Fat people have sex. Sweet, tender, luscious sex. Sweaty, feral, sheet-ripping sex. Shivery, jiggly, gasping sex. Sentimental, slow, face-cradling sex. Even as you read these words, there are fat people out there somewhere joyously getting their freak on. Not only that, but fat people are falling in love, having hookups, being crushed-out, putting on sexy lingerie, being the objects of other people’s lust, flirting, primping before hot dates, melting a little as they read romantic notes from their sweeties, seducing and being seduced, and having shuddering, toe-curling orgasms that are as big as they are.
It’s only natural. Sexuality is part of the birthright that comes with having a body, just like sleeping and eating and breathing and stretching and wriggling with pleasure when someone scratches your back just right. After all, body size has nothing to do with whether or not it feels good to have that spot right between your shoulder blades scratched, and a good night’s sleep leaves you feeling restored no matter what number comes up when you step on the scale. Sex is not so different. We are physical animals, and sexuality is part of that. We’re only human.
Not only are we human, but we are legion. Technically speaking, about one-third of adult Americans are obese by the BMI-happy standards of the Centers for Disease Control. At a rough estimate, that’s about a hundred million people. Sure, this represents a wide range of people, from folks with a couple handfuls of extra junk in the trunk to the fattest among us, and it represents a wide range of experience. But the simple fact is that, wherever you have a hundred million people, there’s probably going to be a whole lot of sex happening, too.
Those are the facts. It doesn’t matter how much people love to tell us that fat people aren’t sexy or sexual. It doesn’t matter that the media—including most mainstream pornography sources—do their best to write fat people’s sexuality completely out of the picture, as if it’ll go away if we just don’t show pictures of it. A hundred million people don’t automatically become celibate just because their BMIs drift higher than thirty. That’s the bottom line. Fat people having a sexy time isn’t just a good idea: it’s flesh and blood everyday reality.
At the same time, sex can be complicated and difficult, a source of worry and shame, vulnerability and pressure. So can fatness. Sex and fatness have a lot in common, actually. Aside from the fact that you’re not supposed to have too much of either one—and if you do, you’re not supposed to admit it or, God forbid, enjoy it—they also both have a lot to do with appetites and desires, the body and our relationships to it, and our deep-seated emotional desires for acceptance and love. Put sex and fatness together, and it can open up what seems like a bottomless pit of issues.
That’s why this book exists. Like other people who don’t fit into the mainstream model of what is sexy or sexually desirable, fat people have their own particular set of issues surrounding sex. So do the people who tend to desire fat partners or who have, as so many people do, simply fallen in love with someone who happens to be fat. Some of the issues are the practical nuts-and-bolts of sexual activity: Is it safe for a fat woman to get on top? (Yes!) How can you do it doggy style and still keep weight off your bad knees? (Read and learn, Grasshopper.) What if you need a good comeback to some jerkola comment? (We’ve got those, too.) Of course, emotions come into play, too. Confidence, self-esteem, general self-acceptance, and accepting yourself as a sexual being are complicated for everyone, but they are all the more so when you live in a culture that tells you that none of those things should be possible for you because you’re fat.
This is not so much the kind of sex book that will offer you “Twenty-Five Top Tips to Make Her Orgasm Every Time” or “The Six Sex Moves No Man Can Resist.” Other sex books can fill you in on practical details, like X-marks-the-spot maps to the clitoris, step-by-step instructions to giving the world’s best hand job, and how to outfit an entire dungeon at IKEA. The Resource Guide at the end of the book has a hand-picked list of these kinds of things, all chosen with fat loving care.
What this sex book offers is something the others cannot: it understands from the inside the sexual issues that come up that are specific to being fat. The author of this book is fat, and the many different voices you will hear commenting throughout these pages—taken from interviews and a survey specifically conducted for this book—are all from fat people and from people who prefer fat partners. We’ve been there. We get it. We know. And when we say that it’s possible for a fat person’s love and sex life to be completely freaking fantastic, we ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie.
On that note, an aside about the f-word. Throughout this book, the word fat is used in preference to the usual collection of euphemisms. It may be a little jarring at first—in our fat-hating culture it can be more shocking to hear someone use the word fat than it is to hear them drop the other f-bomb. But both words are perfectly useful Anglo-Saxon monosyllables. Fat is just a word, and a simple, accurate word at that. Unlike overweight, it doesn’t imply that there is only one weight that is right. Unlike obesity, it isn’t a medical term with particular implications about illness and disease. Fat is just fat, like bald is bald, short is short, and green eyed is green eyed. It just is what it is. And that’s okay.
