Chapter Nineteen

Jake spent the day with the local police, going over and over that fateful night three years ago. They were in agreement that the rabbit couldn’t have been a coincidence, but weren’t totally convinced it had been left by the same person who had killed his family. They thought there was a distinct possibility it was just malicious troublemaking from someone who remembered what had happened. The murders hadn’t been a secret. They had made it into the papers. A reporter, photographer, any of the officers involved at the time could have let slip about Annie still cuddling her rabbit. Maybe those watching Kat now were just out to warn her not to get involved with him. Maybe they didn’t want to see Jake happy. Maybe they were just sick.

Jake didn’t agree. He’d had a bad feeling in his gut ever since he’d seen the first painted eye. In his heart and his head he knew the person who’d murdered his family and the person who was threatening Kat was one and the same. All he had to do was find out who. And why, that would sure help too. Who had he pissed off so much that they were prepared to kill innocent people, just to get at him? With a heavy heart he climbed back into his truck. He’d have to leave it until tomorrow. For now he had a little girl and her mother to pick up from school. If only his life were as simple as that sounded.

****

When they arrived back at her cottage, Jake pushed past Kat, ordering her to stay outside with Molly as he and one of the policemen entered the house. Kat watched in a daze, thinking how unreal it all seemed. The sexy carpenter, searching her house to make sure a potential murderer wasn’t lurking inside. How on earth could that actually be happening? Grateful that one of the other officers was distracting Molly, showing her how to turn on the blue flashing lights, Kat stood on the drive, trying not to think about why she wasn’t allowed into her own house.

Occasionally she caught a glimpse of Jake through the window as he maneuvered around the ground floor, his movements quick and efficient. He was no longer the man she’d first met, the awkward, aloof workman who’d built the school climbing frame. He was now the policeman he’d once been. A man who could enter a building that might contain a murderer, with utter calm. A man at home with facing danger. A man who had lived through the worse that life could throw at him, and survived. The scars were still there, and would be for the rest of his life, but it was a great testament to his strength of character, his inner resolve, that he’d managed to pick up the shattered remnants of his life and move on. How had he learned to cope with the murder of his daughter? God, if anything happened to Molly...she felt her knees start to buckle.

“Kat.”

Jake’s voice, firm and authoritative, brought her back.

He held her face and made her look at him. “Are you okay?” This time his voice was softer, the concern clear.

“I’m fine.” Shaking herself, trying to clear her fog-filled head, she angled her head toward the house. “Can we go in now?”

Jake nodded, and as he turned to walk with her, she noticed him quickly slipping a pistol under his shirt.

The sight made her shiver. Guns were deadly. In the hands of the police officers, they had appeared reassuring. In the hands of Jake, it seemed to indicate intent. “Where did you get the gun?” she asked, her voice slightly shaky.

His face looked grim. “I told them I wanted one. We don’t intend to let the bastard get anywhere near you, but if he does…” He left the rest of the sentence unsaid, but she read his meaning. If the stalker got anywhere near her, he’d shoot him. She sucked in a quick breath, and he misread her concern. “Don’t worry, I know how to use one. They wouldn’t have trusted me with it otherwise.”

She wasn’t worried about that. Not now that she’d seen him in full cop mode, steely eyes, set shoulders, hardened jaw, stony expression. She knew if he came face-to-face with the killer of his wife and child, he wouldn’t hesitate to shoot. She only hoped he’d be able to live with it on his conscience afterward. God knows, he seemed to have enough demons lurking in his mind as it was.

Thanking the uniformed officers stationed outside, Jake followed Kat and Molly into the house. Once inside, Kat watched as he yet again went round the place, this time checking the windows and doors, to see if they were secure.

“I think that’s already been done,” she told him quietly, conscious that Molly had sat herself down on the sofa not far away, watching television.

“So, I’m doing it again.”

His blunt reply made her bristle. Really, this was all bad enough without him rubbing their vulnerability in their face. “Please, will you stop?” she hissed, pointedly nodding in the direction of the currently oblivious Molly. “I want everything to appear normal. Which doesn’t include you rattling every bloody window.”

For a split second he glared at her, hands on hips, clearly about to argue. Then he let out a deep sigh and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Sorry. It’s just…” he shook his head and began to walk away.

She touched him on the arm, halting him. “Talk to me, Jake. What is it?”

