SHAME, REGRET AND panic set in before Madison’s skin dried. She had turned to the one man she never should have for solace.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what—” Mortification stole her words. She let her legs fall back to the mattress. “That shouldn’t have happened.”
Adam went rigid above her. “No.”
He rolled to his side, his neutral tone giving nothing away. Unable to look at him, she closed her eyes and scooted to the edge of the bed. She grabbed the corner of the quilt in an attempt to cover herself, but it wouldn’t budge. He was lying on it. She yearned to escape, but her robe was on the floor on his side of the bed. Retreating meant brazenly circling the room naked. She didn’t have the guts.
“I’m not...usually like that. The flight... The storm... I thought we were going to die.”
“Were you pretending I was Andrew?” His clipped words cut straight to her heart.
Shocked that the idea had even occurred to him, Madison gaped at him for a full ten racing heartbeats. The easy way out of her embarrassment would be to say yes. But even if it was true—and it wasn’t—she couldn’t do that to Adam. Nothing about Adam felt like Andrew. Smelled like Andrew. Tasted like Andrew. Adam was stronger, more passionate, more...everything. How could two men with identical DNA be so dissimilar and affect her so differently?
She raked back her hair. Her fingers caught in the tangles they’d made. Wishing she could selfishly lie to save face, she reluctantly looked into those familiar and yet unfamiliar blue-green eyes in the flickering light. But with the lamp behind him, she couldn’t even begin to decipher the emotions behind that shadowed, probing stare.
“Adam, your brother never crossed my mind.”
He held her gaze for several tense seconds as if weighing her veracity, then nodded. She wished she could turn on the lights to see if he believed her, though conversely she was thankful for the darkness to help hide her shame. He rose, his firm buttocks and thighs flexing as he bent to reach for his pants and then stepped into them. Her mouth watered and not even regret could dampen the warmth rekindling low in her belly. The urge to reach out and trace each firm curve, each corded muscle, the veins on his arms, was almost too strong to ignore. Almost.
Then he turned and the glow from the lamp illuminated his back. Red trails ran parallel to his spine. Horrified at her lack of control, she stared at her clenched hands—hands responsible for those marks. She hadn’t responded that passionately, that uninhibitedly, ever before. Not even with Andrew. At least she hadn’t broken his skin. She wouldn’t have the additional embarrassment of having to render first aid.
Why had Adam felt so good in her arms, inside her body—even better than the satisfying sex she’d shared with Andrew? There had to be a logical reason. Maybe her biological clock was going haywire. Or maybe the chemical cocktail released when she’d feared death had heightened her senses? Yes, that had to explain it.
But then an old saying she’d heard echoed in her head, sending a chill across her skin. The first time you did something wrong it was a mistake. The second time it was a choice. This was the second time in five years Madison had turned to someone in desperation—trying to fill a void by filling her body with someone who had no business being there.
Last time had been a horrible experience. In the heat of the moment she’d called her date Andrew. This time the man in her arms had been the only one in her thoughts.
The need to escape intensified. Gathering every grain of confidence she could dredge up, she circled the bed, conscious of those hard eyes tracking her every step of the way, snatched up her robe and wrapped it around her, belting it tightly.
“Adam, I don’t do affairs. Even if I did, one between us would be too complicated. Helen still hates me. Danny refuses to accept I won’t take over his practice. And in four weeks I’m walking out of your lives forever. This thing between us can’t continue.”
“I agree. Tonight was a mistake.”
She winced even though he was only echoing her sentiment. “We’re both mature adults. Let’s just forget this happened. Okay?”
He zipped and buttoned his jeans, then faced her. Something worrisome in his eyes held her captive. “I didn’t use protection.”
Her stomach did a crazy loop-the-loop. Panic raced through her heart, chased by an unmistakable sense of...yearning? Her hands automatically covered her stomach. A baby... Every maternal instinct she thought she’d suppressed caught wind like a sail billowing to life.
