"Perfect," Twyla announced, stepping back.
I stared in the mirror in front of me. A stranger stared back with wide, frightened eyes.
"You're beautiful, Dace," Jasyn assured me.
"We've got fifteen minutes, people," Paltronis said from the door of the room.
I looked around in panic. There were at least ten women in the room, most of them I knew. They all wore blue-green dresses, including Paltronis.
"You'll be fine, Dace," Jasyn said. She patted my arm. "Go on," she said to the others. "I think she needs a minute alone."
I watched as the others filed out, feeling my panic grow with each departure.
"I can't do this," I said.
"It's normal to be nervous," Jasyn said. "You'll get over it."
"Stop smiling at me," I said, alarmed at the shakiness of my voice. I stared at the stranger in the mirror.
She was slender, wearing a dress that made her look like a queen. The top was fitted, covered with lace and delicate beadwork. The skirt poufed out until it was wider than I was tall. Strands of delicately shimmering beads decorated it in swirls and twists. Twyla had woven flowers into my hair, tiny sprays of white that smelled sweet. It almost made me barf. My stomach twisted in knots. I pressed my hands against my belly, watching the figure in the mirror do the same.
"I've got to check on things," Jasyn said. "I'll be right back with your flowers."
She left me alone in the waiting room. I stared at myself. I was pale, almost white. I took one tottering step in the high heeled shoes she'd made me wear.
"I can't do this," I moaned to myself.
I stumbled over to a chair and dropped into it. My dress fluffed up, covering the whole chair in expensive fabric. I kicked off the shoes and dropped my face into my hands.
"I can't do this," I whimpered again.
"They're beautiful," Jasyn said, banging into the room again. "They've got just the right scent. What's wrong?"
"I'm going to throw up," I said, dropping my hands. I had to swallow hard.
"Did you forget to eat?" she demanded. "I told you to eat before you came down here."
I twisted my hands together, barely hearing her. My knuckles were white.
"You did remember to take your medication?" she continued. She knelt beside my chair, concern making lines in her face. She took my hands in hers. "You're ice cold."
"I can't do this," I repeated. "Tell me I don't have to do this," I begged.
"I am not going to say that," she said sharply. "Get hold of yourself, Dace. You faced down the Sessimoniss by yourself, you can walk out there and get married."
"No, I can't." I was about to cry. And throw up.
Jasyn stood, hands on her hips as she glared at me. "Don't be such a baby, Dace."
The door opened. Dariana Grace, Tayvis' mother, stepped in and closed the door behind her. "Is there a problem? They're all waiting."
I stared at her, wondering what she really thought of me. She looked gorgeous, elegant and regal in deep green satin. She looked like a vid star. I started to giggle. She was a vid star. She was also going to be my mother-in-law.
"Dace, I swear I'm going to slap you if you keep making that noise," Jasyn said.
Dariana swept across the room. She took Jasyn's arm. "Give us a moment," she said as she pushed Jasyn out the door.
She turned back to me when we were alone.
"I can't do this," I said, shaking my head. I felt the thin veil fastened into the circle of flowers stir.
"You're going to break my son's heart? Again?" Her face was as stony as Tayvis' could be.
I shook my head. A flower slid free, dropping into my lap. "Never," I said.
"Then why are you still sitting here?"
"Can't we just run away?" I asked plaintively.
Her face softened. "You've got a massive case of stage fright."
I closed my eyes, clenching my hands so tight I felt nails biting into my palms. She patted my hands.
"Take a deep breath and pretend they're all in their underwear," she said.
"That's what Clark told me once," I said, looking up at her.
She knelt beside me and squeezed my hands.
"I can't do this," I said, trying to explain myself. "I can't wear this dress, those shoes. This isn't me."
She just waited.
"It doesn't help that there are hundreds of people out there," I added.
"Thousands, maybe more," she said, "if you count the cameras."
I used the most colorful swear words I could think of.
"Don't say that out there," she advised. "Just hold up your head and be yourself."
"I can't," I said.
"Then pretend you're someone else, somewhere else," she said. "Whatever helps."
"This isn't what I wanted," I complained.
"It isn't about you, not anymore."
"It's my wedding."
She shook her head, but she was smiling. "It's about heroes and hope, Dace. You're their hero."
I shook my head in denial. "I never did anything heroic, not intentionally."
"That isn't what matters."
"You're their hero, Deena. Look at you, you starred in hundreds of vids."
"Forty three," she corrected. "And I was only pretending. You're the real thing and they know it. They need you. Listen to me." She waited until I quit shaking my head and looked at her. She sighed and patted my cheek. "You and the crew of your ship are the heroes here, whether you wanted the job or not. Dace, most of them have lost their security of knowing what tomorrow will bring. Their universe is in chaos. They need hope. They need someone to look up to. They need you to show them that life goes on. That happiness is still possible. They need to see you get married. They need a reason to celebrate and you're it."
She stood, shaking out her skirt.
"Now, stand up, hold up your chin and pretend they're in their underwear. And marry my son." She smiled and held out her hand.
I took it and let her pull me to my feet. The dress flowed out around me, like a giant mushroom.
"He loves you," she added, squeezing my hand.
"I know," I answered. The nervous knots in my middle were still there. I took a shaky breath and let go of her hand.
"That's it, just keep breathing," she said. "You have ten seconds to walk out this door or I will come in and drag you out. And your father will help."
She waited until I nodded before she left. The door swung shut behind her. I took a deep breath, then another. I saw my shoes lying on the floor, tiny straps on very high heels. I looked down at the full skirts of my dress and felt a twinge of rebellion.
I left the shoes on the floor and walked through the door in my stockings. No one was going to notice under that skirt. I clutched the bouquet of flowers like a shield and took a step into the room.
Music exploded around me. I stepped onto the carpet stretching the length of the large room. I lifted my chin and stared straight ahead, ignoring the hundreds of people watching me.
At the end of the carpet, I could see Jasyn and Ginni, Twyla and Paltronis. On the other side, Clark, Beryn, Everett and Doggo stood together, grins plastered on their faces. Will was behind them, giving me a thumbs up sign. And at the very end of the carpet, Roland waited in his brown robe and a huge smile. Tayvis stood in front of him, looking as scared as I felt. I smiled when I saw that. I felt much better knowing he was just as nervous.
"You ready?" Darus asked, stepping up beside me.
I smiled, feeling the knot inside loosen. I took his arm and let him walk me up the carpet. I was getting married. I was adding to my family.
Tayvis was never going to walk away from me again.