A Is for Amour

Instead, she always arranges to meet me at some new restaurant or café in the next city. That’s rule number two. She refuses to go anywhere in town, and she refuses to go to the same place twice. Instead I always have to drive the twenty or thirty miles to one of the neighboring cities. It’s a pain, but I would do almost anything for her. Scratch that—I would do anything.

Waiting for her taxi to arrive has always been difficult. All of my insecurities come bubbling up and I wonder every time if she’ll actually show, or if this is the night that she’ll end it, end us. Tonight, I smoke my cigarette with shallow, impatient pulls. I check my watch for the third time. She’s late. As usual.

Finally, a beat-up taxi pulls up to the curb and my heart starts racing. God, I hope it’s her. The driver walks out and around to open up the back door. A grin breaks across my face; I’m almost certain that it’s her now. He opens the door and an angel exits. Soft blonde curls frame a slender face. Her lips sparkle with a pink lip gloss that matches her dress. A white lace choker circles her lovely neck. She looks like a porcelain doll. While she attempts to adjust the frilly skirt of her dress, I pay the taxicab driver. I want him to leave. The looks he keeps shooting her are testing my patience. He glances at my girlfriend one last time and then pulls away from the restaurant slowly, as if he regrets having to depart.

“You look stunning, Alexis.” I whisper it against her ear and take advantage of the closeness to breathe in her scent. She smells of vanilla and strawberries. I feel myself begin to harden, and I swallow the excess moisture in my mouth.

I grasp that hand and lead her slowly to the restaurant’s entrance. The host sees us approach and holds the door open. He opens his mouth, but forgets to greet us. Alexis has that affect on people.

I pull her seat out for her and wait patiently as she settles the layers of her dress around her. I can hear people at the surrounding tables whispering. They wonder if she’s an actress, or maybe on her way to a costume party. Either way they agree that the look suits her. I smile as I look down at her. They’re right. This look does suit her.

The dress looks like it belongs on some aristocrat’s daughter. The pink and white jacquard fabric is edged by thick white lace around the square neck and where the tight sleeves end at her elbows. The full skirt splits in the front and another white skirt can be seen underneath. She looks like a painting come to life.

She smiles shyly at me and I can hear the man seated behind us gasp. I fight the urge to glare at him and instead sit down across from her. Our waiter rushes to our table to see what he can get us. I order a glass of red wine. She demurely declines. She’s not here for food or drink. She has only come here to be admired. I know this, but I try not to let it bother me. I know that the lustful glances and whispered admiration feed a secret part of her that only I understand. It’s one of our dirty secrets. I glance away as my jaw tightens. We have so many of those.

Later, I nurse my glass of wine and pick at the meal I ordered. I’m not hungry, but this isn’t the type of place where you can just order drinks. Every once in a while, Alexis leans forward to dab at my lips daintily with her napkin. I doubt I have anything on them, but when I see the jealous stares I understand. I decide to feed her ego and lean forward to gently cup a rosy cheek as I mutter my thanks against her hand. She blushes again and I hear someone’s fork hit the ground. The joy and triumph I see in her eyes makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world.

She gives me a discreet nod. She is ready to leave. I raise my hand and the overly solicitous waiter immediately rushes forward to take my credit card. It always amazes me what better service I get when I am with her. I sign the slip and pull her chair out for her. As soon as she stands, I offer her my arm. As we leave, I can almost feel the desperate patrons trying to catch one last glimpse of her. She can feel it too. I can tell by the way her hand grips my arm just a bit tighter and her breath quickens.

I open the car door for her and then lean down to make sure that all of the fabric of her skirt is inside. She runs her hand up my inner thigh. I try unsuccessfully to hide my grin. Oh yes, she enjoyed the attention tonight. I quickly get into my car and start the engine. As I drive toward our destination her hands teasingly touch my body. Whenever we hit a red light, she pulls back and sits demurely once again. She’s ready for the driver in the neighboring vehicle to admire her.

I feel a familiar bittersweet pain in my chest as we reach the hotel. I try to decide if my heart is breaking or just overjoyed as the clerk hands us a key. He grins at us knowingly and I want to smash his face in. He’s been on duty the last few times we have come here. He’s realized what our meetings are really about. We will have to find another place next time.

I have barely locked the door before my demure girlfriend is replaced by a wanton vixen. Her gloved hands rip my shirt from my pants and are already busy trying to yank my belt from my waist. I grip her wrists to stop the frantic motions and her gorgeous blue eyes look up at me. God, she is beautiful. I lean down and place a gentle kiss upon her mouth. Her lips open and we share a rare intimate kiss. I smile against her damp mouth. So that’s where the strawberry scent was coming from.

As much as I want to just hold her and gently love her I know that isn’t what she wants. I remove my hands from her wrists and instead help her remove my pants. The hungry look on her face is almost frightening. I step out of my pants and boxers and I let her push me onto the bed. I grit my teeth as warm lips immediately engulf my cock. She’s barely begun and I’m already panting. I can’t believe how good she is at this. I feel a sudden flash of fear as I wonder if it’s because she’s done this with many other men. As if she senses my sudden bout of insecurity, she pulls away from me and looks up. So many emotions are warring inside her eyes. Greed, lust, fear—but over them all is desperation. I feel ashamed for doubting her. What we have is special and unique, and I know that I am the only person who has ever seen this side of her.

