Lynn Trickey
RICHARD, 30s
A few guys sit around drinking beer, watching a football game. RICHARD cheers a good play, then he casually starts chatting with his buddies.
RICHARD Hey, uh, you guys, you ever hear about this Male PMS thing?
Yeah, I know—it’s probably bullshit, huh?
[Shouting at the TV.]
Go! Go! Go! GO! Fuck, that should have been a first down.
My buddy was saying that he heard on NPR that men are on cycles just like women. I guess it makes sense . . . you know, your body has other cycles—breathing, nervous system—hell, your cells replace themselves . . . every single cell replaces itself every seven years. That’s a cycle, right?
OH FUCK NO, REF! Come on! That’s fucking bullshit! Are you blind?!
Angie and I got in this fight last night over comforters. Comforters! It was so stupid but I just couldn’t help it I got so mad. And then, as we’re yelling at each other she accuses me of being a baby, and that really hurt you know? And I don’t know why, but I just started to tear up and I couldn’t stop!
COME ON!
Anyway I started reading about this: Irritable Male syndrome. This doctor said you can get frustrated, anxious, or just be really sensitive, and it’s “associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and loss of male identity.”
What the fuck does that even mean? Loss of male identity. I know who I am. Just because I get upset when people say mean and hurtful things to me doesn’t mean I’m overly sensitive.
And so what if it is related to my hormones? Everyone’s got them, you know? And I let Angie eat her chocolate and I rub her tummy when she has cramps so maybe it’s okay if I feel shitty once a month too.
[He stands up, screaming.]
COME ON, REF! GIVE THE GUY A FUCKING BREAK! HE’S DOING HIS BEST. HE’S NOT GONNA BE PERFECT. HE’S JUST A MAN FOR GODDSAKE!
[He looks at his cohorts, composes himself. Sits back down.]
Bullshit.