“I can’t believe how much she’s learned in a few weeks.” Jade ran her hand over Teeny’s back. Perfect Puppy wasn’t as full tonight. Only four other dogs were there. Daylight stretched longer each day, but when she walked in with Bryan an hour ago, the weather had an ominous feel. She glanced up at him. “She actually ignored the treat until you commanded her to take it.”
“I didn’t think it was possible.” Bryan grinned, cell phone in hand. “Let’s get a picture for Lucy.”
Jade moved next to him and peeked around his shoulder to see the screen. He smelled fantastic, as usual. Masculine. Her mental admonitions to think of him as a friend, one who was moving soon, kept growing weaker.
Last Sunday afternoon he’d taken her to Evergreen Park and taught her how to read a map of the area. She now understood longitude and latitude and could identify major landmarks on the map. They had not entered the woods. He’d kept it businesslike, but she still found herself holding her breath as he traced a pencil over the various areas on the map.
Joining him here with Teeny felt more and more domestic, like it was their dog they were training. The worst part? She liked the feeling of being one half of a couple, being able to rely on someone else for a change. Oh, why was she letting herself indulge in these fantasies? No good would come of them.
“Right there.” She tapped his arm. “Look at Teeny’s face.”
Teeny stared up at them, her mouth open and eyes wide. Bryan snapped the picture. “She’ll love this one.” He quickly texted the photo along with Teeny’s progress to Lucy. Then he steered Jade toward the door. “Fill me in on what’s happening with the store.”
Good. A safe topic.
“Saturday is the grand opening. I can’t wait.” They made their way to Bryan’s truck with Teeny trotting between them. “I’m putting the final touches on the displays tomorrow. By the way, your sister is a genius. Moira’s jewelry is sure to be a hit.”
“Don’t tell Libby. It will go straight to her head.”
“Oh, and I’ve been practicing using the compass when I walk to the park every morning.”
“Good. Remember the quadrants and how to determine north. Maybe this Sunday we could try hiking a short ways into the forest.”
“Maybe.” She climbed into the truck while Bryan settled Teeny into the backseat. When she noticed the sky, she leaned forward for a better look. “What is going on with those clouds? They look angry.”
“Oh, don’t worry about them.” He shut his door and fired the engine. “Just a spring storm. If it gets bad, the sirens will go off.”
“Sirens?” She licked her lips as imaginary sirens screeched in her brain.
“They usually go off for a tornado.”
“A tornado!” Clutching her seat belt, she tried not to imagine being alone in the apartment with a twister raging through. Hadn’t Bryan mentioned one leveling half the town a few years ago?
Bryan steered the truck to the road. “Relax. This is just a lightning storm. Go to the basement if you’re worried. It’s the safest place.”
Visions of a tree toppling onto her roof made her air supply close in. She yanked at her shirt collar. The dark clouds seemed to roll faster and faster toward them, like dust kicking up from a hundred wild horses.
She wanted to shake Bryan’s shoulder and point at the menacing weather, but he was babbling on in that calm voice of his. “Lightning is actually good. It breaks up the nitrogen, which allows oxygen to bond with the nitrogen and form nitrates. They shower the ground below. Good fertilizer. Of course, not everyone believes lightning makes the grass greener...”
“Bryan, I don’t have a basement!” The words pelted through the small space.
He stopped talking and turned to her with a stunned expression. “Haven’t you ever been in a storm?”
“Yes, of course I have, but not...” She crushed the fabric of the seat belt and averted her eyes. How could she explain? Not all alone. Storms in Las Vegas happened, yes, and they could be terrible. But she hadn’t experienced one in the country without Mimi in the room next to her.
It had been too long since she’d done any of the steps on her own. Getting over her fear had dropped on her list of importance. After all, Libby didn’t like hiking in the woods, and she managed to go about her days just fine. However, Libby probably had no problem driving through all those trees to get out of town, and Jade still hadn’t made a solo trip to Kalamazoo. The thought of getting lost or her car breaking down kept her trapped in Lake Endwell.
Online shopping would get old after a while. She’d been relying on Bryan’s sturdy presence too much. It was one thing to be near a few trees in a park with him by her side. Another thing entirely to be all alone. Jade pressed her fingertips to her temples and rubbed in a circular motion.
