Damita was surpised at how easy things became after Neal’s short stint in rehab. They even discussed things; like balancing their home life. They both were involved very deeply in their careers and they both agreed it was ludicrous to expect Damita to take on the traditional role of housewife. Therefore, they settled on taking turns cleaning and cooking and balancing it with dinner out. One night Neal decided they would go to his favorite French restaurant, Georges Bistro. The dimmed lighting and the Old World feel of the restaurant was relaxing and just what they both needed after a hard day at work. They drank plenty of wine and enjoyed a great meal of bouillabaisse, steak tartare and French apple cake. They left the restaurant, went home and made love. Damita couldn’t help but think that she actually felt happy.
The next morning, Damita arrived at work with a smile on her face and humming.
“Good morning,” she said brightly, upon entering the office.
“Good morning, Mary Sunshine. Somebody got some last night,” Wendy said.
Wendy joined Damita and walked with her to Damita’s office.
Damita chuckled. “Damn! What do you have a sex radar or something? I just walked in,” Damita whispered.
Once inside Damita’s office, Wendy spoke freely.
“Those of us who are experiencing dry spells are typically acutely aware of when others are getting busy on the regular. And, you, my dear, are definitely getting busy on the regular. From the looks of that smile on your face, you’re more than getting it regularly; you’re getting it good and on the regular.”
“Shhh,” Damita cautioned.
“What? It’s just us girls here.”
“Mr. Underhill gets in earlier than everyone else. Do you want him to hear what we’re talking about when we’re supposed to be working?”
“From what I hear Mr. Underhill is the Energizer Bunny. I don’t think he’d mind a little harmless sex talk.”
“Great! Thanks a lot, Wendy. Now I’ll have that vision in my mind, and just a few short hours before I have to eat lunch.”
“What’s wrong with Undy? He’s hot!”
“You would think so. We have really got to get you laid.”
“That’s what I keep trying to tell you. I swear to God, my cherry’s grown back.”
“You are so nasty,” Damita said.
“Do you want to go out for lunch today?” Wendy asked.
“That sounds good. How about one o’clock?”
“One o’clock it is!”
Wendy came looking for Damita in her office and when she didn’t find her there decided to look for her in the restroom. As soon as she walked in she could hear someone throwing up.
“Damita, is that you?” Wendy asked.
“Yeah, it’s me. See, I told you your little anecdote about Mr. Underhill would make me sick,” Damita said, chuckling.
“I don’t care what you say, he’s hot! Are you going to be okay?” Wendy asked.
“Sure, I’ll be fine. It’s probably something I ate. Neal took me to this fancy schmancy French restaurant last night. I don’t think all that rich food agreed with me.”
“I think a little more than some rich French food has gotten in to you.”
“What are you babbling about now?” Damita asked.
“If I were a betting woman, I would bet every dime I’ve got that it’s that rich husband of yours that gotten into you and not that French food.”
“Huh?”
“Neal and Damita sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Damita with a baby carriage.”
“Now I’m convinced you’ve finally lost your mind. First of all, did you really just sing that elementary school song to me and second, I’m on the pill. I can’t be pregnant.”
“Don’t you read the information provided with your medication? Abstinence is the only one hundred percent foolproof method of birth control.”
“I’ve been on the pill for as long as I can remember and I have never had a slip.”
“When was the last time you had your period?”
“Uh, uh, I don’t really remember. I’ve had so much going on lately, I haven’t really been keeping track.”
“So, let me see. You’re throwing up, you don’t think you’ve had your period and lately you’ve been eating like you’re Damita Whitmore-Westman, the human trash compactor. You know what all that adds up to? You’re pregnant.”
“I can’t be. This is the worst time.”
“You better go to the doctor and check it out; especially if you think you might want to manipulate the outcome, so to speak. In the meantime, we can go to the drugstore and get a home pregnancy test.”
“Do you mind if we stop at the drugstore before we go to lunch? I don’t think my mind is going to be able to rest until I find out for sure.”
“Of course I don’t mind.”
