HOW TO MAKE A MUTANT
Nobody said a word in the car. That jerk-a-holic Ashby sat up front with Greizenheimer and hummed out of tune to some lame pop song. Each time he sang the chorus—Baby, baby, ooh—I was tempted to take my shoelaces off and strangle his neck. But psycho-doc was eyeing me in the rear-view mirror. Defeated, I stared glumly out the window. With all my heart, I prayed that things would work out for Freddie, Snaggletooth, and me.
On the streets, thousands of people rushed about—oblivious to our predicament. I wondered where everybody was going. I also wondered what they would have said if they knew what Greizenheimer was up to. Suddenly, I felt insignificant and small. Nobody would miss me. Besides Serafine, Darling, Mr. White, and Mr. Black, there wasn’t a single soul on the planet who even knew or cared where I was, what plans fate had for me. Feeling sorry for myself, still staring out the window, we passed an Apple store. I remembered the iPhone Darling had given Freddie.
The duffle bag with all our gear in it lay on the floor by Freddie, who was slumped down into his seat, muttering to himself like a crazy person.
Drastic measures needed to be taken.
Now I’m not the best actor in the world, but I pretended like I was getting carsick, and I screamed, “Roll down the window. I’m gonna hurl!” And then I made barf noises and rocked my body back and forth. Freddie immediately snapped out of his crazed stupor. I shot Freddie a half wink and mouthed, “phone” during my big charade.
“No puking in the car,” bellowed Greizenheimer. “If you don’t get yourself under control I will skin that hide of yours—”
“I-I-I need air,” I faux wheezed. “Could you please roll the window down? Please? Just a crack?”
Smart as a whip, Freddie pretended he was getting sick too. He crouched over and joined me in my symphony of disgusting sounds. Looking back on it, our charade was very creative because while Freddie was hunched over, he was able to grab the phone out of the bag and shove it into his pocket.
The car lurched forward, made a left turn, and was brought to a screeching halt.
“Everybody out,” Greizenheimer bellowed. I caught a glimpse of Greizenheimer in the mirror. He scowled at me with a sickly expression. “That is everybody except for you, Ashby. I want you to take the Phantom and get her detailed. I can’t stand the thought of these disgusting kids and that horrible excuse for a dog sitting in the back seat. Just park the car in my garage when you’re finished and then be on your way. ”
Apparently, I wasn’t as bad of an actor as I’d thought.
“But—” began Ashby.
“I have no need for you here,” Greizenheimer said. He dismissed Ashby with an impatient flick of his skinny wrist.
One jerk down, one to go.
I couldn’t wait for the opportunity to overtake this madman and I thought with Ashby out of our hair, maybe we stood a chance. That was until two large men approached the car, opened the door, and dragged us kids onto the sidewalk. These men were super-villain strong. To them, we were like soggy napkins being tossed aside after they blew their nose.
One guy was built like the Hulk, the other, like the Rock. Black tribal tattoos covered their bodies, including their faces. Shaved into a pattern, their hair was dyed black. The Hulk guy’s ears were pierced like an African tribesman. Two-inch plastic green circles with teeth stretched out his earlobes so far I could see right through his lobes to the street on the other side. The other guy was so hairy; he reminded me of a tattooed wooly mammoth.
Greizenheimer nodded at his men. “Take them inside to the viewing station and grab their things from the car,” he barked. Then he turned on his heel like a trained marine and stormed into a building.
I watched him enter the five-story tall metal fortress. The doors were stainless steel and opened magically. In fact, the whole building seemed like it came from the future. Emblazoned into the doors over a freaky octopus crest, it said, “Human Engineering Learning Laboratory: Vanderholt/Greizenheimer Research Foundation.”
H.E.L.L.
It all made sense.
Well, sort of.
The street was crowded with well-heeled trendsetters, but nobody noticed us. They rushed down the sidewalk lost in their own worlds. All sorts of shops and restaurants surrounded his building. It was one of the hippest areas in all of Manhattan filled with all the players—magazine editors, literary agents, movie stars, rock stars, actors, and models. Then, I saw a sign for a butcher shop. Fresh meat.
I wanted to scream, but my breath was nowhere to be found. I choked back my terror.
We were so doomed.
