The Underworld is usually a quiet place. Oh, once in a while some ghostly screams can be heard coming from the Punishment Fields of Tartarus, but that’s nothing compared to the yelling and shouting that went on when the Olympians invaded my kingdom to rescue Persephone.

Demeter’s wails could be heard in the farthest reaches of my kingdom. Meg, Alec, Hypnos, Lightninger, Thunderer, the Hundred-Handed Ones, Campe, and thousands of curious ghosts ran to the field in front of di Minos Pizza Parlor to see what in the Underworld was going on.

Zeus and Hera’s son, Hephaestus, the god of fire and smiths, began threatening Lightninger, saying he’d make his forge go dark.

A fistfight broke out between Thunderer, Zeus, and Hera’s other son, Ares, the god of war. The Cyclops ended up with a nasty black eye.

Lots of the Olympians held up signs that said things such as COME HOME, PERSEPHONE! and FLOWER POWER IS FOR THE EARTH!

When the Olympians’ signs came out, the Hundred-Handed Ones disappeared for a few minutes. They quickly returned with hundreds of signs for the Underworldians to carry. They read: WE LOVE PERSEPHONE and OLYMPIANS, GO HOME! and WHO ASKED YOU?

Everyone was yelling at everyone else. It was worse than any nightmare I could imagine. In all the craziness, Persephone and I had been separated. I looked for her in the crowd. I finally spotted her standing with Tisi by Cal’s swanshaped hedge. Hermes was hovering above her, trying to impress her with aerial tricks, which he accomplished by fluttering the wings on his helmet and sandals. He called out, “Marry me, Persephone! I’ll build you a golden palace up above the clouds! I’ll fly you to the moon!”

Ohhhh, how I longed to get my hands on that flapping opportunist!

Persephone looked sort of wilted and confused. Seeing her, I felt a sudden surge of love for my darling goddess of spring, and right then, I knew what I had to do.

I hurried around to where Tisi had parked my chariot. To my relief, my Helmet of Darkness was still on the backseat. I grabbed the helmet and jammed it onto my head. Instantly, I vanished. Unseen, I rushed back into the crowd. I ran until I reached Persephone. “My darling!” I whispered.

“Hades?” Persephone turned, looking for me. “Where are you?”

“I’m at your side,” I said. “But you can’t see me.”

“No kidding,” said Persephone. “What’s going on? Are you really Hades? I can’t take many more surprises.”

“Tisi,” I said. “Tell her it’s me.”

“It’s Hades,” said Tisi. “Invisible King of the Underworld.” And she explained about the helmet and how it made me and anything I held invisible.

“Elope with me, Persephone,” I said. “I’ll carry you away from here. No one will see us! I know this great little spot up in Athens where we can get married.”

“Hades!” Persephone’s eyes grew wide. “You don’t mean Ari’s Speedy Wedding Chapel?”

“I do, my darling,” I confessed. “I know it’s sort of cheesy and that you don’t want a spur-ofthe-moment wedding, but—”

“Stop, Hades!” said Persephone.

I stopped. Persephone held out her hand. I took it and gave it an invisible squeeze. Together, we looked around us at the sign wielders and the brawlers and the yellers and the screamers. We looked at Demeter, who was still lying on the ground, kicking her feet, pounding the dirt with her fists, weeping.

“I wanted big and splashy,” Persephone said at last. “But I never imagined this! Right now, cheesy and spur-of-the-moment sounds perfect!”

I swept Persephone up in my arms, and she, too, vanished from sight.

“Come on, Tisi,” I shouted as I ran for the chariot. “You can be our witness!”

Persephone and I waited invisibly outside di Minos Pizza while Tisi took the chariot and rushed back to the palace. There was no way she was going to let us get married without some style—even in a tacky mortal wedding chapel—so she insisted on going back for Persephone’s gown and my toga-tux. She also picked up her sister Furies, who would have been furious if they’d missed the wedding.

When Tisi returned, I stepped into the driver’s seat and took off my Helmet of Darkness. There was no need to be invisible now. I drove us all up to earth.

The sun had set by the time we reached Athens. The streets were filled with revelers, out having a good time in the city. I found a parking spot on a side street. The five of us walked eagerly toward Ari’s Speedy Wedding Chapel, Tisi with two large garment bags over her arm.

A long line of mortal couples waiting to get married snaked from the door of Ari’s out onto the street.

“Oh no!” Persephone groaned. “Will you look at that line? We’re going to have to wait for hours!”

“I don’t think so,” said Tisi. She and her sisters walked calmly to the front of the line. All three Furies raised their arms over their heads, extended their claws, and unfurled their huge black leathery wings, all at the same time—THWAP!

Instantly, the line of mortals vanished.

“How about that?” said Meg, refolding her wings.

“Your turn!” Alec told Persephone.

The five of us walked into the now deserted chapel. An ancient mortal in a shabby white robe opened his mouth to greet us. But when he saw us, he did a double take and froze. For a moment, I was afraid he’d died of fright and there would be no one to marry us.

“Ari?” said Tisi. “Hello? Anybody home?”

“Me,” managed Ari, who turned out only to be stunned.

“This is Persephone, goddess of spring,” Tisi told the mortal.

“And Hades, Lord of the Dead,” said Meg.

“They would like to get married,” said Alec. “Now.”

