Triumph Band Program, Advanced
2020–2021
Parents, please review these requirements with the cadets. Adherence to regulations is mandatory.
Keep America Great!
Jason G. N. Smythe
Liaison to the US Naval Band Academy
Dear Cadet:
Congratulations on your acceptance to the Triumph Band Program. Successful completion will prepare you for an exciting career in the Navy’s marching bands, including performances at our Great Nation’s capital. Cadets who are unable to meet minimum musicianship standards will be assigned remedial work and stationed at the Wall to provide entertainment for our loyal troops there.
Your four-year stint in the Triumph Band Academy will prepare you to be an exemplary citizen and role model. You are required to be a member in good standing of the Junior Plutocrats’ League, America First, and Twitter.
You can choose from the list of instruments in Appendix A. You will, of course, provide your own. Failure to maintain an instrument in acceptable condition will result in demerits and possible expulsion. Drummers may not chew gum, unless it is Midas Mint. Please note that, by order of the President, all instruments are notated in treble clef, to represent our Unity.
All instruments have been fitted with bayonets. You will be trained in sections on their use. Once sufficient proficiency in the basics has been attained, you will practice on live targets. Cadets who accrue too many demerits may be reassigned to the Voluntary Bullseye Corps.
You will also be required to carry and care for a standard-issue sidearm. Attacks on marching bands are, unfortunately, a sad fact of life, as not everyone in our Great Nation has accepted the President’s benevolent rule. Rest assured that any act of hostility or criticism directed toward a cadet will be taken seriously, and that retaliation against hostiles is encouraged. Attempts to distribute pictures or video of Triumph Band events are considered hostile unless approved by a government official.
You will be periodically tested at the firing range and expected to maintain acceptable aggregate scores. Be warned that, due to the variation in threat levels from terrorists and domestic threats, what constitutes an acceptable score may be revised periodically. Cadets who are unable to meet the program’s standards will receive demerits.
All cadets will be assigned standard band uniforms, including bulletproof vests and riot gear. Since free choice of instruments often results in imbalanced sections, some cadets will be assigned to march and play music while others undertake riot duty, and still others are responsible for piloting defensive drones from a secure location.
The standard curriculum includes several components. The Band Musicianship course specific to your instrument focuses on performance, marching band protocols, sight-reading, repertoire, and how to maintain a social media presence in line with our Great Nation’s policies. You will also perform in the Triumph Band as an ensemble. All cadets will be assigned additional practice time based on their proficiency and musical needs.
You will also attend a daily Citizenship course to expose you to government-endorsed facts. On Sundays you will go to Church of America services. Cadets will tithe to the Church of America. Exemptions may be granted in cases of proven merit. Family connections will, of course, be taken into consideration.
There will be periodic Performance, Music Theory, and Citizenship examinations. Cadets will also be required to memorize pieces from the Band Canon, which includes the Great National Anthem, other patriotic pieces, and “My Way.”
The full Code of Conduct can be found in Appendix B. Be sure to review it before your arrival. You are expected to stay vigilant and report any signs of suspicious activity, especially among other Triumph Band members. Remember, without vigilance, America cannot stay Strong!
Demerits may be handled in several different ways. Consult Appendix B for details. In cases of severe deficiency, a tribunal will be convened to examine the case in question. Penalties can be ameliorated by appropriate donations to an approved corporate sponsor.
In case an emergency court martial of your band director is called, do not panic. Such courts martial are rare, especially during performances, and a detailed set of procedures exists for them. See Appendix C for details.
As long as you remember to honor our Great President and the achievements of our Great Nation under his leadership, you should do well. We look forward to seeing you this year.
Sergeant Green L. Rollins, USN, Retired
Triumph Band Director