Greizenheimer’s goons grabbed us like we were sacks of potatoes and threw us over their shoulders. One had me and our stuff, the other carried Snaggletooth and Freddie. Hairy guy’s massive bones dug into my stomach and it knocked the wind out of me. Why these lugs wanted to carry us, I hadn’t a clue. I mean, we could have walked, but evidently we weren’t going to be given a choice in the matter. While I struggled in discomfort, I noticed my captor’s back. It was like mine. The reptilian ridges weren’t as prominent, but they were there.
I had to get this guy on my side somehow. Surely he would understand me. Who knew? Maybe it was my blood that had given him his traits? “What’s your name?” I asked as nicely as possible. “I’m a lot like you, I think. Part alligator—”
“Shuddup,” he said, his voice raised in a high-pitched girlish shrill.
Another person who boggled my mind with false appearances.
“The Doc says no talking and I go by his rules.”
“Sorry,” I said, even though I wasn’t.
“Forgetaboutit.”
We entered the building.
I hated to admit it, but the laboratory was pretty awesome.
Like a wacked out funhouse, everything was an optical illusion. Iron wall sconces lit the long, undulating mirrored hallway like a wall of reflective waves. It seemed like the entry way went on and on. As the creepy light flickered on the walls, I caught multiple glimpses of my terrified reflection. In one of them, my face and body were squashed. In another, I was elongated. Under different circumstances the place would have been killer cool.
Freddie hung limply on goon number two’s body. I wanted to get his attention, but unless I wanted to be crushed like a giant cockroach by my thug’s python arms, I knew it wasn’t the time to make any rash decisions or sudden movements. Serafine had said I needed to trust my instincts. And that was exactly what I was going to do.
Finally, our captors put us down. We stood in front of a glass elevator. Green spots danced in front my eyes. As I tried to blink the floaters away, one of the gorillas picked up Snaggletooth and roughly stroked his head with his gorilla-sized hands. “Nice doggy,” he said with a goofy, crooked smile.
I realized he was an idiot. Maybe our escape wouldn’t be difficult after all?
“What’s your name?” I asked nonchalantly.
“Tony,” he answered. He snuggled up to Snaggletooth’s head like he was a stuffed animal. Seemed my dog had broken the ice with him. “And that’s Richie.”
“Good to meet ya,” I said.
“Didn’t we tell ya to shuddup?” hissed Richie. He glared at his partner in crime, and then flexed his muscles, which rippled like a rollercoaster ride. “You’re going to get us in trouble with the Doc and that wouldn’t be good.”
The elevator doors opened and we were roughly pushed into it. Crammed in like sardines, I could barely breathe. My stomach twisted into tight knots. Honestly, I didn’t care what happened to me. But Freddie? His expression begged for escape. I had to do something. I mouthed “phone” to Freddie again.
“No signal. Been trying,” he whispered.
“Shuddup or I’ll pound you like a piece of cheap meat,” snarled Richie.
Doctor Greizenheimer sat in a big black chair when we entered the viewing station. One wall was entirely made of thick glass—the kind you’d find at zoo. The other had vintage posters of famous human marvels. In the center of that wall, I noticed a small elevator. I wanted to make a run for it.
The evil doctor spun around in his chair to face us. “Tony, Richie, leave me with our guests. I’ll ring for you when I require your, um, services.”
“Boss,” said Tony. “Can I keep the dog? I think he likes me.”
Greizenheimer nodded at Tony. “Whatever, you moron. Just get the abomination out of my sight.”
With a nervous half-smile and a weird high-pitched giggle, Tony picked up Snaggletooth and followed Richie into the awaiting elevator. Snaggletooth whimpered as the doors shut. I was just about to protest when Greizenheimer shot me a maddening scowl that would have silenced anybody with half a brain.
“Welcome to H.E.L.L.” hissed the doctor. “I wanted you to see firsthand what I’ll be doing to both of you.” He pointed to the large window. “Have yourselves a little gander.”
I wished we’d never left the elevator because what we saw next shook my entire core.
Freddie and I walked over to the glass wall. Almost immediately, Freddie threw up on my shoes, and me, I had to restrain myself from gagging. Turns out, my nightmare about the freakishly mutated kids was not only real, but also way worse than I ever could have imaged.
One floor below us, a woman that appeared to be fifteen hundred pounds of lard was shaking and vibrating on a large metal table, her flab undulating like waves. The back of her head was bulbous and she was nearly bald—just a few long pieces of blondish hair growing out on the top. It looked like somebody had taken a black Sharpie marker and drew a circle on her face because there was a huge black mole on it, the size of a silver dollar. Out of the mole, long black hairs waved in a breeze.
