Kaylee began to think the owner of the house was never coming back. The pantry and refrigerator were stocked with food, the aged furniture showing signs of wear but also care. The lawn was neat and trimmed and the backyard fenced with a brick walkway leading to a small side gate.
It was past midnight, but she couldn’t sleep. It was more than because the bedding smelled like Nathan. She was restless, scared. Uncertain she wanted to sleep in the same house as Eddy.
“Who do you think lives here, Eddy?” she asked, gazing out the bay window into the backyard.
“I’d say no one.”
“Really? It seems like the house is waiting for someone to come home.”
“There are no family photos on the wall. The furniture is mismatched and looks like it came from yard sales.”
She padded from the kitchen into the living room again, taking in the furniture and walls once more.
“Looks like a safe house to me,” he added. “Or maybe a back-up hide out or something.”
“Guess I’ve never been to either of those kinds of places,” she murmured. “Never been hunted down before.”
Seated on the couch with his legs propped on the coffee table, he glanced up from his laptop.
“Is he around?” he asked.
She shook her head. “He’s been gone all day. He’s like this most days. Here and then not for long periods of time.”
“Cool.” He stretched to grab his phone off the coffee table and texted someone quickly. “I’m going to invite someone over for a few minutes.”
“Like a babysitter calling his girlfriend while the kid is sleeping?”
“Sorta. Except this is definitely not my girlfriend.”
Bored after spending the afternoon and evening in the house, Kaylee plopped down in the oversized chair near the door and grabbed a gardening magazine from a wooden magazine holder next to the chair.
“So do I just hide out for the rest of my life?” she asked. “I’ll need a hobby, if so.”
“I’m not sure what’ll happen. Things are kinda crazy right now.”
No shit. She rolled her eyes and flipped through the magazine then set it aside. Restless, Kaylee needed something to keep her mind off a reality that was growing clearer, the more time she thought about it.
There was only one way to keep Shadowman from swallowing another office building. Not that he would, if she remained isolated from the rest of humanity, but the potential was always there.
She pushed herself up and went to the kitchen. “You want some tea?”
“No, thanks.”
The Satanist assassin was the politest person she’d met in about five years. Kaylee dwelled on the strangeness of her situation before her attention settled on the block of knives. She crossed the kitchen and leaned against the counter.
If it came to it, and she had to off herself, could she do it? She’d never once in her life considered suicide. She hated the sight of blood and going to the doctor. Would she even know where to stab herself?
She picked up a knife and fiddled with it. It appeared to be sharp enough. She touched her chest, over her heart. How hard would she have to stab herself to pierce her ribs?
Never before had she weighed the feasibility of stabbing someone in the heart. The vampire horror movies she’d watched made it look easy, but the only way she could think of to do it was to fall on the knife.
What if she did it but it didn’t work, and all she managed to do was torture herself? Or maybe die slowly, painfully?
The images in her head left her unsettled, her stomach churning. Kaylee set down the knife, sickened.
She’d need help, if it came to suicide. Would it make more of a difference if she had to do it to stop Shadowman from hurting someone else, or was she just a coward in general?
The microwave beeped, indicating her tea water was done. She went to it, attention caught by movement outside the bay window. The lighting from the kitchen lit up the closest area of the backyard, illuminating the lone figure that stood outside.
Amira.
Kaylee froze, half a second from calling for Eddy.
Amira beckoned to her with both hands then held up her hands and spun in a full circle, as if to show she had no weapons this time. She waved once more for Kaylee to come outside.
Kaylee considered, recalling what Nathan had said about the special young woman who had a knack for showing up out of nowhere.
“I’m going to … stargaze,” she called to Eddy. “Be in the back yard.”
“I’ll come get you when the person I texted shows,” he returned. “Don’t wander off, Kaylee.” The friendly warning was in his voice again.
“I won’t.” She didn’t want to know what he planned on doing if she screwed up and he caught her. “I like my fingers and toes.”
“Good.”
She shivered and crossed to the back door, tea mug in one hand. The screen door creaked loudly, and she glanced over her shoulder before taking a step out of the house.
