If there’s one thing you should absolutely never do when storm clouds are gathering over your relationship, it’s ask your girlfriend if there’s something wrong.
Because if you thought that with that question (which among other things is an ambiguous question, and like all ambiguous questions it tends to elicit an answer that is, in turn, another question) you were going to get the lay of the land and maybe even start a conversation that might solve a problem that was sitting there quietly bothering no one, a problem that would have taken care of itself if some idiot hadn’t come along and riled it up, then it means that you don’t even realize that the idiot in question is you.
Would you care to know just how the conversation is going to unfold, and I mean line by line, if you’re reckless enough to light that fuse? Then please, read on.
You: Is there something wrong?
Her: What kind of question is that?
You: It’s just a question.
Her: It’s just a question.
You: Right.
Her: That’s not just a question.
You: If you say so.
Her (coming after you, because by this point you’re probably already hurrying out of the room): What, are you saying you think there’s something wrong with our relationship?
You: I didn’t ask if there was something wrong with our relationship.
Her: Then what did you ask? If there’s something wrong with me?
You (already starting to get a little hot under the collar; a detail she picked up on right away, because she knows you): There’s nothing wrong with you.
Her: Then what the hell did you mean by that question?
By this point, it’s guaranteed that the two of you will break up within the next two or three months.
It goes without saying: it’s a question I’ve asked.