Avery entered her apartment and locked the door behind her.
She tossed aside her purse before collapsing on the couch. It had been an emotional roller coaster of a day. She’d visited Grace and her baby at the hospital. Avery had held the tiny, downy-haired newborn and cried her eyes out. She’d cried for her mother, and for her little sister, who’d never had the chance to live. Finally, she’d cried for Nick.
Grace had patted Avery’s shoulder in sympathy. New motherhood had softened her sharp edges a little. Either that, or they were giving her some good painkillers. Before Avery left, she promised to stay in touch.
In the aftermath of the chaos at The Haven, Grace had become the state’s leading witness against Jeff Silva. She’d overheard him ordering Jeremiah to kill Caleb, the baby’s father. She’d watched the guards beat Caleb to a pulp. Although she hadn’t seen the actual execution, his dead body told the tale well enough. Jeremiah’s Ruger SR-9 had delivered the fatal bullet.
Father Jeff had been arrested for a litany of crimes, including marijuana cultivation without a permit, and several charges of conspiracy to commit murder. Three other bodies had been found in the woods near the commune. They all belonged to former members, young males who’d disappeared under the guise of holy service.
The fact that Father Jeff hadn’t killed them with his own hands didn’t matter. He was a Manson-like figure with total control over the cult and everyone in it. The man who’d confessed to shooting Special Agent Chris Davidson retracted his statement. He’d admitted to witnessing the murder, which had been directed by Jeff Silva and carried out by Jeremiah.
Without Father Jeff, the entire community fell apart. He’d been proved a false prophet. Avery heard that Nadine and Brent ran away together. Isobel was devastated by Jeremiah’s death, but free of his abuse.
Imogen had been inconsolable. She’d refused to believe that Jonah had shot himself. She blamed herself for his downfall. She’d recognized Avery as Hannah, and run straight to Jonah with her suspicions, setting the awful events into motion.
Avery bore her no ill will, but Imogen’s hysteria had caused Avery a lot of suffering in the hours of the raid. She’d been locked in the dark cellar all morning while law enforcement searched the commune. Nick, who’d been beaten within an inch of his life, refused medical treatment until she was found. Imogen hadn’t told anyone where Avery was. She’d been too busy weeping over Jonah’s dead body.
When Nick finally found Avery, she’d been in a state of acute shock. She’d assumed that Nick had been killed, and that she would be next. She’d cowered in the dark, musty space, imagining awful things. At one point she’d broken a glass bottle to use as a weapon. She’d clutched a shard so tight, she’d cut her hand to the bone. She’d completely lost her grip on reality, and seeing Nick alive didn’t help. His face had been misshapen and bloody. Instead of hugging him in relief, she’d screamed in horror.
Needless to say, their reunion hadn’t been romantic.
They’d spoken only once in the days that followed. The conversation had been brief and stilted. He was under investigation for the steps he’d taken to recruit her. They weren’t supposed to be in contact, but he’d called to apologize, and to encourage her to tell the truth.
She hadn’t. Not the whole truth, anyway. When two agents came to her apartment to interview her, she’d explained that Nick had tricked her into believing Grace was her sister. They’d told her that Nick had confessed to the deception, and the misuse of department resources. She’d just corroborated his story. The lies she’d told were ones of omission. She’d withheld the intimate details of their relationship. Perhaps he’d done the same, because the agents hadn’t grilled her about it.
Aunt Ruth had grilled her about it, and so had her best friend, Corrine. Avery had spent the previous weekend at Chuck and Laura’s house, for the birthday party of their youngest son. Avery couldn’t escape Ruth’s questions, so she’d answered them honestly. She’d embraced the family time with open arms.
Something had changed inside her. She’d faced the demons of her past, and she was stronger for it. She might not have seemed strong, after that stint in the cellar, but she’d survived. Nightmares from her childhood no longer haunted her. She didn’t sleep easily, however. She was plagued by dreams of Nick.
She couldn’t help it. She still wanted him. She admitted this to Corinne, who’d squealed with delight and congratulated her on having a red-hot affair with a sexy undercover agent. She’d admitted it to Ruth, who’d hugged her tight. Neither woman suggested the relationship would work out. They were happy she’d taken the risk, and they believed she was a survivor. She would survive the heartache.
Avery wasn’t so sure. Holding Grace’s baby had shattered her into pieces. There were too many feelings to process. Her chest ached from the weight of them. She hated Nick for putting her through this. She hated herself for loving him.
