Chapter Twenty-Five

Every second of Addie’s day felt twice as long and far too short at the same time. She had an inbox full of emails, a list of things needing to be done, phone calls to return and every now and again, out of the blue, Sawyer would pop into her brain. It was almost as if the thought of him put her into pause mode. She just dreamily drifted away and recalled the way he held her, danced with her, whispered how much he cared as they lay under the starlit sky, wrapped up with each other.

It had been a couple of weeks since that night, and their relationship had fallen into this strange routine that felt startlingly perfect. Addie knew—despite her Pollyanna attitude—that life wasn’t perfect. Sawyer’s knee had been bothering him, he was doing test runs with the cable station and not sure if he loved it. There were issues. But it felt good to be tackling them together.

“Hey, Ms. Carlisle?” Dustin rapped his knuckles against her door.

“Hey. How’s it going?” He fit in great with the Slammers. He worked hard and was a great team player. When he finished school, she knew he’d have the option of staying on with the organization.

“I’m good. Listen, I wouldn’t normally ask to cut out early but…well, I really need to look at this room for rent and the woman has night shifts for the next two weeks. If I don’t go, she’s not sure how long she can hold it.”

Addie came around her desk and sat against the edge of it. “What happened with your roommates?”

He shrugged. “The place is just too cramped for all of us. I really don’t want to have to move back in with my dad.” He said it nonchalantly, but she heard the hitch in his voice.

“I’m not trying to pry, but we pay you enough to rent a fairly nice place, don’t we?”

His eyes widened. “You do. I’m really appreciative. Honest, I am. It’s just, I was already so in debt when I started, and sometimes my dad needs help. I think it’s better to rent a room or have a roommate. At least for now.”

He was so competent and capable, sometimes she forgot he was just a kid. He was only seven years younger than her and when she was his age, twenty-one, she’d thought she was as much of an adult as any almost thirty-year-old. Now, she knew how much difference a few years and several experiences made.

“Where’d you find out about this room?”

“Online.”

It was none of her business, technically. There were lines and boundaries, and she didn’t make a habit of poking into personal issues for her employees. The wellness initiative had shifted and changed course to suit their needs rather than Addie’s vision, but the idea in her heart hadn’t changed. She wanted them to feel like a family; that they could count on the organization for more than a paycheck.

“Mateo Voricco hasn’t moved from the hotel I set him up in yet.”

Dustin’s eyes widened. “The backup catcher?”

Was that his label? As far as Addie knew, Sawyer already had someone directly behind him. She didn’t get into the implications and intricacies of the players and their roles. She was behind the scenes. But with Sawyer…she was personally invested.

“Ms. Carlisle?”

She waved him off and walked toward the door. “Call me Addie. Come on, I think Mateo and Sawyer are working out.”

He followed along beside her, and she sensed his nerves rising. “Addie, you’ve already done so much for me.”

She turned her head, smiled at him. “I haven’t done anything other than give you a chance. You work hard, you’re doing great. Now I’m going to introduce you to another person who may or may not be looking for a roommate. That’s all. No big deal.”

He shuffled beside her for a moment, but when they stopped to take the elevator, he mumbled, “Maybe not to you.”

She got that. Family dynamics could be weird. Addie had hit the jackpot with her own. They were supposed to come for Thanksgiving at the end of the week. Liam’s family had invited them all, Sawyer included. But her mother wasn’t feeling well and insisted Addie stay with her friends and boyfriend. Sawyer had already mentioned that he was fine with Christmas in Colorado. The idea both thrilled and terrified her. It was evidence that he was as all in as she felt but also that his views had shifted. That she’d really broken through some of his walls. That mattered to her more than she thought it would.

They rode the elevator down in silence, but just before the doors slid open on the gym floor, Addie turned to Dustin. She thought of Isla and Sawyer and the way Liam’s family brought everyone into the fold.

“Sometimes you have to make your own family. That doesn’t mean you give up on the one you have, but it’s okay to need more. To watch out for yourself without feeling guilty. And to let others care enough about you to want to watch out for you as well.”

“You’re really cool, Addie.” He gave her a very toothy grin.

“Back at you, Dustin.”

They found several athletes in the workout center, but Addie’s eyes moved directly to Sawyer. Like he sensed her, his gaze zeroed in and heat rose over her skin.

“Hey, baby face,” one of the players called out to Dustin.

His cheeks darkened and he lifted a hand in greeting. They moved through a couple of guys working out toward Sawyer.

