing next to her had done this. For her.
A sneaky thought poked at her, asking her why he’d done this. What did he want? She brushed the suspicions aside. Jackson Cooper had done something nice for her. Let it go.
“Thank you.” She stepped closer to the house. The floodlight he’d installed came on, taking her by surprise, making her laugh. “That might be extreme.”
“You’ll have to get used to it, but it’ll light up the yard like it’s daylight out here. And remember that every possum that crosses its path will probably set it off.”
“I’ll remember.”
She would remember this Christmas, the year that a runaway girl pulled her into Jackson’s life. The year her emotions had sprung free, totally out of control.
This moment equaled sneaking a peek at wrapped presents under the tree and then trying to shove them back into the paper, to make it the way it had been before.
An impossible task.
Jackson reached down to pet the puppy, groaning with the movement. “Jade, you need to take this dog in and feed it.”
The girl turned from the lights and called the dog. The puppy ran to her new best friend and she scooped her up and headed into the house. The last thing Madeline needed in her life was a puppy. Close to the last thing she needed.
Jackson smiled down at her, his face shadowed by the brim of the cowboy hat he’d placed back on his head. “I should go.”
“I could cook dinner. To pay you for all the work you’ve done and all the muscles you pulled jumping off the ladder.” Madeline should have kept her mouth closed, let him leave.
“I’m good and we stopped at the Mad Cow. Vera cooked up fried chicken and the fixings. It’s in the fridge.”
“Thank you again.” It sounded like a broken record now. His little kindnesses were taking her life in so many new directions she didn’t know what else to say. “You can stay.”
Common-sense Madeline had clearly left the building, to be replaced by out-of-control Madeline, her evil twin who obviously didn’t think about broken hearts and the pain of the past.
“Thanks, but I’m going to clean up my mess and go home to crash.” He picked up a few tools he’d left on the porch. “I’ll get the ladder if you’ll put this in the back of the truck for me.”
“I can do that.” She took the box, carefully avoiding eye contact with probably the most gorgeous man she’d ever met.
She walked to the back of his truck and set the box in the metal toolbox behind the cab. He returned carrying the ladder, walking a little slower. He grinned as he lifted the ladder and set it in the back of the truck.
Madeline brushed back her hair and shivered in her coat as a cold wind picked up, scattering dried leaves left over from autumn across her lawn. She looked up and he had moved closer, his hazel eyes settled on her face, watching her, touching her with a look.
When his hand touched her arm she closed her eyes, waiting, telling herself not to run from this, not to run from feeling too much. His fingers touched her chin, turning her to face him.
Grounded, she was grounded. Reality, not fear. She was in her yard. The earth was beneath her. The truck was close enough to touch. A car drove by. A neighbor honked. She opened her eyes, no longer afraid. Much.
His hand moved to her cheek, sweet and easy. His fingers tangled in her hair and she looked up, wanting to know what it meant to be the woman in his arms.
When he pulled her close she froze for just an instant, then she exhaled and let go. He leaned in, soft breath and mint. The tangy scent of his cologne mixed with the winter air, a sharp breeze and wood smoke from the neighbor’s fireplace. His hand slid to her waist and he held her for just a moment.
And as quick as that, he backed away, leaving her standing there in her driveway, unsure. Shaken.
He smiled and shook his head.
“Madeline, you’re tempting, and self-control is not one of my strongest character traits. Some would say I have no control when it comes to beautiful women.” His fingers touched her cheek, feather-soft. “But I always keep my word and I’m going to do that right now and walk away.”
She backed away from him, not sure how to take this moment, this goodbye. Her heart raced and she breathed, trying to catch up. Jackson Cooper tipped his hat and got into his truck.
As she stood there trying to make sense of what had happened, he backed out of her drive and was gone. She had put her heart on the line, taken steps she’d never taken before. She’d been rejected.
Jackson Cooper, known for his many relationships, for having a constant string of women, had held her and walked away.
So what did that make her? Chopped liver?
For a long time she stood in her driveway, shivering in the cold wind and trying hard not to be hurt by his rejection. But it did hurt. Because she’d held her emotions in check for so many years and when she’d taken a step toward someone, the man had walked away.
It hurt because his daughter was in her house and she’d have to see him again tomorrow.
As she walked back into the house she told herself it didn’t have to be him. He didn’t have to be the man she took a chance with. She could find someone safe. Someone who wouldn’t break her heart.
But she had a hard time convincing herself.