When flying from New York to San Francisco, we don’t allow only three minutes to change planes in Denver. A much greater margin of error is needed. But if we make such allowances in our travels, why don’t we do it in our living? Life is a journey, but it is not a race. Do yourself a favor and slow down.
—Richard Swenson, MD
It was Thursday morning, only four days since I had flown into Colorado Springs to work with an international organization for the week. After training the home staff at noon each day and consulting one-on-one all afternoon, I had made a lot of progress and still had two days to go.
The woman initiating my services was the president’s wife, who was a seasoned leader and traveler. In just three mornings, Barb and I had organized everything—her desk and files and stacks of paper from months of travel—and we updated her planner with new pages and skills that would keep her going on the road and at home. She had everything she needed. Or so I thought.
She hesitated as we sat face-to-face in her neat office on the fourth morning. “Can I tell you how I really feel?” she asked.
I affirmed her with a nod yet swallowed hard as I prepared for whatever she might say. What could be on her mind? I wondered. We had finished everything, and up to this point she had been grateful and enthusiastic.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them, a tear trickled down her cheek. Her lip quivered. “I’m just so . . . tired.”
I reached out to comfort her. It was a tender moment. She let her tears fall. No one knew the stress she felt. This may have been the first time she admitted it to herself or anyone else.
Take Time Out Before You Burn Out
At that moment, I was reminded that getting organized and saying no aren’t the only answers to a busy life. It is also crucial to recognize the important part our emotions play in the process of becoming effective and efficient.
I felt as though I were standing at a crossroad in Barb’s life. What was the next best step? She needed more than just tips on how to get organized. I took a risk and said, “This is coming from deep within, Barb. Tears often tell the truth about our lives no matter what we tell ourselves and others. Your tears are telling you something. I think you might be close to burnout. Could that be?”
After wiping her tears, she regained her composure and nodded in agreement. “And I’m not sure what to do,” she admitted.
Two Choices to Regroup
“You have two choices,” I continued. “You can either keep on at the pace you’re going, wear yourself down, and take six months to a year off to recover—or you can consciously take time to relax for a few hours or more every day. You need downtime, and you probably haven’t had it in your schedule for a long time.”
She looked relieved when I presented the second option. “Definitely I need to have some downtime every day. I can’t take six months to a year off. There’s no way.”
“OK, then let’s start today.” I nudged her from a good intention to the next step.
“Today?” She looked dismayed. “Couldn’t we start tomorrow?”
“That’s the point,” I responded. “You have pushed rest into tomorrow, and now your tomorrows have caught up with you. It’s time—today!”
Barb pulled out her planner and scrutinized her schedule. “Well, today after we finish I have a luncheon with some leaders I haven’t seen in months. Then we have a key staff meeting this afternoon, after which I have to stop by the store to get things before we fly out the day after tomorrow. And then I have dinner with you, and some planning and writing deadlines to do tonight. I guess I will have to . . . give up dinner with you!”
I had just lost out on the highlight of my trip, which was to have an inti-mate dinner with Barb. But we both won as she gained downtime and I reflected on the importance of dealing with our inner emotional lives as well as our outward clutter.
What Is Downtime?
Downtime is a pendulum swing from stress to rest. Downtime is getting away from the source of the stress to a place of emotional comfort. Downtime is the way to regroup to restore your focus and perspective. The less you have of it, the more likely you are to burn out.
Our lives need balance, not a task to fill in every minute of the day. We have hearts and emotions that cooperate when we are rested and rebel when we’re under stress. After intense work and activities, we need a break. We need time away from routine to counterbalance the stresses of our day.
Readjust Your Life
The next morning Barb reported back that after dinner she sat on the couch staring into space. Her husband came in, lit a fire to cheer her up, and was about to leave to give her time alone to regroup. Instead, she asked him to stay. “We had the best talk we have had in months,” she told me. “Thank you for your gift of time that made it possible for us to sit and talk late into the evening. My husband is really supportive and thanks you too.” We talked further, and she promised to make changes to balance her busy life.
Barb also organized a support group for five other wives of presidents of nonprofit organizations. They all shared similar challenges, so they made it a priority to attend these monthly meetings when they were in town. Sharing their personal lives in a safe setting strengthened all of them.
Where Can I Possibly Fit In Downtime?
Fitting downtime into your daily schedule is easier than you might guess. Insert a few minutes of downtime during the day doing whatever you like to do to relax physically and mentally, such as the following:
Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea as a common daily “downtime” experience.
Watch your favorite TV show (but don’t linger to become a couch potato).
Call your mom or friend to chat after a long day with the kids or at work.
Use your bread maker to wake up to the aroma of fresh bread each morning.
Start each day with a walk and chat with a friend.
Work out routinely to relieve your daily tension.
Take a nap.
Smile with only eleven muscles to relax the forty-seven tense ones that were frowning.
Check your attitude and stress levels on the hour.
End your day with a good book to unwind.
It’s Your Time
Take Some Downtime Each Day (Time Tool #7)
□ Schedule your favorite downtime activity the next time you feel stressed.
□ Ask a close friend if he or she thinks you work too much.
□ Stay connected with friends and share something personal about your life.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
—Will Rogers