I walked through the garden space. There were people everywhere I turned. Most of them acted like they knew me. Everyone there probably knew my face. I walked faster. I wanted my anonymity back. I was uncomfortable with fame.
At least half of the people I saw were in uniforms. Not Patrol silver or black or even blue. These were rusty red with blue and gold piping. Roland's Federation, I could see a resemblance to the flame emblem he'd used on Dadilan for the Order of Myrln in the patches on their chests. Most of the rest of the people looked like government bureaucrats or their families. I ducked my head to avoid having to smile at them and looked almost frantically for a map of some sort. What was Renaldo's and why was Tayvis there?
"Whatcha looking for?"
I looked down at the source of the piping voice. A young girl, maybe six or seven, her red hair in braids, stared up at me with big green eyes.
"Do you know where I can find Renaldo's?" I asked her, pulling out the note to show her.
"I can't read," she said, wrinkling the paper in her sticky fingers.
"Thanks, anyway," I said, taking my note back.
"It's on deck seventeen," she said. "Mama goes there for lunch. Sometimes she takes me. I like the noodles."
"Where's deck seventeen?"
"Down that way," she pointed vaguely to my left.
"What deck are we on now?"
She giggled. "You're funny. Everyone knows this is deck twenty-one."
"Thanks," I said again.
"Librette," a woman with dark red hair hurried over. She took the girl by the hand and pulled her away. "Sorry if she was bothering you."
"She was being very helpful," I said.
The woman cocked her head, studying me. "Do I know you?"
"No, I'm sure you don't." I started backing away.
"You were the one, on Dadilan," she said. "You came to our village."
I just shook my head. I didn't want to be famous. I kept backing away. The woman smiled but let me go. I hurried away, in full retreat.
I found a discreet transportation terminal and settled thankfully into a pod. It was too small to hold more than four people. No one tried to get in with me.
"Please enter your destination," a throaty female voice purred from a speaker near the front of the pod.
"Renaldo's," I answered, hoping it knew what I was talking about.
"Confirmed," the voice answered. The pod began to move. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. My stomach twitched with nerves. Not another seizure, I whispered silently. Just nerves. I wanted my cabin on my ship. I wanted to be alone somewhere.
The pod slid to a stop. The door opened.
"Renaldo's is located four cross corridors to your right, on the far corner," the throaty voice informed me.
I slid out of the pod, glad that this level wasn't as crowded as the one I'd left. This looked like a mall. The floor was tiled, the walls softly backlit. Planters full of lush plants held signs for the various shops located along the sides. I walked quickly, ignoring the dizzy feeling in my head. I could see a sign for Renaldo's ahead. No one stopped me or tried to talk to me. I pretended I didn't hear them whispering behind me. I tried to look like nobody special.
Renaldo's was a cheerful restaurant. The walls were yellow. The fake curtains on the fake windows were red. The cloths on the tables were white. Tiny vases of flowers added a bright note to each table. I paused in the doorway, hesitant to just walk in. I hung back, searching the crowded room. Lunch was in full swing.
I saw Tayvis on the far side of the room. He sat at a table near the back. He was smiling at the woman sitting across from him. She had her back to me. Her hair was a rich auburn shade, twisted into an elegant swirl at the nape of her neck. She looked slender and poised, dressed in a deceptively simple dress of flowing green silk. She reached across the table and took Tayvis' hand. His smile widened. Tayvis never smiled that way for anyone except me.
I shivered, suddenly cold inside. Hadn't he just asked me to marry him? Had I imagined it? Was it all a dream induced by whatever drugs they'd pumped into me? He leaned towards her, still smiling, his hand wrapped around hers.
Why send me a note asking me to meet him here? Had he met someone else? Did he want to tell me in person? My heart pounded, my stomach tied itself in knots. I hesitated, wanting to just turn and run. Was he playing some sick joke on me? Was it revenge for my pretend engagement to Vance?
I waited too long. He saw me. His smile was warm and inviting. The woman turned, looking over her shoulder to the door. I caught a glimpse of her profile. She was teasingly familiar.
