“You’re sure you don’t mind doing this?” Bryan ushered Jade into the aisle of the auditorium Saturday night. The air hummed with the excited chatter of parents and grandparents. Thick red curtains hid the stage, but the only thing he could process was Jade’s perfume. It did things to him, things he couldn’t fight, like making him want to take her in his arms. He located their seats, and they settled in.
“I love dance recitals.” Jade opened her program. “I took tap for a few years when I was young. Putting on my sparkly outfit and tap shoes for the recital was big excitement, let me tell you.”
A vision of her as a little girl filled Bryan’s head, not helping the possessiveness crowding his heart.
“You must be excited.” She squeezed his arm. “What day is the interview again?”
“June 2.” The director of Blue Mountain Retreat had called Bryan today at four, requesting an interview. Maybe it was nerves, but he hadn’t been as excited as he’d thought he would be when they called. He’d almost dialed Jade’s number to tell her, but instead, he’d texted her the news. No sense getting in deeper if he’d be leaving soon.
“Two weeks,” she said quietly.
Two weeks. Too soon. “I looked through my checklist of skills to teach. I’m behind.”
“You’ll be great.”
Great? The reality of it was setting in. Could he really move away from Lake Endwell? His businesses? Everyone he cared about?
Could he leave Jade? Spending every Wednesday night and Sunday afternoon with her was intense. He was finding it harder and harder to stay enthused about Blue Mountain.
“Hey.” Sam shuffled down the row toward them.
Bryan murmured, “We can talk more later.”
“I hear your store is the hit of Lake Endwell.” Sam grinned, moving past Bryan to sit. More of the family arrived, chitchatting with him and Jade. Bryan peeked at her profile. Smiling and expectant.
“Having fun yet?” Jade tilted her head close to his shoulder. Her megasmile hit him full force. He froze. This beautiful woman was with him.
And they could only be friends.
Libby waved at Bryan and immediately turned her attention to Jade. “I got your message! The books arrived?”
“Yes, and I love them. I ordered women’s devotionals and Christian self-help books. You don’t think shoppers will be too embarrassed or intimidated to buy them, do you?”
Bryan tapped the program against his leg. Jade and Libby had gotten close. Maybe that was good. Jade didn’t have family around, and she fit in with Libby. Abby had made next to no effort with his sisters.
“Oh, no.” Libby flourished her wrist. “You can always put a sign in front of the display saying Makes a Great Gift. That way no one will know if they’re buying the book for themselves or someone else.”
“Good idea.” Jade shifted to face Libby. “And you think the corner near the door is a good spot? I spent all week filling orders and haven’t had time to deal with the books yet.”
“Do you want me to stop by Monday night? We can put everything out together.”
Bryan almost interjected he’d come over and help, too, but the lights dimmed and everyone hushed. Soon, the recital was in full swing, and four numbers later, Macy appeared with a dozen other little girls in purple tutus.
“She’s adorable,” Jade whispered, touching his arm. “I want to scoop her up and take her home with me. What a cutie!”
Visions of Jade holding hands with Macy, both of them giggling, came to mind. And another image of Jade, this time holding hands with him as he carried a cinnamon-haired toddler on his shoulders, smacked him square in the chest.
He loved being an uncle, but being with Jade made him want a family of his own.
Squirming, he tried to focus on the girls leaping and bending, but Jade’s presence next to him kept bringing him back around to children. Ones he’d never thought he would have. Until...
No. How could he think about this now?
If he started wanting children, it wouldn’t be long before he considered all that entailed.
Marriage.
More than friendship.
A life here. Not in Blue Mountain.
He cleared his throat. A beautiful woman with shiny auburn hair and a short-sleeved bright green dress that perfectly matched her eyes sat next to him. She had a good heart, a kind soul. Even if he wanted to take their relationship to the next level, she didn’t want it.
Jade’s nose was upturned, her attention laser-like on the dancers ahead.
He couldn’t consider it.
Her childhood had left her gun-shy. When she’d told him about being lost for two days and about her mother, he’d wanted to announce he would always protect her, that she would never feel like she was second or third again, she’d never be lost and alone and sad. But how could he make that kind of promise?
He couldn’t. He was the guy whose wife left him for a man willing to chase her across the country, one who probably enjoyed fine dining and hated sports.
Jade pointed, giggling at one of the girls whose wand had gotten caught in her hair. He chastised himself to pay attention to the recital. This was Macy’s big show.
The rest of the program passed, and the curtains finally closed.
“You’re coming to Tom and Stephanie’s for ice cream, right, Jade?” Libby asked as they made their way up the aisle.
