When Avery heard the name Imogen, her anxiety skyrocketed.
Sister Imogen had gone by “Immy” as a child. She’d been younger than Avery by four or five years, but they’d grown up in the same household. Imogen’s mother had been cowives with Avery’s mother.
Despite this family connection, Imogen didn’t appear to recognize her. Perhaps because Avery had been treated more like a babysitter than a true family member. The girl had been precocious and bossy, prone to tantrums. Like Jonah, she hadn’t played with children her age. She’d skipped two grades. What Avery remembered most about Imogen wasn’t her keen intelligence or her stubborn personality. It was her adoration for Jonah. She’d followed him around like a puppy, hanging on his every word.
Still did, apparently.
Imogen’s hairstyle indicated her unmarried status, which was odd for a woman her age. Perhaps she was The Haven’s only “spinster.” Avery worried that Imogen’s memory would be sparked by her presence at any moment. The other problem was simple female rivalry. Imogen worshipped Jonah, and Jonah…
Jonah was smiling at Ellen Dean. He seemed quite taken with her, while Imogen all but vibrated with disapproval.
Avery didn’t know whom she was more rattled by, Imogen or Jonah. The young Silva resembled his father enough to give her the creeps. Father Jeff was taller and more imposing, with the quintessential scruffy beard of a guru. Jonah was clean-shaven and slender in a smart black suit. He had bold eyebrows and slicked-back hair. He reminded her of a life-size ventriloquist dummy. There was something insincere about him, behind the polished veneer. Was he Father Jeff’s puppet, or did he speak for himself?
Nick squeezed Avery’s hand to reassure her. Jonah might be a creepy puppet, and a criminal coconspirator, but he liked pretty women. He’d judged Mrs. Dean on her looks, just as Nick had predicted.
The first round of questions went to Nick.
“Brother Jonah mentioned that you have a serious illness,” Sister Imogen began. “Can you tell us how you got sick?”
“Sure,” Nick said, releasing Avery’s hand. “I was diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, better known as CJD. It’s similar to Alzheimer’s, so it affects memory and brain function. The doctors think it was caused by exposure to pesticides, which makes sense. I worked for ten years as a field botanist for a large agriculture company. They gave me a settlement to cover the medical bills.”
“This is a fatal disease?”
“Yes. They say I have three years or less.”
“How do you feel?”
“Okay,” he hedged, glancing at Avery. “I struggle to remember things. Directions, dates. I get mixed up.”
“Are you expecting to be cured?”
He frowned at the question. “I believe I can be cured, but I’m really looking for a place to breathe. Society is the disease. There’s a moral pollution, along with the other kinds. We have to cleanse ourselves of that first.”
His answers were well received by the panel. Sister Imogen gave the floor to Brother Sage, who didn’t mince words.
“How can you be an asset to us if you’re too sick to work?”
“I’m not too sick to work,” Nick said mildly. “Physically, I’m fine. I might have a hard time collecting data, or writing research papers, but I can do manual labor. I want to get back into basic farming.”
“We lost our head farmer,” Jonah said.
Nick straightened at this announcement. “Really?”
“We need someone who knows how to rotate crops and tend land,” Brother Sage said. “What would you grow for the commune?”
He gestured to the scorched earth outside. “In this climate?”
“No,” Sage admitted, but didn’t elaborate.
“I can’t say what I’d grow because it depends on a lot of different factors, like the weather, the natural resources and the number of mouths to feed. Some crops are so labor-intensive, they’re not worth the effort for a small group.”
Again, his answers sounded reasonable. Maybe a little too reasonable, for a guy with a degenerative brain disease, but he was in the early stages. He had to present himself as healthy enough to be useful.
“What if you aren’t cured by faith?” Jonah asked.
“I prefer to think positive,” Nick said.
“That’s admirable, but our way of healing isn’t guaranteed. We’ve lost members to various accidents and illnesses. You have to consider the possibility that you will succumb to this disease.”
Nick’s face hardened with resolve. “I’m going to die if we don’t join. That’s guaranteed. I have nothing to lose.”
“Tell me about your family.”
“There isn’t much to tell,” Nick said. “I’m an only child, and my parents are dead.”