Amira was waiting, hands in the pockets of her jeans.
Kaylee pressed a finger to her lips, indicating for Amira to keep quite, then pointed to the shed in one corner of the back yard.
Amira walked with her towards it, her light step quiet. As they drew near, the motion detector lights around the shed lit up. Kaylee took Amira’s arm and raced around behind the shed, terrified of Eddy’s threats to cut her if she tried anything. Only when they were behind the toolshed did Kaylee face her.
“What do you want?” she asked quietly.
Amira drew a deep breath. “First, I’m sorry for hurting you.”
Kaylee waited, hoping Eddy couldn’t hear them from the house.
“I need to know something,” Amira continued. “Shadowman can track me. If he can track me, then he can track the others. I need to know if you can, too.”
“So you can stab me again?”
Amira smiled and shook her head. “So we can find them and warn them.”
“You want me to tell you where the are?”
“Yes.”
“How do I do that?” Kaylee’s brow furrowed. Was it even possible? Just today, she’d learned how to talk to Shadowman.
Amira knelt on the ground. She pulled a small velvet dice bag from her pocket and dumped the contents on the ground. Three of the smooth stones were light blue while the fourth was half blue, half green. The fifth was orange-red.
“This is you.” Amira pointed to the two-toned stone. “This is me. These are the others.”
“I’m two-toned, because of Shadowman?” Kaylee frowned, dismayed.
Amira nodded. She picked up a rock and handed it to Kaylee.
Kaylee held it, surprised to feel the slight vibration of the stone. It was warm, too.
“That’s mine!” Amira explained. “The stone has some of my energy stored inside it.”
“Okay. Whose are these two?”
“I don’t know them. We have to find them.”
Kaylee picked up another one. It felt the same as Amira’s.
“Ask it where the key holder is,” Amira urged her.
“Where are … you?” Kaylee asked awkwardly. Her face grew warm at the idea of talking to a rock.
Similar to how Shadowman had told her what happened to Mike, she began to experience sensations in her mind. She saw nothing but was bombarded by sounds. Waves crashing onto the shore, seagulls, the distant blare of a boat horn.
Amira was watching her.
“Near the ocean,” Kaylee said. “Not much detail, though.”
“That’s awesome!” Amira’s face glowed. She picked up all the rocks except for the red one and replaced them in the pouch. The red one she shoved in her pocket. “Take these. Practice. But don’t let Shadowman have them. You have to protect them from Shadowman. Like, you shouldn’t even think of them when he’s around, okay?” She held out the velvet bag.
“I don’t think you should leave these with me. I’ve got a lot of issues right now.”
“You must find them! Someone is after me, and I think … I know that you should be able to protect these from Shadowman.” Amira said with urgency. “If you find them, tell Nathan where they are.”
“I’m not talking to Nathan.” Kaylee snapped. She hesitated then accepted the pouch.
Amira tilted her head to the side then took Kaylee’s hand. Kaylee shivered as a streak of energy like Nathan’s went through her.
“Oh,” Amira said. “I understand now. Do you know what an OTL is?”
“No, and I’m at my max with this supernatural nonsense,” Kaylee said truthfully.
“Okay. Then focus on keeping these safe and learning to use them. They won’t work for anyone else, I don’t think. I’m keeping the fifth one. If we split them up, no one can use them against us,” Amira said.
“Kaylee?” Eddy’s voice made her jump. It sounded like he was standing at the back porch.
“Quiet!” Kaylee mouthed to the woman. Aware Amira couldn’t hear, she pointed towards the house. “Someone is coming. Wait until I’m in the house to leave.”
Amira nodded and pushed the hand holding the pouch closer to Kaylee’s body. Kaylee rose quickly and pocketed the bag.
“Coming!” she called.
Amira stayed where she was.
Kaylee grabbed one of the flowerpots behind the shed and took it with her, emerging from the hiding spot.
Eddy relaxed visibly at her appearance. His gaze took in the clay pot briefly.