He smiled but didn’t make any motion to kiss her. Which was fine because she was at work. But she’d noticed he was pretty reluctant in general when it came to PDA that went outside a gentle brush of his hand over her back or linking their fingers. When she’d asked him about it, he said it was hard enough to keep his hands off her when they were alone. He said he had to work to keep himself in check when they were out together because he didn’t need the media or anyone else making up stories to share on the internet.

“Hey.” That was it. Sweat glistened along his hairline. His strong arms, ones that wrapped around her and held her close every night, looked particularly good post-workout.

“Hey yourself. How’s the workout?”

“Good, thanks.”

“We’re looking for Mateo. Dustin was going to go check out a room but I know Mateo is getting tired of the hotel. I have a list of apartments that suit his needs and all have room for a roommate.”

“Anything you don’t do?” One side of Sawyer’s mouth tipped up.

“She’s amazing,” Dustin said.

Addie laughed. “Have you seen Mateo?”

Sawyer hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “He’s working with the trainer.”

The edges of his mouth tightened, and Addie wondered what was wrong.

Checking her watch, she glanced at Dustin. “I’ll introduce you and you can chat with him. If you need to leave early still, that’s totally fine. But I need to head out for a bit myself for a meeting.”

“Sure. Thanks Ms. C—Addie.” Dustin started to walk in the direction Sawyer had pointed.

Addie glanced up at Sawyer. “You okay?”

“Fine. Just a lousy day.”

“I could make it better with another attempt at snickerdoodles later.”

Sawyer’s gaze shifted and he put a hand through his hair like he did when he was frustrated. “I need to head out and see my Grams. She isn’t feeling well.”

Addie stepped closer. “Oh no. Do you want me to come?”

Sawyer stepped back. “No. Sorry, babe. My mom is being…my mom, and it upsets my Gram. I’ll probably crash at my place tonight, though.”

It wasn’t a big deal, but Addie’s heart still clutched. “Sure. Of course.”

She turned and walked away because her stomach felt unsettled. Something was off. She wasn’t clingy and didn’t mind a night apart. She did mind the feeling that there was more to the story than what he’d said, though, which meant that, once again, Sawyer was withholding his feelings and thoughts. She knew the upcoming dinner with his family was weighing on him, but she really wished he’d…unload on her; tell her everything that was bugging him. If anything was.

“Addie.”

She turned but said nothing.

“I’ll call you later?”

He was asking her? Play it cool. Not normally one to play games of any sort, she didn’t like the idea that she was forcing herself to hold back her genuine “yes please”. Sawyer needed to know she wasn’t going to give him a hard time for such a little thing. She shrugged, offered a smile. “Sure. If you want.”

…

Addie walked to the back of the small diner she’d never noticed despite having driven by it many times. Alyssa was waiting for her in a booth. Dressed very casually, her hair in a ponytail, her face makeup free, a baggy sweater and a cap pulled on her head, she looked like a college student.

When Addie approached, she stood and gave her a hug. “Hey. Sorry for the short notice. I’m only back in town for a few days.”

“Are you joking?” Addie hugged her back and then took a seat across from her. “I’m still fangirling, so you’re going to have to put up with that. Feel free to call me any time and I will clear my schedule.”

She laughed and leaned forward. “I should be swooning over you. The woman who captured Sawyer McBain’s heart? That’s one hell of a feat.”

Nerves surfaced again when she thought of how off Sawyer had been this afternoon. “He’s a good man.”

“That he is. But really, you’re around famous ball players all the time. I’m just an actress.”

Addie rolled her eyes. “Just an actress? You’ve starred in most of my favorite movies. You advocate for women’s rights and across the board equity. You use your fame and power for good.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me that you think so. I’d like to do more. I love the ideas you emailed me.”

They’d been going back and forth for a few weeks, each of them sharing the causes that mattered to them and ideas for how to support them financially and through awareness.

“I’m so glad. What I’m thinking is, we need to find a way to start a foundation that allows us to keep our options open. We draw people into events but we allow them to have a say in where the funds go.”

Alyssa leaned forward and started to speak when the waitress joined them. “Can I get you a drink?”

Addie ordered a soda and Alyssa asked for a refill of her coffee. When the waitress dropped the drink off a minute later, they returned to the conversation.

“If we worked toward holding one to two events a year, using the contacts we both have, it could become something people will look forward to, want to be a part of.”

“We could do a winter and summer event. Liam Cruz is interested in being involved. So is his fiancée, Isla. I can tap into other sports stars, but I think we’ll have a wider reach with your contacts.”

