DELAINEY CALLED HER CREW and let them know the situation, and everyone agreed she ought to take the day off. Scott, bless his heart, promised to get more B-roll footage so that they were assured of having enough when they returned to Los Angeles. Trevor, surprisingly, made himself scarce and didn’t offer anything aside from a short condolence, and Delainey was grateful. She didn’t have the stamina to deal with one of his petulant fits today.
Delainey and Trace arrived at her father’s house and Delainey walked in, unsure of her reception given how she’d avoided her father’s hospital room. But Brenda gathered her in a tearful hug, shocking Delainey with her kindness. “He didn’t suffer none,” Brenda said, patting Delainey softly. “He just went to sleep and never came back. Wherever he is, he’s not in pain no more, and that’s what matters.”
She nodded, unsure of how to handle Brenda’s lack of judgment. Shouldn’t she be mad at her for avoiding Harlan when he needed her the most? She pulled away and realized her brother wasn’t there. “Where’s Thad?” she asked, wiping at the stray tears that had escaped. “I thought he’d be here.”
“He’s down at the funeral home making the final arrangements for me. I was plain tuckered out and he offered to do it, bless his heart.”
“Oh,” she said, feeling small for not helping one bit. If her father knew he was sick, he probably made arrangements for the funeral and whatnot, but Delainey didn’t know a thing about what needed to happen next. She didn’t even know if her father had made a will. He probably had but the fact that she knew absolutely nothing about her father’s final days made her heartsick and ashamed. Delainey glanced at Trace and he, sensing that she was under water, came to stand by her side. She immediately leaned on him for support as she offered a tremulous smile of gratitude.
“Is there anything you need?” Trace asked solicitously, and Brenda shook her head as she wiped her nose with a tissue. “You’d be surprised but my Harlan did everything ahead of time. He wanted to make sure everything was taken care of when he went. But I appreciate the offer. We’re planning to have a small get-together here tomorrow for his friends and crew. He wasn’t much for social gathering but he was known for being fair and honest, and that carries a lot of weight around here.”
“I’ll help,” Delainey offered, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Whatever you need.”
“That’s good of you, sweetie. I appreciate it. I know you’re going through your own pain, too. Your daddy told me that you had a rough time of it growing up. I just wished you could’ve worked that out before he went. He was real proud of you.”
Delainey fought the violent urge to run from anything that resembled praise from her father, even secondhand, but she jerked a short nod of acknowledgment, not trusting her voice. Trace put his arm around her and she leaned into him, so grateful he was there. Brenda’s red-rimmed eyes cleared as she found a purpose, saying, “Can’t think on an empty stomach. How about you join me in the kitchen?”
Trace looked to Delainey for the okay, and she nodded and said, “Would you mind checking on Thad and making sure he’s got everything under control? I know he probably does, but maybe the moral support would be nice.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, I’ll be fine. Thank you,” she said, rising on her tiptoes to press a soft kiss on his lips. “Call me if you need anything.”
Delainey watched Trace go and took a deep breath as she joined Brenda in the kitchen. She could tell Brenda was the kind of woman who equated food with love, and she was going to make sure Delainey felt loved, judging by everything she was getting ready. Brenda pulled out leftover lasagna and started reheating it while directing Delainey to make a salad. “I’m not really all that hungry, actually,” Delainey said, but Brenda waved away her comment, clearly intent on putting some more meat on her bones.
“Honey, if you’re going to stick around any much longer, you’re going to have to fatten up or you’re going to freeze in the middle of the night,” Brenda said, clucking at her. “Besides, I need to do something to keep my heart from breaking in two, so please let me feed you something.”
“Okay,” Delainey said, smiling. “Although I won’t be staying for long. I have to head back to California soon.”
“Oh, that’s a shame,” Brenda said. “I’d hoped that you and that young fellow of yours had worked things out.”
Delainey quieted. She realized Brenda had probably made assumptions from the obvious way Delainey had been leaning on him for support, but she sensed that Brenda knew more about her history with Trace than what she’d just seen. “How do you know about me and Trace?” she asked.
“Oh, honey, your daddy told me, of course. We didn’t have any secrets. I know it’s hard to believe, but your daddy had changed. It’s just a shame you never got to see it.”
“If he’d changed so much, why was he so terse with me?” she asked, unable to mask the bitterness leaching out.
“Sometimes, even when we want to, it’s hard to break free from the roles we play in our lives. Your daddy didn’t know how to be anything but what you remembered of him. But I know that if he’d had more time, he would’ve been able to show you.”
Was that true? She had no way of knowing. It already felt as if she’d tumbled down a rabbit’s hole. What was one more thing to add to the incredulous nature of her life right now? She focused on shredding the lettuce, but a tear fell from her eye. She wiped at it and rinsed her hand, trying not to get tears in the salad. “What did he tell you about Trace?” she asked, curious.
“He said he was a good man and that if you were smart you’d find your way back to him,” Brenda said. “Nothing harder to find than a good man. I spent twenty years married to a no-good, rotten—pardon my language—SOB, and I was glad to be rid of him. I used to cry myself to sleep because I never had any children, but I realized later it was a blessing in disguise. When Bart died, I near cried myself silly with joy because I hadn’t had the courage to leave him like I should’ve. I found Harlan a few years later.”
“You weren’t married for long,” Delainey said. “You must feel cheated to have spent all that time with your ex only to lose your new husband after a few years.”