“Wanted you to meet someone,” he said as she approached.
Kaylee set the pot down beside the stairs leading to the back door and followed him inside. She pushed the velvet bag further down into her pocket then clutched the mug with both hands.
Uncertain what kind of person – or creature – Eddy wanted her to meet, she braced herself for the worst and walked into the living room.
The woman at the center of the small space was gorgeous and fit with blue eyes and dark blonde hair. She wore snug leggings and a chunky tunic. Her hair was in a ponytail and her chiseled features flawless.
She was … familiar, though Kaylee didn’t know where she might’ve seen her before. The newcomer had the same wariness and wisdom in her gaze that Nathan and Maggy did.
“This is Zyra,” Eddy said. “Zyra, meet Kaylee.”
Zyra. Where do I know that name? Kaylee asked herself.
Zyra looked her over critically then offered a tight smile. There was something predatory in her gaze and in the tension of her body, something that made Kaylee think she didn’t ever want to be alone with the pretty woman.
“Zyra is …” Eddy trailed off.
“An interested party,” Zyra supplied. “Just checking in.”
Kaylee debated what to say, uncomfortable around the woman. Eddy had an easygoing air about him that helped her relax, despite his freaky background. Zyra was the opposite. Even if she came to the rescue, Kaylee would have a hard time accepting help from the woman who rubbed her the wrong way.
“Who are you with?” Kaylee asked finally. “I know who Eddy is and Nathan and Maggy. Are you with one of their organizations?”
“Not exactly,” Zyra replied. “I’m with somewhat of an independent third party.”
Kaylee couldn’t fathom what a third party in the bizarre alternate reality would want with her. She didn’t feel inclined to ask, either, not with the way Zyra regarded her.
Like I’m her dinner.
She started thinking of another horror movie then pushed the images away.
“I’ll see you out,” Eddy said cheerfully to Zyra. His tone was firm enough that Kaylee knew it wasn’t a request.
Zyra took the hint and walked with him to the door. They both exited, and Eddy closed the door behind him.
Kaylee watched them, just noticing that one of Eddy’s hands was on the hilt of a knife, as if he, too, felt the threat from Zyra. While friendly, he was also alert.
The two talked for a moment. It wasn’t enough for Kaylee to figure much else out than Zyra left dissatisfied and Eddy was wary. Only when the glowing taillights of Zyra’s car made it down the driveway and disappeared as she turned onto the main road did Eddy drop his hand and walk back into the house.
Kaylee moved away quickly from the window.
“Do me a favor and stay away from any windows from here on out. And stay inside the house,” he directed.
“Everything okay?”
“For now. She’s a bit … violent is all.”
Violent. Suddenly, the vision Shadowman had showed her of what happened to Mike crystalized again in Kaylee’s mind.
Zyra was the woman who hired and then killed Mike.
What did that mean? Mike was a mistake, from what Nathan said. Why would the person who murdered Mike be talking to Eddy, who seemed to be playing for a completely different team than Nathan?
“You know she killed my boss, thinking he was the anchor, right?” she asked Eddy, confused.
“Wouldn’t put it past her. She’s got ice in her veins,” Eddy said. He drew the curtains on the picture window. He flipped on all the lights. “Close all the curtains and turn on at least one light in every room.”
“You’re afraid of her?” Kaylee asked.
“Just being cautious.”
“Why did you bring her here then?”
“Don’t ask too many questions. It’ll give people more of a reason to kill you,” he advised.
“Whatever.” She moved to the kitchen and did as he said while he went through the rest of the house.
“Lock the back door,” he said, ducking his head in.
She did and then listened to him move to the guest bedroom.
Kaylee withdrew the bag with stones and dumped them into her palm. She replaced all but the two-toned one then squeezed it in her fist.
Two images popped into her head: one of the kitchen and one of a shopping mall. She closed her eyes to focus on them better. The two visions became clearer the more she concentrated. She saw the appliances lining the counters and was able to make out which shopping center it was.
Why was Shadowman at a mall?