Then reality rained down like a hailstorm. Cold and stinging. A baby would tie her to the Drakes for the rest of her life. It was one thing for her to be cast aside, but she would never allow anyone to hurt her child that way.
Please, please, don’t let me fall pregnant. Not now.
That would be too cruel. She was a smart woman. There were alternatives...if only she could think of them. The morning-after pill made the most sense. But where could she get one without the Quincey gossip grapevine knowing what she’d done? And could she take it?
She tried to think rationally, calmly. “The chance of me getting pregnant is slim. There’s only twenty percent in any given cycle if a woman is trying to conceive—and we weren’t trying.”
But doubt sprouted its ugly head. Andrew had bragged about how fertile he must have been to knock her up on the first attempt. And Adam had the same DNA.
Adam’s mouth flattened and his nostrils flared. “You do this often enough to research that?”
She grimaced. “No. One of my clients was having trouble getting pregnant. I did some research for her. Do you? Do this often, I mean? Do I need to worry about sexually transmitted diseases?”
“I had a complete physical right after Dad’s diagnosis. I’m fine. You?”
“I’m healthy.”
He nodded. “Then you’re right. Our best bet is to forget this happened.”
“Right. Okay. I will if you will.” But could she do it? she asked herself as he pivoted sharply and left her room.
Could she forget she’d had the best orgasms of her life with a man who was the spitting image of her husband? A man who wanted her out of his life almost as badly as she wanted to be gone.
* * *
“G’MORNING, DOC.”
Madison jumped at the sound of June’s voice calling across the yard. She’d been so busy dreading facing Adam this morning and trying not to think about how she’d tossed and turned, unable to sleep on sheets that smelled like sex, like him, that she hadn’t heard her tenant approach. “Hi, June.”
June, in her deputy uniform, offered a mug of coffee. “You’re up early. Checking the damage?”
More like hiding from it. But she nodded.
“The storm took out power to most of Quincey. Any casualties?”
Not of the animal variety.
Madison sipped the brew, stalling while she searched for an acceptable answer. “No orphans as far as I can see.”
“You’re jumpy. Have trouble sleeping?”
Another sip allowed her to avoid eye contact. “After the first branch fell, I kept waiting for trees to follow.”
“It has been an exceptionally wet summer. I’m surprised you made it back last night. I thought your flight would be grounded.”
If they’d stayed in Norcross, would last night have happened? “The final leg was rough and scary.”
June’s eyes narrowed. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. Just thinking ahead to how busy today’s going to be.”
“Oh. Right. The clinic.”
Maybe she’d give Adam the spare keys and let him drive himself to the airport. She’d be in surgery all day and wouldn’t need a vehicle. That way she wouldn’t have to spend time alone with him. After the office closed she’d hitch a ride to the airport to pick up Ol’ Blue. Yeah, that would work.
But she needed to get rid of Adam without June seeing him. “Are you heading into the office, June?”
“In a few. First, I’m going to drive around and check for storm damage. I’m sure I’ll be busy later handling the crowds your spay-and-neuter clinic brings to town.”
June added the last bit tongue in cheek. Madison forced the expected smile. “Well...I don’t want to keep you. Thanks for the coffee. I’ll return the mug later.”
“Madison, are you sure you’re okay? You seem agitated.”
The back door opened before Madison could answer and Adam stepped out onto the porch. He spotted the two of them and stopped. Madison silently groaned.
So much for the incident passing undetected.
June’s quiet chuckle carried across the humid morning air. “Good for you,” she whispered.
Madison’s cheeks caught fire. “It’s not... We...” She took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts. “Let me give him the keys to the truck so he can get to the airport.”
“You want to get rid of him?”
Gulp. “He needs to get back to Norcross. The storm grounded him overnight, and you know as well as I do that even bedbugs refuse to check into our highway hotels.”
“I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll give him a ride. You might need the truck, and I have nothing better to do.”