“Of course!” Old Ari rose shakily to his feet. His voice trembled as he said, “It is beyond my wildest dreams to imagine that I, a humble mortal, would one day perform the wedding ceremony for you, Lord Hades! And you, Goddess Persephone. It is—”

“Time to start,” Alec cut in. “Right now!”

“Of course!” said Ari. “Follow me! In just ten minutes, you shall be man and—uh, I mean, god and—I mean, married.”

We trooped after Ari as he tottered into the actual chapel, a small circular room with columns running around it. Garlands of wilted greenery with droopy flowers were draped between the columns. Persephone hurried over, and at her touch, the greenery perked up. The flowers opened into gorgeous spring blossoms.

She smiled. “That’s more like it.” Then she and the Furies scurried off to the bride’s chamber to get dressed.

Ari took me into the groom’s chamber, and I began struggling into my toga-tux. It wasn’t easy. Ari tried to help me tie the strip of polkadotted silk around my neck, but his hands shook so badly that I had to tie it myself. The whole time I was dressing, Ari went on and on about what a great honor it was for him to marry us.

At last we walked back out to the chapel. I was nervous, but I wasn’t shaking half as much as Ari. I was worried about him. Would he last through the ceremony? That’s the trouble with mortals—they’re so . . . mortal. You never know when they’ll drop dead on you.

Two musicians appeared then and began strumming their lyres. That seemed the signal to begin. With some difficulty, Ari walked up two small steps and turned around to face me.

Now Meg and Alec started down the aisle wearing slinky silver gowns. Tisi, the maid of honor, followed them, decked out in gold.

The music changed to The Wedding March. Now my bride started down the aisle, her gown shimmering with pearls. Her face was nearly hidden by her enormous bouquet, but I could see her smiling through her veil. She stopped beside me and took my arm.

Ari cleared his throat. “We are here to unite this couple in marriage,” he said. “Marriage is a big step—especially for you immortals, because when you vow to stay together forever, it really means forever.”

“Ari, cut to the chase,” hissed Alec.

“Of course!” said Ari. “Does anyone present know of any reason why Persephone, goddess of spring, and Hades, Lord of the Dead, should not be united in marriage? If so, speak now, or forever hold—”

At that moment, I heard voices shouting and dogs barking, and someone yelled out, “Stop the wedding!”

“Oh, no!” cried Meg.

I whirled around to see who could have said such a thing. There at the entrance to the wedding chapel stood my mother, the take-charge Titaness, Rhea. Oops! I’d forgotten to invite her to my wedding!

Uncle Shiner stood next to her. He held a leash, and at the end of it was my very own underdog!

“Good dog, Cerberus!” said Uncle Shiner. “It appears as though you tracked your master down just in the nick of time.”

Cerbie had tracked me down? But why? Cerbie wagged his tail and let out a chorus of happy squeals at seeing me again. He tried to run to me, but Uncle Shiner held his leash tight.

“Hades, I have something of the utmost importance to tell you,” Uncle Shiner said. “It will change the way you view your current situation, I promise you.”

What was he talking about? What was going on? My head was spinning.

“Persephone has committed an unscrupulous act of which you are unaware,” Uncle Shiner continued. “She—”

“Stop!” I yelled. “Mom! What are you and Uncle Shiner doing here?”

“Your Granny Gaia sent me,” said my mom. “She’s very upset. And I am too. Is this how you solve your problems, Hades? By running away from them?”

“Not usually,” I said. “But I thought—”

I gulped. I remembered the bone-rattling earthquakes Granny Gaia, a.k.a. Mother Earth, had started the last time she got upset with me.

“You didn’t think, Hades,” Mom said. “That’s the trouble. And you, Persephone! Shame on you!”

“What did I do?” asked Persephone.

“You heard your mother swear an unbreakable oath on the waters of the River Styx that as long as you stay in the Underworld, the earth shall wither,” said Mom.

Persephone nodded. “I heard her,” she said, “but I thought—”

“But you thought,” Mom cut in, “that you’d marry Hades and become Queen of the Underworld anyway.”

Persephone shrugged. “I guess.”

Mom shook her head. “You, Gaia’s own greatgranddaughter!” she accused.

Persephone sat down heavily on the steps of the chapel, resting her chin on her hands. Her dazzling smile had vanished.

“We need to go down to the Underworld and get everything sorted out,” Mom said. She turned to Tisi. “If you three can fly back down, there’ll be room for Shiner and me and these—” she held up the big shopping bags that she always carried with her—“in Hades’s chariot.”

“Not a problem,” said Tisi.

“We fly it every day,” said Meg.

“Here,” said Mom. She picked up Cerberus and handed him to Alec. “Take the dog.”

“Got him,” said Alec. “We’re out of here. Now!”

All three of Cerberus’s faces looked confused as he flew off with the Furies.

“Oh, rats,” murmured Ari. He looked so disappointed at this turn of events that I gave him an extra-large tip as I left the chapel. Outside, I saw that a new line of mortals wanting to get married had already formed around the block. It didn’t look as if Ari would get much sleep that night.

Persephone and I followed Mom and Uncle Shiner back to the chariot in grim silence. I felt awful. I’d been ordered back to my kingdom by my own mother, like some toddler, to “sort things out” with a gang of hostile Olympians. It didn’t look as if Persephone could ever be my bride, because if she lived in the Underworld, nothing would grow on earth. And why had Uncle Shiner turned against me? I didn’t have a clue. But worst of all, they’d used my own dog to track me down.

That really hurt.