She knew she should forget him. He wouldn’t call while the investigation was ongoing. He might not call after. Then she would know he’d lied about everything, and she could move on with her life.
Until then, she was in limbo. She wouldn’t go back to work until August. She’d signed up for a school psychology conference next week. The weather was beautiful, but she didn’t feel like going out. She felt like wallowing in misery.
While she burrowed into the couch, hugging a pillow to her chest, she thought of the kitten she’d meant to adopt. It had probably gone to another home. Tears pricked her eyes. She swiped them away, dragging in a rough breath.
A knock at her door brought her out of her sad reverie. Her pulse skyrocketed, because she knew that knock.
It was Nick.
He was standing on her doorstep, as he’d done twice before. His face was no longer grotesquely swollen, as it had been the last time she’d seen him. He’d healed completely. She almost couldn’t tell he’d sustained any injuries. There was a faint hint of a bruise under his left eye, and his nose wasn’t quite as straight as it had been. His hair looked like it had been touched up by a barber. He was wearing a basic T-shirt and dark jeans. He was so handsome, her breath caught in her throat.
“Can I come in?” he asked, tentative.
She stepped aside to allow him entrance. After she closed the door behind him, they stared at each other for a long moment. His eyes never left her face.
“You look good,” he said.
“So do you.”
His gaze trailed down her body, taking in her tank top and flowy skirt. Her mascara was probably smudged from crying over the baby, but he’d seen her without makeup. He’d seen her naked and without makeup.
“You…take my breath away.”
Although he sounded sincere, the flattery didn’t affect her. There was so much more between them than surface attraction, and she was feeling bleak. She’d been crying over a kitten she’d never met two minutes ago. If he thought he could come in here and make everything better with a few compliments, he was wrong.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a low voice. “I’m already screwing this up.”
“Why don’t we sit down? I have iced tea.”
“That would be great.”
She poured two glasses and brought them to the coffee table. He sat down across from her, just as he had the night they’d met. He drank in nervous gulps. His forehead was damp with perspiration, which struck her as endearing. She was glad this wasn’t easy for him. She sipped her tea coolly, waiting for him to speak.
“There’s no excuse for what I did,” he said. “It was unprofessional, and unethical. Immoral. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done, basically. I prioritized my revenge over your safety, and I hate myself for it. I thought I could protect you from danger, but I didn’t. I failed on every level.”
Avery had been wondering about a few specific details. “Did you enhance the photo of Grace to make her look like my mother?”
“I enhanced it to make her look like you. Power of suggestion did the rest.”
“Did Ellen really have an accident?”
His brows rose in surprise. “Yes. I would never have recruited you otherwise.”
“What else did you lie about?”
“I withheld information more than I lied.”
“What did you withhold information about?”
“The watch,” he said, holding her gaze. “It wasn’t recording us.”
“And?”
“I was there to investigate Jeff Silva, but I suspected Jeremiah of shooting my colleague. He became my main target.”
“You got what you wanted, then.”
“No,” he said softly. “I wanted you. If I could do it all over again—”
“That’s the thing, Nick. You can’t.”
He went silent for a moment, studying her face. “You were right about my motivations. I was obsessed with completing the mission because I felt responsible for Chris’s death. The guilt was eating me up inside. Eventually, I realized that avenging him wouldn’t make any difference.”
“Then why did you come back that night?”
“What do you mean?”
“You were outside the gate. You’d discovered Caleb’s grave. You could have gone to the road and been safe. Instead, you came back to kill Jeremiah.”
“No,” he said quietly. “I came back for you.”
She rose from the couch, troubled by his announcement. “That doesn’t make sense. There were guards everywhere. They were looking for you.”
He stood with her. “The guards were amateurs.”
“They were heavily armed amateurs. You could have waited until your team arrived. Why didn’t you?”
“Because I promised to protect you with my life.”
She paced the living room, her arms crossed over her chest. “You thought you could protect me by walking into a situation where you were sure to be killed on the spot?”
“That’s kind of the deal, isn’t it? I said I’d risk my life, and I did.”
“You had nothing to gain.”
“I had everything to gain,” he said, his voice rising with agitation. “I couldn’t just walk away and leave you. I couldn’t wait hours for backup. Jonah had you in the cellar.” He closed the distance between them, cupping her face. His thumb swept over her cheek. “I know he hit you. What else did he do?”
“Nothing.”