No. No. No. Horrified, Madison scrambled for an excuse. “June, that’s not necessary. I—”
“I have to drive out that way anyway. I promise not to grill him. Much.” With that, June pivoted on her heel and strode briskly toward Madison’s back porch. She yanked open the screen. “Hi there! I’m Deputy Jones—you must be Adam. I’m going to give you a ride to the airport so Madison can get to the office, if that’s okay? Her day’s packed. Ever ridden in a patrol car before?”
“Sounds good and no, I haven’t. But, Deputy Jones, would you mind if I have a moment with Madison first?”
Madison cringed. Morning afters... She’d never had one and didn’t think this was going to make her want another one.
June’s posture turned intimidatingly official. “Is that necess—”
“It’s okay, June. Can you give us five? Or do you need to go?” Wishful thinking.
“I’ll wait. Right out here.”
Madison hustled into the house without another word and shut the door behind Adam before June changed her mind and took it upon herself to follow. She hoped June would forgive her the rudeness, but this wasn’t a conversation for three.
Adam’s hard gaze met Madison’s. “You called the cops?”
“No. She’s my tenant and my friend. I told you about her.” She couldn’t remember ever being more uncomfortable. At the same time her mouth dried and her pulse quickened as she soaked up the impact of his stubbly chinned masculine appeal. If the circumstances had been different, she could imagine waking up to that face and staying in bed another hour...or three.
No. Don’t imagine that.
Too late. Her body flushed and her skin dampened. She curled her toes in her boots, then cleared her throat. “Have a safe flight home.”
“What happened last night does not change your promise to my father.”
“I know that.”
“Let me know if your period starts or if you’re late.”
The intimacy of the topic made her cheeks burn, but if she had conceived—and she prayed she hadn’t—this was only the first of many more uncomfortable discussions.
“I will. But I’m, um...not expecting it this week.”
“Let me know either way,” he repeated. “I’ll see you Sunday.”
And then he strode out the back door, taking all the oxygen in the room with him. Madison sank onto a kitchen chair and put her head on the table. At the moment, being pregnant seemed like the worst thing in the world that could happen.
And yet—
No. There was no “and yet.” Being pregnant would be bad. She couldn’t afford it emotionally or financially. And she definitely couldn’t stand to come face-to-face with her forbidden attraction to her brother-in-law on a regular basis.
* * *
GIVEN WHAT HAD happened the last time Helen had interrupted Danny in the bathroom, she hated to knock. But he’d been in there a very long time. Dinner was getting cold and she didn’t want to eat alone. Adam wasn’t joining them tonight. The storm had forced him to stay overnight in North Carolina and as a result he’d gotten to work late and wanted to stay to make up the time.
What was Danny doing? Was he okay? She hadn’t heard the shower or toilet. Bracing herself for a confrontation that she didn’t have the energy for, she tapped on the door. No answer. Her worry multiplied.
“Danny?” She turned the knob, and found him standing at the sink, a brush in his hand. A brush filled with hair. More strands littered the white marble countertop.
Poor Danny. She saw fear and worry on his face. First the debilitating sickness from the chemo, and now this. His cancer was becoming very real—to both of them—and not something Danny could breeze through like a virus.
She entered the bathroom, wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and rested her chin on his shoulder—something she hadn’t done in ages. Their gazes met in the mirror. “It’s just hair, Danny. It’ll grow back.”
“I was hoping I’d be one of the few who didn’t lose mine.”
“I know.” She massaged his shoulders, and again realized she hadn’t done this in a long time. It used to be a regular occurrence when he’d had a stressful day. After dinner she’d knead and he’d talk. She missed the feel of his muscles, but she missed their discussions even more. He was in great shape for a man of sixty-one. Other than the cancer.
They would get through this, and maybe one day they’d share those postdinner moments again. She gathered her resolve. “I bought hair clippers when I was out the other night.”
He frowned. “Why?”
