Tayvis moved a card then frowned at the game spread on the table in front of him. He'd lost. Again. He was tempted to cheat. There wasn't any point to it. There wasn't anyone here to care whether he cheated or not. He flipped the cards back together and shuffled.
He laid out a fresh game. He absently rubbed his chin while he studied the cards. He grimaced at the stubble on his face. When had he last shaved? He couldn't remember. Was it three days ago? Four? Ten? Days didn't matter on the station. He slept when he was tired, he ate when he was hungry, he played cards when he was awake. He had no reason to keep any kind of schedule. He was the only person on the station. The ships that docked did it automatically. He was only there in case of an emergency.
He shifted a card to a different stack and flipped over the card under it. He was unkempt, his clothes wrinkled and stained. He was barefoot. He didn't care.
He had solitude, all he wanted. The supply ship came by once a month. The crew of the ship hadn't tried to talk to him after the first time. They thought he was crazy. Maybe he was. He didn't care about that, either.
He moved a few more cards. The control console across the room beeped. He glanced at it. Another ship on approach. He turned back to his game. It was all automated. The freighter would dock, dump its load of ore into the collection tanks, and be gone again. All without him needing to push anything. He flipped over another card.
He yawned. He should sleep, but his dreams were empty fantasies that left him aching and lonely. He avoided sleep, if he could. The bunk against the wall hadn't been used for several weeks. He usually dozed off in the chair where he was currently sitting.
He'd be fine until the dream started. He'd see her face, see her mocking smile, see the surprise in her eyes when he discovered her betrayal. The pain would jerk him awake. He didn't want to see her again. Ever. It would hurt too much. She had betrayed him, left him after she'd promised him her heart. After he'd given her his heart, completely and totally.
Just the thought of her hurt. He slammed his hand across the cards, sending them scattering across the floor. The console beeped again. He frowned. It should be automatic. The supply ship wasn't supposed to arrive for another week at least. Unless he'd completely lost count of time.
He glanced over at the galley unit. No, it was still more than half full. But that wasn't an accurate count, either. He only ate when he was hungry enough to notice. Which wasn't that often.
He bent down to pick up the cards. The room was a mess. He'd left his belongings wherever they happened to fall. The only thing he really cared about were the cards. It was the only thing he had to occupy himself, the only activity to keep his mind off his memories.
The console beeped again, signaling that the ship had docked and the airlock was connecting. It must be the supply ship, he thought. He must have really lost count of the days. He knelt on the floor, gathering the cards.
The door to his room slid open. He didn't bother to look up. He heard boots on the floor. They stopped just inside the door. The silence stretched. He picked up the last card, sliding it in the deck in his hand.
He finally realized there was something wrong. He looked up. And almost dropped the cards again.
"What a mess," Clark said. "I've seen animal pens that smelled better."
Jasyn wrinkled her nose. She was watching Tayvis. Her face was pinched with disapproval. Lowell stood behind her. He sniffed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Tayvis slowly sat back on his heels.
"What do you want?" he asked bluntly.
"You won't believe we just came by to say hello?" Clark asked.
"How did you find me?" Tayvis stood, straightening the cards in his hand.
"The same way the Patrol is going to in a few days," Clark answered. "I'll be in the ship," he added with a glance at Jasyn.
The silence was strained as he left. Jasyn continued to stand in the doorway, a look of disgust on her face. Tayvis sat in his chair and dealt out another game of solitaire. The snap of his cards was the only sound.
"So why did you come all this way?" he asked as the silence stretched further.
"We came because we thought we wanted your help," Jasyn said.
"You want someone shot? You want something stolen?" His answer was directed at Lowell, not Jasyn. "I'm not in that business anymore."
"The High Command won't believe you when you tell them," Lowell said, scratching his ear.
"Dace—" Jasyn began.
He slammed his fist onto the table. The wood cracked. Jasyn flinched.
"She was kidnapped several weeks ago," Lowell said.
"Why is that my problem?" Tayvis' voice was harsh. It didn't disguise the pain behind the question.