“Oh, I wish I could,” Jade said. “But the baby clothes Fay Worthington ordered came in, and I need to set the designs on them. Plus, I’m trying to get the PTA to order school shirts from me. So far the president has refused to even look at a design. I’m making samples to bring her.”
“You’ll wear her down. See you in church tomorrow, and don’t forget, I’m coming over Monday to help.”
They joined the throngs of people in the foyer and hugged and congratulated Macy. Slowly the crowd dispersed.
“I’ll walk you to your car.” Bryan steered her to the doors. The weather was perfect for mid-May. Warm with a gentle breeze. A full moon illuminated the sidewalk. “You’re not too busy for our session tomorrow, are you?”
Her heels clicked on the pavement. “Of course not. I’m catching up on everything tonight. In fact, I have a favor to ask.” Shy eyes peered from under her curled lashes.
If she asked him to pull a star down from the sky, he’d agree.
“What is it?” he asked huskily.
“Before you take off for your interview, I want to see your granddad’s camping spot. I know I’ve only been in the woods a little while, but I want to try it. Do you think we could hike there tomorrow?”
He’d never taken anyone there before.
He wanted to take her. “Are you up for it? I mean, if you think you can handle it, I’d like to show it to you.”
“Bring Teeny.” Jade smiled. “I know it sounds stupid, but having her there makes me feel better about the woods.”
“It’s not stupid. She’s turning into a good dog.” He said a silent prayer of thanks for Lucy’s overseas adventure.
Jade unlocked her car, and Bryan opened the door for her, waiting until she sat behind the wheel before shutting it and rapping his knuckles on the window twice. She lowered her window.
“Thanks for coming tonight.” He bent, inches from her face.
“Thanks for making me feel like one of the family.” And she drove away, leaving him staring after her.
Family?
He wanted her to have people to rely on when he moved, but the way she said family made him wonder. Maybe dating him was starting to cross her mind. Or was he reading too much into it?
What if she was part of his family?
His body signals—the erratic pulse, up and down stomach and the inability to look away from her burgundy lips—were anything but brotherly.
He blew out a breath.
Clenching his teeth, he marched to his truck. He’d gotten the interview. Who knew how many other candidates there were? If he was hired, he’d have to leave, have to stop thinking about Jade and forever.
Tomorrow. Hiking to Granddad’s camping spot. He could keep this insanity under wraps until he knew for sure if he was moving.
But did he even want the job? Or did he want Jade?
* * *
Jade tightened the straps on her backpack and checked her outfit one more time. Hiking boots, jeans, a black tee with gold letters spelling Shine Gifts, her hair in a braid and a GPS watch, just in case. Thankfully, the weather kept growing warmer. There was something about the sun kissing her face. Reminded her of home.
“I think we’re all set.” Bryan and Teeny stood next to her on the side of old Ranger Road. Bryan had parked his truck in the driveway of a field. Little green shoots popped up in rows of black dirt. Apparently, his uncle owned the property, so they were free to hike for miles.
Hiking for miles.
Didn’t scare her the way it usually did, but that probably had to do with the big lug of a dog slobbering next to her and the incredible man by her side. Last night at the recital, she’d let herself fantasize about being Bryan’s girlfriend. Attending his family’s future events with him. So far living in Lake Endwell had been all about going with the flow, laughing with Bryan at dog training, grabbing a bite to eat after.
She was falling in love with him.
Him. Mr. Unavailable. Soon to be relocated.
Pain streaked through her heart. Why did he want to move? She’d be alone again. Maybe not in body, but in spirit, where it hurt the most. He was the best friend she’d ever had.
Well, at least she still had Libby. They texted every day and chatted about the store. They’d even gone shopping one afternoon. The rest of Bryan’s family was welcoming and open, too.
“Okay. This way.” Bryan pointed to the field. “We’ll go along the perimeter. These are soybeans, by the way. Uncle Joe rents his land out to a local farmer. Next year will be corn. There’s not a lot of room, so why don’t you follow me. I’ll take Teeny.”
“Sounds good.” She fell in behind Bryan and matched his strides. The ground was soft but not wet, and there wasn’t a cloud in the bright blue sky. Butterflies chased one another, and little cotton-like fluffs drifted around them. “What are these white puffy things?”
“Poplar seeds. We call them cottonwood trees. They release their seeds with wispy white threads. I’m surprised they’re still flying around. Should be about done by now.”
“They remind me of snow, not that I’ve seen much snow in my life.”
He looked over his shoulder and grinned. “Expect that to change. You’ll see a lot of snow this winter.”
She almost blurted out he’d have to teach her how to make a snowman, but then she remembered he might not be there. What was she going to do without him around?