“Because we were warned that this might happen, and it’s better to be proactive rather than reactive. You know what the pamphlet said. ‘Take control. You decide when to go bald.’” Just saying the word bald made her tongue feel thick and foreign in her mouth. “Do you want me to get them?”
He swallowed, closed his eyes then opened them again and stared at the strands in the brush. His chest rose and fell. “Yes. It’s time.”
She went into the bedroom and dug the bag out from where she’d hidden it in the back of her closet. Hoping it would have never come to this and that she could return the clippers unused, she’d kept the receipt. She’d been a step behind on getting the right foods in the house—she wouldn’t be caught unprepared again. For Danny’s sake she’d be positive and strong and ready to stand by him no matter what came next.
She took a much-needed moment to mask her anxiety, then returned to his side. Her hands shook as she opened the box and removed the parts, lining them up in a precise row. She plugged in the set and oiled the blades the way she’d seen Danny do a hundred times on the set they used for their boys when they were young. A familiar popping sound emitted when she turned on the clippers.
She tried to focus on happy memories instead of what was about to happen. “Do you remember when you used to give the boys their summer buzz cuts?”
“Yes.” His expression was stoic, but his voice revealed his strain. But at least he hadn’t fussed at her about living in the past this time. “Andrew always complained, but Adam took it like a trooper.”
True. She’d forgotten that. She offered him the clippers. He hesitated—this man who never hesitated about anything. “Danny, don’t you want to...?”
“You do it.”
“But... Are you sure? I’ve never—”
“It won’t matter if you mess it up, Helen. It’s all coming out anyway.” He snatched a towel from the rack and draped it around his shoulders, then put down the toilet lid and sat on it.
Her heart raced like a hummingbird’s. Her hands trembled even more. She loved his thick salt-and-pepper locks, loved to tangle her fingers in the strands, loved to brush them back from his brow. But it had been a long time since she’d done either.
When had she stopped? Would she ever get to do so again?
A sob rose in her throat. She choked it down. With the clippers in her right hand, she tilted his head forward with her left, stroking the cool strands one last time. Tears stung her eyes, but she fought them back. He was upset enough without her blubbering all over him. Besides, she needed to see clearly if she didn’t want to take off his ears.
“Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
She wasn’t. But she placed the clippers at his nape, took a deep breath, then pushed them upward anyway. Dark strands rained down on her hands, Danny’s shoulders, the floor, leaving a stark white scalp behind. And regret. Oh, Lord. What had she started? It was too late to turn coward now. She lifted the clippers and repeated the process again and again until all but the top of his head was bare.
She glanced up at the mirror and saw tears on her husband’s cheeks and the dam on her control broke. For a few moments they stared at each other, twin rivers running down each of their faces, then she pulled herself together, snatched a tissue from the box for him and another for herself. Crying never fixed anything, her grandma had always said.
“It’s going to be okay. We are going to be fine.” She tried to infuse as much confidence into her voice as possible. Blinking furiously, she tucked her chin and finished the job, then eased away the hair-covered towel.
He looked up at her. Shock rooted her to the floor, then it ebbed. She ran her hands over his stubbly head, then cupped his jaw in her palms. “You are actually quite handsome without hair. I never realized what wonderful bone structure you have.”
“Don’t lie to make me feel better.”
“I’m not. Look.”
He turned toward the mirror and when he did, she spotted an inch-long scar she’d known nothing about. “Danny Drake, what happened here?”
The blush on his cheeks was as unexpected as it was charming. She hadn’t seen him blush since before their wedding. “It’s a long, boring story.”
“Lucky for you, I have nothing but time. Let’s get out of these itchy clothes. You can tell me about it in the shower.”
“In the shower?”
“Yes. We haven’t showered together in a long time.”
He rose. “No. We haven’t.”
He might not be interested in making love, but she would show him to the best of her ability that she still loved him and desired him.
In case she never had the chance again.
* * *
MADISON WRAPPED A towel around her hair, put on her robe and padded to the kitchen to scrounge up dinner.