I swallowed what was left of my pride and walked across the restaurant to Tayvis. He pulled out a chair for me. I saw the woman's face full on for the first time. She was older than I expected, but I still knew that face. I stared at her, the chair and Tayvis forgotten in my surprise.
"Dariana Grace?"
She smiled. I knew that curve of lip, that twitch of the chin. The resemblance between her and someone else that had bothered me when I watched her vids was suddenly very clear.
"She's your mother?" I asked, whirling on Tayvis.
"Sit down, Dace," he said.
I dropped into the chair, my emotions a confused tangle. I was already on overload from talking with Dr. Sipecio. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Or maybe just scream for a while.
"Finally," Dariana Grace said. She held out her hand to me. "I get to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."
"I've watched every one of your vids I could find," I blurted out. And then felt stupid.
She laughed. "Another fan, I'm flattered."
"Are you ready to order?" the waiter said, hovering behind me. "I see the rest of your party has arrived."
"Give us a minute," Tayvis told him. He glided away to the next table. The people there were watching us and pretending not to.
"If I'd known how popular you really were," Tayvis said to his mother.
"You would have stayed with me," she finished his sentence.
"You never did tell me how you got out here, mother. I left you on Linas-Drias."
"Bored and unappreciated," she answered. "At least you said goodbye that time, Malcolm."
"Don't call me that," he protested.
"Then don't call me mother in public," she said.
The waiter came back and left glasses of water on our table before gliding away again. I picked mine up. Dariana Grace was sitting at the table with me. She was Tayvis' mother. I put the glass down, too nervous to attempt to drink anything.
"You aren't anything like I imagined," she said to me. "Not after the stories Scholar told me about you."
"He's here, too?" I asked. Anything to change the subject.
"He disappeared on Linas-Drias," Tayvis answered. "Lowell lost track of him months ago."
"He was trying to help me. If Lowell hasn't heard from him, he's probably dead." I didn't want to believe it, but I knew how dangerous Linas-Drias was for anyone attached to Lowell. Being engaged to Vance had protected me somewhat, but it wouldn't have protected Scholar. I clamped my mouth shut, trying in vain to stop my chin from trembling. Scholar had been my friend.
"I liked him," Dariana said.
"There you are." The voice was loud, almost obnoxious, but it made me smile.
"There's still a chair left, Darus," Tayvis said.
Darus didn't wait. He took the last chair at our table and plopped into it, grinning madly. "Dace, you're looking a lot better than the last time I saw you."
"Sorry, I don't remember." I tried to make it sound like a joke. It came out flat. Darus pretended it hadn't.
"Good to see you up and around." He turned to Dariana, really looking at her for the first time. His face went white. His mouth hung open. I couldn't resist.
"Meet Tayvis' mother," I said. "Dariana, this is my father, Darus Venn."
"Please, call me Deena," she said to both of us.
"Deena." His voice cracked. He snapped his mouth shut.
"Another speechless fan," Tayvis said. He glanced over at me and shook his head. "Most of the crew is smitten with her."
"Of which ship?" she asked teasingly.
"You've managed to charm the whole crew of the Starfire?" Tayvis answered. "All five hundred of them?"
"Only the really important ones," she said. "I believe Roland has the record for watching my vids."
"Are you ready to order now?" the waiter asked. Apparently he was one of the few people on the ship who had no idea who we were. Or else he didn't care. That thought was weirdly comforting.
We gave our orders. I wasn't hungry, I picked a dish at random. Darus stuttered when he tried to order. He was still staring at Deena. I kicked him under the table. He jumped and blinked.
"They said the engines should be ready when we get to Tebros," Darus said to me. "They don't have the right configuration here."
"What?" I was confused.
"The ship, your ship," he said. "I thought you were awake. You answered when I asked."
"I have no idea what you're saying," I said. "The medic told me the ship was in drydock, but he didn't say why."
"Because your friends on this ship gave the order to shoot out our engines," Darus said heatedly. He pointed his finger at me.