Mom had called before church this morning. Ever since Jade had opened up to Bryan about being lost in the forest, she kept coming back to his comment about her mother. Before talking to him, Jade had never considered the possibility that Mom felt guilty about her getting lost, but she’d turned it over and over for days. She’d almost said something to her on the phone but chickened out at the last minute. Maybe some things should stay in the past.
Jade could add it to her prayer list. Sally had told her about an experiment some of the church women were doing called prayer walks. Jade had made her own little ritual. On weekdays after chatting with Art at the Daily Donut, she’d begun talking to God as she strolled to City Park. Then, when she got to the pavilion, she’d look out on the lake and listen. Just listen.
It made her feel Spirit-filled. She’d been thinking things like Take a chance and Don’t be afraid.
Bryan reached the end of the field near the woods. He waited for her to join him, then smiled.
Jitters raced up and down her torso. How could her best friend be the most handsome guy she’d ever seen? And did he have any idea how much he meant to her?
“Are you ready? If you want to quit at any point, we’ll go back, say the word. But we’ll be in the forest a long time. There isn’t a quick and easy way out.”
“I want to do this. I’m ready.”
“Do you want to practice your breathing first?” He studied her.
She nodded. As she closed her eyes and steadied her breathing, she prayed. God, please bless this walk. Help me overcome my fears and enjoy this. I want to appreciate the place Bryan has told me so much about. Let me see the beauty, not the danger.
When she finished, she opened her eyes. “Do you mind if I hold your hand again?”
Bryan’s blue eyes darkened a shade, and he gently closed his fingers around hers.
“There’s a dirt path.” He pointed to the obvious trail. “We’ll be able to walk on it together. I’ll help you over the log to cross the stream when we get there.” He motioned for Teeny to go ahead. He kept Jade close to him, their hands swinging slightly as they moved forward.
“This forest has a wide variety of trees. That’s a walnut, and some of the pines have been here for decades.”
Bryan chattered about birds, weeds, sand in the soil, acid levels—something about rocks and grit—but the farther they got into the woods, the more the tension mounted in Jade’s veins. Hot flashes warmed her neck. She had to retrain her breathing several times. About twenty minutes after they started, she halted.
“Bryan?”
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” The concern in his eyes assured her. “How can I help?”
“I’m getting claustrophobic.”
He nodded, swinging his backpack off. He unzipped it and grabbed a bottle of water. “Have a drink.”
Jade obeyed. Teeny strained against the leash, but Bryan said, “Sit, Teeny,” and the dog sat. A line of drool escaped her mouth.
“I think she’s thirsty, too.” Jade gestured to Teeny. “Did you bring a dish we could fill for her?”
“I did.” He took out a collapsible bowl and poured water in it. She lapped it up with loud, greedy slurps.
Rays from the sun slanted to the ground as they bypassed the trees, and the bird calls above were sweet, lyrical. She took in the forest. Beautiful. Nothing like the one in Germany. Bryan put his backpack on and was petting Teeny’s fur.
“I feel better,” she said. “I’m not as scared with you and Teeny here.”
He straightened. “Maybe part of your fear has to do with being alone all that time.”
Immediately, she thought of the day she recorded herself entering the woods near the lake. How alone she felt. “I think you’re right. But it’s weird because I’m used to being alone.”
“Not in the woods, though.” Taking her hand, he began walking again. Teeny’s tail wagged ahead of them. He opened his mouth to say something and must have thought better.
“What?” She didn’t clutch his hand tightly, the way she had on their previous hike. No, she held it like she would a boyfriend’s.
Take a chance, Jade.
As if sensing her thoughts, he firmed his grip. “You said some things that made me wonder if you felt abandoned by your mom. And then those kids left you in the woods.” He glanced at her. “I don’t know. I think maybe you added those events together and came up with a lie. That you blame yourself for not listening to your mom and for going off with the kids. You were too young to be left alone by your mother. Those boys should never have lured you out there.”
Jade stopped. He’d just said out loud what she’d never allowed herself to think.
He wrapped Teeny’s leash around his wrist and faced Jade. “You were never to blame.”
He understood. She didn’t even fully understand, but Bryan did. A tear fell on her cheek, then more dripped down, one after the other. She couldn’t stop them. She didn’t try. Bryan wrapped his arms around her. She cried into his chest as his words kept repeating in her head.
He’s right. I’m not to blame. I could have been perfect and it still wouldn’t have been enough for Mom to stay home with me. I still would have ended up alone and terrified in the woods for two days.
He stroked her hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Jade jerked her face back. She wiped her tears away with her hands. “Don’t be sorry. You’re right. I’ve held the blame for a long time. I’ve never been able to live up to Mom’s expectations, and I got so tired of trying, Bryan. So tired.”
