TOUGH SHIT:
Getting older, getting ahead, getting healthy, and getting better at life in general

 

This isn’t so bad, is it? We’re making excellent progress. By now, you’re an old pro at must-do lists, your inbox is on fleek, and you might even have an extra $100 burning a hole in your bank account. You’ve learned the value of prioritizing, the workday is looking more manageable, and you finally know how long it really takes you to shower and shave.

Congratulations! You’re well on your way to winning at life (and without being an insufferable prick, I might add).

If you’re a Theodore, “I don’t know where to start” should no longer be in your vocabulary, nor should “There’s too much on my list.” Now we’re moving into what I think of as Alvin territory—stuff that requires a longer attention span or protracted commitment. Though it must be said, all chipmunks can and will benefit from part III, which (as is my wont) is further broken down into three smaller, more manageable categories:

• Responsibilities & Relationships: Being an adult AND acting like one.

• Work & Finances: Looking to get promoted? Look no further! Also: Delegating, enjoying your time off, and saving for retirement.

• Health, Home & Lifestyle: Staying hale and hearty so you can make it to retirement; keeping your house clean after you clean it; the ways in which HGTV is lying to you and the benefits of hiring a pro; and carving out time for hobbies and creative pursuits.

Oh, I’m sorry, Alvin, did you think I was fucking around?

SURPRISE!

I’m not.