"I don't think I want to hear this." I looked at Tayvis, begging him silently to rescue me.
"Don't look at me," he said. "I was down on the planet looking for you."
"They shot us down and then hauled us on board and locked us up," Darus said. He was showing off, trying to impress Deena. "They said it was for our safety."
"Who?" I asked, though I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
"Your friend Willet Smythe admitted he gave the order. He also said they were going to pay for our new engines. Jasyn made him promise."
"I hoped she hurt him when she twisted that out of him. Will Smythe." I shook my head. Somehow I wasn't surprised he was here.
"Not then," Tayvis said. "She threatened to remove his ears and feed them to him when he asked her about the trade council. He wanted to know when she was going to finish overseeing trade discussions."
"She wasn't too happy about being manipulated into becoming head of the council," Darus told me.
"So, tell me what vids you've been making lately," I said, turning to Deena.
She smiled and sipped her water. "I haven't worked in years. And I'm very glad what I do is pretend. I don't know how you do it. I was never more frightened in my life than when I left Linas-Drias. I had the Patrol looking for me. It was horrible."
"And you've never finished telling me how you happened to end up here," Tayvis said to her.
She set the glass on the table, her smile fading. "Scholar left me a message. He needed his things to be delivered here. He told me to ask for help in the name of the Shellfinder clan. I still don't know what that means." She caught my sudden twitch and looked at me. "I think you do, though. Interesting." She watched me, waiting.
"It's a Gypsy clan," I said. And then closed my mouth. I wasn't going to say anymore than that.
"One of the most controversial," Tayvis said. "The Council tried dissolving it but the ship captains rebelled. Everett and his crew are the latest ones to be adopted in."
"Is he here, too?" I asked.
"He's waiting for us on Tebros," Tayvis said. "Jasyn almost disowned him when she found out he'd been working for Will for the last two years. Undercover, of course."
"She was mad enough to eat rivets," Darus said. "She's been around you too long. She almost sounded like an engineer."
"It was even funnier when Louie repeated it," Tayvis said.
I couldn't keep my smile on my face. It hurt that I hadn't been there. But at least Tayvis had. And Darus. I picked up my glass. My hand was twitching, just a slight tremor. I put the glass back down.
Darus was talking to Deena now, asking her about her vids. She was asking him in return about his career. I was grateful to him for glossing over his twelve years on Vallius. He couldn't resist the story entirely, though. Deena knew about Vallius, anyone within twelve hundred light years knew about Vallius. He had to tell her about me. It was on our way back into civilization after being held as slaves on Vallius that he'd learned he had a daughter. Deena ate it up, her eyes wide as he spun out the story. Darus puffed up under her attention.
The waiter brought our food in the middle of Darus' story. I picked at mine, unable to eat more than a few bites. I pushed food around while I listened to him talk. My hand was still shaking. I picked up my glass and had to use both hands to steady it.
"Are you all right?" Darus asked me, interrupting his version of my grand entrance on Parrus.
"No, I'm not," I said, my voice tight as I put the glass down. Water slopped over the edge and spilled onto my hand. I was angry again, at my body, at Shomies, at fate.
"But they said you were going to be fine," Darus objected. "You're here."
"I get to go back to the medical wing tonight and every night for the rest of my life," I said.
Tayvis took my hand, holding it tightly. The warmth of his hand was soothing.
I stared down at my plate. I didn't want to see the pity I knew was on Darus' face. I didn't want to see his pain. I didn't want to see any more pain on anyone's face, especially if it was because of me.
"Tell me about Lirondalla," Deena asked Darus. "You've got me curious now."
Lirondalla was my mother. Darus had been married to her for less than a week before he was shipped offworld, leaving her behind on Tivor. The story was tragic, a doomed romance. I didn't want to hear it again. She'd died when I was three, killed in a senseless riot over food.
"I know a very quiet place in the hydroponics room," Tayvis suggested. He squeezed my hand. "If you want to talk," he added.
