Winners are made, not born.
Winning is not bestowed upon a privileged few; rather, it is the result of hard work. To win, you have to keenly observe your opponent. You have to be willing to make sacrifices, endure pain, push yourself to the limit.
It was this thirst for winning that motivated Val to constantly improve her volleyball skills, enough for a scout to take notice and offer her the holy grail of college scholarships. It was also the reason why she had reinvented herself from being just another student to one of the university’s most revered and elite.
The Val Fabians of the world succeeded because they were willing to sweat and weep blood and tears to achieve their goals—even if those tears came from the people they loved.
* * * *
It was almost lunchtime and Val’s heart was pounding in her ears. She had to find him right away. If only she knew what his schedule was. If only she could ask Dessa.
Dessa, who had looked at Val in such disbelief and hurt that she almost backtracked on what she had said. Instead, she had tried to look her most earnest and innocent as she elaborated on the lie.
“He told me so last week. I wanted to tell you, but we were all so busy and then this thing with my dad came up, and –“ She had thrown her hands up in the air helplessly.
“He likes you?” Dessa said slowly, catching her breath in between words.
Val nodded. “We were chatting online and before I knew it, he was admitting that he had a crush on me. Then he asked me out.” She crossed her legs to stop her knees from shaking. What was she doing? What was she saying? But whatever it was, she had already started it and there was no turning back. “I told him we could go out after the championship games. And he said he was looking forward to it, and that in the meantime, he was really glad that you guys are really getting to know each other because he wanted my best friend to be his friend, too.”
Dessa’s face became an unreadable vacuum, as if all emotion had been drained from it. For once, Val felt afraid. She had always known Dessa as unbreakable, all steel and toughness. But looking at her blank stare, the light in her eyes switched off, she realized that her friend was as vulnerable as they came.
Val felt so unsettled that she couldn’t think of anything more to say—except for one final lie.
“Fudge! Look at the time!” She spilled out the words hurriedly. “I’m late for my meeting. I’ll see you, okay?”
After giving Dessa’s stiff, unmoving body a quick, awkward hug, she literally ran from their secret spot, away from the canopy of trees that pressed on her, knowing her dirty secret.
Val walked aimlessly around the quad, her eyes peeled for Jake. She had to make him fall in love with her now. She had to make the lie true. In her mind, making him choose her would lessen the gravity of her sin against Dessa.
Instead, she ran right into Rico, his arm around a beautiful girl, almost as tall as her. She looked like a model with her legs and arms that went on forever, her short hair clinging to her head like a fashionable hat.
What could have turned into an awkward moment was saved by Val’s quick reaction.
“Hey, you!” Her friendly smile extended from Rico to the girl.
“Val, long time,” Rico took her cue and smiled back. After making small talk about last night’s game, he squeezed his companion’s shoulder. “This is Kristel. Kristel, meet Val.”
“Every one knows who you are,” Kristel laughed. “Nice to meet you.”
“Ditto,” Val kept her tone pleasant.
“She’s a transferee,” explained Rico as Kristel gazed at him adoringly. “She’s taking irregular classes so she can graduate with us.”
“You make me sound like a delinquent,” she elbowed his side and they both laughed.
Val looked at them for a moment, hope rising in her chest. If Rico was happily in love, then maybe she could be the same.
A movement in her periphery caused her to jerk her head and like an answered prayer, she saw Jake crossing the grassy field towards the cafeteria, erect back drenched in sunlight. There was an urgency to his gait, but otherwise he looked the same as always: tall, lean, handsome, dressed simply but impeccably, unaware of the drama that Val and Dessa had built around him.
Val took a moment to compose her self before crossing his path, pretending that he didn’t see him first.
“Val!”
She felt her heart take flight as she heard the note of pleasure in his voice. Emboldened, she stepped forward to give him a quick buss on the cheek.
“Jake! I haven’t seen you in ages. Have you eaten?”
“Was just about to. Have you seen Dessa?”
His sudden mention of her name felt like an unexpected blow and Val momentarily lost her balance. But she was on a mission and she could not afford to be easily upset.
“Maybe she’s still at the library?” Then as if the thought just occurred to her, she changed the subject. “Let’s lunch! I’m starved.”
Jake didn’t reply right away. He took his phone out and frowned at it. “I just came from the library but I didn’t see her there. It’s strange—she’s been ignoring my calls and texts the whole day.”
Val ignored the twinge of guilt in her chest and pushed the image of Dessa’s blank, immobile face from her mind. “She’s probably busy. So are you going to take me to lunch or what?” She pursed her lips in a way that she knew made her look cute, and tapped her foot on the concrete in mock impatience.
Jake chuckled. “Okay, okay. Where do you want to eat?”
After a few minutes, she was in Jake’s car, on their way to the newly opened creperie a few blocks from school. Alone with Jake in his flesh-colored Camry, she felt like a freshman again, falling in love with him for the first time. Everything about him was perfect: the way he shifted gears, the relaxed way he turned the wheel, how he smelled—the same spicy-sweet scent she had inhaled during that unfortunate incident four years ago when she first discovered he had a girlfriend.
