The Rise of Everyone, the Fall of Me

Jeff Passino

JEFF, 27

JEFF is an aspiring writer who is living in Los Angeles but working way outside the industry he wants. He has always taken a more passive approach to his life, but as all of his friends finally start having noticeable successes in their lives, JEFF has to learn to put his all into what he wants in order to dig himself out of the hole he now finds himself in. The setting is JEFF’s apartment.

JEFF There’s one phrase I always heard growing up. From my mom, dad, teachers—other adults who, evidently, had no idea what to say to me. They’d say, “Jeff, you’ve got so much potential.” Sweet thing to say. Of course, they’d never elaborate on it. I mean, potential what? A potential first-round draft pick . . . good. Potential serial killer . . . not gooder. And my mom, especially, would tell me she doesn’t care what I do with my life as long as I’m happy. Which is one of those things a mother will say to you over and over as you are growing up, but then as soon as you are making decisions for yourself it quickly turns into, “Oh. So you’re not going to finish college then? You’d rather move across the country to Los Angeles. Well that’s just fantastic.”

Now I’ve always been a reasonably happy guy. And the last five months? Fantastic. A steady job, the most incredible girlfriend. Of course, it’s not like the job is actually IN the career that I want . . . And Karen has been pretty busy the last few weeks with auditions. So, do I exaggerate to make myself look better than I am? Yes, maybe. But just because I want to be perceived as a happy and therefore likable guy, and just because I may not be as carefree as I would like you to believe (as I would like to be), that doesn’t, necessarily, mean I am not a happy and likable guy. And you will notice I did say “reasonably” happy, so I am not completely trying to be misleading. Hey, I’m someone who will post a picture of me bored at jury duty on Facebook so that it doesn’t look like my life is all fun parties and beautiful hikes in Griffith Park. Admittedly, it took about twenty selfies before I got a “bored” picture I was happy with posting, but . . . uh. I feel like I’m straying away from the point I was trying to make, which was . . . what was I saying? I may potentially have ADD. Oh yeah, my job, Karen.

Just because I hope that things can always get better or progress does not mean I’m not appreciative of what I have. How many double negatives did I just use? Like I am aware that I live in a nice apartment. It is very spacious, rent controlled, and in a safe neighborhood. But I’m also aware my roommate is a complete weirdo. I know what I have and when I have a good thing. Or had. I swear I’m not a pessimist! My life is going to shit.

See, I just turned twenty-seven, which I would have assumed was too young for a midlife crisis, but evidently not. And so now, more than ever, I need to live up to whatever that “potential” is. That’s if I even have any potential, ’cause if not . . . how do you tell your mother she’s a liar?