I studied his face. His brown eyes were shadowed but sympathetic. He said he loved me and nothing would change that fact. I wondered how much he meant it. I wondered if he could live with my latest news. The medic said I only had months to live. Was he willing to risk the pain I knew we would both face? Was he willing to agree to a very uncertain future with me?
"Was the food not to your taste?" the waiter asked behind me. He sounded more than slightly offended.
It was so absurd I started to laugh. Live for the moment, I told myself. That may be all I would have. I smiled and turned around.
"The food was fine," I said. "I'm just not very hungry."
Tayvis tugged me to my feet. Darus started to stand.
"I think they need to talk privately," Deena said, stopping him with a touch on his arm. "So tell me the rest."
Darus sat back down. He was completely under her spell.
Tayvis held my hand as we walked out. I paused in the doorway to look back. Darus was talking animatedly. Deena was leaning over the table, hanging on every word.
"Should we be worried about that?" I asked Tayvis.
"Your father and my mother? That's too weird to happen."
We walked hand in hand down the corridor. Whatever happened, I had this moment to hang on to.
My optimism lasted until we reached the end of the shopping district. I couldn't help but notice everyone was watching us. It made me queasy. I'd never wanted everyone to know my face and name. I just wanted to fly my own ship. That was all I'd ever wanted, freedom. I was almost relieved when we got into a private transport pod, except now I'd have to tell Tayvis what the medics had told me.
I couldn't do it. The transport started moving. I hadn't heard where Tayvis sent us. I sat and stared at my hands and listened to the silence between us.
"I came by this morning but they said you were still asleep," Tayvis said.
"They gave me your note," I said back.
"What's bothering you now?" He leaned back in his seat, his arms folded over his chest. There was space between us, physically, emotionally, every way I could define it.
I pulled the packet of supplements out of my pocket. My hand was shaking despite every effort I made to hold it still. I stared down at the pills, hating them for what they represented.
"I talked to the medics this morning," I said. "Even with the drug, I won't live long. There's too much damage."
"And?" he asked as if I were making a big deal out of something small, like a hangnail.
"Didn't you hear me?" I said, looking up for the first time since we'd climbed in. "I've got cancer. I have seizures. My whole system is screwed up and they can't fix it."
"Really?" He raised one eyebrow.
"Don't raise your eyebrow at me," I shouted.
His lip twitched. He was trying not to laugh.
"Haven't you heard anything I just said?" I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I hated him for laughing.
"I talked to the medic this morning, too," he said, his smile fading. "Worst case, Dace, you live maybe a year. But he was a lot more optimistic about your chances than you are. He said they'd know within two weeks if the treatment was going to work or not. Judging by what you've done already, he said you had a very good chance of recovering."
"Then why did he spend an hour this morning telling me how bad things are?" I stared down at my hands again, twisting them together. I wanted to believe Tayvis. What he said contradicted the medics, though.
"How else was he going to get you to take your medicine?"
He was grinning now. I studied his face, wanting to believe him, wanting to hope. It would hurt too much if I did.
"You'll make it through, Dace, you always do."
I shook my head. "Not this time, Tayvis."
"You made me a promise." His smile was gone, his face impassive as stone. He reached a hand into his pocket. "Give me your hand."
"What?" This wasn't what I expected from him.
"Give me your hand," he repeated. He reached for my left hand. I let him take it. He pulled something from his pocket that glinted like gold. "You promised to marry me. Do you still mean it?"
My hand lay limply in his. I was confused inside, scared and nervous and angry and happy and everything else all mixed up together.
"Do you mean it, Dace? Will you marry me? No more excuses?"
I had to swallow a nervous lump before I could answer. "Yes," I said, barely louder than the whisper of the pod down its track. I swallowed again. "Yes," I repeated.
"That's what I hoped you'd say." The object in his hand was a ring, a simple circle of gold with tiny flashes of blue green spiraling around it. He slipped it onto my finger. "My mother gave it to me," he said, holding my hand up so he could see the ring. He lowered my hand and looked over at me. "Well, say something."
"I love you," I whispered.
He smiled and pulled me across the pod. He kissed me.
He was still kissing me when the pod slid to a stop.