Her hot shower had done little to alleviate the tension and dull ache in her muscles from her marathon workday. Spotting the two women seated at her kitchen table stopped her in her tracks. Unexpected company was not unusual in Quincey. For these two to drop in was even less so. But Piper and June’s avid expressions warned this was not going to be a relaxing evening of girl talk. At least not for her.
She wrapped her arms around her middle. “This is a surprise.”
“We brought dinner,” Piper said.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Gus barbecued a pig for the men’s church supper tonight. I confiscated some for us,” June added.
Only then did Madison notice the three takeout boxes on the counter. “I’ll get us some tea.”
She retrieved the pitcher from the fridge and fixed three glasses, wondering how she could keep what she’d done a secret. She stalled by collecting utensils, the salt and pepper shakers, hot sauce and napkins. Then there was nothing left to do but take her medicine.
“You haven’t had a man spend the night for as long as I’ve known you,” Piper said before Madison’s bottom settled in the chair.
“He slept in the guest room.” Not a lie.
The containers squeaked simultaneously as the girls opened them and the delicious aroma of hickory smoked pork filled the air. She might find her appetite if they’d change the topic.
“Really? Then how do you explain that big hickey on your neck?” Piper asked.
Horrified, Madison slapped a hand to the right side, where Adam’s love bite had sent her into the stratosphere of pleasure. She hadn’t noticed a mark in the mirror, but it had been steamed from her shower.
“You slept with him,” June added, wide-eyed.
Confused, Madison looked from her tenant to her assistant. Piper shrugged and grinned shamelessly. “I was bluffing.”
Madison’s hand fell to her lap. Busted. “It was a mistake.”
“Why?” Piper asked.
“Because he’s Andrew’s brother.”
“Andrew has been gone a long time. There’s nothing wrong with two single adults finding pleasure together if it’s consensual. It was, wasn’t it?” June tacked on the last in her official deputy voice.
“Of course, Justice.”
“Hey, no need to get ugly and call me that.”
“It is your name.”
“Hello!” Piper chimed in. “We were talking about Madison’s one-night stand.” Madison winced. “What June means, Madison, is that your night of passion is okay as long as you used protection.”
Madison did her best not to react.
“You didn’t use protection?” June demanded.
“I didn’t say that!”
“You didn’t have to. You swallowed and your lashes twitched. That’s your tell when you’re upset.”
“I have a tell?”
“Everybody does. I study body language, remember? Basic Interrogation Techniques 101. But back to your wild night with Studly Did-He-Do-You-Right?”
She wanted to hide. “I’d really rather not discuss it.”
“Tough. You didn’t pretend Adam was his brother, did you?”
“No!” Madison sagged back in her chair, pretty certain if she ate anything it would come back up. Piper and June weren’t going to let this go. She might as well surrender.
“We flew straight into the storm. I didn’t think we would survive the flight. And I...I didn’t react well. The sex wasn’t planned. It just...happened. And he really did sleep in the guest room...afterward. I didn’t lie about that.”
“It’s okay,” Piper said. “Don’t beat yourself up.”
“It’s not okay! And it was wrong. He and I both know that. It can’t happen again.”
June tsked. “If it had been me, what would you have said?” She held up a hand, halting Madison’s answer before she could find it. “I’ll tell you what you’d have said. ‘Go for it, June. Have fun, but be careful.’”
“You had sex, Madison. You didn’t steal another woman’s husband,” Piper said. “Was it good?”
Madison’s face flushed even hotter. “Piper!”
“All I’m saying is you’re overdue, and if it was good, why not continue the relationship?”
“I’m walking out of the Drakes’ lives in four weeks. Forever.”
“Unless you’re pregnant,” Piper pointed out.
Horrified, she slapped her hands over her ears. “Don’t say that. I won’t be. The likelihood of that happening is low.”
Please, please, please, let that be true.
