At this point in our lives, I never dreamed I'd be writing a book about Eve's successful recovery. Quite frankly, I was simply caregiving by the “seat of my pants.”
Consequently, all of the rehabilitation techniques I tried with Eve were not scientifically documented; the variables were not controlled and the results were not faithfully recorded. I am one caregiver; Eve is one survivor. There are dozens of uncontrolled variables that affect our daily lives. Taken altogether, we do not “prove” anything. Our experience may give you food for thought, however.
For the most part, I developed my rehabilitation program using concepts from three semi-scientific disciplines: advertising, the 12-Step program, and subconscious persuasion methods for changing behaviors. I say semi-scientific because all three are operating “theories” of behavior motivation and modification. In other words, no scientists have proven their success beyond doubt, but the anecdotal evidence suggests they are successful in certain areas.
I have intertwined all three theories in my method. In the following pages, I tell and show to the best of my ability everything I did. I am not sure exactly what worked, when, or why. I was operating primarily on intuition, meaning if I thought something was working, I tried it again.
Probably, the one variable I did control was that I didn't give up easily on any technique. From the very start, I gave myself a two-year time limit to keep trying whatever came to my mind as rehabilitation, regardless of Eve's response or anyone's judgment of success (including my own). I always opted in favor of “Try it again.”
It will simplify things if you keep in mind that advertising and the 12-Step program are both variations of subconscious communication and suggestion methods. Advertising appeals to subconscious needs and desires using the simple, emotional language that captures the subconscious mind's attention. The 12-Step program uses positive action to “teach” the subconscious mind that a new behavior is desirable and beneficial for a person's survival.
Both disciplines attempt to bypass the analytical conscious mind. Both try to alleviate the stresses of life by compartmentalizing life into manageable segments. The 12-Step program does it with constant reminders to live “one day at a time.” Advertising encapsulates its messages in one-minute daydream scenarios called commercials, or on a magazine page filled with pictures and words. Both are designed to create the ideal environment for the motivating sales message.
You do not have to be a master of any of these disciplines to understand or experiment with any of the approaches I used with Eve. You've done some of these things automatically; others fall into the category of old-fashioned common sense. What I hope to accomplish here is to tell you why some of the things you've done are working and to inspire you to keep doing them, whether or not you see immediate results.
As your cheerleader, I am also encouraging you to go “over the top” with emotional appeals for behavioral change aimed at reaching the survivor's subconscious mind. At the same time, I am cautioning you not to harbor unrealistic expectations of immediate success. For your own mental health and emotional stability, remember that the brain will heal at its own rate. We, the caregivers, are just providing the “right” direction and a fertile environment for experiential learning.
By and by, you'll see how we caregivers also require retraining ourselves. We need to find our own power in a mostly chaotic environment where our lives are spent waiting for a response from the survivor. We need to cultivate a relaxed, receptive demeanor, using whatever tools of relaxation are out there. We also need to motivate ourselves to adapt to the mostly boring, frustrating, and mundane routine of daily brain rehabilitation.
We need to teach, yet not enmesh ourselves with the survivor or become dependent on a certain outcome to light up our lives. Incidentally, for no-nonsense advice in this area, make the acquaintance of an Al-Anon member. Al-Anons are the experts in detaching with love. They know all the pitfalls of codependency, enabling, and the emotionally painful consequences of harboring unrealistic expectations.
When you read my stories, my examples, you may be tempted to dismiss them because they don't match your specific situation. Believe me, I realize every stroke, every brain incident, is different. I've seen that disqualifier on many a rehab or support website and in home therapy books. Yes, they are all different. But I'm inviting you to look for the similarities between your case and mine.
This is what the entire 12-Step program teaching method is based on. One member shares a story. We, the listeners, look for the similarities, take the lessons we need to hear, and leave the rest on the table. That's how recovery happens in a roomful of “misfit” recovering souls with diverse backgrounds: ministers, streetwalkers, lawyers, laborers, doctors, artists, house painters, high school kids, and octogenarian retirees. If you read about my experience with an open mind, you'll be amazed not only at the similarities, but also at the rehabilitation strategies you will be inspired to create and try in your own particular circumstances.