Fat raindrops splattered against the windshield, and Bryan flicked on the wipers, but within seconds, rain pummeled the truck.
How was she going to make it through the night? Whimpering under the covers, most likely. A huge old tree with gnarled branches stood to the left of her store. What if lightning struck it and it fell on the roof? What if it crashed its way inside her bedroom? Reaching for her...
Her heartbeat sped, and her breathing grew choppy.
Lord, I haven’t been praying like I should, and I haven’t been trying to get over my phobia, but please hear me. Please give me peace.
Bryan set his hand on her shoulder. “You look upset. How about I take you to my place for a while? Sam and I have a basement if the storm gets bad. In the meantime, we can watch a movie.”
The instant the words were out of his mouth, Jade let go of her seat belt and heaved a sigh. “Thank you. That would be great.”
He patted her arm before returning his hand to the steering wheel. A rock in the middle of a hurricane. Could she protect her heart when she was already way too reliant on him? She doubted it. And for a split second, she wasn’t sure why she should.
Why not fall hard for Bryan Sheffield?
Because he’s not going to be around. He’s never getting married, and even if he changed his mind, you’re afraid of your shadow.
The warm, honey-sweet feeling vanished.
That did it. Starting tomorrow, she’d try the next step to overcome her fear. Rainstorms, tornadoes and, eventually, snow would come, and she wouldn’t always be able to rely on Bryan. He would be in Canada. If he didn’t get the job? He’d grow tired of holding her hand whenever she was afraid.
And she was definitely afraid.
Moving here felt right, but it was all going a little too well. If she didn’t stay on guard, she’d be unprepared for when the bad times came. They always came when she least expected them.
Lifting her chin a notch, she took a deep breath. Reminded herself why she moved here.
Open the T-shirt shop.
Overcome her fears.
Find the path God had planned for her.
* * *
“Are you comfortable?” Bryan glanced at Jade on the opposite end of the couch. Teeny had sprawled out between them. The dog’s hind legs rested on Bryan’s thighs while her huge, furry head lay on Jade’s lap.
“Yes, very.” Jade mindlessly caressed Teeny’s ears.
He was spending way too much time with Jade.
What was he supposed to do, though? Drop her off at her apartment with a “You’ll be fine,” knowing there wasn’t a basement for her to find safety? He wasn’t in the habit of kicking kittens, and he certainly wasn’t going to leave her there, not after he’d witnessed firsthand how devastating a tornado could be. No, he’d done the right thing bringing her back to his place. He’d have to ignore the feelings she kicked up.
But how?
Maybe if he thought about Blue Mountain. Exploring new trails. Ice fishing, cross-country skiing. Salmon and eagles. All things he anticipated.
“She makes a good lap warmer.” Jade’s white shirt was being covered in dog hair with every stroke of her hand. Teeny licked her chops two times and let out a long, satisfied sigh.
“A heavy one, that’s for sure.” He swatted her tail out of his way.
“I can’t believe you’ve never watched Pride and Prejudice. Keira Knightley is amazing in this version, but I have to admit, I like the BBC miniseries with Colin Firth better. He’s the perfect Mr. Darcy...”
Bryan had no idea what Jade was talking about, but he nodded and prepared himself for two hours of sheer boredom. Period movies gave him the creeps. He hadn’t watched one in...he scratched his chin...ever. That couldn’t be right. He’d watched Gladiator. Did that count?
“...and the sets! You’re going to love his big rambling house...”
The FBI warning froze on the screen for too long. Several flashes of lightning lit up the front window, and thunder rumbled now and then. Jade didn’t seem to notice. Good. Witnessing her fear, like he had in the woods and today in his truck, jumbled up his insides. If boring movies with stiff dialogue made her forget, he’d suffer through it.
“It’s starting,” she said. “Are you sure you don’t mind watching this? We can find something more exciting if you want. I feel bad coming here...”
“This bride movie is fine.” He adjusted his legs to get comfortable, but the dumb dog pinned him down.
“Not bride. Pride.” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “I wasn’t sure if you could get this one streamed. I’m surprised it showed up.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get it going.” A twinge of guilt hit him at how terse he sounded.
“You just wait, Sheffield.” Challenge twinkled in her eyes. “You’re going to love this.”
“Sure. What guy doesn’t love olden-day movies where you need a translator to understand what they’re saying?”