"She was sold at auction two weeks ago, as far as we can determine," Lowell continued.
"Then let Vance rescue her." He dropped his head into his hands. "He married her."
He heard Jasyn stomp across the room. She stopped just the other side of his table. He slowly looked up. She was glaring at him, her hands on her hips.
"She dumped him," she said.
"I can't say I sympathize much," he snapped back.
"After his mother tried to kill her the second time," Jasyn continued.
"Actually, it was the fourth time," Lowell said. He wandered around the room, hands firmly in his pocket.
"And why does this concern me?" Tayvis sat back in the chair, arms folded across his chest, across the pain he couldn't live with any longer.
Jasyn leaned forward. He wasn't expecting her to slap him. His face stung. There were tears in her eyes, and anger, as she straightened back up.
"This was a waste of time, Lowell," she said. "We're undocking in fifteen." She shot one last angry hurt look at him as she left the room.
"Maybe I should have let Paltronis come," Lowell said. He ran a finger across the filthy counter of the galley. "Clark was afraid she'd break both your legs if we did."
Tayvis closed his eyes, trying unsuccessfully to shut out the pain. It was inside him, it always would be, the giant hole where his heart used to be.
"You've taken self pity to a whole new level," Lowell said. "I never thought I'd call you pathetic."
"What do you want, Lowell? The answer is no."
"Now you sound like Dace," Lowell said.
He winced, then deliberately shuffled his deck of cards. "Just go away."
"I will. The real question is, will you come with me or will you stay here?" Lowell stood next to his chair. "We need your help."
"You've got the whole Patrol. You don't need me."
"You're wrong. Dace needs you, Tayvis."
He shook his head. "She chose to walk away from me."
"At the party on Linas-Drias? She was about to fall over. She couldn't move. She should have been in the hospital for at least another two weeks. Vance smuggled her out."
"I saw the way she looked at him."
"Then you're seeing things. She thought you were dead."
"You didn't tell her? You promised you would."
"I never got the chance. By the time she came out of the coma—"
"What?"
"She was shot on Tivor. Point blank. It's a miracle she survived. She wouldn't have if it weren't for Paltronis and the Hrissia'noru. She could barely walk at that party. She spent most of a week afterwards recovering."
"She never called. She never tried to contact me."
"Did you give her a chance?" Lowell asked sharply. "Paltronis got it right. Stupid doesn't even begin to describe what you did."
"Go away, Lowell."
"Do you really want me to?" Lowell's voice gentled. "She deserves better, Tayvis."
"And I don't? I thought she was different."
"You're misjudging her."
Tayvis just shook his head. He snapped cards onto the table, laying out yet another game of solitaire.
"You'd rather waste away playing cards? At least until the syndicate catches up with you. They run the Patrol now, if you haven't heard."
"Why would they want me?"
"For the same reason they want Dace." Lowell leaned on the table, his hands spread across the cards. He looked Tayvis in the eye. "Help us find her, Tayvis."
Tayvis looked past him, at his shipsuit for the first time. "Why are you wearing green? Another costume? Another chance to play pretend?"
"Not this time," Lowell straightened. "Jasyn made me crew. Since the Patrol didn't want me any longer."
"You aren't making sense, Lowell."
"I resigned. The syndicate that owns the Patrol High Command took exception. Last I heard, the price on my head was over half a million. They want me back. Preferably dead, not alive." Lowell grinned. "Paltronis was listed at just over a hundred grand. Your name was right after hers, if I remember the memo correctly."
"What are you really asking me, Lowell?"
"Just what Jasyn said. Come with us to rescue Dace. Everett should have a lead on the seller when we get to Pelucid." His grin faded. "They want revenge. Someone paid a lot of money for the opportunity. I just hope we aren't too late."
"Did you mean it, when you said she didn't know?"
"She didn't know until she saw you at the party. She showed up in my office on Linas-Drias when she could walk again, looking for you. I wasn't there, or things would have been different. Commander Leighton convinced her to spy on Vance and his friends. She was pretending."
"I saw the reports."