He held her, murmuring in her hair, and she pressed her cheek against his chest, comforted by his strength, his protection, his tenderness. If only she could stay right here forever.
Teeny let out a woof as Bryan’s fingers trailed over her braid. “What can I do?”
She exhaled. “Take me to the clearing. I want to see it. We’ve come this far.”
He studied her a moment, and something in his eyes made her think he wanted to kiss her, but finally, he took her hand in his and urged Teeny forward.
Oddly disappointed, Jade shut off the revelations. She needed to pray before she could wrap her head around what Bryan helped her see. The fact she’d refrained from kissing him was good. Without his friendship, life would be bleak.
* * *
An hour later, Bryan took a drink of water as Jade and Teeny rested on the plaid blanket they’d spread over the grass in the middle of the clearing. A hawk soared above them, looking for a field mouse, rabbit or snake to eat. This was a place of peace, but emotions warred inside. He tried to make sense of them.
He wasn’t a psychiatrist. Had no experience with this sort of thing. But Jade never should have had to carry the burden of her mother’s negligence and the cruelty of those kids.
She rested on her side, her arm tucked under her head. Her chest rose and fell softly. He guessed she was asleep. Teeny sprawled next to her, as cozy as could be.
Jade said she’d gotten tired of trying to live up to her mom’s expectations. That must be one of the reasons she always deflected compliments and acted like she wasn’t special.
Massaging the back of his neck, he frowned. He could relate. A few weeks after Abby left, he’d finally dragged himself out of hiding, thrown on a pair of sunglasses and gone to the coffee shop. A group of married women he’d gone to high school with didn’t notice him standing there. They laughed and talked about how women loved bad boys. How good-looking Abby’s ex was, and how tempting it would be to get back together with someone like that. He’d paid for his coffee and tried to slip out, but one of them spotted him, and the whole group had fallen silent.
For months customers would stop into his dealerships and, not realizing he’d gotten divorced, ask when he was starting a family. The pity in their eyes when he told them he was single had crushed him.
He’d spent more and more time at home. Closed himself off.
Jade had helped him in so many ways. She’d helped him trust again.
He trusted her.
Her eyelids fluttered, and she yawned, slowly sitting up. “I guess I was more tired than I thought.”
“You had an eventful day.”
Strands of hair escaped her braid, giving her a rumpled air. He didn’t know what was prettier—Jade all dressed up or sleepy. Both.
“About earlier,” he said. “Are you okay?”
“I’m glad you helped me see the truth, Bryan.”
“You helped me, too.” He leaned back on his elbows. “After Abby left, it was easier to withdraw from everyone.”
“I understand.”
Teeny’s legs kicked as she slept. Bryan’s eyes met Jade’s. They smiled.
“Bryan?”
“Yeah?”
“Was Abby different before you got married?”
He raised his eyes to the sky. The easy silence of the clearing mellowed him. “Not really. We were introduced by mutual friends. She flirted, and I liked the attention. She had good points. She got things done, liked to be in charge.”
Jade nodded, encouraging him to continue.
“After we were married, I couldn’t please her. She thought I was...” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. If he admitted it to Jade, she’d have a label for him.
Her attention turned to her hands clasped in her lap. “You don’t have to say more. I know this is painful.”
All the vulnerability she’d shared with him in the woods flashed through his mind. It hadn’t been easy for her, either.
“She thought I was boring. Her parting words.”
“Oh, Bryan.” Jade rose to a kneeling position. “She was wrong. You could never be boring.” She grinned, her face lighting up. “You know so much about nature, and you make it sound fascinating. You’re passionate, and you make me want to see Lake Endwell the way you do.”
Her words filled in the broken patches of his heart.
“I didn’t know Abby. But I know you. You don’t waste words the way more social people do, and I like that about you. I’ve never met anyone who cared enough to help me the way you have—well, besides Mimi, of course.”
“You’re easy to help,” he said quietly. Her words tore down the remaining fences around his heart. He wanted more. Much more than friendship. “I’m glad we came out here today.”
“Me, too.” She rotated her neck to take in the view. “I get it. I get why your granddad came here. I feel closer to God. Like He’s right here blessing us.”
The warm breeze soothed him. He felt it, too. “It’s funny, but Granddad always said God loves to bless us.”
“I think he’s right. I’ve been praying every day. It’s helped me calm down when pressure builds. Dealing with this fear has been a lot of pressure.” She closed her eyes.
Bryan held back the words he longed to say. This wasn’t the time to make declarations, not when she’d dealt with so many emotions already. He’d have to pray about it first, anyhow. He would not repeat the mistakes he made with Abby. Too much was on the line. More than before.
His heart needed forever this time.