“Is that what you’re worried about?” she teased. “I’ll translate it for you. Don’t worry.”
The movie started playing, and Bryan almost groaned at the opening. “Piano music. Birds. A girl reading. You’re right. This is amazing.”
Jade drew her lips together and threw a pillow at him. “It gets better.”
Bryan grinned. “Oh, yeah. Look, she’s walking through a bunch of laundry on the line. Gripping. Way better than an action movie.”
“It is way better. Wait and see. You’ll be crying before the end.”
“I’m crying now.” He nodded at the television. “Why are they all wearing nightgowns?”
Jade exhaled loudly. And for an extended period. “They aren’t nightgowns. That’s what people of their station wore back then.”
“What did that lady just say?”
“She asked her husband if he knew the house had been let. Like rented or leased.”
“I know what let means.”
“Well, stop talking and you’ll be able to follow along.”
He almost asked about the bonnets, but he caught sight of Jade’s eager face and thought better of it. “I didn’t understand anything those three girls said.”
Jade graced him with a sweet smile. “Then turn up the volume.”
He poked fun as the scenes progressed, but he kept an eye on the weather, too. Surprisingly, he didn’t mind the movie, but he wouldn’t admit that to Jade. “Um, is this Darcy guy walking through the meadow in a bathrobe?”
Jade had been quiet for several minutes. She lifted a finger, not taking her eyes off the screen. “Shh!”
He grinned, taking the opportunity to study her. She was so utterly into the movie. Her little frown as that Darcy guy made a speech. Her hands clasping over her heart as the girl—Elizabeth? Lizzie? he couldn’t remember—kissed his fist. The smallest “Oh” Jade uttered as the movie faded out.
The “Oh” did something to him. Something he didn’t like. He dug his fingernails into his thigh.
Jade turned to him with big, expectant eyes, and asked, “Well, wasn’t it wonderful?”
“Yes. Wonderful. That’s the exact word I would use to describe it.”
“They’re perfect for each other. Mr. Darcy was lovely.”
“Lovely?” Bryan snorted. “Every guy wants to be described as lovely. He barely spoke, and he looked down on her.”
“Only at first. And he had reason.”
“Yeah. He was a snob.”
“You’re missing the point. Elizabeth thinks he’s a snob, but he’s really not.”
“Well, he’d better be prepared to deal with her family. At least Elizabeth was more levelheaded than the rest of them. The mom was a nightmare.”
Jade opened her mouth but shut it, then her face positively lit up. “Either way, they’re perfect for each other.”
“Yep.” He had to get out of the rays beaming from her face. They were drawing him closer, making him think things, like maybe Mr. Darcy was a big fool and shouldn’t have come out to the meadow at the end. He’d get married. Then he’d enter their house a year later and realize the entire place had been packed up. Elizabeth would descend the staircase, a cold look in her eyes.
She’d say something like, “You don’t know, do you? You have no clue I’m leaving you.”
Just like Abby had done. And Bryan had stood there, the blood in his veins turning to slush.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Abby had brushed past him. Her with her long brown hair and high-heeled boots. She’d picked up her purse and a suitcase in the foyer. “Of course not. You don’t even know Carl came back for me.”
Bryan’s legs froze, and he’d been unable to piece it together, to untangle his tongue. But then things made sense, the whispers all week in the shop at work, the way none of the technicians would look him in the eye.
“When?” The only word he could form. His life disintegrating before his eyes.
“A week ago.” She hoisted the purse onto her shoulder.
“I see.”
“Do you?” She let out a fake laugh. “In case you don’t, I’ll spell it out. I’m done sitting around while you and your buddies watch ball games Friday nights. Go ahead and fish every Saturday morning with your brother. Sell your cars in this rinky-dink town. Just do it without me. I’m moving with Carl.”
Her words had spun around him, made him dizzy. He hadn’t realized—hadn’t added up—that his life was so repulsive to her.
“Why him?”
Her cheeks reddened. “I tried to make this marriage work. I honestly don’t know if you hear a word I say. I’m the only one making an effort at this relationship. I used to think you were uncomplicated, but you’re boring, lame.”
And he’d spent too many months wondering, if he’d been more complicated would she have stayed?
