"ELYUS?"

He came the moment I called. There was a faint shimmer before me, sending shadows skittering across the garden. The warm wind made the blooms dance in the air, their fragrances flying every-which way. The Guide materialized with his familiar staff in his hands, blinking in surprise.

"I think this is the first time you have wanted my presence," he said in befuddlement. His eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled broadly. "I think we are going to be great friends!"

I stood alone before him, though technically speaking, Jan would know I was there due to our Connection. It had been with an unspoken consent that we had decided to never let it close. We had dealt with that void without the other for far too long and never wanted to do so ever again.

So, feeling Jan’s amusement alongside my own, I laughed.

Elyus swept me a bow. "How may I help you, Liiara?"

And, though I never wanted the Connection to close again, I was still dealing with the lack of privacy having it open constantly brought. Such as now. I couldn't hide any Emotion from Jan, and so he already knew what I was going to ask the Guide. In his own gesture of support, he had allowed me to summon Elyus on my own. In that same vein of sort-of-privacy, I had left him conversing with Calla.

I had realized, as I had walked away from him, that this must have been yet another reason as to why he had refused to Connect when Elyus had first taught it to me. This total lack of control—the fact that Jan would know everything I was feeling, and in a way thinking—I hadn't been ready for.

"Kaleen?"

I glanced up, pulled out of my thoughts by Elyus' voice.

"What is it you wish to ask me?"

Where to begin?

With the turmoil in my head, I knew that it was going to be tough enough to word what I wanted to say, but what my mouth did end up forming took me by surprise.

"I watched everything happen while I was in Coerce's mind." I took a steadying breath, lowering myself to sit on a bench, my elbows on my knees. "I Saw Soniiya's death. How she saved Nate." I glanced to the side, suddenly finding his ice-blue eyes were difficult to meet. "She finally showed, in the end, what was there all along." I fingered my Seership, remembering the torture she had put me through. The lies she had made me believe about her and Jan, who had never done what she had claimed. "She taught me Forgiveness."

Elyus nodded carefully, staying silent.

"I think I could have saved her if I hadn't been so angry from the start. Saved her from her own pain, I mean." I ran my hands through my hair, setting the heels of my palms to my forehead, frustrated. "I don't even know what I'm trying to say here."

"You fear you may be marring her memory," the Guide said quietly, placing in one little sentence all my roiling thoughts and feelings.

"Yes!" I cried out, lowering my hands. The Emotions in me burst into pieces, scattering in a whirlwind. Jan must have flinched where he stood, and while he kept his mind as far away as possible to let me vent, there was an undercurrent of soothing he sent my way. "I have Nate because she died for him, and..." I gulped in air. "And she was Jan’s wife. She's been dead for no more than three days, and I..." I let it go in a dry sob, shaking my head.

Elyus looked at me then, something hidden in his gaze. "Tell me what you know concerning the Nalii's belief about Conjoinment."

Yup. He had struck it right through the heart.

I bowed my head. "Fidelity is important to them. They marry once, even if... their spouse dies young." Swallowed thickly. "Their marriage bands are forged for one." Despair pressed on me, weighing down my mind then, and it drew Jan’s attention, making his worry stronger. Swiftly, I quelled it with a firm hand, pulling on the threads of my Seership to dispel it. He'd become suspicious about these abstract Emotions I was running my fingers over, but I didn't want to keep him worried.

"What do I do, Elyus?" I whispered.

Elyus let out a quiet sigh, then settled himself slowly on the ground with his legs crossed, his staff standing beside him of its own accord. His hands disappeared up his sleeves as he folded his arms, his white beard trailing over his lap. He didn't seem to notice when he began to rise, stopping to float two feet above the air. "Do you believe what Coerce told you, concerning the soul you have melded with?"

I blinked. "The first Kaleen's soul? The first Gift bearer split her in two; the Dark was sealed away and the Light was kept in the Sacra Band. Apparently, my use of the Seer's key has fused my soul with the Light half of the first Kaleen."

Elyus nodded once again. "And what do you know concerning the first key wielder you are now molded with, and the first Gift bearer?"

"Not much."

Elyus tugged on his beard, his eyes gaining a contemplative expression. "It is more accurate, I think, to call the first Gift bearer the first Charm wearer. The Gift was not created until his betrayal."

"You asked him to split Kaleen, right? Coerce mentioned something to that effect."

His eyes slid back to me. "Yes. I did." He rolled his shoulders back, closing his eyes. "Perhaps I should start over. The Charm you currently have around your neck, was given to the first wearer by Kaleen. His wife." Elyus opened his eyes. "It was a gift to him."

Vaguely, I was aware that Jan was reading my Emotions and thoughts carefully, and through them practically listening in on the conversation. The longer we were Connected, the more aware we were becoming of what the other was experiencing. And, considering this talk of the Charm concerned him, he was very interested.

