Stinky glared at me through the bars of his cage until my dad was well out of hearing range.
‘Have you completely and utterly lost your mind?’ he spluttered. ‘Because if you so much as think I’ll be putting even one paw inside that school of yours again, you must have had a brain explosion. No way. Never. Not on your nelly.’ He was looking very agitated indeed. ‘Last week,’ he added, ‘when I went to your school, I nearly died five times. Six, actually, if you count being stuck in your underpants.’
‘But I don’t want you to come to school, Stinky.’
He stared at me, speechless.
But my hamster never stayed speechless for long.
‘Without me,’ he announced sniffily, ‘you have about as much chance of passing a maths examination as a toad has of winning a beauty contest.’
But suddenly there was a twinkle in his eye.
‘Aha,’ he said. ‘I get it. Very clever. You actually want to fail, so your dad has to wear a dress. To punish him for making the bet in the first place.’
I shook my head. For possibly the first time, Stinky was completely wrong about something.
‘I don’t ever want to see my dad in a dress,’ I said. ‘Plus, if you think I was a laughing stock today when I washed that car, just imagine how it will be if my dad’s next to me, wearing my mum’s clothes.’ I actually shuddered at the thought. ‘No, I’ve learned my lesson, Stinky. What we did before – you doing my homework for me, you coming into the exam – that was actual cheating. It was wrong. This time, I’m going to pass that test, and I’ll do it on my own.’
Stinky let out a groan. ‘How very noble,’ he said. ‘There is, however, a slight flaw in your plan.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yes – the flaw is that there are probably worms with more ability in mathematics than you, Ben. And you’ve got ten fingers to count on.’
‘That’s why you’re going to teach me.’
Stinky almost choked. ‘Me? Teach you?’
‘Yes.’
‘And why would I want to do that?’
I shrugged. ‘Because we’re friends? And because there’s absolutely nothing better to do here since Mum put all my things in the shed.’
He sighed, and stared at me for what seemed like a minute.
‘OK,’ he said. ‘We’ll give it a try. But you have to do whatever I say.’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Good. And you can start by buzzing off and letting me get some sleep.’