Weeks crawled by, a strange sort of limbo. Tensions were building across the states and in the Allerton home. Esther avoided her family as much as she could. Why even try to appease Julia? They had never been close, but now the gulf between them seemed uncrossable. And more the pity. Esther would have loved having a confidante to share her tousle of feelings with, to talk late into the night like girls about their latest infatuations. Maybe if she could voice her thoughts about a certain blacksmith, she’d make sense of them. Instead, she sat alone in the library long after the rest of the family retired for the night, trying to read while Thomas Flynn haunted her mind.
“Forget him,” Esther murmured, the mantra she had taken up since he’d forced her to leave him half patched together, his home a mess. The man was enough to drive any woman insane. He offered her friendship, only to pull away when she was ready to accept. What had changed?
Forget him!
Easier said than done. She missed how easy she felt around him, how at home—more so than the one she shared with her father and sister.
“You and Charlie need to go home.”
If only she knew where that was.
“You wanted to speak with me, Miss Esther?” Eli stepped into the library, candle in hand. Its light joined the lamp she had set on the decorative table at her side.
“Yes. I have a question.”
He slipped the door closed behind him and lowered his voice. “I haven’t seen Master Flynn since you sent me yesterday with the soup from Cook. He doesn’t want anything.”
Esther cringed. “Anything from her,” had probably been Thomas’s choice of words. “That’s not what I wished to speak with you about.”
“I think he’s just stuck on his pride. Doesn’t like you seeing him broken like he is.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“Doesn’t like needing help.”
Esther stood, setting the newsprint aside. “But we all need help. We can’t get through this life on our own.” She knew better than most. Yet she had no choice but to do it alone. “I didn’t ask you here to discuss Mr. Flynn or his pride. I—” She motioned to the Washington Star. “President Lincoln has requested five hundred thousand men from Congress. They’re not going to back down and neither is the Confederation. This war isn’t going to have an easy resolution.” Like a flooded river, picking up speed and sweeping away everything in its path. “I can’t stay here any longer. Not pinched between the North and South, and with Charlie’s poor health.”
Eli’s mouth opened, but a moment passed before sound followed. “Where will you go?”
“Back to Boston. I still have the apartment there. Though I plan to sell it and find a cottage in the country. The city is no good for Charlie.” Nor for her. She was so tired of keeping up pretenses. “And I don’t belong here.”
“We’ll miss you and Master Charlie, Miss Esther.”
She shook her head. “You could come with me, Eli. If you wish. You see, Father never owned you. Mother did. You were left to her daughters.” A bitter taste crept up the back of her throat. She had been raised with the understanding that a man could own another, but not to speak of it in such crude terms. “I’ve made the necessary arrangements with my sister.” Another sore spot between them. “You are free.” She pulled the document from beside the lamp and held it out. “You may do as you please now.”
Eli stood silent, staring at the papers in her hands. “I thank you, Miss Esther.”
She wiped a sudden trickle of moisture from her cheek. “I’m sorry I took so long.”
His arms opened, and she stepped into them. “I have funds set aside for you, whatever you need. Whether you come with me or join President Lincoln’s fight, that’s your choice. Go with God.”
They sat in the dark for another hour, the lamplight flickering ever lower as they discussed plans. She wanted to depart as soon as everything was made ready, before any real conflicts began. Eli agreed to wait the week to accompany her to Boston, where he would leave them and find out where he was needed by the Union. Soon everything was decided and they bid each other good night, though it was probably early morning.
All was settled. By the end of the week she would be on her way north. Strangely, her main regret for leaving was the man who wouldn’t let her near him. Oh, how Charlie would miss him. As would she.
Forget him.
As hard as he tried, it was impossible to push Esther from his mind. Though he had removed her splint from his arm, the memory of her gentle ministrations remained. Along with the image of her standing in his room, stacking dishes to wash …
Flynn brought the hammer down with his left hand, his right tucked tight to his chest. Healing, but not ready for the abuse of his trade. He hadn’t produced anything he could sell in almost a month, but he needed to keep his mind and body busy, so here he sat, tapping clumsily away at something that only opened the hole in his chest wider.
“Wh–what is … that?”
Flynn spun to face the chair in the corner now occupied by Charlie. “How did you get in here?”
Charlie pointed to the open doorway from the mostly bare storefront.
“You surprised me.” He set the hammer on the swage block and straightened. “I didn’t hear you.”
“You were busy.” The boy nodded at him emphatically.
A smile teased the corner of Flynn’s mouth. He pulled the glove from his hand. “Yes, I was.” He glanced around, disappointment and concern battling for prominence. “Where is your mother?”
Charlie shuffled his feet back and forth, looking at the floor. His shoulders lifted to his ears.
“Did you come here on your own? Again?”
A subtle smile stretched his mouth, and he bit his lip.
“Charlie.”
“Mama said … we couldn’t come no more. She … she wouldn’t listen … that I haaaaad to come. You neeeed me.”
Swallowing hard, Flynn crouched in front of the boy, but before he could open his mouth, Charlie threw his arms around his neck. Emotion surged up Flynn’s throat and misted his eyes. I do need you. Despite all his bluster that he could get along on his own, the truth gripped his heart like a vice.
Lord, help me.
“I want to stay … with you.”
“I want that too. I really do.” He gripped Charlie’s arms, meeting the boy’s ever-welcoming eyes. “But your mama will be missing you. We need to take you home.” Even if that meant confronting Esther again. And her father.