“He didn’t get the chance to do more, because I came back.”
She pulled away from him. “You shouldn’t have left!”
“You’re right,” he said. “I shouldn’t have taken you there, and I shouldn’t have left you alone. I knew Jonah was getting suspicious. Time was running out for me to collect evidence. I should have escaped with you.”
She arched a brow. “Instead of sleeping with me?”
He inclined his head, guilty as charged. “I was reckless and impulsive in more ways than one. I shouldn’t have touched you.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat, because this part hurt the most. “You used me.”
“No. Not in the sense you mean.”
“You used sex to keep me quiet and docile,” she exploded. “You screwed me into oblivion so you could get away!”
He had the grace to look embarrassed. “That wasn’t planned.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“I didn’t seduce you, Avery. If memory serves, you begged me to touch you. Perhaps you remember whispering in my ear? ‘Please, more, yes, right there’?”
It was her turn to flush.
“I took you to bed because I couldn’t control myself. I wasn’t thinking about the case. I wasn’t thinking about anything beyond having you, as many times as possible.”
Some of her anger drained away, and warmth crept in. His eyes blazed with passionate sincerity. “Mission accomplished,” she said lightly.
“Not even close,” he replied.
She shivered at the implication that he wasn’t done with her. He hadn’t come here just to apologize. Desire thrummed between them, stronger than ever.
“I’ve replayed that night over and over again in my mind,” he said. “It seems like a fantasy now. Something I invented, too good to be real.”
“It was real,” she murmured. She’d also spent more than a few evenings reexamining every moment. “Did you get in trouble for that?”
“I wasn’t interrogated about it. I would have told the truth, if they asked. The internal investigation focused on your recruitment.”
Avery was glad the investigators hadn’t learned about their sexual relationship. For all Nick’s faults, she couldn’t blame him for that weakness. She had begged him to touch her, and she believed him when he said it wasn’t a planned seduction. They’d both been out of control, unable to resist each other. “What was the result?”
“I admitted to misconduct and tendered my resignation.”
Her jaw dropped. “You didn’t.”
“I did, but my SAC wouldn’t accept it. He wanted to take down Jeff Silva just as much as I did, so he was willing to overlook the ethics violations. Everyone in the department was clapping me on the back. McDonald cared more about the outcome than my tactics. A misconduct demotion would smear his reputation and ruin mine. He couldn’t promote me, either. We worked something else out.”
“What?”
“A lateral transfer. It will keep my record clean. I requested placement in the Portland field office, under Richards. I won’t be doing any more undercover work. She needs an experienced homicide investigator.”
She gaped at him in disbelief. “Why would you transfer to Portland?”
“To be near you.”
She was speechless.
Nick grasped her upper arms, imploring her to listen. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I have to tell you how I feel. I love you, Avery. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I will never lie to you again, and I’ll do anything to regain your trust.”
She stared at his mouth, unsure she’d heard him correctly.
He released her arms with a frown. “It’s too soon. Of course it’s too soon. I shouldn’t have said all that. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be here, if you ever decide to give me another chance.”
She moistened her trembling lips.
“If you don’t, I’ll be here anyway,” he said, nodding. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait forever.”
She had to be clear. “You…love me?”
“I love you.”
“Since when?”
“Since…before that night.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I was in love with you before we slept together. After, there was no question.”
“You’ll do anything for me.”
“Anything.” He proved it by falling to his knees before her and twining his arms around her waist. “Please, let me make it up to you.”
She stroked her fingers through his short hair. “I love you, too.”
He glanced up at her in awe. “You do?”
“Since before that night.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. I’ve spent the past three weeks in agony, wondering how to get over you.”
He rose to his feet again. “You want to get over me?”
“I don’t think I can. You’ve ruined me for other men.”
He offered a wolfish smile. “I guess that’s only fair, because I can’t live without you.”
She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m glad.”
He crushed his mouth over hers, kissing her breathless.
“Tell me,” she murmured against his lips. “How were you planning to make it up to me?”
With a low groan, he swept her off her feet and carried her to the bedroom to show her. They spent the entire afternoon tangled in each other. He demonstrated his love and devotion until they were both dizzy with exhaustion.
There were no nightmares after she fell asleep. No memories of the commune plagued her in the wee hours of the morning. She stayed in the safe haven of Nick’s arms for the remainder of the weekend.
By the end of it, they were planning the rest of their lives together.
* * * * *