Amelia hadn’t spoken to Samuel for two days and the lingering sadness that weighed heavy on her heart refused to abate.
But at least she had seen him… even if she had then walked as quickly as possible in the opposite direction.
She couldn’t believe she’d shared her shame and humiliation – her rape – with him, and now had no idea how to convince him he couldn’t turn his back on a new life at the very first obstacle – his mother and sister. She had been wrong to verbalise her desperation for him to not surrender his dreams by trying to shock him into submission.
Her tactic had been callous. How on earth was he supposed to react to such a vile revelation? Her cheeks burned. How she’d ever face him again, she had no idea.
And now, as she walked through the hotel lobby in search of a somewhere for dinner, she was in exactly the same predicament as Samuel. Her obstacle had presented itself this afternoon when she’d received a telegram from Elizabeth voicing her excitement for Amelia to return and infuse her new knowledge about New York’s stores into Ruby Taylor’s plans for a new wedding display.
The telegram continued to plague Amelia three hours later. Elizabeth was a hard woman to refuse and she had made it clear she was set on Amelia’s imminent return. How was she to stay here when she owed all she had to Pennington’s? Her selfish excitement now felt like blatant infidelity.
She had been wrong to push Samuel as she had – if she couldn’t refuse Elizabeth, her employer, why on earth should Samuel refuse his family? Yet, apology and acquiescence continued to battle on her tongue. Amelia wanted him to remain, wanted him to live the life of his dreams, even if she must return to Bath.
Elizabeth’s telegram and Samuel’s family had doused the flames that ignited in Amelia at RH Macy’s and left behind a mass of ashes; her dreams and Samuel’s left grey and dying. They both had commitments neither had the heart or courage to break from. No matter how much they both might wish or dream of a different life, a different future, they were duty bound by promises out of their control.
Amelia couldn’t deny their anguish and disappointment, but at least their feelings illustrated them to be loyal and steadfast. Even if their predetermined destinies meant they could not be those things to one another.
The bright lights of Broadway flickered and sparkled in her peripheral vision as she walked, the smells of fried food and spices filling her nostrils, the beeping of motorcar horns and jazz music mixing into an alien city melody. A drumbeat of a life so different than she would ever find in Bath; an excitement she longed to explore now that she’d found it, but it was not to be.
How could she have allowed herself such fantasy? She was nothing more than a girl abandoned by her parents and raised in an orphanage. A servant girl, someone used, violated and discarded. Why would she think herself anything more when all the signs were there that she belonged in servitude and obedience? Every time she tried to better herself, step a little closer towards a brighter future, she was cut down and reminded of her place in this unforgiving world.
She stopped outside a restaurant and stared through the window at the diners enjoying each other’s company inside. The restaurant’s lighting was low, the wooden tables decorated with pale blue cloth and centrepieces of matching flowers and candles. A musician swept his fingers across the keys of a piano at the back of the room, the bar at one side beautifully lit and stocked with an array of spirits and wines Amelia could not even begin to name.
‘It’s like an adult’s Christmas grotto.’
Startled, she turned. ‘Samuel!’
His wonderfully blue eyes settled on hers with an intensity she had started to like far too much. He softly smiled. ‘So, you are speaking to me then?’
Heat seared her cheeks and she dragged her gaze from his to look along the street. ‘Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘Because I’ve seen you hurrying away from me in the hotel. I also saw you leave your breakfast half-finished when I walked into the hotel dining room yesterday. Not to mention how you now place the ‘do not disturb’ sign on your door whenever you’re in your room.’
All true. She slumped. ‘Fine, I’ve been avoiding you.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Really?’
The irony in his voice was warranted and Amelia was grateful for it as she laughed and playfully nudged him with her elbow. ‘I’m sorry. I was wrong to avoid you after I… told you what I did. If you still wish to speak to me, would you like to join me for dinner? Are you hungry?’
He offered her his arm. ‘Starving.’
The aromas of basil and spice enveloped them as Samuel led Amelia into the restaurant. She became acutely aware that only couples were seated at the small and intimate tables. No families or single people, just lovers. Self-consciousness rolled through her and Amelia sneaked a glance at Samuel who seemed completely oblivious and unperturbed by their romantic surroundings as he spoke to a waiter.
Once they were seated, their drinks and food ordered, Amelia fiddled with her cutlery as her nervousness returned. She must confess her change of plan about staying to Samuel which was mortifying after she’d behaved so unforgivably towards him. She’d been so brusque. So severely candid. And then just walked away from him, despite having seen his distress and anger after her revelation about her assault.
‘So…’ He placed his forearms on the table, his fingers close to hers. ‘How have the last couple of days been for you? Have you visited any other department stores? Considering my inexcusable reaction when you told me about RH Macy’s, I promise I will sit here and listen properly this time.’