Jonah turned his attention to Avery. “And you, Mrs. Dean?”
She gripped the armrests and tried not to panic. “Call me Ellen.”
“Ellen,” he repeated, studying her with interest. “Your husband is asking you to follow him into the unknown. What do you have to lose?”
“Just him,” she said softly.
“You don’t have any family?”
“I do, but we’re not close.”
“Why is that?”
She moistened her lips, nervous. Her throat was so dry, it was difficult to speak. Her brain supplied the information in the profile, but she wasn’t sure how to deliver it authentically. She wasn’t an actress. “My parents are drug users,” she said. “They’ve struggled with addiction for many years. It’s been difficult to stay in touch with them. For my own good, I had to put up some boundaries.” She swallowed hard. “My little sister has gone down the same path, unfortunately. I’ve put her through rehab twice.”
Jonah’s brow furrowed. “Your family is a burden to you?”
Avery hesitated before answering. She’d invented this bit of emotional motivation herself in an attempt to explain Ellen Dean’s willingness to leave society. But maybe it didn’t reflect well on her. In The Haven, no one walked away. She reached for Nick’s hand again, uncertain. He pressed his thumb to the center of her palm.
“It’s not that they’re a burden,” she said. “I’ve just come to realize that I can’t save them. I can save Nick.”
Nick squeezed her hand in approval.
“If you join us, you won’t have contact with anyone on the outside,” Jonah said.
“Sometimes it’s better to cut ties.”
Jonah leaned back in his chair, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. He gestured for Brother Sage to take over.
“You’re a pediatric nurse.”
“Yes,” she said, glad for the subject change. “I love children.”
“Tell us about your nursing skills.”
“I worked at a doctor’s office for seven years, so I did a lot of basic care. First aid, vital signs, blood tests. The usual.”
“We don’t believe in modern medicine,” Imogen said.
Avery smiled, because she’d anticipated this sort of comment. “That’s not a problem. I’ve studied homeopathic methods and herbal remedies. Nature provides so much of what we need to heal and grow.”
Brother Sage looked hopeful. “Do you have experience with childbirth?”
Her smile slipped. “No, but I can learn.”
“Good,” he said gruffly. “The midwife could use an assistant.”
Imogen cut in again. “How old are you?”
“Thirty-one.”
“Why don’t you have children of your own?”
“We haven’t been blessed yet,” Nick said.
Imogen scanned Avery’s colorful dress, her expression skeptical. “We have no luxuries at The Haven. No beauty products, no frivolous items, no material conceits. How can someone like you adjust to our way of life?”
Brother Sage nodded at this question. He didn’t trust frivolous items, either.
“I don’t need luxuries,” Avery said. “I want what’s best for Nick.”
“Is there anything you want for yourself?” Jonah asked.
Avery swallowed hard. She realized that she hadn’t won them over the way Nick had. He projected confidence and sincerity. He was very good at this job. She wasn’t as convincing, and Sister Imogen’s snide questions had raised doubts about her character. Ellen Dean was too pretty, too modern, too childless. It wasn’t “natural.”
Nick gave her an encouraging nod. Their fate was in her hands. Did she really want to impress this panel of religious zealots, and secure an invitation to backwoods hell? Or did she want to sabotage their chances and go home?
She thought of her sister—her real sister—and tears filled her eyes. “I want a baby,” she said, her voice quavering with emotion. “No matter what happens to Nick. If God chooses to take my husband, at least I’ll have his child.”
Nick stared at her in awe. She flushed, hoping she hadn’t overdone it. She needn’t have worried. Jonah and Sage exchanged candid looks of approval. These were men who believed in being fruitful and multiplying.
Only Imogen appeared unmoved, which wasn’t a surprise. She’d taken an instant dislike to Avery.
“I think we’ve heard enough,” Jonah said. “Let’s vote.”
Avery drew in a shaky breath. They weren’t even going to leave the room to discuss it. They were going to vote yes or no, right here and now. Nick smiled reassuringly. He thought they had this in the bag, despite Sister Imogen’s cool reception. Maybe he didn’t consider her a threat to their acceptance.
“Brother Sage?” Jonah prompted.
“Yes,” he said, without inflection.
“Sister Imogen?”