She moves forward to take me in her mouth again, but I stop her. I’m too close tonight. I push her over to the window and proceed to the second part of our evening. I open the window and Alexis leans out of it. She is such a little exhibitionist. Even though our room faces a dark and deserted parking lot, the fact that someone could see us drives her wild. I pull her skirts up around her waist and slide her lace panties down her legs. She bends over just a bit more for me. I reach in her purse and find the bottle of lubricant I knew she would have. I wonder if she ever “accidentally” lets it drop out of her bag while she is in public. I bet she does.

I massage the warm globes of her ass until I feel a bit of the tension leave her body. When she leans forward even more, I slide one lubricated finger up to her tight entrance. She shivers as I slide the finger inside her. It’s only a few seconds before she nods and I slide a second finger in. I wonder what all those jealous men at the restaurant would think if they knew the angel they were admiring earlier was now bent over and waiting for my cock to claim her ass. She whimpers a bit and I realize that my other hand has tightened on her narrow hips. I can feel her legs start to shake as she grips the windowsill tightly.

I stand back up and scissor my fingers inside of her. She moans and nods her head at me eagerly. She is as ready for this as I am. Impatiently, I slick my cock with lube and then slide inside of her. The wood of the windowsill creaks under her clenched fists. I enter her slowly and savor the way her body adjusts to mine. Sweat rolls down my face and I attempt to shake my hair out of my eyes. Finally. We both let out a sigh as I push myself all the way in.

My hands are probably going to leave bruises on her hips, but I don’t care. Christ, she always feels like heaven. I push in and pull out of her, moving in time to her heavy breathing. As she starts panting harder, I increase my thrusts until I’m slamming into her so hard she can barely breathe at all. “You are so lovely, it hurts me to look at you.” The gentle words coming out of my mouth are a complete contrast to the furious pounding of our bodies, but that’s how she likes it. Sweet gentle words and fast rough action. No wonder I love her.

She shifts her body, and I see that she’s stroking herself. Her other arm is shaking from the strain of holding herself up now. I reach forward to replace her hand with my own. She makes a sound of appreciation and returns her hand to the window. I stroke her in time with my thrusts, and I gasp when she purposefully clenches her cheeks. She’s so fucking tight. Suddenly I hit that perfect spot and she shudders against me. I grin and slide in and out rapidly, pressing against it again and again.

“Oh, sweetheart…” The term slips out of my mouth unintentionally as I empty myself into her. My sweat-slick hands slip off her hips and I lean my forehead against her back as I slowly stop thrusting.

She must be feeling kind tonight. She lets me hold her for a minute. Then too quickly she leaves my arms and enters the small bathroom. She throws a towel at me and then shuts the door, locking it behind her. The sound of the lock turning echoes in my head.

I sigh and grab the water bottle out of her purse. I sit down on the unused bed and take a sip to try to relieve some of the dryness in my throat. It doesn’t seem to help. I pour a little on the towel and clean myself up, trying not to think too much about what just happened. It’s always the same.

I turn the TV on and flick through channels without really looking at them. I pause on a commercial for flowers and feel a small smile creep up on me. I’ve never brought her flowers. I’m not sure how she’d react.

Instead, Alex stands there avoiding my gaze as he does after every such evening. The soft curls are gone; instead his hair is pulled back into the tight ponytail he normally sports. His eyes are hidden by a pair of reading glasses. The choker that previously covered his Adam’s apple has been stuffed into the pocket of his slacks. The dress is probably hanging inside a garment bag in the bathroom. He finishes buttoning the top of his dress shirt and I stare at his hands. Hands a bit too calloused, a shade too manly. When he’s Alexis, he has to hide them under gloves.

I look at my friend Alex and feel the same sense of wry amusement I always do at the end of our trysts. He’s slender and his facial features are quite delicate for a man. Still, without the makeup, without the feminine clothes and accessories, nobody would ever guess that the serious young man in front of me was a blushing China doll only half an hour ago.

I long to touch him, to whisper that I need him, but I know I can’t. I’m only allowed to do those things while he is Alexis. After the sex, he turns back into my childhood friend. And friends don’t touch each other that way. Friends don’t give each other mind-blowing orgasms and whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears. I clench my jaw and realize that I’ve been twisting the sheet in my fist.

“I’ll see you around. Don’t forget that Susan is having everyone over for dinner on Tuesday.” His voice is lower than before and holds none of the lust it did while he was Alexis.

I don’t know why he feels that he can only be intimate when he is dressed like a woman. It drives me insane. Looking at him every day, talking as though we are nothing but good buddies. Watching him flirt with girls at parties, knowing I’m the only person who knows which way he really swings. He’s so fucked up.

But as I watch him walk out the door without a backward glance I realize something. I’m just as fucked up as he is. Because even though it breaks my heart every time he leaves like that I’ll keep answering his phone calls. Because I’ve become addicted to his alabaster skin and I can’t go back.