“What’s wrong?” Eddy turned on the lights overhead.
Kaylee opened her eyes and shoved her fist in her pocket to deposit the stone. She turned to face Eddy.
“Nothing,” she replied. “I take it gardening or stargazing won’t be my new hobby?”
“No.” He left the doorway and returned to the living room.
Kaylee trailed, folding her arms across her chest. She was getting tired and more overwhelmed by her evening.
“I think I’ll try to get some sleep,” she said.
“I’ll be here.”
“You’re entirely too happy about all of this.”
Eddy flashed a smile.
Kaylee went to her room and closed the door. It was cool and dark, the low light on the nightstand too soft to bother her. She stretched out on the bed and found herself breathing in the scent of Nathan that lingered the pillow he’d used. She shivered, her desire blooming at his spicy male scent. It relaxed her, though not as much as his touch, and she closed her eyes.
Maybe this time, when she woke, she’d be out of the nightmare.
No sooner did she fall asleep than she heard someone call her name.
“Wake up, sweetheart.”
Kaylee jumped at Nathan’s quiet voice, certain she was mistaken. She twisted to face him in the low light of her room. Her heart somersaulted at the sight of his muscular form, and her body awoke instantly at his heady scent. She pushed herself up and swung her legs off the bed, standing.
He wore all black, tactical style clothing, and was armed with a gun and a couple of knives at his thighs. His clothes were snug enough to hint at the hard body beneath them, the one she spent hours exploring the day before.
“Nathan,” she whispered, gaze darting towards the door. “Eddy’s right out there. You shouldn’t be here.”
His dark gaze was steady, penetrating. Unfriendly even, a look that fit him but that she didn’t expect to see. It made her step away even though her body burned for his touch. He was too different from the man who made love to her with tenderness.
This Nathan was detached, distant.
“What’re you doing here?” she asked uncertainly.
“I need you to listen to me,” he replied. He set down a small bag on the nightstand beside the bed where they’d made love not twenty-four hours before. “Shadowman’s wiped out another hundred people today. He’s getting stronger, Kaylee.”
Her mouth felt dry. “You came to kill me.”
“Temporarily.” He held up a syringe with clear liquid. “Completely painless. I’ll sit right here beside you. I give you the shot, you’ll fall asleep, we’ll bring you back when he’s gone.”
It took her a moment to respond. Some part of her had hoped to see him again, just under different circumstances.
“Sounds too easy,” she said. “What happens if you’re wrong? Or if you can’t bring me back?”
“This will work. It’s the only way we can get Shadowman to leave you alone and save lives.”
His confidence floored her. He’d protected her and made love to her like a man who cared. That he, too, was moved to killing her made her feel ill.
“Trust me. Please,” he said, warmth appearing in his gaze. “You can give yourself the shot, if you want.”
I don’t want to die. How horrible of a person was she, if she saved her own life instead of those the Shadowman was taking?
“It won’t hurt?” she ventured.
“Nope.” Nathan held her gaze. “You’ll go to sleep. When you wake up, it’ll all be over.”
She suspected she was getting the damn shot one way or another. While thrilling, the idea of him chasing her down was not ideal.
“I’ll be right here,” he added. “If you want.”
She gave him a long look, unable to interpret what he meant by the measured words. Was he interested or not?
Did it matter, since he was there to kill her?
Kaylee swallowed hard and moved towards him.
He sat on the bed and patted the place beside him then reached back to grab the small bag. She sat close enough to smell him but not touch him. Her body ached for his, to feel his hot skin against hers and consuming passion ensnaring her senses. She didn’t trust herself enough to touch him, though, not after the events of the past day. Her guard had dropped hard under his kisses, and she still wasn’t certain how to handle the feeling of vulnerability he’d caused. It left her confused. How did she trust him when he came to kill her?
How did she not, when she’d already given him every part of herself in bed?
“This is what you do for a living?” she asked in the tense silence. She watched him withdraw a syringe of clear liquid.
Nathan grasped her arm with his strong fingers. He maneuvered it to rest on his thigh. He was hot again, radiating heat.