That being said, not all fatness is alike. The degree to which different people are fat varies, and so do body shapes. The way fatness is perceived also varies from person to person and context to context. What would count as alarmingly fat in one subculture might be considered merely thick and luscious in another. Fat women are often not viewed in the same light as fat men. People end up with different baggage about fatness because of their ethnicity, their skin color, their sexual orientation, and their socioeconomic class. No one book could possibly reflect the full diversity of fat people’s lives, not even in a single arena. In acknowledging this, I apologize in advance if your specific experience with fat and sex is not mirrored in these pages. Unfortunately, there is no way everyone’s can be. Nevertheless, a lot of us do share experiences, and there are lots of things we can learn from other people’s perceptions, insights, and lives. Above and beyond that, there is the desire that so many of us share—the desire for more fulfilling, more pleasurable, and more joy-filled sex lives, no matter what size, shape, or weight we are.
To which I say: make it so! And to help you do it, we can start by debunking some of the old wives’ tales, urban legends, tall tales, and just plain old lies that our fat-hating culture loves to toss around about sex and fatness. Arm yourself against the misinformation and the lies with this roundup of common fat sexuality myths.
Busted! Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. It’s actually pretty common to be attracted to fat people. Or to be attracted to people, who come in many different appealing shapes and sizes. It is in fact pretty much universal to be attracted to people whose bodies may change, because change is one of the things bodies just do. Fat is one of the things bodies can be. If you are capable of becoming attracted to a person, it is possible that you might become attracted to a fat person.
“All of that wonderful soft fat provides the best sexual playground in the world.”
Some people are attracted to fatness itself and would be categorically turned off by anyone who wasn’t fat. Other people are capable of being attracted to a wide range of physical shapes and sizes and may, from time to time, find themselves being attracted to fat partners. It’s not uncommon for thinner people to get into relationships, gain weight as time goes by, and still find each other sexy. Many people get interested in someone for reasons having little to do with looks, size, or shape, only to discover—possibly to their consternation, but also perhaps to their delight—that they are attracted by physical qualities they had simply never considered before. There are many different ways in which someone can become attracted to a fat partner.
Size itself can be a turn-on. Just as some people are turned on by very petite bodies—they like the look and feel of smallness—there are people who are turned on by bigness. Some people find it sexy and fulfilling to feel like their partner is bigger than they are. It might have overtones of being overpowered or of being encompassed and engulfed. Or maybe they just like the idea of having all that flesh to caress and explore and revel in.
“Fat feels absolutely incredible, looks incredible too. Nothing else gets me nearly as turned on. Rounded facial features add an element of cuteness, while the large breasts, legs and thighs, and butt are overwhelmingly hot and sexy. I love the feeling of the entire body, either during foreplay, sex, or cuddling. I love going down on a nice fat mons pubis with nice plush lips to suck on.”
Some love the look of big bodies. The slopes and curves of fat bodies are luxurious. They can give a sense of durability, of permanence, of power, of comfort and abundance. Fatness can also magnify gender. For some people, fat makes secondary sexual characteristics more pronounced. Many fat men look solid and heavy through the torso, thick and burly. Many fat women have sumptuous curves and cleavage for days. Depending on how they are shaped, and where their bodies tend to carry fat, fat people’s bodies can evoke idealized and intense masculinity or femininity. Or, again depending on how one is shaped, the gender magnification can go the other way, creating an enticing sense of androgyny or genderfuck. (I’ve noticed many sexy fat butches and transmasculine people using this to their advantage.)
“I like female or trans-identified bears because they’re hot … there is a particular way that butch fat women carry themselves that is so specific and so beautiful.”
Not everyone who is attracted to fat bodies is attracted to all fat bodies. Of course, not everyone who is attracted to thin bodies is attracted to all thin bodies, either. But because being attracted to fat bodies is so taboo in our culture—not unusual, mind you, just taboo—many people jump to the conclusion that if you’re attracted to one fat body you’re attracted to them all or that bigger is necessarily better in your eyes. This simply isn’t so. Just as there are people who are attracted to thinner bodies but still find some thin bodies too thin for their tastes, there are people who are attracted to fatter ones but only those within a certain range of fatness. Some like very fat partners, others like medium fat partners, still others prefer partners who are just over the border of plumpness, and, yes, there are some for whom bigger is categorically better. And still tastes vary. There are “leg men” and aficionados of broad shoulders and bubble butts, there are people who really love thunder thighs and big bellies and soft, pillowy expanses of breasts. There is as much variation in tastes among people who are attracted to fatter bodies as there is among people who are attracted to thinner ones.
