You might be surprised at how often I look back on the unhealthy/unhappy times in my life. It’s not because I enjoy wallowing in the residue of my adolescent angst or because I miss corporate life EVEN A LITTLE BIT, but because getting through those times has shown me that when I put my mind to something, no matter how major, I really can make it happen.
Pitfalls in the Game of Life—such as poor time management, distraction, and fear of failure—are identifiable. The methods for counteracting or avoiding them are simple; by now, you should be able to strategize like Garry Kasparov and focus with one arm tied behind your back (you need the other one to hold your phone).
The actual act of commitment is the hardest part, but when you want it badly enough—as I’ve wanted to get healthy and happy at various times in my life—it’s absolutely, positively, 100 percent doable.
Because big life changes are made in small, manageable chunks.
I’ve been saying it all along.
Just as you would when confronted by an intricate coloring book page featuring four unicorns frolicking in a wildflower meadow, you have to start somewhere. Maybe the hooves.
Moving across the world, or across the country, or even across the street doesn’t happen in the blink of an eye. It starts with motivation, proceeds to goal stage, then into strategy and so on. A little bit at a time. Eventually you have one unicorn flank and a few daffodils under your belt, and with those come added clarity—of purpose and of method.
You definitely still want to move to San Diego, you know what neighborhood you want to be in, and you have your budget, so the next step is what—surfing Craigslist for roommates? Calling real estate brokers? Whatever it is, you carve out some time to focus, commit, and cross it off your list. One hoof in front of another, until all the blank spaces are accounted for (including the change-of-address forms, which are a real pain in the ass, let me tell you).
Or, say you look in the mirror every day and see a twenty-five-years-younger version of your dad en route to quadruple bypass surgery and a medicine cabinet full of blood pressure pills. The good news is, you have a quarter century to change course, but the reality is: It starts with one day. Maybe even one second—the second in which you think Strudel is nice. And every second you sacrifice to chowing down on that nice hunk of strudel is one less standing between you and an ER nurse with extremely cold hands. She’s like a yeti, this woman.
That big swath of meadow? That’s your commitment to a weekly exercise regimen. All green. Fill it in.
And I don’t want to sound unaccountably woo-woo here, but the same principles hold true for the deep shit, and making profound change inside yourself. Becoming more confident or less of a perfectionist might sound like a tall order, but if you let the perceived enormity of a change keep you from even starting, you won’t get anywhere. Proven fact: You cannot finish something you never start. Relationships flourish one gesture at a time. Addictions are curbed one day at a time. And unicorns are just horses if you never color in their horns.
Your goal—the big picture—will reveal itself even if you scribble outside the lines a bit, or use an unconventional shade. The overall effect might be a little different for you than it would be for your cousin Paul, but you’re out to win your life, not his.
Of course, I’m not saying you should make big changes just for the hell of it. You may already be winning at your life once all the small shit is squared away. But if you feel like what you really need in order to be happy is to radically alter some aspect of your existence—be it your geographical location, body, or baseline mentality—I am saying that those changes are there for the making.
And just to make sure I don’t lose anyone in the deep shit, let’s take a step back and look at how a bunch of small changes can add up to a winning streak of their own.
Though it has yet to be published in book form, my friend Joe has his own system for getting his shit together. A long time ago, he decided that if he does two out of these three things on any given day, he wins at life:
Floss
Work out
Refrain from drinking alcohol
If he does all of them, that’s swell, but just two is enough to pass. Fiddle the old chompers in the AM, and he’s clear for an after-work highball. Whiff on the workout? No worries, just tend to the fangs and keep his powder dry for one day. It works for him, and I respect that. In fact, I respect it so much, I’ve adapted his handy-dandy life-hack into one of my own. I call it GYST BINGO. You can cut it out and carry it around in your pocket, which, it pleases me to say, would take “playing with yourself” to a whole new level.
Each square on the GYST BINGO board represents one of these ten small steps toward having your shit together:
| Saving or not spending money | Delegating |
| Being on time | Being selfish (in a good way) |
| Taking one step toward a goal | Exerting willpower |
| Prioritizing | Not losing your mind |
| Controlling an impulse | Not being an insufferable prick |
They’re scattered around randomly so you don’t have to do all of them in the same day, nor in the same week. But if you do enough of them each day and week, you can score at least one GYST BINGO by the end of the month—maybe several. Let’s hear it for fun, interactive takeaways!