John and I started seeing each other, which didn’t mean shagging. Just seeing each other. It’s a funny thing to say, isn’t it? We’d been seeing each other every day for years. Then we started spending time together after that night, Jason’s party. At first I didn’t think about it. He was just someone I’d known forever and we liked each other’s company. His family’s from Sheringham way. He spoke with that little lift in his voice. He made a certain face when he smiled. He raised an eyebrow. He was easy-going, a person who wouldn’t snap, or disappear. I didn’t feel mad excitement about him. I just knew he was there. I knew all his clothes: the Hot Tuna t-shirt, the Diesel jeans, the Carhartt jeans, the old suede Converse trainers, the Vans. Clothes the skaters used to wear in school. They still seemed nice, but funny as well. He’d manage things in his own quiet way. He’d buy the first drink. If we went to the cinema he’d be waiting with the tickets. He’d shrug and say he got there early. He’d be on time. I’d be late. He’d be relaxed. Sometimes I’d catch him looking. Then he’d just smile.
I started taking it for granted. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to think about anyone that way, feel that if they weren’t there I wouldn’t be happy. I’d started, not to be happy, but not to think about being unhappy.
Are you going out with John? Jason asked. Friday, September: one of those long, golden days that are even more beautiful than summer. The evening had turned to rain, and the windows gone smeary. I saw a couple of people hurrying past. Jason was going out with Chloe, his new girlfriend. She seems nice, the two times I’ve seen her. He hasn’t brought her round or anything, not to meet me, I mean. She looks sweet, under the make-up.
We’re meeting up, yeah, I told him. Going out with sounded a bit specific.
My son grinned.
What, I said.
He’s sweet on you, he said.
Since when do you say things like sweet on you, Jason? I asked. You sound like my granddad.
He grinned again. Sweet like sugar, he sang. I tried to clip him round the ear, but he dodged it.