Some, but not all, people who are attracted to fat bodies consider their attraction to be along the lines of a sexual orientation, a defining characteristic of what they like and who they are sexually. Some of these folks refer to themselves as fat admirers, or FAs for short. FA often refers primarily to straight men who like fat women, who are often referred to as BBW, for big beautiful women. Variations on the theme include FFA, or female fat admirer, for straight women who like fat men, or BHMs (big handsome men). Chubby chaser or just chaser is used in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex (LGBTI) community to refer to a gay man who likes fat guys. Some fans of gay male bears—hairier, more traditionally masculine and beefy guys—also like their bears fat. BBW/FA folks, chubs/chasers, and bears have all developed their own subcultures, too, complete with dedicated social clubs and events, websites, porn, weekend getaway “bashes” at hotels and resorts, and more. So much for “no one is attracted to fat people”!
“I love love love big, thick thighs. My earliest form of masturbation was straddling a tree branch and rocking against it; I love riding a partner’s thigh in a similar way, and larger thighs feel better for that.”
Busted! Whether the man is fat or thin, tall or short, pale skinned or dark skinned, the average penis is between 5 and 7 inches long when erect. Penis size is largely the result of genetics. Fatness can’t influence genetics (although genetics do influence fatness), so it’s not as if someone’s penis-size genes change when they gain weight. So some fat men certainly do have small penises. But some fat men have big ones. It’s pretty much the luck of the draw.
What lies behind the oft-repeated myth of the fat guy with the little dick is actually a simple problem of perspective. Put a carrot on a great big serving tray, and it’s going to look mighty puny. Put the same carrot on a dinner plate, and it’ll look normal. Move it to a saucer, and it’ll look gigantic. Fat guys are bigger, in proportion to their penises, than thin guys. A 6-inch penis is still 6 inches no matter what, but it doesn’t look as big against a bigger body.
What also may be at issue, depending on the man, how fat he is, and where and how his body stores fat, is fat padding around the pubic area. The region around the pubic bone is one of the places where bodies can store fat. The upper thighs, likewise, are common fat repositories. In men who store a lot of fat in these places, fat padding can make the penis seem shorter than it is. In some cases, a change of position—for instance, lying on the back—can allow the flesh in the area a little more room to spread out, lessening the degree to which the functional length of the penis is affected by fat.
Some people find that these fat deposits aren’t a problem at all. Some people are actually big fans of these particular fleshy bits and find them distinctly useful!
“Fat men tend to have well-padded pubic regions that hit my clit really well during some penis-in-vagina (PIV) positions; I generally have an easier time orgasming from PIV with fat partners as a result.”
Busted! I won’t lie, it can sometimes be hard for a fat person to find a date in this fat-phobic culture, and both loneliness and the fear of being undesirable or unlovable can be hard to live with. When these things are in play, and a sexual opportunity comes along, it can seem like a really good idea to go for it, especially if it seems to be accompanied by a little bit of tenderness and kindness. Sometimes it turns out that it is a good idea to go for it. Other times you leap at a chance that ends up being a bad idea in the long run. Either way, this is hardly limited to fat people, and for better or worse, it’s a very human thing to do. A long dry spell, or merely the threat of one, can bring out feelings of desperation in just about anyone.
That being said, assuming that anyone, fat or otherwise, is desperate for your attention is beyond rude and puts a person well into the realm of being an arrogant jackass. Just because you think someone else is the kind of person who might be desperate doesn’t mean they actually are.
As for the despicable, abusive, and immature practice known as hogging, where men seek to take advantage (usually for one another’s entertainment) of what they believe to be fat women’s sexual desperation by picking up and fucking the fattest woman they can find on a given night, the less said the better. It’s hateful, cruel, exploitive, and misogynist in the extreme, and it should be soundly condemned by anyone with a shred of respect for their fellow human beings.