His face closed up and she was about to punch his chest in exasperation when he finally spoke, his voice low and quiet enough that Molly couldn’t hear. “He got in through the ground floor last time. Through an old window that I should have replaced.” As his eyes grew stormy, he turned his head away, avoiding her gaze. “I’d planned to do it with my next pay increase. Get the whole lot replaced with modern, secure ones.”

Kat shuddered. With her heart aching for him, she groped for the words to comfort him, but was at a loss to know what to say. He’d gone through such agony, it was more than she could stand to see him revisiting it now. And blaming himself.

He wiped a hand across his eyes and took in a deep breath. “You don’t need to worry, Kat,” he said when she reached to put her arms around his waist and hug him, the only way she could think of to express her sympathy. “Your windows and doors are pretty much impenetrable.”

When his arms went round her, too, holding her tight against him, Kat closed her eyes and for a few precious minutes allowed herself the luxury of being held by the man she’d fallen in love with.

****

When dinner was over and Molly was at last asleep, Kat walked slowly back downstairs. Nothing had been said about the sleeping arrangements for tonight, but she knew what she wanted. She wanted Jake to stay. Much as she knew there were armed officers outside, it gave her great comfort to know someone else was inside with her. Someone Molly was comfortable with. Someone they both trusted. However, she’d asked him once before, and his refusal had put an end to their relationship. She was damned if she was going to ask him a second time. She’d just have to bite her tongue and see what happened.

“Did you get any closer to knowing who this person is today?” she asked instead, sitting down opposite him. He’d obviously been home and changed since leaving her house this morning. His rugged face was clean-shaven, and he wore a checked shirt, the sleeves rolled up slightly revealing strong, tanned forearms.

He shook his head. Sighed and leant back against the sofa. “No.”

The low, flat sound of his voice, together with the lines of strain etched across his face, were stark reminders of the effect all this was having on him. “All this is really hard on you, isn’t it? Raking up those terrible memories.”

“It’s harder on you,” he replied sharply, then took in a deep breath and ran a hand through his short hair. “You should have chosen another man to get involved with,” he continued, staring down at the floor. “Jesus, if only I’d known...”

“You wouldn’t have invited me to stay for the large chicken?”

He looked up briefly. Managed a weak smile. “I would have wanted to, don’t get me wrong, but in hindsight, no, it would have been better for you and Molly to have stayed a million miles away from me.”

“I wouldn’t change a thing,” she replied quietly. His head jerked round sharply, and he looked at her like he couldn’t quite believe what she’d said. For a moment, neither could she. Then she realized it was the truth. “I mean it. I was wrong earlier, when I blamed you for all this...”

“You were right to blame me,” he interjected roughly. “It is my fault.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Annoyed she stood up and walked over to him. Sat next to him. “You aren’t the one painting warning signs, Jake. You’re not the one threatening me. It’s not your fault that someone is out to get you, through me.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” He shrugged, his eyes fixed on her rug, as if it held the answers he needed so desperately to hear. “I don’t know why they’re doing this. Why they hate me so much. It has to be someone I’ve helped to convict. God, maybe I made a mistake. Now they’re making me pay.”

“I thought you checked through all your old cases?”

“Yeah, we did.” He scratched at his head, a frown on his face. “There’s something I’m missing. I plan on figuring it out tomorrow.”

She looked at him, puzzled.

“I’m going back to my old station to talk to the guys I used to work with. Go through the old files again.” He laughed grimly. “So much for leaving all that behind and starting a new life.”

It didn’t take a genius to work out how hard revisiting his old life was going to be for him. Every fibre of her being wanted to kneel down in front of him and beg him to come to bed with her, so they could comfort each other. Instead she stood up and deliberately moved a few steps away. The situation was already messy and complicated enough. It was better for them both if they kept their distance until it was over. “Are you staying?” It was as close as she dared to go.

“I want to.”

Her heart fluttered at his words, but she reminded herself it was his guilt talking, nothing else. However, Jake was a tall man, and it wasn’t a very big sofa. “Okay. There’s a perfectly good spare bed upstairs if you want to use it.”

He merely shook his head. “No, the couch is fine. I’m getting used to not sleeping in a bed.”

A wry smile touched his lips and for a split second it lit up his face. God he was gorgeous. “Good night then,” she replied hastily, slipping quickly up the stairs before she gave in to temptation and threw herself at him.

****

“Jake, Jake.”

