Ensure Your Future with a Strong Family Network
Do you set aside time to be with your children, partner, sisters, brothers, parents, and extended family? In today’s busy world, it’s easy for families to drift apart. But you can cultivate togetherness by making an extra effort to “be there” for your children and for other family members—not just on birthdays and holidays, but every day.
—Donna Smalin
As you strategize about your future, you need to think in terms of not only goals, dreams, and aspirations but who will be there with you. Life is fragile, and all the relationships you enjoy today may not be there in the future.
But there is one group of people that will be linked to your past and your present—your family. Your family network may be strong or it may be weak, but there can be mutual benefit if you take the time to stay connected.
Intentional Planning Can Grow into Mutual Friendship
“Mom, you’ll never guess who I saw at the conference!” my daughter Lisa exclaimed as she walked in the front door after assisting at a large event. “I was sitting outside the meeting room when I heard someone say, ‘Lisa Ramsland, what are you doing here?’ And you’ll never guess who it was.”
By then I was very curious.
“It was my high school girlfriend Erika, who now lives in Oregon! She, her sister, her mom, and her grandmother were on a family ‘girls’ retreat,’ pamper-ing themselves for Mother’s Day weekend. Every year around the same time, they meet at a resort. They get manicures and pedicures, shop, and eat out together. Isn’t that a great idea? Why don’t we do something like that?”
Why Don’t We Do That?
That was a good question. When I got married, I was impressed that my husband’s family had weeklong reunions every four years where more than sixty relatives gathered together. And when I was growing up, twenty of my family members got together for a big cookout at my parents’ home on Lake Geneva for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and birthdays.
But why didn’t three generations of women get together to do “girlfriend” things? I suspected the answer had two parts. First was the lack of time in our busy personal schedules. And second, perhaps we had missed opportunities to be “present” with one another when we were together.
Marry and Bury—There You Are Again
Extended families generally see each other at weddings and funerals. At such times, people connect in a heartwarming way and trade funny stories and memories.
“Do you remember when Uncle Joe tied tin cans on your getaway car and the police stopped you on your wedding night?”
“How about the time we went down to the lake, I caught my prizewining fish, and it jumped out of the boat in the downpour before we got home?”
“Remember the day you got your first bike and crashed into the neighbor’s new fence?”
We often think of ourselves in a good light, but relatives have a way of bringing us back to reality! That’s when you realize you have come home to people who know you and your past. It can be a special experience. And by the time you say good-bye, you may be thinking, We should get together more often.
Build Extended Family Ties
Getting together with extended family can boost your self-esteem by helping you remember who you are and strengthen your family roots. You may come away with a gentler view of life that balances the cares and demands of today. Your family network can be an emotional support that warms your heart with good memories. The happier you are in your personal life, the easier it is to simplify and manage your time.
If you and your relatives live in the same geographic area, make the most of it now, as it may not always be that way. Following are some ways to enjoy family time.
1. HOST NO-PRESSURE FAMILY DINNER NIGHTS. Even if it’s only on vacation or holidays, invite relatives over for a nice meal and fellowship.
2. CELEBRATE WITH HOLIDAY POTLUCKS. Make it easy to get together by letting everyone bring a dish.
3. SHARE FAMILY PHOTOS AS A CONVERSATION STARTER. Pictures say a thousand words and help the less talkative find something they can speak up about.
4. TELL A FUNNY FAMILY STORY. Shared memories keep the family history alive and tie the past to the present.
Build Stronger Ties at Home Today
Creating warm relationships for the future begins today at home. We’re more rushed than we’d like to be, so we have to be intentional. But there are simple ways to connect with people in your own household on a daily basis. Note these important times and begin to capitalize on them:
1. FOCUS ON YOUR HELLO AND GOOD-BYE TIME. If you had only fifteen minutes a day to allot to your family, spend it with each member when he or she walks in the door. Drop everything to greet your spouse, roommate, or kids with good eye contact and “Hi, I’m glad to see you!”
2. ELIMINATE ARGUMENTS BEFORE MEALTIME. Studies show that most bickering occurs the half hour before people sit down to eat. Avoid this by eating on time and initiating upbeat conversation around the table.
3. EAT TOGETHER REGULARLY. A White House study in 2000 asked what was different in families that had teenagers who “turned out right” versus those involved in drugs, sex, alcohol, and suicide. The answer? Emotionally healthy families ate at least five meals a week together. Even if all five meals are on the weekend, keep mealtime communication open and interesting.
4.TURN OFF YOUR OUTSIDE WORLD AND BE PUNCTUAL. When your son or daughter is in a play or athletic event, put your work aside and be in the front row on time. Children need your presence and your applause. Show up and display your pride in your kids, your spouse, or your roommate. Don’t let them down. Be there.
5. RELAX TOGETHER. Sit with your family when they watch TV or nearby while they are on the computer. These two activities can either isolate or bring people together. Change the computer hookups to be in the same room for more together time. Buy headphones if the music scene sends you apart.
Time Tips for Families
If you still have children at home, you are extra busy. Here are some key time strategies to apply to family living:
TODDLERS. Be five minutes ahead of them. You can push or you can pull toddlers, but the best way is to lead by always being ahead of them.
SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN. Be one hour ahead of them. Remind them of what is next—whether school, music, or sports—so they can start to transition mentally and collect what is needed.
TEENAGERS. Be one day ahead of them. If your teenager wants the car on the weekend, leverage his motivation by requiring that he clean his room and do chores beforehand.
SPOUSE. Be three months ahead. If you want to get the house painted in the summer, start selecting colors in the spring. Discuss what you want to accomplish and when you can best do it.
Building a Strong Foundation
So much of our time is spent building our careers that we occasionally let family time slip. Yet who do you want to be there to celebrate when you earn your retirement gold watch? Or who will support you when you face a disappointing loss or the death of a good friend? Who can you reminisce with about your childhood and teenage years? It’s usually the extended family network.
It’s never too late to connect with your family. It’s one part of our lives we need to make time for. Keep your family networks glowing with the fuel of love and regular connection. When we’re happiest, we manage time better and life is simpler.
It’s Your Time
Ensure Your Future with a Strong Family Network (Time Strategy #5)
□ What activities other than holiday get-togethers could you do together (e.g., vacation, sports, movies, etc.)?
□ Who are your favorite relatives, and how can you keep in touch?
□ Start an online photo gallery or blog to keep in touch despite your limited time.
Placing your relationships at the top of your daily list of activities and spending time to nurture those relationships can help you simplify your life by helping you stay focused on what is truly important—people. Determine each day to keep your relationships in the forefront of your life.
—Lila Empson