They discussed and wrote down several ideas, and Addie’s excitement grew. They were going to start their own charitable foundation, and though they didn’t have all the details worked out, she was beyond excited about a venture that would be solely about making a difference in people’s lives.

By the time she and Alyssa parted, Addie was giddy with excitement. She didn’t need a stuffy board of directors measuring her worth. She and Alyssa would create their own board of diverse, forward-thinking people who would help support long-term change.

When she got home, she stopped just inside her door, hearing music and seeing the flickering candles even from the hallway. Sawyer came from the direction of her bedroom and met her in the entryway.

“I thought you were meeting your Grams.”

He stopped in front of her, stared at her. Dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, he looked like he belonged in her home. And she’d be lying if she said she couldn’t get used to the idea of coming home to him. But her heart was…wary. Self-preservation?

“I talked to her on the phone and then she ditched me for a date with some old guy she beats at blackjack.”

Addie laughed as she slipped off her shoes. “You got ditched by your grandmother. That’s pretty funny.”

He came closer, brushed a hair off her face. “Glad you think so.”

“Hmm.” Her heart skipped a couple beats and she had to work to keep her tone light. “You seemed like you needed some space. What made you come here?”

Pushing her jacket off her shoulders, he took it from her, pressing a kiss to her neck in the process. “I think I’m becoming dependent on you.”

She watched him hang her jacket in the closet. “Oh yeah?”

When he turned back, she couldn’t read his expression. “Yeah. I’m sorry I was off earlier. My mom is calling all the time about this stupid dinner. My brother wanted to borrow more money. I took an endorsement deal I’m not crazy about because the money is really good. I hate being a sellout.”

She crossed the space to him and put her hands on his chest. “You are not a sellout. Unless you’re endorsing something you’re against for the sole benefit of cash, don’t talk about yourself like that. You take care of yourself, your family, your Grams.”

He pulled her closer, his hands on her hips. “I’m not stupid with money. I invest. I save. But the bottom line is, in the next couple of years, my career path is going to change. Part of me worries if I don’t take these opportunities now, I won’t have access to them in the future.”

“Have you had the papers drawn up for your brother and mom?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Just need to sit down with them and go over it. I was trying to wait until after his dinner.”

She took his hand and pulled him into the living room, stopping when she saw the circle of candles, the flowers in the center of the table, and the soft, low lighting. His body pressed up against her back when she stopped mid-step.

“Well, this is lovely.”

His mouth came to her neck, trailed up to her ear. “So are you. And patient. And kind. And sexy. And very likely too good for me. But I’m selfish enough that I can’t let you go.”

She turned in his arms, gazed up at him. “Is someone asking you to?”

He shook his head, lowered his face to kiss her with exquisite gentleness. “No. Just sometimes I grow a conscience and realize you could do better than a grumpy, nearly retired athlete like me.”

Running her hands up and down his chest, she spoke low to match the mood he’d set. “I wish you could see what I see. You make me happy, Sawyer. You’re a good man. A good grandson and definitely a good brother and son. You give back and care about others. What’s wrong? Why are you so down?”

Taking both of her hands in his, he kissed them. “I think they’ll let Mateo start a couple games. It’s too far off to say for sure, but it’s definitely being considered as a way to get us higher in the rankings right out of the gate next season.”

“You’re so much more than baseball. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing to say, but it’s true.”

“It’s going to take me some time to get used to the idea that I need to be.”

She went up on tiptoes. “I could help.”

“You already do. You make me happy. I’m sorry if I was rude to you today.”

She kissed him. “Just a little off. Not rude. This is how relationships work. We lean on each other when we need to and sometimes, unfortunately, we’ll take our bad days out on each other. But as long as we have each other’s backs at the end of it, I think we’ll be okay.”

He leaned in, touched his lips to hers, took the kiss deeper. “We have to be. I’m starting to feel like I’d be lost without you, Addie.”

“Not lost. Just…rediscovering yourself.”

“Hmm. You always have a good twist on things,” he said, smiling against her skin as his lips moved over her collarbone.

“I am an optimist.”

He chuckled. “Yes, you are. The sunshine to my clouds.”

She touched his face, bringing his gaze to hers. “You can’t appreciate the sun without the moon, Sawyer.”

His eyes widened. “God, I adore you.”

It wasn’t what she hoped to hear and she knew she felt more in her heart, but it was enough. He was talking to her, leaning on her. He was here with her and she could see there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

So, it was enough. For now.