He heard his name. A woman’s voice. With a start he sat up. Drenched in sweat, he took in his surroundings. Not his own home. Kat’s. He dragged his eyes over to where the voice had come from. There she was. Looking at him with concern and a twinge of alarm. He rubbed at his eyes, tried to clear his mind.

“You were screaming, Jake,” she whispered, reaching out to touch his forehead. One he knew was clammy with sweat. “I was worried.”

Mortified, he sank back down onto the sofa, pulling up the blanket to cover his naked chest. Shit. He hadn’t had a nightmare in months. So long that he’d thought he was over all that. “Sorry I woke you.”

“Sorry?” Kat plonked herself down on the sofa, and he let out a yelp as she landed on his legs. “Don’t you dare bloody apologize to me, Jake Holroyd.” Putting her head in her hands, Kat swore a few times before using her hand to prod him in the chest. “Jesus, Jake. You were having a nightmare. Since when did a person have to apologize for that?” The temper quickly disappeared from her eyes and instead of using her finger to jab at him, she trailed it up to his face, tenderly traced his lips. “Do you have them a lot?”

He tried to concentrate on her words, though his mind filled with the sensation of her hand on his mouth. “I used to. Not so much anymore.” Shutting his eyes, he allowed her to soothe him. “I guess this has brought them back.”

“Oh, Jake.” She lay against him, her body soft against his.

Instantly his arms wrapped around her, holding on to her for dear life. She felt so perfect, nestled against him, her body warm and giving. What had he ever done to earn the right to find and fall for another gorgeous woman?

Suddenly his heart grew cold, and he gently pushed Kat away. He had no business hugging this lady, taking advantage of her kind nature. He didn’t deserve her.

He saw the hurt flash through her eyes as she struggled to sit up, and hated himself for it.

“I couldn’t protect them, Kat,” he told her roughly, his voice hoarse from the effort of not breaking down. She needed to see the real him. To know how badly he’d failed his wife and daughter. “Do you know how it feels to see someone you love die a horrible death and know that it was partly your fault? That you should have been there?”

Kat’s brown eyes, fixed on him, looked luminescent.

Drawing his knees up to his chest, Jake continued harshly. “I told you that I worked late that night. What I didn’t tell you was Isabelle phoned me early that evening. I knew instantly there was something wrong because she almost never phoned me at work. The very fact that she had should have been enough for me to rush to my car. Then there was her voice.” Hell, he could feel himself choking up again. How many times was he going to break down in front of this lady? Coughing, he forced himself to continue. “Isabelle had such a lovely voice. Slow, measured, calm. That night it was none of those things.”

Kat had edged away from him and was sitting at the other end of the sofa, her eyes still focused on him.

“Isabelle told me she thought someone was watching her. Even as she said the words, she tried to laugh them off, dismiss her fears, but I knew she was on edge. What did I do? Did I rush back to reassure her? Make sure she was okay?” He laughed harshly. “Of course I didn’t. Not Jake Holroyd, master detective. No, I was far too immersed in solving my case to bother about my wife and child. I told her I would be home as soon as I could. That if she was really worried, she should call the police.” He looked over at Kat, his face filled with self-loathing. “Good, eh? She had a husband in the police force, but I told her to call 999 if she thought she was going to be harmed. Shit, I was some piece of work.”

“Jake, you’re not God.” Kat leapt to her feet and came to kneel on the floor in front of him. “You can’t protect the people you love all the time. If you’d gone straight home that day, who’s to say there wouldn’t have been another day, another time? You just don’t know what’s round the next corner. Nobody does.”

He hung his head, but some of her words sank home. Certainly the part about not knowing what the future held. Because hell, if he had, he would never have embroiled Kat in his life.

When he dared to finally look up she was on her feet, reaching out her hand to him, her dark eyes full of understanding and compassion. Christ, even if he had known all this was going to happen, would he really have been strong enough to push Kat away? He wanted to think so, but as he looked at her now, he wasn’t sure.

“Come to bed with me, Jake. Please?”

Emotion welled in his chest, clogged in his throat. He’d told her everything, but here she was, still giving herself to him. God knows he wasn’t worthy of her compassion, but there was no way in hell he was going to turn it down. Throwing off the blanket, he stood up and clasped hold of her hand.

Together they walked up the stairs to her room, finding comfort and a welcome distraction in each other’s arms.