"When you couldn't avoid them, I suspect."
"She was engaged to him. She isn't that good at acting."
"You'd be surprised how good she can be. Do you want to know her price for spying? She wanted them to find you and explain everything. Nothing else."
Tayvis looked down at the cards on the table. "I've been a complete idiot, haven't I?"
"I don't think I need to answer that." Lowell glanced at his watch. "You've got less than five minutes. When Jasyn says fifteen minutes, she means it." He turned away.
"Lowell," Tayvis called.
Lowell stopped in the doorway and looked back.
"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"
"You'll have to ask her yourself, when we find her," Lowell said. He walked out of the door, on his way back to the Phoenix.
Tayvis looked at the mess around him. It really was pathetic. And stupid. And he did smell awful. He had nothing here he couldn't walk away from without a second thought. He didn't know if it hurt more or less than before.
He hesitated, unsure of his welcome on the ship. The console beeped. The Phoenix was beginning undocking procedures. He had less than a minute.
The decision was easy enough to make. He grabbed his boots and ran for the airlock.
Paltronis leaned in the hatch, waiting for him. She was cleaning her nails with a very long, very wicked looking knife. She straightened when she saw him, blocking his way.
He stopped, looking down at her. She gave him a flat stare.
"I told Dace once that I'd kill her if she ever broke your heart," she said. "I'm very tempted to hurt you instead. Stupid, selfish, ignorant—"
"Don't try, Paltronis," he said. "You can't possibly make me feel worse."
She shoved the knife into a sheath on her thigh. She slapped him, a lot harder than Jasyn had. He reacted without thinking, shoving her back and grabbing her hand in a nerve pinch.
"That's more like it," she said, wincing. He saw tears in her eyes. He immediately let go. "You should have been there, on Shangrila, when they picked her up. She needed you, Tayvis. She still loves you."
"Jasyn says move it or lose it," Darus called behind Paltronis.
"Do I want to know who's on the ship?" Tayvis asked as they stepped inside the hatch. It slid shut on their heels. The airlock began to detach almost before it was all the way shut.
"Full house," Paltronis said.
"How many of them are going to slap me?"
"Probably Ginni, no make that definitely Ginni. Darus will probably break something instead. Beryn and Clark," she shrugged. "I don't know what they'll do. Probably make you sleep in Louie's room. It's good to have you back," she added, pulling him into a hug. She shoved him back. "You smell awful. Didn't they let you have bathing facilities on that station?"
They stepped into the ship. The Phoenix glided away from the station. He heard Clark giving orders in the cockpit. Beryn and three men he didn't know played cards at the table. Two women he didn't know talked at the other end of the lounge. Darus was on the bench in an alcove at the back with a toddler on his lap. From the dark hair he guessed it was Jasyn and Clark's son. The cat, Dace's cat, sprawled on a ledge over a storage locker. The cat twitched her gray tail, glaring at him as if he were a mouse. He couldn't remember the cat's name.
Lowell came out of the middle cabin. He tossed a green shipsuit at Tayvis. "Clark said it should fit. You can have the other bunk in here."
"Louie's cabin," Paltronis said.
"Who's Louie?" Tayvis asked.
"He's the one over there, smearing cookies on Darus." Paltronis headed for the table, taking the chair next to Beryn. They dealt her into the game.
"We'd all appreciate it if you'd shower soon," Lowell said. "It's three days to Pelucid."
Tayvis held the green suit in one hand. He remembered Dace in one just like it. Had she really dumped him for Vance? Had she turned her back on him or was it all an act? Had he made the biggest mistake of his life when he walked away from her?
He wasn't going to find answers standing here. He was going to have to find Dace and ask her himself. He wanted to hear her answer. He was afraid of what it might be. How could she possibly forgive him?
How could he keep living if she didn't?
He went into the cabin. He felt grimy inside and out. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and grimaced.
They were right. He'd been incredibly stupid. They'd handed him a chance to make it right. He would have to show them they were wrong about him. He didn't break down and cry until he was in the shower, where no one would hear.