"At his betrayal, as Coerce is so fond of calling it, his soul was overcome by Grief. The Charm was where his soul retreated, awaiting the day that Kaleen—or rather, you, now—would free him by forgiving him. You will recall the first Long Night you have experienced with the Pack, the very night before you left this world to return to your dying mother. The Gift, at your touch, was purified. It was the soul you have become bonded with, the Light within you, providing that same forgiveness." Elyus arched an eyebrow. "I think Alajan would agree that it was the same moment he allowed the Gift to enter his veins, whereby freeing it completely."

'He's right, as usual,' Jan sighed within my mind. 'Frustrating, isn't it? Though, something doesn't make sense...'

"I thought that his Grief killed him," I questioned for Jan, feeling his Curiosity.

Elyus slowly shook his head. "Nearly. But no. The first key and Charm bearers were both immortal."

I reeled back, completely stunned.

"It was the first Charm wearer's own account within hat scroll that Alajan was searching for when you both entered the lost Sanctuary."

'Because the Seer had mentioned it,' Jan thought to me, his mind busy remembering. If I concentrated, I could focus on the images he was letting run through his head. ‘My father and I had wanted answers. I wanted to be a stronger Gift bearer for you.’

"Now." Elyus shuffled where he sat, twirling his beard with his fingers. "Why did I give you this information?"

I had to roll my eyes at that, blowing out my breath in exasperation. That was Elyus for you. Always and ever a puzzle. With missing pieces to boot, most of the time. "There's something I should be realizing at this moment, and I'm not," I responded, pulling on a flower hovering over my head. Orange pollen rained over my arm, smothering my skin with glitter. Making a face, I brushed it off.

"Shall I leave you so that you may sort it out?" he questioned, and I swear he was getting more amusement out of this riddle than he was supposed to.

Scowling at him, I said, "If it's so important, why don't you just let me know?" I paused then, suddenly aware that Jan’s mind had become quiet, as if he were half-drawn away from me. For a moment I wondered if he was closing the Connection, which bewildered me, but then I read his Emotions clearer.

Well, actually, just one Emotion. And it had shoved away everything else in his mind, making it seem more distant when in reality, it was just reeling.

Amazement. He was overcome with Amazement.

'What is it that you're seeing that I'm not?' I demanded, growing irritated.

His mind began to fill with Disbelief now, and then on came such a river of Emotions my breath flew out of my lungs, as if I had been socked in the stomach. Probably similar to what Jan had experienced earlier when I had tried to cover my Despair.

"Elyus," I growled, fed up with not knowing.

"Liiara," he said quietly, looking at me with his ice-blue eyes. They seemed to look straight into my mind. As if seeing Jan's mind there as well. "Because of the souls you and Alajan have fused with, you have inherited everything that they had."

I shook my head, distracted by the onslaught occurring in my head. "Yes, that's why we can use the Seer's key and the Charm. I knew that."

He ignored me. "You say that Soniiya was Alajan's wife, but that isn't true." Elyus set his feet to the ground, taking hold of his staff, his expression one of earnest. I felt my heartbeat thudding in its place.

What?

'But, Jan, you—'

'Yes, in all oaths and bindings, it was as if I did marry her.' Wonder bloomed through our Connection. 'Kal, can't you see...?'

Fidelity. One Conjoinment. One marriage band.

'I was never married to Soniiya.' Jan's soul brimmed, overflowing with Happiness. 'I can't have been. From what Elyus is saying, I was already Conjoined. From the moment I became the Charm's new bearer.'

I felt my eyes widen.

Oh.

His thought was as soft as a whisper. 'I'm Conjoined to you. It's always been you.'

My pulse flew into a mad sprint. 'But—'

"From your births, you were destined to be the second wielders of the Sacra Band and Charm," Elyus said gently, as if knowing that Alajan and I were conversing and he was interrupting. "And so, becoming them—" He shook his head, smiling so broadly it's a marvel his face didn't split in half. "Your very souls are bonded forever, Liiara. There is nothing that can separate the two of you."

Bonded. Conjoined.

'You are mine,' Jan thought, as if it were something he couldn't grasp. Finally, here was something that he couldn't wrap his head around. I could only imagine what his expression was. 'Forever.'

The Charm beamed, like a star on my sternum. I let my breath go, unable to hold it in anymore, because I was instantly filled to the brim—couldn't take it—

Laughter.

Poor Elyus. I startled him nearly to death (as close to death as an immortal Guide can get, anyway), when I threw my arms around him, suddenly needing to hug someone.

"And here I'd thought I was going to spend forever alone after all," I gasped, feeling the tears sliding down my cheeks. Like miniature magnifying glasses on my freckles.