They stopped off at the drugstore and picked what Damita thought was the easiest pregnancy test available.
She was understandably distracted at lunch and couldn’t wait until she could use the pregnancy test, which was now burning a hole in her pocketbook.
“I’ll be right back,” Damita said.
Wendy knew exactly what she was going to do.
When Damita returned to the table, her face was ashen and her expression emotionless.
“Plus or negative? Even though I don’t really need to ask.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“That one percent can be a bitch,” Wendy added, shaking her head.
“I can’t do this now. I can’t.”
“Well, whatever you decide, I got your back.”
“Wendy, please don’t mention this to anyone at work.”
“Of course, I won’t. I would never do that.”
“I’m sorry, Wendy. Until I know what I’m going to do, this has to remain a secret.”
“I completely understand. I had a slip up a few years ago and I wasn’t ready to be a mother, so I did what I had to do.”
“I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet, but if I do decide to terminate, will you come with me?”
“Of course I will. Are you sure you don’t want Neal to go with you?”
“Wendy, if I do this, I’m going to have to do it quietly. Neal wants to have children more than anything. He even suggested I quit my job so we could get started making babies right away. I don’t even know if I want to be a mother. . .ever.”
“Didn’t you guys discuss all that before you got married? That’s a pretty big deal.”
“I know. I got so used to dating men who spent their lives dodging the white picket fence and two point five children scenario that it never occurred to me that Neal would be in that rare percentage of men I’ve dated that actually wants to have children. Neal is very different than the men I used to date.”
“So you really think you might never want to have children?”
“I’ve always believed that children aren’t for everyone. People look at you like you’re the living embodiment of Satan when you say you don’t want children, but that’s so unfair. I have a cousin who figured out when she was very young that she didn’t want children and I’ve always respected her for that. She made up her mind and stuck to her guns, no matter what society told her she was supposed to want. As far as I’m concerned the promise of motherhood is a trap, especially for my generation. Little girls are groomed to be caregivers from the moment those first dolls are thrust into their hands. What happens to the little girl that doesn’t want to play with dolls or the grown woman that doesn’t want to be someone’s mother? Those are the women that are judged. Meanwhile, you have ill-equipped mothers making babies simply because they can. Motherhood should not only be a choice, but a choice that is made with great consideration.”
“I hear you,” Wendy agreed.
• • •
For at least a week Damita spent some time weighing her options before she decided that her first instinct was probably the best instinct. She was all set to set up an appointment to terminate the pregnancy, when she suddenly had second thoughts. She thought about how difficult things had been when she and Neal first got married and how much things had changed in a relatively short period of time. She knew it was difficult for Neal to admit he had a problem. Even though he had left rehab earlier than the facility would have liked, she was grateful that he had even gone. Since he’d come home Damita could see him trying. She watched him fight the urge to return to his old habits and it meant so much to her that he tried. She thought about what she was considering doing and realized that no matter how much she tried to justify it, her plan was to lie to Neal. She was going to have an abortion and never tell him that she had been pregnant. She felt overwhelming guilt and wondered if she was being selfish. She considered having the baby, which she knew would make Neal very happy. But, then she thought about the lifetime commitment of bringing another life into the world. The other consideration was to tell Neal that she was pregnant and was going to have an abortion. When she thought about what that conversation would be like, she realized why she wanted to lie.
After mulling it all over, Damita decided that no matter what her decision was she would need to see a doctor. She made an appointment and since it didn’t make sense to go back to work, given the time of day, she went home. She walked in just in time to see Neal doing something with her birth control pills. He was removing some of the pills and replacing them with something else. She realized it wasn’t the pills that hadn’t done their job. Neal was sabotaging her birth control. She backed away from the bedroom door quietly to ensure he didn’t see her.
Her decision was made. The next day Damita set up an appointment to terminate the pregnancy and spoke with Wendy and asked her whether she would still go with her to have the procedure done.
“What helped you make up your mind?” Wendy asked.
“Something a friend once told me about a leopard never changing its spots.”