She relaxed her shoulders, liking him even more for not berating her behaviour and part in their disagreement. ‘I behaved so much worse than you. I’m so sorry.’
‘So am I, but no apologies needed.’ He squeezed her fingers. ‘We were both in an agitated state. Although yours was born of optimism and excitement to begin with.’
She sighed. ‘Well, considering how things have changed since we last spoke, my apology is very necessary.’
He frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean—’
‘Your drinks, sir, madam.’ The waiter placed their glasses on the table with a flourish. ‘Your food will be here shortly.’
The waiter retreated and Samuel picked up his glass. ‘A toast to us. To survival and friends.’
‘Survival and friends.’ Amelia clinked her glass to his before sipping the wine. ‘You really are a wonderful man, you know. Probably the most wonderful I’ve ever met.’
Concern immediately shadowed his gaze and she regretted her gushing. No doubt she’d reminded him of the untrustworthy and vile men she’d had the misfortune to meet in the past.
‘Amelia—’
‘I received a telegram from Elizabeth Pennington today,’ she said, slowly placing her glass on the table, not wanting to allow his care for her to distract her from her confession. ‘Everything is now changed.’
‘But—’
‘Please, Samuel, let me say this. I can’t think of anything else when I was so pushy with asking you to stay, to honour your friend’s memory. I had no right to do that. You see, Elizabeth is desperately looking forward to my return, to seeing me alive and well and listening to my ideas for the store. She begged me to come back to Pennington’s on the first available ship and said how excited she was to hear about all I’d seen and done. I just haven’t the heart to refuse her. I owe her everything and so…’ She took a fortifying sip of wine and forced a smile. ‘I, too, will be returning to England. Your adventure is over and so is mine which probably means it will turn out the best for both of us.’
He shook his head, his brow furrowed. ‘How can you say that? I have never seen you so animated and happy as when you returned from RH Macy’s. You want to stay, Amelia, I know you do.’
She looked at his hand where it still lay so close to hers, uncertainty whispering through her as her remembered joy of the department store, of her time with Samuel, of their kiss, formed an ache around her heart. All that had brought her such happiness was over. It was time to return to the real world.
Throwing caution and her heart to the wind, she took his hand and stared at their joined fingers as he gently brushed her skin with his thumb. Tears pricked her eyes. ‘But we still have a week together, so we’ll make the most of it.’ She met his beautiful gaze. ‘I’ll never forget you, Samuel. Not ever.’
‘Nor I you.’ His gaze wandered over her hair and face, his eyes intense on hers. ‘I’ll be sailing back on the Adriatic on the 11th of May. It’s the first ship leaving for England.’
She stilled. ‘The 11th of May? But that’s longer than I’ve told Elizabeth. I didn’t think.’
‘Good, because now we’ll have longer together.’
He was right. Pennington’s would no doubt consume her the moment she stepped through its doors so, if she had a valid reason to stay in New York longer, then she would enjoy every moment.
Their food came and Amelia reluctantly slipped her hand from the warmth of Samuel’s.
She picked up her knife and fork. ‘So, tell me about the railroad.’
‘Where do I start?’ He laughed as he speared some potato. ‘The welcome from the other workers isn’t the best. I think they would rather work along Americans than foreigners, despite the many numbers who work there, but I’m still enjoying it. Anything to do with mechanics and transport and I’m hooked. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t resent having to leave this amazing place. I just know I could make something of myself here. I’m as sure of it as I was when my father first took me to the Southampton docks.’
‘But you’re still determined to return home?’
‘Yes, but I’m not sure how long I’ll stay there. Your words to me the other night didn’t fall on deaf ears. In fact, I’m convinced you were absolutely right.’
Amelia thought he’d never looked more handsome, the low light making his blue eyes brighter and his skin darker. Desire pull low in her stomach and she quickly looked to her food.
‘About what?’
‘Families. Duty. We should love and respect our kin, but not surrender our entire lives to them. I’m returning home and I will speak to Ma. This will be a trip to discuss things with her and my sisters, give them the chance to ask questions and, hopefully, I can allay their fears about money and their future wellbeing. I will make it clear Katherine needs to find work and Fiona must either find the father of her child or another way to keep the child fed and warm. I will send what funds I can spare, but it’s time my sisters lived in the real world.’
‘I’m so happy you’ve decided to do that.’ Amelia smiled, pride filling her heart with excitement for him and what might await him when he eventually returned to New York. ‘I have no doubt you’ll find your fortune here, Samuel. I believe anyone can.’
‘I agree, and that includes you, too.’ He laid down his fork and touched her hand, his gaze boring into hers. ‘Maybe you should do the same. Come back with me on the Adriatic, return to Pennington’s, but if it doesn’t hold the same power, the same magic, that RH Macy’s did for you, come back to New York. With me. What do you say?’