Elyus must've been smiling as he patted my back. "Never so, Kabrin." He stepped away, twirling his staff at his side playfully. His blue eyes twinkled. "Give my regards to the Crownless One, will you?" With a sharp rap, he tapped his stick to the ground twice and vanished from sight.

I was already running.

 

 

 

 

 

I FOUND JAN STANDING IN THE SILVER STRANDS OF MOONLIGHT INSIDE WHAT had once been Soniiya's room. About to call out to him, I stopped, my steps slowing as I registered what I was seeing.

The room was completely trashed: the furniture the former queen had used lay in shambled splinters; tapestries and paintings ripped; the wide, circular window overlooking Callorah's city gaping with a jagged hole, as if an infuriated fist had shot through its center.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I hesitantly entered the dismantled queen's chamber.

Jan glanced to me, his eyes glowing like miniature moons as they caught the silvery glow pouring in from the shattered window. "Lord Entai," was all he said. Something glinted in his fingers, and I noticed he was holding both his and Soniiya's former marriage bands, spinning and twirling them absently in his hands.

Unable to help myself, I grimaced as I surveyed the damage again, knowing that it was the result of a father's pain. That fact made it worse than if it had just been a bunch of broken material. From our Connection, I could feel the assault of Emotions Jan was carrying, which made my knees quiver where I stood. I already knew that he, Calla, and Terek had been discussing the impending struggle with Coerce and her Hordes. The strain of what was to come weighed heavily in his heart. Lone Night was one mere month away. Who knew how much damage the Hordes would unleash before Coerce showed herself again?

And now, standing here in the dark, with the heavy memories of Soniiya, who had never actually been his wife...

The marriage bands shimmered as they danced around his fingers, and carefully, he set them onto a table. Through our Connection, I could see the memories that surfaced in his head, and I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying out at the past that showed Soniiya hurting him. Over and over. And how he put up with it, to stop her from hurting anyone else.

‘I never gave her what she wanted,’ he said in explanation.

Taking a moment to hold down my Anger, to calm my maddened pulse, I answered, ‘You’re a person, not an object. I’m sorry for how she treated you.’ I stepped over broken fragments of what had once been a beautifully ornate vase, which now had tattered pieces of blue petals spread around it. I had set similar flowers into that very vase several times. Approaching the right side of the bed, I knelt down, lifting away the hanging blue drapery that covered the edge of its frame.

'Did you know this was here?'

He seemed to blend with the shadows as he stepped towards me. His eyes, able to see perfectly in the dark, looked to me inquisitively before shifting to where I ran a finger down the bedframe's length. Names were carved into the wood there; the past Queens of Calladon.

Jan traced his mother’s name. Then an Emotion so strong radiated from Jan’s mind it consumed him, stealing away my breath.

Grief.

My Seership glowed faintly along its unfinished edges in response, glistening with tears. I wasn't surprised when he turned away from his mother's name, setting his forehead to my shoulder as I offered my arms to him. How often, I wondered, had Jan allowed himself to be vulnerable in this way, to face his loss and pain straight on? It was unsettling that the reality of his pain was still just as real as it had been when inflicted years ago. Because it hadn't been as long that I had lost my own mother. Did that pain ever lessen? Did it ever become bearable?

But I knew the answers. Our fathers and brothers had been taken from us the same night Coerce had broken from her banishment. I knew the answers.

They were woven into my Seership.

"Is a month really all we have until Coerce will strike back?" I whispered. My thoughts floated back to the council that Terek had called shortly after being Crowned. The discussion had been a sobering experience as we all discussed strategies to prepare for whatever Coerce would amass against us. A month was all that stood between us and the Long Night, the annual anniversary of when she had broken her banishment, when Coerce would be at her greatest strength. It was unanimously agreed that she would wait until then to strike back, recharging her strength to rebound and try to obliterate us.

I hadn’t known before, but it was also the anniversary of when I had left Calladon behind and stepped past the Veil.

Jan let out a quiet sigh that tickled my collarbone before straightening, standing up. He offered out a hand to me. "I know what it is you are going to ask," he said, pulling me to my feet. "And yes, I'm going with you. I won't allow you to seek out Oran alone."

He set his back to the broken room resolutely, leaving behind more than just the fragmented furniture.

We passed through the outer room and into the king's chamber before I answered, unsure of how to gather my scattered thoughts. I was mildly surprised at finding the room untouched by Entai’s fury. I knew Jan was simply here to gather what few things he valued, because the rooms would belong to Terek the next day. And poor Lessa's room was a wreck.

"I was actually wondering if a month is long enough," I admitted, plopping down on the edge of the bed as Jan crouched before the trunk at its end. "I mean, it'll take weeks to get to the Magi and to come back. And that's playing it naively and assuming Oran's even with the Magi still."

"There is nowhere else he would be willing to venture, I think. He has wandered their halls for the past century." There was disgust in Jan's tone. "Too much a coward to face the events unfolding aboveground."