Brenda shook her head resolutely. “Absolutely not. Any time with Harlan was a blessing and I was grateful. He was a good man.”
“I have to admit, it throws me when you say things like that. You do realize he used to beat me and my brother? He was a terrible father.”
“All in the past, love. There’s so much that we do in our youth that provides the wisdom for our later years. Your daddy was very sorry for all that.”
“I’m sorry. I have a hard time believing that. You didn’t know him like I did.”
“No, I knew him better. He shared with me things a parent couldn’t possibly share with their child.”
“Such as?” Delainey bristled a little.
“Such as the toll it took on him to have a wife who was clinically depressed.”
“My mother was depressed because she had my father for a husband,” Delainey snorted, irritated. “She probably died to get away from him. Their life was no picnic, I can promise you that.”
“Love, you remember things as would a child who is loyal to the memory of their mother. I have no allegiances that cloud my judgment. Your mother was sick and beyond your daddy’s ability to help or understand. In the end, her death was surely a blessing to them both. That’s harsh, I know, but life is filled with harsh twists and turns, and you of all people should understand that.” She sighed. “My aunt Dee was sick like your mama. She ended up killing herself one fine summer day. I can still hear the echo of the shotgun in the sweltering Kentucky stillness and the dogs barking like crazy.” Brenda lost the far-off look in her gaze and grabbed a few plates. “The thing is, sometimes there’s nothing we can do for those who are determined to leave this earth. Wherever they go, they’re happier than they were. At least that’s how I like to think of it.”
“I’m sorry about your aunt, but my mother didn’t kill herself,” Delainey said quietly, not quite sure what to think of what Brenda had shared. Ordinarily, her first reaction would’ve been to tell her to mind her own business and leave, but Brenda’s matter-of-fact kindness stopped her. The truth was, she hadn’t known much about her mother, only that she’d always seemed sad. Delainey had attributed her sadness to the fact that she was in a miserable marriage. She didn’t know what to think about the possibility that her mother had been mentally ill.
Brenda noticed her disquiet and said, “Honey, don’t waste your life thinking about what was when you have an opportunity to create new memories. Do you love this man, Trace?”
“Yes,” she answered cautiously. “Unfortunately, there are bigger things to consider.”
“Not true,” Brenda disagreed. “Having been a person who lived without love for too long, I can tell you it’s the only thing that matters. Your daddy showed me how a man is supposed to treat a woman, and he treated me right.” How was she supposed to argue that point? Delainey swallowed a sigh and focused on the salad, but Brenda wasn’t finished. “The first time you walked through that door, you had a chip on your shoulder as big as a boulder. It was written all over your face how unhappy you were to be there. But I don’t think your unhappiness was solely because of your issues with your daddy. I think you have unfinished business with your man.”
“He’s not really my man,” Delainey corrected Brenda with a flush in her cheeks. “He’s his own man.”
Brenda chuckled. “Oh, I know it’s not politically correct to call a man yours, but honey, when you’ve lived a life like mine, when you have a man worth holding on to, you take pride in calling him your own. And if you love him, you’d better do what you can to hold on to him before he finds someone smarter than you.” Delainey drew back, hating the idea of Trace moving on to someone else. But wasn’t that the natural order of things? If she was planning to leave, how could she expect him to sit and wait on the shelf like a forgotten toy?
Brenda chuckled knowingly as she ladled steaming portions onto two plates. “Darlin’, you’ve got to stop listening to that head of yours and just go with your heart. Your head carries all sorts of angry memories, but your heart just holds on to the love.”
Delainey was tempted to roll her eyes if only to dispel the feeling that Brenda knew what she was talking about, but she reined the impulse before she ended up insulting the kind woman. She wanted to retort that the older woman didn’t understand the rigors of a career in television and film, but she knew Brenda would call her out for making excuses, so she remained silent.
“Time to eat,” Brenda announced, carrying both plates to the scarred table in the dining room. Delainey dutifully followed, carrying napkins and utensils, but her mind was moving in dizzying circles. Had her father changed so much for Brenda? Had he become a man worth knowing? Did it matter? No matter how he’d changed for Brenda, he hadn’t changed for her, and he’d been a miserable human being to live with.
“This is good,” she said around a hot bite, but she didn’t actually taste anything. She was too twisted in knots to truly enjoy her stepmother’s Southern cooking. She just hoped Trace came back soon. She’d had just about all she could handle of this episode of This Is Your Life in a Parallel Universe before she completely broke down and lost it.
If only she could simply change the channel and move on.
“Your daddy loved my cooking, said I put all the good stuff he wasn’t supposed to have into everything I made. Secret is I cooked everything with butter and plenty of cream. I tried to stop on account of his doctor making stern faces at me when I took him to his appointments, but he said to me, ‘Baby, you and your cooking is about the only thing keeping me going these days. Don’t deny an old man his luxuries.’ And so I just kept on cooking him his favorites because that’s what my man wanted,” Brenda said, choking up for the first time. But with obvious effort she recovered and put up a soft smile. Must’ve been that Southern hospitality ingrained in her to never let a guest feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. Unbidden, Delainey grasped Brenda’s hand and squeezed. She wasn’t a hugger but she could do this. Brenda seemed to sense this and smiled gratefully, a moment of understanding passing between them, and Delainey realized no matter what kind of man her father was to her, he’d been a good husband to Brenda and it wasn’t her place to say otherwise.