Now it wasn’t her size or appearance that freaked me out. What had me mortified were the octopus-like tentacles growing out of her stomach. Attached to the tentacles were giant ostrich-sized, egg-shaped pods. And in these pods? There were mutated children, at least twenty of them.
From my vantage point, only a few of the kids could be seen. And they were far more advanced in their freakiness than me. One was submerged in a water-filled pod and had giant flippers instead of arms. Another squat, hair-covered one was shaking his or her pod like a gorilla. I couldn’t tell if the kid was a boy or a girl. An annoying loud buzz resonated the room, and suddenly, this bug-eyed fly boy zipped by the window, and flew back into his pod. On the floor, a kangaroo girl hopped around, punching pods. In her pouch, two little human hands waved frantically.
Nothing could have prepared me to deal with the things I now witnessed. My legs went to Jell-o. Freddie just stared straight ahead, his jaw dropped open, mumbling incoherently.
Doctor Greizenheimer’s voice knocked me out of my shocked state.
“Freddie, close your trap or I’ll turn you into a rat,” he bellowed. “How uncouth! It’s bad enough you puked all over the carpet. Richie and Tony aren’t going to be very happy cleaning that up. Didn’t you learn anything when you hung around with Ashby?” Proudly, Greizenheimer turned to the window. He rubbed his hands. “Not all of them are quite ready yet, my little guinea pigs. Oh, but soon their blood will transform the rich with their powers.”
Freddie whimpered and sunk to his knees. I knew how he felt. I was having a difficult time standing myself.
“So, children, what do you think of my life’s work? Isn’t it amazing? To think, Maverick, you could have been one of the super mutants powering the rich with your blood. Unfortunately, my experiments were less advanced, almost childlike, when I experimented on you. Yet, I intend on changing that matter now that you’re back in my fold.” He pointed at Freddie. “Yes, yes, Freddie, you’ll be bird boy, but not something as obvious as a little finch. Perhaps an eagle or an ostrich? No, an owl—a wise owl. Seeing at night would be a trait the rich could really use.”
“You’re insane,” I said. “We’d rather die than become super mutants.”
“Well, Maverick, we can make that happen if you’d like. Either way, it doesn’t matter to me. I can always get more poor kids to further my brilliant experiments,” he said with a snort. “Now follow me to my prep station. That is unless you want me to zap you with this.”
He held up a stun gun and its jolt of electricity sparked a wicked blue light. The crackling noise sent shivers down my spine. Freddie grabbed my elbow.
“I thought you were our dad?” I asked. “Why would you do this to Freddie and me?”
“Biologically speaking, yes, I am your father, but I think you’re mistaking me for someone who cares. I feel no love for you. You were simply created to serve my greater purpose. My experiments are my true love. I’m sure you understand?”
It had to be a rhetorical question. Because I didn’t understand this madman at all.
Greizenheimer turned on his heel. “Follow me. Now.”
With no other options coming to mind, Freddie and I did as we were told. We entered a narrow passageway, and after going through a set of glass doors, found ourselves in a super-sized laboratory.
On stark white walls, thousands and thousands of tubes filled with what I assumed to be blood gave the room an ominous red glow. Strange, colorful lights pulsed on the ceiling to the sound of a heartbeat. And on both sides of the lab—imprisoned within stainless steel cages—animals, insects, and reptiles of all kinds deafened us with their cries. Tigers growled, dogs barked, bees buzzed, and snakes hissed. The loudest among the bunch was a chimpanzee. From the moment he saw me, he went absolutely psychotic—whooping, shrieking, hollering, and rattling the bars on his cage.
“Chimchee,” said Doctor Freak. “Calm down, Maverick here isn’t going to harm you with his plastic teeth.”
I’d forgotten about my movie star veneers.
Greizenheimer sneered. “We wealthy can always spot a fake” He pointed to a large metal table with thick leather straps hanging off it. “Freddie, you’re going to be a part of history. Hop up on the table and let’s get you settled in.”
Terror raced through my veins like TNT—ready to explode.
Freddie rested his head on the table.
Chimchee went insane, his shrieks getting louder.
I turned my body toward the thunderous chimp. The hinges on his cage were almost loose from his frantic tugging. Although I was having difficulty concentrating because of all the noise he was making, we mutants can always spot an opportunity when the right one presents itself.
I took my plastic teeth off and smiled wickedly at Freddie. He furrowed his brows, and then his face twisted into an evil smirk.
I think my brother and I were beginning to fully understand one another.