“Every case is different,” he replied. “But yeah. Supernatural caseworker.”
“Do you sleep with every case you work with before or after killing them?” she snapped, furious at his casual response.
He chuckled. “Usually the people I kill stay dead.”
“You’re not helping anything, Nathan.”
“We’re both on new territory here,” he said, glancing up.
Kaylee’s face grew warm under his direct gaze. She looked down, not liking how he seemed to devalue the time they had together. It meant nothing to him, but she was forced to admit, it did to her.
“Let’s get this over with so you can move onto the next case,” she said.
Nathan was still for a moment.
Say something! Tell me I’m not just another name on the list! She willed him silently.
“See you when you wake up,” he replied and took her arm.
Kaylee closed her eyes, not wanting to see the shot that killed her.
“It’ll sting a little,” Nathan warned.
She said nothing, throat tightening. It was hard enough to will herself not to cry knowing she was operating on blind faith in trusting him.
The familiar sting of a shot came. Beyond that, she felt nothing. She waited until Nathan had withdrawn the needle before opening her eyes. He put the syringe aside then placed a band-aid over the small bubble of blood.
“You’re killing me. Don’t think you need to worry about a little blood,” she told him.
“You don’t believe I’ll bring you back.”
“I don’t think you have any reason to. You want Shadowman dead and consider me a case to be resolved before you move on,” she pointed out. “If I wasn’t such a coward, I would try to off myself to get rid of him.”
“You’re the bravest person I know,” he replied. “If I had no intentions of bringing you back, I wouldn’t be using a needle.”
She didn’t want to admit he was probably right. By the way he was built and the weapons he carried, he could easily just beat her to death or stab her or shoot her dead.
“Lay down. This is supposed to take affect within three minutes,” he said. He stood, moving out of her way.
She evaluated herself mentally as she lay down, waiting to feel something. Pain. Sleepiness. Anything that indicated the drug was working. If it was, she didn’t notice it.
She stretched out on her back and stared at the ceiling. As long as she focused on her breathing, she wasn’t going to cry or panic.
Nathan sat at the edge of the bed, hand on her thigh and eyes on her face. Kaylee didn’t look at him, too angry and confused to know what she felt towards the man who seemed far too calm about killing her to care.
“Five minutes,” he said, glancing down at his watch. “How you feeling?”
Kaylee focused inward for any sign the drug was working. “Um, normal. You said it was fast acting.” She lifted her arms to double-check. “I don’t feel any different.”
“Interesting.” He stood and went to the drugs then held up the second syringe. “One sec. Let me check something.”
She twisted to gaze at him. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, the same way he had when he read her memories.
Kaylee sat up, testing herself. “I feel fine, Nathan.”
Nathan shifted. His eyes opened, and he stared at the syringe in his hand.
“Fuck,” he muttered then dropped it into the bag. He took a deep breath. “Bad news, Kaylee.”
She was on her feet before he finished.
“Someone swapped these out with regular old saline,” he said, facing her.
Kaylee saw his hand drop to the knife at his thigh. He tapped it long enough for her to realize he hadn’t stopped thinking of taking her life, even if the drug was no longer an option.
A painless, quick death was one thing. Being stabbed was quite another.
“Okay. You can go get more, right?” she asked. She eased away from him towards the door, her ability to control her panic slipping.
“Let’s talk this out, okay?” he said and took a step towards her. “There are alternatives.”
“You said if you had no intention of bringing me back, you’d use said alternatives.”
“It was a shitty attempt at a joke.”
“What do you recommend?” she snapped.
“The less damage I do to you physically, the better my chances of bringing you back.” He drew a knife and lifted it. “I can do this. Simple, quick, little damage.”
“Painless wasn’t among those words.”
“It’ll hurt. But I’ll make it quick,” he said.
Oh, god! Kaylee whirled and darted for the door. She wrenched it open a few inches, only for Nathan to plant a hand above her head and slam it shut.
She didn’t move, didn’t breath, waiting for the pain to hit.