Teeny yawned and leaped off the couch. Bryan rose, too. “Well, the storm let up. I’ll take you home.”
“Okay.” Her beams of happiness dimmed.
Couldn’t be helped. Darcy had it wrong. The man didn’t know how much he could lose. Bryan did. And he wasn’t losing again.
* * *
Jade hopped off her stool at the Daily Donut the next morning. Last night had hammered home the fact she needed to get used to being in the woods on her own. No more depending on Bryan.
“Marie’s making honey crullers tomorrow.” Art winked, resulting in more creases on an already weathered face. “I’ll make sure she saves one for you.”
“Mmm, sounds delicious. You might have to save me two.” Jade lifted her to-go cup in salute and headed to the door. The sidewalks were still wet from last night’s storm. She got into her car parked out front. No reflecting under the gazebo at City Park this morning. The exposure therapy steps she’d handwritten were tucked into her jeans. A reference to the Psalm she’d found last night was scrawled there, too. When I’m afraid, I put my trust in the Lord.
Within five minutes, she pulled into Evergreen Park and marched straight to the entrance of the blue path. She sat on the bench in front of the blue spruce where Bryan had taken her the first weekend she arrived in town. Unfolding the paper, she smoothed it out and scanned it.
“Practice relaxation techniques before entering the woods. Right.”
Jade scrolled through her phone until she found the directions for two techniques.
First things first. Divine power was available. All she had to do was ask.
Heavenly Father, I need Your help. I’m tired of this fear affecting my life. Please take it from me. Give me strength. And peace.
Not wasting a second, she read through the sequence called Calming Breath. She took a long, slow inhalation through her nose, filling her lungs as step one directed. Done. Next she was supposed to hold her breath and count to three. She exhaled slowly while relaxing the muscles in her face, shoulders, neck and stomach.
Jade repeated the process. Her face and neck muscles relaxed easily, but she wasn’t sure how to untighten her stomach or shoulders. Why didn’t the steps say how?
After trying the sequence five times, her stomach uncoiled. Maybe she could try to walk a little ways in the forest now. She clicked on her phone’s voice recorder and took a few tentative steps toward the path.
“I did the calming breath technique, and I’m moving into the forest. I’ll try to go six or seven feet.” With each step, her calmness dissolved and her muscles tensed. “I’m going to stop a minute and do the breaths again until my stomach stops clenching. At least I’m not gasping.”
She paused to inhale, counted to three and relaxed. Birds called to one another as they flew above, and Jade tipped her head back to watch them. A bright red cardinal landed eye-level on a branch ahead. It looked around and flew off.
“I just saw the most stunning bird, a cardinal. Beautiful. Striking crimson with a pointed tuft for a crown. This park is full of birds singing today. I’m about six feet into the path, and I’m not as scared as usual. I’m going to try to stand here a minute.” Jade snapped off the recorder and set the alarm on her watch for one minute. She hadn’t moved, but the trees crowded her. Sizzling sensations tickled her throat, and she dared not shut her eyes, certain the trees would envelop her.
God, this isn’t working!
She inhaled, but it was shaky. Counted to three. And willed her vision to clear. A tree stood to her left. White bark, little black flecks in it.
It was the same type as Bryan had showed her the day they met. A white birch. She was sure of it. Or wait, hadn’t he said something about another tree with white bark?
The leaves. Birch trees had small oval leaves.
Without thinking, she marched off the path through a clump of weeds to touch the bark. Smooth. Peeling. She tore a bit off and smelled.
Slightly minty. This was a birch.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
“I did it!” She pumped her fist in the air. She’d stood in the woods for a full minute without passing out, hyperventilating or curling into the fetal position.
Maybe she had a chance at beating this thing.
Lord, thank You! Thank You for this success!
Her finger flicked through her contact list until she came to Bryan’s number. She almost called him, but the way he’d practically shoved her out of his house last night stopped her.
She wasn’t mad about it. He’d been honest with her. Moving to Canada. No dating. No marriage.
She hoped he wasn’t aware of her escalating feelings. If he was, he was being mature, putting the brakes on whatever was happening between them.
Tapping her phone against her chin, she hurried out of the woods to the parking lot. She’d keep this victory to herself. Saturday was the grand opening of her store. She might not have a future with Bryan, but she would do whatever it took to have a future in Lake Endwell.