Imogen placed her palms together and glanced heavenward, as if seeking guidance from above. She considered Nick’s handsome face, deceptively guileless. Then she studied Jonah, whose eyes shone with quiet fervor. He controlled this process, no matter what he claimed. If Sister Imogen voted against the men, he would not be happy.
“Yes,” she said, like a true devotee. Not of the cult, but of Jonah.
“Excellent,” Jonah said. “I vote yes also. It’s unanimous.”
Nick jumped to his feet and shook hands with everyone. Then he drew Avery into his arms for a celebratory embrace. Dread and despair welled up inside her, warring with the physical thrill she felt as his hard body enveloped hers. As much as she resented him for dragging her into this, she wasn’t immune to his touch.
“You won’t regret this,” he said in her ear. “I promise.”
She didn’t know if he was speaking as Nick Dean, or Nick Diaz. It didn’t really matter. Their identities had been subsumed. Now they would be swallowed into the cult, and become cogs in the communal machine.
They left Reno in the SUV. Sister Imogen drove, with Jonah riding shotgun. Brother Sage sat in the back, next to Nick and Avery. After they crossed into California, they were given blindfolds. Avery donned hers without argument, though she knew they were hours from The Haven. Brother Sage tucked her glasses into his pocket. Nick put his arm around her. The long drive in utter darkness should have terrified her, but his warmth and strength felt comforting. She’d hardly slept the night before. The mind’s ability to endure and compartmentalize never ceased to amaze her. She rested her head against his shoulder, drowsy.
The next thing she knew, she was jostled awake by a hard jolt. Nick had both arms locked around her protectively. The teeth-rattling movement continued as the SUV traveled over rough terrain. They were getting closer to the fortress in the woods.
An hour later, the vehicle pulled to a stop. Nick didn’t move a muscle, but Avery reached for her blindfold.
“Keep your eyes covered,” Jonah said.
She waited, pulse racing. “Are we there?”
“We’ve reached the end of the secular plane,” Jonah said. “But the journey’s not over. We walk from here.”
The engine turned off and the doors opened with a musical ting. Although they were notorious for eschewing the evils of modern society, these cult members traveled in style. The late-model SUV had all the upgrades.
Avery was sitting closer to the door, so she got out first. She set her feet carefully on the rocky ground and took a tentative step forward. Nick followed, grasping her elbow.
Jonah spoke from a vague place in the near distance. “Part of the initiation process is a spiritual rebirth. You’ll be born again as members of our family. You must come to us as babes, with no trappings from the old world.”
Beside her, Nick cleared his throat. “Trappings?”
“Clothing, jewelry, shoes. You have to leave them behind.”
“You want us to take off our clothes?”
“Every stitch.”
Avery’s stomach sank. She couldn’t believe this was part of the initiation process.
“We have robes for you near the water. It’s not far.”
She stifled a moan of dismay. They had to strip naked and walk through the woods. Blindfolded.
“I’ll go first,” Nick said, as if this was some magnanimous offer. He probably didn’t care who saw his private parts, and Avery doubted their companions would examine him closely. Imogen was too prudish to look, and the other two were men. She stood like a statue next to Nick, listening to his shoes drop and clothes rustle.
“Your wristwatch,” Jonah said.
Nick wasn’t bothered by nudity, but he drew the line at this. “It was my father’s.”
“We don’t allow status items. The wedding rings have to go, too.”
He must have complied, because she heard the metallic snick of his watch clasp. Then he reached for her trembling hand and worried the ring off her finger. It slipped loose, disappearing into the ether. Silence stretched between them.
She realized it was her turn to remove her clothes. She had to show her loyalty and devotion to her husband, and her willingness to obey orders. She had to supplicate herself with this humiliating exercise.
“Do you want me to help you?” he asked quietly.
No, she didn’t want him to help her. She wanted to slap him for bringing her into this. With stiff motions, she unfastened the straps on her high-heeled Mary Janes. They weren’t practical for a trek through the woods, or air travel, for that matter, but they were damned cute and she was sorry to lose them. As she took off her dress, she became aware of Nick’s body in front of her. He’d made a privacy shield between her and the others. Although she appreciated his attempt to protect her modesty, she assumed the men could still see her. She cringed as her dress fell to the ground. Her bra and panties went next. She was glad she’d worn basic lingerie, not sexy lace garters and silk hose.