Now ex-girlfriend, she thought triumphantly.
To her disappointment, the usual lunch traffic was almost non-existent. The whole trip took no more than ten minutes. Before she knew it, he had parked the car and they were on their way inside the small restaurant.
As they sat down on cushioned wrought iron chairs, Val soaked in the vintage French ambiance, complete with portraits of sketched women wearing huge beribboned hats and dresses with enormously puffed sleeves. The walls were even done in her favorite color, tiffany blue, accented by sprigs of roses in soft pastel colors.
It was no fancy revolving restaurant, but it would do for their first date.
“You were kick-ass in the last game.” Jake grinned after the server had left with their orders.
Val waved away the compliment though she secretly savored every bit of it. “I can’t believe it all starts again soon. It was hell switching our entire game plan.”
“I’m sure you guys will do great.” He leaned forward, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “So, graduation. Thoughts? Plans? Fears?”
Val laughed and tossed her head before leaning forward, her elbow nearly touching his. Jake was definitely flirting with her. “Why worry about it? I’m a firm believer of going with the flow. How about you?”
To her delight, Val discovered that they were both natural talkers, their sentences ending with questions that kept the conversation going smoothly. Even while eating, they managed to chat about a variety of things, including the latest senate hearing on an allegedly corrupt government official. Val rarely tuned in to the news, and when she did, she only paid attention to the showbiz bits. Still, she put up a convincing show of understanding the whole thing, even putting in a comment or two.
Val leaned back in her seat, marveling at how different this was from all her other dates. Hearing him talk, it was obvious that he was intellectual and mature. She could easily change for him: surf news sites instead of fashion blogs, even take short business courses after graduation so they could talk shop.
A trilling sound pierced the air and Jake brought out his phone. After reading the message, he addressed Val.
“Can I ask you something?”
Still recovering from her musings, Val looked at him with a dazed smile. “Sure.”
“Is Dessa seeing anyone?”
The question caught Val off-guard, the smile yanked off her face.
Jake sighed and frowned again at his phone. “I have a feeling that she’s been avoiding me. I don’t know if she told you, but I took her out after the game.”
Val stared at him, feeling the panic slowly seeping in.
He shook his head, baffled. “I don’t get it. I got the feeling then that she liked me, too.”
The ball of panic was there now, up her throat. With extreme effort, Val swallowed it, forcing herself to be in command of her body. She had to stop him from saying it, from making it true. But her tongue felt thick and heavy in her mouth.
“I like Dessa, Val.” Jake grinned sheepishly, making him look more than ever like a little boy confessing an adorable sin. “She’s just… amazing.” He laughed and gestured to her. “You’re her friend. You know how amazing she is!”
He was waiting for validation. But Val had fallen into a stupor and could do no more than gawk at him. She gave herself a mental shake. She had to fight for him. She was a winner. And winners didn’t give up.
She opened her mouth to say something, anything that would stop him from gushing about her.
I hate to break it to you, Jake. But she she’s seeing someone else.
She’s a lesbian. She came out to me just last year.
I’m better suited for you than her, don’t you think?
But before her mouth could give shape to the words, Jake spoke. “You know she’s always talking about you. How pretty you are. How incredibly talented you are. She’s your number one fan.”
He looked up and smiled at Val. “I told her that she’s no different, that she’s also pretty and talented, and all the good things that she never thought she was.”
Dessa? Insecure? It was the very last thing that occured to Val. Dessa had always held her head high, spoke her mind, acted the way she wanted to without caring what other people thought.
“Are you okay?” Jake was peering at her. “You look pale.”
Without meaning to, Val stood up suddenly. “I don’t feel well.”
“Hold on.” Jake reached out to hold her arm. “Let me get the bill.”
On the drive back to school, Val stayed silent despite Jake’s ministrations. Maybe it was the goat cheese in the crepe salée that did it? Food poisoning sucked. Val stared out of the window and gave noncommittal grunts.
He dropped her off at the hall entrance that housed the school infirmary.
“Can you manage from here?” The genuine concern in his voice only made her feel worse.
She looked away, nodding her head vigorously before pushing open the car door. Once her feet hit the ground, she started walking briskly.
Her mules were clacking on the floor, echoing across the hall, making people’s heads turn. For once, she didn’t want to be looked at; she wanted to be invisible. She picked up the pace, her messenger bag thumping her hip with each bounce. Finally she got to the ladies’ room, and entered the first empty stall she could find. She bolted the door and leaned against it.
Just a few moments ago, she had felt quite the mature, intellectual woman-of-the-world. But now she was eight years old again, feeling abandoned and unwanted because, once again, she just wasn’t good enough.
When will she ever be good enough for the people she loved? For them to stay, to love her back? Her father. Jake. They were all the same.
She put her hand over her mouth to muffle the sobs.