"Oh my God, he's actually drinking it," I said. Bill and I were standing in my cubicle, watching Cliff take a sip of the coffee we had switched out while he was in the bathroom.
"That's fucking disgusting," Bill said.
"I think he loves it."
"He's literally guzzling your cum right now. This is priceless. We need photo evidence of this."
"Absolutely." I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture. I looked at the picture I had just taken. Cliff was looking down at his coffee, frowning. I looked back up at him. He was staring directly at us.
"Shit. Let's get out of here," I said.
Bill and I ran into each other.
"That way man." I pointed to the elevator.
"Oh, fuck, Cliff's leaving his office."
"Go." I shoved him in the direction of the elevator. Bill hit the button and we quickly got on. The elevator doors closed before Cliff caught up to us. We both burst out laughing.
"Oh my God, do you think he knew?" Bill finally got out.
"I don't know. He didn't look super happy. Cum gets kind of clumpy in hot water, right?"
"Does it? Why do you know that?"
"You know, like when you skeet on a girl in the shower, it all clumps together."
"Oh, yeah. That's true. I didn't think of that. He probably got a huge chunk of your jizz."
We started laughing again as we walked outside.
"Do you think he's following us?" I asked.
"Let's cut through the park just in case."
"Good thinking." It was a perfect day for a walk in the park. A cool breeze was blowing in from the west that made it just cold enough so that I wouldn't sweat in my suit.
"I still can't believe Cliff took credit for the Blackstone Report," I said to Bill.
"Well, I think you successfully got him back. Besides, look on the bright side of things. Now that you're done with the Blackstone Report, you can finally..."
"Make myself a cheese steak. I know. I'm so excited. Or maybe I should make..."
"What? No," said Bill. "I was going to say you could finally go out and meet some girls. On your own. Without my help or meddling."
Why are we still talking about this? My failures last night should have been enough proof that I wasn't ready. "I think I'd rather just make myself a cheese steak."
"No. Not acceptable. You need to go out tonight and talk to some girls again. In fact, I expect you to meet one girl and send me her picture before the night is over."
"And if I don't?"
"I don't know. Maybe a rumor will start to spread around the office that you're gay."
"Dude, that's not cool at all."
Bill's phone buzzed and he looked down at the screen. "Shit, I forgot Susan was making an early dinner so that we can get set up for our Bachelor Finale viewing party. Gotta run."
"Speaking of not cool..."
"Only a cool guy would have helped you with Operation Coffee Jizz and you know it."
"Fair enough. But seriously, a Bachelor Finale viewing party?"
"It's actually a pretty good show once you get into it."
"If you tell the whole office I'm gay, I'll tell them you watch the Bachelor."
"Right, with my wife. Which is not weird at all. I'm just being a good husband."
Damn it, he's right. Bill jogged off back towards the office before I could stop him. Would he really tell the whole office I was gay? Knowing Bill, the answer was probably yes. How am I going to find a girl to talk to? And more importantly, how am I going to take a picture to send to Bill without looking like a total creeper?
Going to a bar seemed like the only option. Either that or just finding a picture online.
Then I rounded a bend in the path and found myself staring directly at a naked man streaking down the path. The guy saw me too, and before I could get a look at his face, he dove into a patch of bushes that looked a lot like poison ivy.
"What the hell?" I said to myself.
I peered into the bushes when I got a little closer, but there was no sign of the man. Maybe I just imagined it.
I continued walking down the path. It opened into a clearing where a camera man was interviewing a girl in a tiny blue dress. Her ass looked great. Maybe I should snap a picture of her to send to Bill.
Then she turned towards me and I saw that it was the smoking hot weather girl from Channel Nine. Layla Torrez. I always knew she was hot, but she looked even better in person. Her tits were pouring out of her dress and in those heels she had legs for days. And those luscious red lips...
"Excuse me," she said.
Oh shit, is she talking to me? I looked behind me to be sure I didn't make an idiot out of myself by answering her when she was talking to the person behind me. No one was there. "Hi," I said and walked towards her.
"I'm Layla Torrez with Channel Nine News. Can I interview you for a second?"
Yes! "Sure. I'm Ethan."
"Hi, Ethan. Are you familiar with Layla's Predictions?"
Hell yeah, I always watch that. "I think I've seen it once or twice."
"Great. Did you want to play?"
"What are you guessing?"
"Your penis size. If I guess within one inch, you have to get naked. But if I get it wrong, then I lose my clothes and you get to come watch me give the weather broadcast nude."
"So that explains the naked dude diving in the bushes."
Layla laughed. God, she looked sexy when she laughed. "Yes, that must have been Mark," she said.
Wait, did Layla really say she wanted to measure my penis? I couldn't have heard that right. "I'm sorry, what did you say you were trying to guess?"
"Your penis size."
"And my reward if you guess wrong?"
"You get to watch me do the weather naked. But if I guess correctly, then I get your clothes."
"Wow, okay."
"So you want to play?"
I took a deep breath. "Can you pinch me? This can't be real."
Layla laughed her alluring laugh again. "It's real. Are you going to play or not?"
And possibly see Layla Torrez naked? Hell yes. "Yeah, I'll play."