“I think there’s a certain belief among men that if they hit on the fat girl, she’ll be so overcome with gratitude/desperation that she’d never think to say no to anything he wanted. When these men find out that isn’t the case, they can be incredibly cruel and that quickly becomes a pretty hurtful experience. I used to really internalize that, but now I realize what a load of crap that is.”
Busted! If you can see another person’s head and feet and still not figure out where the genitals should be, I think a refresher course in human anatomy is in order. Plus, whenever I hear people say things like this, I always think it sounds more like they’re expressing a fantasy that they’re afraid of (surfing on waves of warm, soft, sexy flesh!). Paging Dr. Freud … your slip is showing!
Busted! Fat people become fat for many reasons. Genetics, upbringing, endocrine issues, chronic illness, eating habits, movement levels, disability, medications, and much else—in addition to psychological factors—can influence weight. It’s common that more than one of these factors will be in play at any given time. The reasons why any given person is fat—or thin—simply aren’t always clear or easy to decipher.
Coping with stress is very much an individual thing. Some people tend to look for ways to hide from sex and other stressful things, like family drama or romantic rejection or job hunting, while other people seem wired for directness. Avoidance is a pretty normal, common behavior where scary and difficult issues are involved. Emotional eating may be entwined with avoidance, or vice versa. Or it may not. Some fat folks are emotional eaters; others are not. And, likewise, some emotional eaters are fat, while others are not.
In the end, it’s none of your business why someone is fat or what their personal psychological issues may be. You don’t need to know why someone is fat any more than you need to know why someone is bald or blind or left-handed or tall: a person is a person, not a puzzle you have to solve. Treat the person accordingly.
Busted! Sorry to burst your junior comedian bubble, but no, fat women do not rent their vaginas out as pup tents during the off season. Just like fat men don’t all magically have small penises, fat women don’t all magically have huge vaginas. (And, anyway, why would fat make penises small but vaginas large? It doesn’t make sense!) As is the case with penises, vaginas are more similar than they are different, and their dimensions—insofar as you can talk about the dimensions of a tube whose walls are normally collapsed in against each other unless something is placed inside it—are determined by genetic lottery.
All vaginas have the built-in capacity to stretch, a necessary trait for the birthing of babies. Their muscular walls also have the built-in capacity to squeeze. (Whether fat or thin or in between, women who want to improve the muscle tone of their pelvic muscles, including those that surround the barrel of the vagina, can do Kegel exercises, which systematically squeeze and release these muscles and build their strength.) In general, however, the at-rest dimensions of vaginas, as well as their innate elasticity and muscle tone, vary somewhat from woman to woman just like the size and shape of earlobes or fingers or any other genetic trait.
Busted! Let’s just cut to the chase here. The above are not statements of fact; they are code. Translation: Love and health are magical rewards for doing things right. You know, like when people do the whole having-a-body thing “right” by not being fat—because, as we all know, thin people always, but always, find perfect and everlasting love, never get sick, and live forever.
Rrrrrright.
This is sizeist prejudice, plain and simple. The truth, as performance artist Glenn Marla puts it, is that there is no wrong way to have a body. People just have them, in all their vast diversity and changeability. People who have bodies sometimes fall in love or have people fall in love with them. Love is not a reward. It is a gift. The difference between a reward and a gift is that rewards must be earned, but gifts are given.
Similarly, people who have bodies also sometimes become injured, disabled, or ill. These are physical events and circumstances, not forms of punishment. Unfortunately for the people who like to think that their own personal goodness will protect them from such physical events, there is no actual moral lesson in it when someone gets cancer or kidney disease or has a heart attack or is hit by a bus: these things happen to the fat and the thin, the young and the old, the “healthy” and the “unhealthy,” and for that matter to the kind and the unkind, the honorable and the despicable. Furthermore, like it or not, every last one of us, no matter how perfect a paragon of virtue we manage to be, is going to die some day. Life is an incurable, 100-percent-fatal sexually transmitted disease that you get from your parents. No one, not even skinny people, gets out alive.
Are there connections between how we behave and what happens to us, both in terms of love and in terms of health? Sure there are. Spit in the face of everyone you encounter and you will dramatically decrease the odds that one of them is going to want to ask you out on a date (although there are some people who like that sort of thing). Smoke three packs of unfiltered cigarettes every day and you will dramatically increase the odds that eventually you will suffer from lung disease, although a risk is still not a certainty.