Piper reached across the table and caught her hand. “It happened to me, and I handled it badly. I kept Roth away from his son for eleven years. That was a mistake. If you’ve conceived you have options, and you need to consider them all and find the one you can live with. But I don’t recommend hiding your pregnancy from Adam as one of them. June and I will help you no matter what. Got that?”
Madison searched Piper’s sincere blue eyes, then June’s bright green ones, seeing confident assurance in both. A lump rose in her throat, choking off words. She’d never had this kind of support before and didn’t know how to handle it. Unable to speak, she nodded.
It was only then that she realized that by monopolizing her time, Andrew had taken yet one more thing from her during their marriage. He’d kept her from making friends in college and during vet school, isolating her so that she’d be more dependent on him. Typical narcissistic behavior.
The bastard.
And yet one more reason not to get involved with the Drakes again.
* * *
ADAM KNEW HE was in trouble when found himself looking forward to seeing Madison. He tried to blame his eagerness on his curiosity about the woman who had so many hidden facets. But curiosity didn’t fill his nights with erotic reenactment dreams that made his heart pound and his sheets sweaty.
He’d made a mistake—one he wouldn’t repeat. But the desire he’d felt for Madison had overwhelmed his common sense twice now. The best way to guarantee that wouldn’t happen again was to take preemptive action.
Madison might not be the terrible person his brother had accused her of being. She might be the savior of every stray animal in North Carolina and even his father’s practice—and possibly Danny Drake’s sanity—but she’d been behind the wheel in the accident that had resulted in Andrew’s death, and there was something haunting in her eyes that hinted that she wasn’t telling the whole truth.
She’d proved repeatedly that she was generous with her time. Not only had she looked out for his mother, but she knew how to take care of his father and little old ladies who’d lost their pets. She hadn’t learned those skills by practicing textbook veterinary medicine. She was obviously as compassionate with her patients’ owners as she was with their pets. People didn’t leave surprises in the freezer of someone who did their job and nothing more.
Was there even a hint of truth to Andrew’s stories about his marriage or his mother’s suspicions? He suspected not, but he needed to know for sure, now more than ever. His preoccupation with Madison bordered on obsession. Last night while he’d tossed and turned he had come up with a way to get his answers.
If anybody could point him in the right direction, it was the retired cop who worked part-time security for the hospital. Adam caught up with him in the parking lot Friday evening. “Roger, how can I investigate a car accident?”
“Recent?”
“Six years ago.”
Roger tossed his uniform hat into his car and rubbed a hand over his high-and-tight haircut. “That complicates things. You can’t go to the site to measure preaccident skid marks or check the postcollision impact and debris field. And I’m guessing you don’t have access to the car.”
“It was totaled and hauled to the junkyard.”
“And it’s likely been stripped, crushed and sold for scrap since. You’ll be limited to the original accident reports and insurance claim forms. There are companies that specialize in auto accident investigations. Why didn’t you hire one at the time? Or has our wonderful legal system dragged the case out this long?” Bitterness snarled in his tone.
“The case never went to court, but information has recently come to my attention that makes me question whether the crash was accidental or deliberate.”
“Reliable information?”
“My mother.” The men shared a grimace.
“Kind of have to follow up on that one, don’t you? Was the driver charged?”
“Only for driving too fast for the conditions. She paid the fine without contesting.” He’d always considered that an admission of guilt. Now he wasn’t sure.
Roger frowned. “That charge is a judgment call on the officer’s part. It could mean anything or nothing.”
“My brother and his unborn son died as a result of the wreck.”
“That would have been a homicide or manslaughter charge.”
Homicide or manslaughter? Charging Madison with such a severe crime seemed...abhorrent. If he hired a private accident investigator he could probably keep the findings to himself. But he had to have the facts. For his sake. For his mother’s sake.
“I need to know what happened.”
“Tell you what, Adam. Email me the details. I know a guy who went into accident investigation after he left the force. I’ll forward everything to him and see if he’s interested in digging up an old case. If he is, I’ll have him call you. But I have to warn you, he’s not cheap.”
“The truth will be worth the price.”