Lemme

Lemme barged into Brian of Fart’s room. He was half in the bag. The other half of him was so drunk that it had long since abandoned the bag and instead proudly displayed his drunkenness. He was fully naked.

“What do you think you’re—”

“Shummy shushy shhh shh,” said Lemme, slamming into the ground face first without catching himself. “You think I’m sexy, I think I’m sexy, why haven’t we fucked yet?”

“Lord Lemme, you’re drunk. You don’t mean it,” Brian said indignantly.

“Well, excuuuuuse me for caring about the environment. Our environment, might I remind you! We all have to live in it we might as well take—excuse me,” he burped, “take care of it!”

“What in the seven hells are you talking about? You’re truly piss drunk!”

Face firmly planted into the cold hard ground and raising his butt to the sky, Lemme began to pee. “The only thing piss about me is… hold on I had something clever for this,” Lemme said, confused.

Brian shook her head. Once Lemme had finished relieving himself, he slowly rose to his feet. “Now then,” he burped, “let’s begin.”

“Listen, Lemme,” Brian said beginning to warm up ever so slightly. “I cannot lie. I have thought about you once or twice. A day. Every single day. Since I met you. Thought about how much I want to make love to you, that is.” Brian began to blush. “But I… I have never been with a man. I am not sure I am ready.”

“Perhaps just one kiss, then,” Lemme slurred as he wiped some of the dirt from his mouth.

“Well…”

“Hmmm?”

“Well, I suppose just one…”

Lemme gave Brian a peck on the cheek.

“There. I have cum,” Lemme said, flopping onto his back and immediately beginning to snore. His pants were soaked with gallons of semen.

At first Brian was shocked. But as she lay down and watched the candlelight flicker on the ceiling, she began to smile. “I am a virgin no longer,” she said. Her heart pounding contentedly, she drifted off to blissful sleep.