Nathan’s breathing was irregular, indicating he wasn’t as calm as he appeared to be. His body at her back radiated heat.
“Kaylee …” he started then stopped. He placed a hand on her arm, letting it skim down to her wrist before it slid to her stomach and lower, hovering over the sacred apex of her thighs. Need flared to life, filling her lower body with heat.
When he didn’t stab her, she turned to face him and pressed her back to the door. For the first time since meeting her, Nathan appeared torn. The hand at the small of her back drew her hips against his, letting her feel the long length of his arousal against her belly.
The ache she experienced was so quick and deep, she gasped. She needed him too much. The connection between them couldn’t be normal. The space between them was charged, her senses aware of every part of him, from the movement of his chest as he breathed to the combined scent of him and the gear he wore.
He touched her cheek, brushing away tears she didn’t feel fall. The knife was sheathed. The soft lamplight dispelled shadows from half his face while deepening the natural shading of his chiseled features on the other side.
He appeared to be studying her features, as if to memorize them for after she was dead.
“Say something, Nathan,” she whispered hoarsely. “Tell me you don’t want to do this. Tell me I’ll survive. Tell me … I’m not just a case. Anything.”
He offered a faint smile and cupped one cheek. His dark eyes seemed fathomless, the curve of his full lips begging for kisses. She remembered too clearly what he’d done with his mouth, how his hot kisses robbed her of any shred of second-thought when they’d made love for hours. The feel of his hands roaming her body, the way he regarded at her, possessive and tender at the same time. She’d felt both more vulnerable and more secure in his arms than she had anywhere else.
By the intensity of the look on his face and the hard ridge pressed to her belly, he was thinking the same.
“We need to get through this,” he said finally.
Her hope – and heart – crumbled.
“You can’t say it, can you?” she whispered. “Because it’s not true, or because you’re scared?”
With effort, Nathan moved away from her.
“Say something, Nathan!” she cried, embarrassed by the raw note in her voice.
“Please. Let’s just …” he paced, rubbing his face with both hands. “We’ll talk later. I need to show you something.” He nudged her out of the way and opened the door, breezing by her.
She gasped, waiting for Eddy to pounce.
“He’s not here. We have him occupied elsewhere,” Nathan said. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were worried.”
“You’re the one who wants me dead!”
The mirth faded from his eyes. “Not want, Kaylee. There’s more at stake here than us.” He turned abruptly and walked down the hallway.
“Thank god there is no us or someone might get hurt,” she retorted before she could stop the words.
“Exactly.”
It wasn’t possible for there to be a relationship with a man like Nathan. He was too … selfish to understand the feelings of another, too guarded to express himself.
Too perfect for her to walk away.
Maybe it’s a good thing he wants to kill me. Might be better than a broken heart. More tears formed. She swiped them away angrily but followed him down the hallway and through the living room.
Some protector. Eddy was nowhere to be found.
Kaylee stepped into the chilly night, not caring that she had no jacket. She was supposed to be dead, after all. She expected Nathan to stop and show her whatever it was he wanted her to see. Instead, he got into the car and started it, waiting.
Reluctantly, she climbed into the passenger side.
Nathan said nothing as he pulled out of the driveway and drove down the road. He headed towards the way opposite of town, north towards Columbia. Kaylee watched the trees and lights fly by, unable to shake the sense that her danger was not yet over. He turned off the main road onto a gravel street that meandered into the forest.
“This is the part where the bad guy takes the poor, helpless victim back to the forest and kills her where no one can hear her scream. It’s the plot of half the horror movies I’ve seen,” she murmured.
“A little trust, honey.”
“We’ve never had the benefit of trust, Nathan.” She sighed, struggling with her emotions and more not to show just how devastated she was.
The winding road took them up a small hill, and Nathan pulled over to a scenic overlook to the side. She glanced at him.
“I don’t think you brought me here to make out,” she said, puzzled.
“Another time,” he agreed. “I brought you here so you could make a choice.” He turned off the car.
Silence and darkness filled the car. Kaylee clenched her hands together, afraid of what he’d say.
