"How was last night?" Bill said and sat down across from me in the break room.
"It was fine." I took a bite of my turkey sandwich.
"Just fine?"
"Yup. How was Susan's book club? What were they reading?"
"I don't know what they were reading. But she definitely had too much wine. I got lucky last night."
"You took advantage of your drunk wife? Bill, I'm shocked."
"No. She gets super horny when she's drunk. She was basically begging for it."
"I didn't know that about Susan. Huh. I'm starting to see her in a whole new light. Good for you." I took another bite of my sandwich.
"I don't even know what you mean by that. But back to you. Did you get lucky last night?"
"Yes, actually. On my way home I found a heads up penny. And I got to make a wish. But I don't want to say anything else. Because if I tell you my wish, it won't come true."
"What the hell are you talking about? I mean did you get laid?"
"Laid? Oh, you're talking about Julie?"
"I don't know. Is that what the seven's name was?"
"Yes. Geez. You shouldn't refer to her that way. It's a little rude, Bill."
"So that's a yes? That's awesome. I didn't think you had it in you. She was pretty hot too. Does that mean you're finally over the dirty cheater?"
"I didn't sleep with Julie."
"What? Why? I set you up perfectly."
"I don't know. Our conversation didn't even last that long after you left."
"What did you do?"
I shrugged. "I called her fat or something. I don't know."
"Dude, why would you say she was fat?"
"I didn't. My pick up lines just went south."
"You're terrible at this."
"I'm out of practice. And I would have tried harder if I was actually attracted to her."
"You didn't have to marry her. You just need to get out of whatever this funk is that you're in. I'm sure Susan has a single friend she can set you up with."
"No, thank you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It doesn't mean anything."
"My wife is smokin' hot, Ethan. You'd be lucky to land a girl like her."
"I know. I didn't mean anything by it. Obviously Susan is hot. Her ass is amazing."
"Okay, that's enough, smart ass. Don't talk about my wife like that." Bill loosened his tie.
"Calm down, man. Are you high or something?"
Bill laughed. "No. I was just trying to scare you. I was starting to think you didn't have any balls. Just wanted to see if there was any testosterone left in you or if Madeline took it all when she moved out."
"What, you wanted to see if I'd punch you in the face?"
Bill laughed again. "I wanted to see if you'd try to punch me in the face. Because obviously you couldn't actually. I'd totally beat your ass."
"Whatever. My balls are fine. I just want to move on in my own way. I don't need anyone's help. All I need help with is how I'm going to confront cunt-bag Cliff."
Bill laughed. "I like the new nickname. You should just be super passive aggressive. And definitely jizz in his coffee."
"Perfect. Operation Coffee Jizz. This day has new meaning."