I twiddled my thumbs, not looking at him. "You still don't like the thought of existing forever, do you?"

His silence brought my eyes upward, to see his expression. I couldn't grasp what he was feeling, his Emotions were too tangled. I saw he had quirked his head to the side. "That was before I knew forever didn't have to be faced alone.”

I stilled. 'Why did you give up your crown?'

Jan turned toward the arcing window that showed the expanse of Callorah below. Night, in its glory of black and silver hues, wrapped the world in what seemed to be a fragile cocoon of tranquility that was about to shatter. The white light from the stars brushed away the shadows that had been clinging to Jan's skin.

"The night you entered earth for the first time, I was with the Guides." His voice was quiet, as if he was tired, and his eyes closed as he remembered. "They made me promise that I wouldn't remind you of the memories sealed away from your mind. Particularly the memories of me. You, as the only one who could bear the Seer's key, have a duty that no one else can accomplish. I was told not to become a hindrance, a disruption in your task."

I opened my mouth to protest, but stopped when he moved closer, setting fingertips to my jaw. Then he was on his knees before me, and we were eye-to-eye.

"I was so relieved to be able to return those memories to you." His gaze, which had been unfocused, recalling, suddenly turned sharp, fixing on me with an intensity that made everything else grow fuzzy. Callorah behind him blurred. Meaningless. "Oran nearly had it right, Twig-limbs. He has forever, but he has it alone. I didn't want a crown. I didn't want forever. I wanted you."

My left hand lifted to hover before his face and he blinked in surprise, but said nothing, didn't move, as I slowly, slowly tipped my fingers forward to meet his skin. Because I just had to touch him. It all seemed unbelievably surreal that he was here, breathing and smiling before me. My fingers slid down his jaw to touch that smile.

It suddenly went away "Kal?"

Dragging my eyes upward, meeting his gaze, I felt my pulse sprinting uncontrollably. Wild. His eyes, dark in the shadows, watched me closely. My mind finally realized that my body was trembling, pulling away from trying to unravel the reality of forever. Of being Conjoined to Jan. Being his...

His wife.

"Kabrin," Jan repeated, more softly, barely more than a sigh. He leaned very slightly towards me while he reached with one hand to catch hold of my wrist carefully. He sounded almost urgent, panicked. Did he fear I was going to vanish from before him, as I did regarding him? It would be so similar to the abundance of nightmares I had endured for so long. I knew, linked to him as I was, that he was recalling the horrid leech that Coerce had placed on him inside the fallen temple, and his resulting actions. He was Anxious for me to understand why he had fought so hard to not allow her to ruin what was so precious. "You know that I love you, right?"

Why was he even questioning that? Couldn't he hear my racing blue, human blood? How could he not hear it?

"I know." I could only mouth the words, looking at him straight on. For a full, seemingly eternal minute, we locked our gazes, never blinking. I saw in that moment all of his past years of pain and triumph in his eyes. I suspect he saw the same in mine. Through our Connection, I Felt those years. We Felt each other's losses and successes, and then... Love poured into my veins. Pure, holy, amazing. Tears slipped down my cheeks, and I felt them fall.

To think that we—our souls; our very cores, as Elyus had said—were united and tied together from our births. A bond that would withstand time. Unbreakable. I trembled, frightened and exultant, delving into crimson.

'I love you,' Jan repeated, the words singing through my being. The weightless sensation in my veins intensified. I felt like I could fly. Like I was flying. ‘I know Elyus said that we’re already married, but I vow to stay with you forever. You’re the light that leads me. Your mind-song is part of the fabric that weaves everything I am. Please don’t ever ask me to leave your side again.’

I rested my brow against his, closing my eyes. ‘Thank you for being who you are. You’re the strength of my soul, and all that I could ever want for my future. I love you. Don’t ever let me go.’ Drawing back, I lifted my free hand to grasp his shirt with both my fists, coiling my shaking fingers around the fabric. I pulled on his shirt.

Something moved deep inside his intense gaze, and I felt my bones turn to fire within me.

“Hold on tightly,” I whispered.

Our lips crashed together, a tide of Joy that swelled and burst, an explosion of reaching and finding, of hearts matching in rhythm. My heart sighed where it soared, blissfully. As Jan unwound his wedding scarf from around my body, his Charm hanging from my neck rivaled the light of the suns. It hovered above us when Jan lifted it free. We were two halves of a whole. I was whole. Entirely complete with him, without any breaks or scars in my being. Imperfection to perfection. Because he loved me.

Me: flawed and human and—I knew it now; I felt it now—wonderful me. Our souls belonged as one. The last time we had given ourselves to each other, we had been desperately clinging to precious final moments. Now, we were reuniting, resuming an eternity that belonged entirely to us.

Forever was mine.