That someone is attracted to fat people, on the other hand, can not meaningfully increase or decrease the odds that any particular other person will be, or become, fat. Our culture puts a lot of emphasis on the idea that people will try to change their bodies for the purpose of being found sexy or loveable. This is what drives the lion’s share of the multibillion-dollar weight-loss industry, after all. But there is no reason to assume that people will try to become fatter just because they find out that there are some people in the world who are attracted to fat partners. Not only is there an entire culture of anti-fat prejudice that pretty effectively silences this idea, but most people, including people who are already fat, aren’t actually interested in deliberately getting fatter. Back in the Victorian era, sure, women sometimes struggled to become a bit plumper, the better to fill out a bosomy corset. But that was a long time ago. The likelihood that a person is going to get fatter just because some theoretical sexual partner might be attracted to fat partners is, if you’ll pardon the pun, vanishingly slim.
Additionally, the notion that if a fat person finds love while fat, it will remove all incentive for them to lose weight is laughably short-sighted. Being loved, or in a relationship, doesn’t switch off the ability to make decisions about one’s own life. Nor does it protect fat people from still having to live and interact in a fat-despising world, which provides its own “incentives” against weight gain. There is no truth to the idea that accepting fat people makes them fatter, no more than there is a shred of support for the notion that being the object of disgust and hatred makes people thinner. If disgust and hatred worked that way, there’d be far fewer fat people, wouldn’t you think?
Will being loved regardless of fatness discourage people from trying to lose weight? Maybe. But maybe being loved and cherished will encourage a fat person to get regular preventive medical care and generally to want to do what they can in order to stick around longer and enjoy a good life with a loving partner, whether or not that includes any change in weight. Either way, the idea that having love or romance in one’s life actively encourages bad health habits is, frankly, silly. I have never once heard anyone argue “Oh, it’s bad to be attracted to smokers because it just encourages their unhealthy lifestyle,” even though the link between cigarette smoking and illness is very direct and incredibly well established. It seems pretty clear that when someone spouts nonsense about how being attracted to fat people just encourages them, what they really mean is, “Oh my God, how could you possibly think of rewarding someone who is doing it wrong?!”
Health and longevity are complicated things, and there are many, many contributing factors—genetics, environment, pollution and toxins, stress, exercise, nutrition—to whether someone lives a long and/or healthy life. There is a lot we don’t know about how it all works. One of the things we do know, though, is that loving relationships appear to promote longevity and strong social relationships can buffer the mental and physical effects of aging. If people were as truly invested in the health and well-being of others as they pretend to be, they wouldn’t say that being inclined to love and be in relationships with fat people “encourages unhealthy lifestyles.” Instead they’d tell the truth and say that loving and being loved is fantastic for your health and longevity, no matter what your size.
Busted! Fat people aren’t necessarily lazy, and as one of my ex-bosses proved every day of his lousy, scrawny life, lazy people aren’t necessarily fat. Even if they were, it wouldn’t necessarily matter when it comes to sex. I’ve known more than a few people who, if asked to walk a mile to the store or scrub a floor on their hands and knees, would react as if I’d asked them to kick a puppy. But these same people would be delighted to jump into bed with an attractive partner and shag the night away with moves that practically qualified them for Cirque du Soleil. It seems that sex can be pretty motivating. Who knew?
There’s nothing wrong with being a pillow princess, just lying back and enjoying a lover’s attention, as long as everyone’s getting what they want out of the experience. But there’s no reason to assume that a fat person, or any person, will go that route.
It also bears mentioning that the whole “fat people are lazy lovers” thing pretty much contradicts the whole “fat girls try harder because they have to” myth. They’re both wrong, as it happens, but they sure as hell can’t both be right.
Busted! People can be clumsy, they can misgauge their movements, and sometimes one person moves when another person thought the partner was going to stay still and the result is a clonk and a resounding Ow! Accidental sex-related injury happens to us all: I’ve been joking for over a decade now that I should write a sex handbook entitled How Not to Break Your Nose on Someone Else’s Pubic Bone. In some cases, accidental collisions with fatter or heavier partners can be more injurious than they would be with thinner ones because there’s more weight behind the collision. But this varies based on the physics of the individual situation and is not always true.