When she was completely naked, she stayed in a half-crouched position behind Nick, one arm covering her breasts and a hand between her legs. She wasn’t ashamed of her figure, but she didn’t want to show it to strangers, and she hated feeling vulnerable. The blindfold added to her helplessness. She couldn’t guess where Jonah was standing.
“Follow the sound of my voice,” Jonah said.
She reached out tentatively and found Nick’s bare shoulder. He tensed at her touch, like an animal poised to fight. She slid her hand down to the crook of his arm, shivering.
“Ready?” he murmured.
Avery wasn’t capable of speech. Her lips were tightly compressed, her skin prickled from cold and embarrassment. She guessed it was late afternoon or early evening, based on the chill in the air. In the remote mountains of Northern California, nights were crisp, even in summer.
She wanted to run away, screaming. But when he stepped forward, she went with him. She was committed to his plan, for better or for worse. Being forced to walk naked through the woods was a fitting start to a horrifying ordeal, she supposed.
The earth was cool and damp beneath her feet. Sharp pebbles bit into her tender soles as they navigated the path. She didn’t let go of Nick, who seemed confident and sure-footed. Jonah had launched into a solemn prayer.
Avery had never heard the initiation rites before, so she couldn’t evaluate their authenticity. The words were similar to many of Father Jeff’s sermons. It was part hippie mystic, part conservative Christian. The fact that these two ideologies were diametrically opposed to each other didn’t matter where they were going. Cult membership was predicated on blind faith, not logic and reasoning. Also, the community was incredibly insulated. They didn’t know they’d been indoctrinated. They accepted Father Jeff’s teachings without question.
It was more difficult for Avery to understand his fan base outside the commune. Why would anyone choose to follow a guru whose beliefs were so twisted and misogynistic? Not to mention, lacking in coherence. She could write a second dissertation on the phenomenon. It was some kind of mass dementia, exacerbated by social media.
When she heard the sound of rushing water in the close distance, a childhood memory struck her. She’d been here before, to view a baptism. They’d called it a nature blessing. Parents brought their newborns to the blessing pool, which was located at the base of a modest waterfall. It wasn’t far from the commune boundaries. There was a series of swimming holes along Holy Creek, if she remembered correctly, but only one was “blessed.” Family and friends gathered around while Father Jeff performed the ceremony.
She couldn’t recall whom she’d seen get baptized. Baby Imogen, perhaps.
Someone shoved a bundle of fabric into Avery’s hands. Avery let go of Nick to grasp the roughhewn cloth and clutch it to her chest. A fine mist from the falls settled on her skin, which was already pebbled with goose bumps.
“You can remove your eye coverings and don the blessing robes,” Jonah said.
Avery pulled off the blindfold. At sunset, the scene might have been called picturesque. Golden light filtered through the trees and rippled on the surface of the pool, which Jonah had waded into. He held a leather-embossed cult bible, open to a page with a ribbon bookmark. Brother Sage and Sister Imogen stood by his side. The twenty-foot waterfall offered a quaint backdrop, and gave everyone a misty halo. Thankfully, they were the only participants. Jonah hadn’t invited an audience.
Avery was too uncomfortable to appreciate the natural beauty of the setting, or of the man standing next to her. She didn’t check out Nick’s tall, hard-muscled body, but she could guess how he looked. He exuded masculinity. Underneath those ill-fitting clothes, he was a man in his prime and it showed. She could see the proof in Sister Imogen’s wide-eyed gaze.
Oh God. This was a disaster.
Avery fumbled with her robe as Nick donned his. It was a simple white garment made of muslin, with a neck opening like a poncho. When she was covered, she reached for Nick’s hand again. His robe reached just below his knees. Hers ended at her feet. He didn’t offer any empty platitudes or reassuring smiles. There was no way to ease the gravity of this moment. He seemed to be waiting for her to collect herself.
She took a deep breath and tried to ground her thoughts in physical reality. She could feel Nick’s strong hand in hers. The pebbles beneath her toes. The rushing water beckoned. There was no turning back now. Straightening her shoulders, she nodded at Nick.
Together, they waded in.