After Ian left, Jacob sobered only enough to curse himself for what he did, not enough to want to take it back. He did wonder what the hell got into him. He had never made such a violent move on a guy.
But it wasn't a passing thing. He wanted Ian that much even now. The way Ian welcomed him into his arms told him that it was mutual. It was as if he had been waiting for Jacob to do just that, and every inch of him was ready for his forceful kiss and every second of their hard grinding.
Now Jacob's need for him was so heightened, it made him want to scream. That overwhelming need had driven him into Ian. It was like he wanted to break them both. He wanted to shatter this thing between them with the hardest kiss he had ever planted on anyone.
In Ian's absence, Jacob waited for the feeling to pass, but it didn't. He was just as desperate for Ian as he had been when he slammed him into that brick wall and crashed into him. With every second, the feeling grew and became more and more a part of him.
Luckily, a few days passed before Jacob saw Ian again. Another good thing was that Toby was there to chaperone this time. He and Toby were out taking a walk through the fields on the outskirts of town. There wasn't much to see around there, but every few steps Toby found something to interest him.
Toby was looking at the ground and Jacob was looking around when he spotted Ian. He was on the other side of the road from them. Jacob waved him over.
"It looks like it might rain. You guys are brave," Ian said as he came up to him.
Jacob had noticed that the sky was mostly gray. "We're exploring the countryside."
"And what's Toby up to?" Ian asked.
Toby was a few yards away, absorbed in what he was doing. He didn't even notice Ian, maybe because he wasn't a small, creepy crawly thing.
"He found an empty snail shell. He thinks there's a snail around here that's missing his shell. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the snail was dead." Jacob sighed then turned from Toby to Ian. "Speaking of the dead. I talked to Toby some more about his friend, and he told me something interesting. He has only ever seen her in the back garden, never inside the house."
"Really?" Ian was surprised. "That's good, I guess. But she lived there for years. Why wouldn't she show up inside too?" he wondered.
"Toby told me it's because 'Grandma is sleeping.'"
"Lorna's grandmother? That keeps her out of the house?"
Jacob shrugged. "That's what Toby said."
"I know Lorna's grandmother died soon after she did," Ian said with a thoughtful frown.
"Since Toby said she was sleeping, could she have died in the house?" Jacob asked.
"I don't know, but I'll ask around," Ian said. "Does that mean that you're finally a hundred percent sold on this ghost theory?"
"Not even fifty percent," Jacob said, turning away.
"You would be if you saw her," Ian predicted.
"I'd rather not."
Jacob decided it was time to distract Toby from his futile search. He called out to him, "Hey, Toby, look who joined us."
Toby raised his head and ran over eagerly. "Want to help me find a snail?" he asked Ian.
Knowing that was hopeless, Ian said, "How about if we do something else? Did you go up to the bridge yet?"
Toby shook his head.
"Then let's go there together," Ian suggested.
They cut across the field until they came to an old stone bridge that curved over a thin stream. On either side of the bridge there was a dirt road. Getting onto the road, they crossed to the middle of the bridge. Jacob picked up Toby so he could look down over the side, not that there was much to see. The stream was only a few feet wide. Walking the rest of the way over the bridge, they circled around to a path that led down to the streambed.
"The stream is bigger in the spring and summer. Now we can jump right over it," Ian said.
"No. Not you," Jacob warned Toby who looked ready to try it.
"Can I go fishing?" Toby asked as they stood right on the edge of the stream.
"Sure, why not?" Jacob told him though he saw no sign of any fish.
Toby ran around until he found a stick. He waved it in the air triumphantly then stuck it into the water.
"That's how he goes fishing?" Ian said.
Jacob shrugged. "Once I learn how to fish, I'll get around to teaching him."
"My dad taught me. He was terrible at it and so am I," Ian said with a proud smile.
Looking at him, Jacob got wistful. Maybe years from now, Toby would sound like that when he talked about what Jacob taught him. He could only hope.
With Toby busy fishing, the two of them walked a few steps away to stand right under the bridge. They both looked up at its underside. Jacob could see plants growing in the cracks between the stones.
"A lot of them have dried up, but it's all green in the summer. Like some upside down jungle," Ian said. "There are all sorts of neat things around here. I wouldn't mind showing Toby all the cool spots I discovered as a kid. I'll be saving him a ton of legwork."
"Where's the fun in that?" Jacob asked and looked back at Toby, who was peering expectantly at the water. Jacob wondered what he thought was going to happen.
When Jacob turned he noticed Ian eyeing him. "I can't see you letting him run around loose the way I did."