What people always seem to imagine will happen is that a fat woman on top of a thinner man will squash him flat. Funny how no one seems to worry about this when it’s some 280-pound, six-foot-four linebacker type getting on top of a petite little 100-pound woman, though, isn’t it? It’s not about the weight difference between partners, in other words, or even about the size difference. It’s about the idea that women are supposed to be smaller than men and about the sense that fat cannot be trusted—that it’s out to get you. It’s also about an unfounded fear that fat people are invariably physically weak and would be unable to hold themselves up or move themselves off of a partner if the partner were in discomfort or distress.
Relax. Fat is not out to get you. It is not even contagious. And, as fat people can demonstrate quite readily, many of us are really quite strong. Think of it this way: a thin person has to go to the gym to leg-press 300 pounds, but a fat person may only have to stand up from a chair. In a pinch, if a fat person is on top and the person on the bottom is uncomfortable, the person on top can always roll off to one side. Fat people are simply not going to overpower you with their massive chub and then have no way whatsoever to get themselves off of you. And you, Freakedout McScaredpants, are not so weak and frail that you couldn’t at the very least struggle to let them know you were in distress. That’s pretty much all there is to that.
Honestly, the more I hear this old canard, the more I think it sounds like another one of those fantasies masquerading as a fear: Oh no, Br’er Rabbit, please don’t throw me into that briar patch! Don’t immobilize me during sex! Oh, no, I’m pinned down under this sexy naked fat person and I can’t get away! Whatever shall I do? Eeek! (For more on this, and advice about getting on top when you’re fat, see this page.)
Busted! People who don’t wash get stinky. People who don’t clean themselves get filthy. Crotches can be particularly pungent no matter the person’s size: an abundance of sweat glands, skin oil glands, and various other secretions coupled with a hothouse environment with poor ventilation can equal a galloping case of BO for even the skinniest person.
Fortunately, soap does not have a weight limit. Water is one size fits all. And even for people who may have trouble getting to those hard-to-reach spots—something that can be caused by injury, illness, or disability as well as fatness—there are tools like handheld showers, back brushes and sponges, bidets, and so on, all engineered to help people stay fresh and comfortable and clean.
Average diligence to personal hygiene is enough for most fat people, just as it is for most thinner folks. If it isn’t, and you’re noticing odor problems on a frequent basis when there aren’t extenuating factors like hot summer weather or a massive case of nerves triggering excess sweating, consider seeing a doctor about it. See “Cleanliness Is Next to Sexiness,” this page, for more on this issue.
Busted! Have you ever noticed that no one says this about smokers? That should tell you something. The myth that fat people are fat because they cannot seem to stop shoveling food into their mouths is just that, a myth. Sure, some people—fat and thin—adore giving head. For others, it’s not quite as far up on their list of things they like to do. Some people find it off-putting. Like many other sexual things, there’s a spectrum, and where one falls on that spectrum hasn’t a single thing to do with what one weighs.
What’s your favorite thing about having sex with fat people?
“Big breasts, big hips, big asses, great curves. Don’t need to worry about ‘breaking’ your partner during sex or rough play.”
“He made me feel small and delicate. That was nice. He was a very substantial man.”
“I love touching and feeling the textures and contours and hidden folds of their body. I love being with someone bigger than me because I feel protected. I like being with someone big because I don’t worry so much that I will injure them.”
“As a fat person myself, I enjoy being with someone who can match my weight; I’m less afraid of being too heavy for comfort. I’ve been with partners that are significantly smaller than me, and I’ve worried about crushing them! I also enjoy the softness and fullness of a fat partner; I find a soft body more sensual to the touch.”
“I personally like the feel of fleshiness. I also like transgression and the sort of political act of implicitly declaring fat women worthwhile partners.”
“The first time my partner fucked me, it was with his belly and his fat. It was AMAZING. I had never experienced fat like that before.”
“The feeling! I love big, soft parts (on women). I also like the weight on top of me, although many partners feel uncomfortable doing that. Further, I’ve had a history of having highly orgasmic partners, and I understand that some studies show that fat women are more likely to be orgasmic. It’s unclear whether that’s related, or if perhaps something else is giving me such good fortune.”
“Fat is soft and squishy and cuddly and feels wonderful to touch. Heavy partners are able to fuck me incredibly hard (which I love), partly just because of the physics involved. I can’t toss a fat partner around with the ease I can with a thin partner. Although that’s a neat experience too, it’s lovely to be able to anchor against someone solid during sex. I love feeling that kind of anchoring weight on top of me, too.”