Nathan got out of the car. After a deep breath, Kaylee did as well, joining him at the railing. Their southern view was of the towns of Crofton and Bowie, great swaths of dark forest punctuated by bright clumps of light.
“Shadowman’s power is growing,” Nathan started. “He swallowed your office building the other day. He swallowed a mall today. Tomorrow, he could be strong enough to take out half a city.”
She listened, horrified.
“He’s invincible in every way, except for one.” He faced her and shifted closer. “The fact I’m even considering keeping you alive should mean something to you.”
“I don’t know you, Nathan,” she said softly. “You don’t exactly make it easy to understand you. Not that it matters. You’ve made up your mind.”
“I haven’t. I brought you here to see what Shadowman is doing. If you choose not to trust me, I’ll let you walk away. If you choose to trust me, I swear to you, Kaylee, I will bring you back.”
She looked away, uncertain what to think at the hushed note in his voice. Her gaze went out over the valley. Movement caught her attention. At first, she though it was smoke. Something darker than night was moving over the south side of the city of Crofton.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” she asked, striding towards the railing. “What’s he doing?”
“Probably looking for you. The trunk of my car is filled with moonstones. He can’t sense you. Our distraction wouldn’t have occupied him for long, so I imagine he realizes it was a ruse and is trying to find you.”
“This will never end, will it?”
“Either he wins or I do.”
Kaylee shuddered, recalling what Shadowman did the last time he unleashed the shadow. He created a sinkhole that swallowed everything. The black fog was creeping into Crofton, blotting out lights as it went.
She was silent for a long moment. She didn’t realize she was shaking from a combination of fear and cold until he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his body. For once, she didn’t resist his heated strength, taking comfort in it.
“What are you thinking?” Nathan asked gently.
“Aside from I wish I’d never met you?” she replied with no heat. “I’m scared. No, terrified. I keep thinking I’ve wasted my life, doing what my father wanted, because I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do. Afraid to disappoint him or my instructors or anyone, afraid they wouldn’t like me if I was myself. If this is it, then I lived a fucking miserable life.”
“Your fucking miserable life led you straight to me. Can’t be that bad,” Nathan said.
“If you weren’t about to kill me, I might agree.”
“This doesn’t have to be it. We get through this and then figure out what comes next.”
The words were careful and considering, as if he was more concerned with her following through than telling her the truth that he wasn’t interested.
She couldn’t read him, and it was too late to try. If she went through this, it was her choice, knowing he probably wasn’t going to be there when she woke.
Kaylee twisted in his arms and gazed up at him. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
Nathan didn’t react immediately. His look was penetrating, the tension of his frame making him stiffen.
“You’ll trust me?” he whispered.
“No. But I’ll do what’s right.”
“I guess that’s good enough.” One hand dropped from her to the knife at his thigh.
Kaylee’s pulse accelerated, and she panicked, grabbing his wrist. His other arm tightened around her. She shook like a leaf pinned to a picnic table and struggled for some sort of control over her emotions. Her breathing was harsh and quick, her senses filled by Nathan but not comforted by him, not this time.
He loosened his grip around her briefly, long enough to tilt up her chin. Kaylee couldn’t see his eyes in the dark night but wished she could. She expected him to speak.
Instead, he kissed her, replacing his arm around her and pulling her against him hard. His mouth was commanding, the kiss deep and desperate, as if he knew it was their last. She tasted him once more, enthralled by his faint flavor and the heat of his mouth, the velvet of his tongue.
It was not the kiss of a man who regarded her as a job and nothing more.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her grip on his wrist loosened. She lifted her hands to take his face and deepen the kiss even more. Nathan’s passion left her breathless and dizzy from need, his scent and taste intoxicating her.
His hold on her stiffened seconds before the hot agony hit her. It came from her lower ribcage.
Kaylee gasped, breaking off the kiss. She clutched at him. Almost immediately, darkness blocked her vision.
“Don’t fight it, sweetheart,” he whispered. “I’ll be there when you wake up.”