"You still think I'm some stick in the mud."
Ian nodded then he stepped closer. "But you can always prove me wrong."
In his corduroy jacket, hair messy from the wind, skin ruddy from the cool air, Ian was so vivid and somehow too real. Jacob felt like he had never seen anything as clearly as he saw him at that moment.
He was close enough for Jacob to breathe him in. A few inches forward and he could be kissing him, reaching under his jacket and running his hands all over him. Jacob didn't go that far, but he did let Ian place his hands on his chest.
"I'm dying to see what you look like with all this off." Ian's eyes became sharp like they would slice through Jacob's clothes.
He then looked up from Jacob's chest to his eyes. He tilted his head up and parted his lips slightly – a dare Jacob couldn't pass up. His gaze sinking into Ian's dark blue eyes, he leaned down and only let his lips brush over his. Then he straightened while Ian shook his head at him and smiled ruefully.
The touch of their lips took only a second, but Toby wasn't far. He just had to stop poking around in the stream, turn around, and he would see... What? His father acting like an idiot, going crazy for a young guy who filled his head with weird ideas and his heart with feelings he couldn't resist.
There was no future with Ian. This couldn't happen, but it was happening anyway. He should have never let their lips touch. Now their heads were tilting, mouths lining up, lips parting. They both took one last breath then held it.
When it seemed like a sure thing that what happened before would happen again, Toby saved Jacob from himself. He picked that moment to jump up and run over to them.
"I didn't catch any fish," he announced but he didn't seem unhappy about it.
With a tiny gasp he looked up at the sky. Birds were swooping overhead, a whole flock of them probably on their way south. Toby watched them entranced. There were so many things in this world to interest him, why did he have to see the things of that other world?
That night after dinner, Toby was watching TV, and Jacob was clearing up in the kitchen. What he was really doing was thinking about Ian. He should be putting him out of his head. Or at least he should leave thoughts of him for jerking off. There was no reason to think about him constantly.
With Toby to worry about, how could he even consider an insane infatuation with a college kid? The answer came to him as he replayed their kiss and let Ian's eyes dance over him mischievously. He craved Ian under him and next to him. He wanted to fuck him, but he also wanted him in this kitchen right now even if all he did was talk about ghosts.
Jacob groaned at his own stupidity and grabbed the bag of garbage from the kitchen. He tied it off and took it out. Maybe some cold air in his lungs would help clear his head.
He dumped the bag in the garbage can on the side of the house and looked up. The dark blue sky reminded him of Ian's eyes. Well, this wasn't working. He could feel the shape of his mouth and its taste. He could hear his voice, low and husky.
Jacob took a deep breath of cool, night air. It was bracing out there, but Ian was still lingering on his mind, giving him a teasing smile. That smile was begging for a hard kiss to wipe it off.
Distracted, Jacob wandered the garden. Suddenly he noticed that he had walked toward the stone bench without realizing it. He stopped a few feet away from it.
Staring ahead of him, he wasn't sure if he was hoping to see something or not to see it. For Toby's sake, he needed to try and confirm if this was real. But was standing there and staring really hard supposed to accomplish that?
Feeling stupid, Jacob was ready to head inside when he suddenly felt very cold. As his ears filled with the rushing noise he recognized, his chest felt painfully tight. Every breath he took was a struggle like the air was too thick to breathe. His vision was turning black. Then he saw it. A bright spot bloomed in the thickening darkness.
As he stared, a shape slowly formed in midair – a woman's hand. It was hazy as if he couldn't focus on it properly. The bright spot expanded into a patch of blue vaguely resembling a woman whose face was in shadow.
Looking at the shape, Jacob felt as if there was something wrong with his vision, but that wasn't it. The image was winking in and out rapidly. It made him feel dizzy.
The noise that still flooded his ears resolved into something like garbled speech. It was too loud but incomprehensible. If she wanted to tell him something, he couldn't understand her.
"What do you want with my son?" he choked out.
In response, there was only more noise. The pressure in his head and in his lungs was so intense, he thought he might pass out. But just as he thought he was reaching his limit, it all stopped.
Jacob stared around him. The streetlight lit up the space, showing only the things that should be there. It was just an ordinary garden that needed raking again.
Jacob breathed easier, but his heart was still beating too fast and hard. This was his proof about what was happening, but the unsettling experience left him with more unanswered questions than answers. It did seem like she tried to speak to him, but he just couldn't understand her. Even without getting any answers from her, Jacob now knew what had to be done.