The Bethany

You want to adopt Bethany?!” asked Miss Fizzlewick.

They were back in her office. Miss Fizzlewick had sent all the children to their rooms, except Bethany, who was told to wait outside.

“Yes, please,” said Ebenezer. “Is that going to be a problem?”

“It will probably turn into a problem for you,” said Miss Fizzlewick, pursing her lips.

She told Ebenezer about how Bethany had arrived at the orphanage after her parents had died in a fire, and she warned him that Bethany had been nothing but trouble ever since.

Bethany had pulled every prank and trick imaginable since she had been at the orphanage. She had squirted superglue on toilet seats so that anyone who sat on one would be trapped in the bathroom for days, she had filled the sugar pot with chili powder to ruin Miss Fizzlewick’s cups of tea, and she had left banana peels on every staircase, which led to nasty falls for many of the children.

Miss Fizzlewick explained that it wasn’t just the naughtiness that was an issue, it was the joy that Bethany took in doing horrible things. Unlike most children, Bethany didn’t show any remorse after she had been told off. She seemed to be very proud of her behavior.

“I’ve never met any girl so determined to be unladylike,” said Miss Fizzlewick. “You’ll have a battle on your hands if you take her in.”

“I’m confident it’s a battle I can win,” said Ebenezer.

“Don’t be. There was another woman like you who came here a few years ago. She thought she knew everything about children, and that she could get the better of Bethany.”

“What happened to her?”

“She took Bethany home, but brought her back three days later after Bethany threw all of the woman’s china dolls into the washing machine.”

Ebenezer was happy to hear this. He was sure that he had finally found the perfect child to feed to the beast.

“Bethany has no manners. She never wears any of the pretty dresses that are laid out for her, and she eats her food like a barnyard animal,” said Miss Fizzlewick. “I want you to think very carefully before taking her into your home.”

Ebenezer thought carefully. This took all of three seconds.

“I still want Bethany,” he said. “And I can promise you that I will never bring her back.”

And so it was settled. Miss Fizzlewick told Bethany that she had a new home, and that she was to collect her things at once. By the time Ebenezer had finished signing all the necessary forms, Bethany was waiting outside with a box containing a catapult, a toothbrush, a whoopee cushion, a pile of clothes, a crumpled photograph, the last two worms, and a stack of comics.

There was a twinkle of mischief in Bethany’s eyes as she looked at Ebenezer. She was sizing up her latest target and thinking of all the ways that she might go about tormenting him.

“Last chance, Mr. Tweezer. Are you absolutely sure about this?” asked Miss Fizzlewick, looking doubtful that Bethany wouldn’t soon be back in the orphanage.

“Positive,” answered Ebenezer. “Goodbye.”

Ebenezer led Bethany to his car, while whistling a happy tune.

“You’re a rubbish whistler. You sound like a granny trying to spit out a cough drop,” said Bethany, as she climbed into the back seat.

In response, Ebenezer continued to whistle—louder and with more enthusiasm than before. He started the engine. He was just pulling out of the orphanage when he saw Geoffrey running toward the car, shouting, “Wait!”, “Stop!”, and “Oh, bother, please don’t go!”

“Drive!” Bethany shouted at Ebenezer. “Don’t just sit there, you nitwit, let’s go!”

Ebenezer certainly wasn’t going to follow any of Bethany’s instructions. He stopped the car and rolled down the window to speak to Geoffrey.

“Thank… oof… you… ah… very… eek… much,” said Geoffrey, who was out of breath after his run.

“Look here, you seem like a nice chap, but I’m afraid I can’t take you home with me. I’ve already chosen to adopt Bethany, and I don’t need anyone else,” said Ebenezer.

“Yeah, so buzz off, you rat!” said Bethany.

“It’s… aaah… not… ow… that,” said Geoffrey. He took a moment or two to catch his breath. “I’m here because Bethany took some things that belong to me. They were the last gifts I ever received from my parents.”

Ebenezer raised his eyebrows at Bethany. He wasn’t cross; he was just impatient to get home. Bethany frowned.

“Here you go, you rat,” she said. She took the last of the worms from her box and threw them out of the window.

Ebenezer drove the car away from the orphanage.

He didn’t hear Geoffrey shouting, “Not the worms, it’s the comics! She’s taken my comics!”

“Will anyone else come chasing after us?” Ebenezer asked Bethany.

“Nah. Only him,” said Bethany. She was now sorry that she hadn’t stolen from anyone else.

“Wasn’t he the same person whose nostrils you were stuffing? Any particular reason you’re not a fan?”

“It’s because he’s a rat,” said Bethany.

“Right. Fair enough,” said Ebenezer.

They passed the rest of the journey in silence. Bethany flicked through Geoffrey’s comics, while Ebenezer looked at himself in the mirror. He noticed that there was a faint wrinkle above his right eyebrow.

“I must get my hands on that potion,” he muttered to himself.

“You what?” asked Bethany.

“Never mind, it doesn’t concern you. Right, here we are. Welcome to your new home!”

Bethany looked up at the fifteen-story house that was as wide as a dozen elephants. She shrugged and returned to reading the comics.

“Aren’t you going to say ‘Whoa!’ or ‘Gosh!’?” asked Ebenezer.

“Nah,” said Bethany. “There’s nothing impressive about a waste of space.”

Ebenezer’s cheeks flushed red. He was about to shout at Bethany, but then he realized that there was no point. She would be in the belly of the beast soon enough.

“Come on then, let’s go inside,” said Ebenezer.

“Do we have to? This car’s probably comfier than that dump of a house,” said Bethany.

“That dump is worth more than three castles put together!” shouted Ebenezer, unable to hold his temper any longer.

Bethany grinned, delighted that it had been so easy to make him cross. She chucked the comics back in her box and jumped out of the car.

“I want to choose my room,” said Bethany, as Ebenezer walked them inside. “And I want it to be bigger than yours.”

“That’s fine by me,” said Ebenezer. “But there’s someone I want you to meet first. Well… something is perhaps a better description.”

When Ebenezer looked at Bethany, he experienced a new feeling. For the first time in his life, Ebenezer was actually looking forward to feeding the beast.