14

It’s still the middle of winter. We’ve had frost already and snow a few times. I sometimes can’t help but think that it’s a good thing I was sent to Auntie’s at this time of the year. How would it have worked if it had been springtime? There would have been a lot more work to be done on the farm, the days would have been so much longer and visitors so much more frequent. Now, as it is, there’s only one person who knows about me and occasionally visits me.

‘I don’t want you to do any heavy work anymore, Maria.’

‘But I feel fine. Please just let me muck out the stable.’

‘No, from now on I want you to take it easier. You can collect the eggs, cook dinner and…’

We were still discussing this when there were footsteps in the yard and the dog started to bark. I wanted to escape upstairs, but Auntie stopped me.

‘You can stay, it’s Reverend Bosch.’

‘I’d prefer to go up.’

But I was already too late, the door opened and a gust of fresh air blew in with the Reverend who greeted us with a smile. Since I had not been able to escape in time, I decided to ignore him instead. Despite his visit on New Year’s Eve and his pleasant company that night, I still found it difficult to face him. I turned my back to him, ignored his greeting and continued the conversation as if his arrival had not interrupted us.

‘I want to do something. You can’t expect me to sit still and just sit around for thirty days or maybe even more.’

‘Then stay in and do some needlework,’ Auntie suggested.

I shook my head.

‘The weather is so beautiful, please let me help with the work outside.’

‘I don’t think it’s a good idea…’

‘You can help me.’ Reverend Bosch interrupted, and I send him an look filled with annoyance. Only after several seconds it dawned on me what he had said.

This was not at all what I had meant.

‘What could she help you with?’ Auntie asked in my stead.

‘I’m going to chop some firewood. Maria can help me stack them up.’

Auntie nodded thoughtfully, I wanted to change my mind and thank him kindly for the honor, but Auntie was now smiling in agreement.

‘That’s a very good idea, excellent.’ She nodded toward Reverend Bosch and he put his cap on with an exaggerated gesture.

‘Are you coming, Maria?’

No, I’d rather not.

But slowly I walked to the door and slipped into my wooden shoes. Auntie had taken my coat and helped me in it. I looked at the ground, and then at my hands as I buttoned up my coat. The coat was tight around my stomach, even when I stood straight up and held my breath.

Reluctantly I shuffled after Reverend Bosch towards the stables where Auntie had a pile of wood that needed to be chopped. The blocks of wood were large and Auntie had commented once how difficult it was for her to split them. It dawned on me that normally Auntie would call in a neighbor or a hired hand for the heavier tasks, something she couldn’t do now because I stayed with her. Apparently Reverend Bosch had offered his assistance.

The stables were just about as cold as the outside, and our breath created little clouds in the air.

‘If you’ll stack the wood, I’ll chop.’

I nodded and watched how the Reverend placed a block of wood on the chopping block and hit it with his ax. It didn’t take long for the wood to split, and the Reverend grabbed a new block. I crouched down and picked up the two smaller blocks. With some effort I raised myself and brought the two pieces over to the wall where a small supply of wood was still piled up. I neatly stacked the two new pieces with the rest and returned to the chopping block. There were by now four more pieces of wood on the floor and the Reverend was already on the next one.

The ax struck with a crack.

And again.

Another two pieces of wood were on the floor.

I couldn’t work as fast as that. I couldn’t bend down, so I had to kneel down, and when I stood up my knees creaked and it took me a moment to find my balance. Nonetheless I picked up as many pieces as I could each time and I didn’t complain. It clearly didn’t go fast enough, for after a few minutes the Reverend struck the ax onto the chopping block and he bent down with me to gather blocks of wood in his arms. Within seconds he had cleared them and then he continued chopping.

‘Thank you.’

He drew a sharp breath and struck his ax hard.

He split a new block in two.

He probably hadn’t heard me at all.

The rest of the morning we worked in silence. The only sounds were the falling pieces of wood and the striking of the ax. I soon felt the sweat on my forehead and I felt the extra weight I carried with each step I took.

‘That was the last one,’ the Reverend said while he wiped the sweat off his face with his sleeve. As quick as my feet could carry me I returned from the neat stack along the wall to the chopping block where a whole pile of wood still awaited me. I carefully picked up as many pieces as I could hold and stood up. For a moment I stood unsteadily, but then I continued and returned to the stack at wall.

‘I didn’t realize it was this heavy for you.’ Reverend Bosch all of a sudden stood behind me and obligingly stretched out his arms to take the bunch of wood from me. ‘Please, let me do this.’

With a shriek I suddenly dropped all the wood pieces. Gasping for air I looked from the chaos at my feet to the Reverend and back again. But it wasn’t him.

I have to punish you, Maria.

No, it wasn’t him, not here. This was someone else.

I hid my face in my hands and closed my eyes.

‘Are you all right, Maria?’

I had difficulty breathing.

Yes. I was all right.

‘Yes, Reverend. I’m all right. I’m just fine. I’m only tired.’ And scared. Go away and leave me alone.

‘Come and sit down for a moment, right here.’ He placed his hand on my shoulder and I winced, jerked to the left, and the hand fell away. When I looked up I saw a bewildered look on his face.

‘I’m sorry.’

I walked toward the chopping block and sat down without giving him another look. My breathing was still unsteady and I slowly counted to ten to calm myself down. In the meantime the Reverend stacked all the wood that I had dropped on the floor. Then he walked toward me.

I wrapped my arms about me and waited.

He sat down on his haunches in front of me and looked at me.

‘I didn’t mean to startle you, Maria.’

I shook my head, but didn’t speak a word. He didn’t say anything else though, so in the end I broke the silence.

‘You don’t need to apologize, Reverend. I was tired, I got startled and dropped the wood. That’s not your fault.’

‘Yet, I feel responsible.’

‘You shouldn’t.’ Not for a woman like me.

Reverend Bosch quietly looked down and traced a line with his finger in the thin layer of dust and sand on the floor. Then he made another line. It looked like he randomly made lines, until I noticed that they were letters. I tried to read what they said, but he erased them with his hand and stood up.

He walked to the door and I thought he was going to leave without looking back. But he didn’t. He turned around and walked back to me.

‘I would like it if you would call me by my first name.’

With a shock I jerked up my head.

‘Really. Every time you call me ‘Reverend’ I feel…’

I shook my head. ‘I can’t do that.’

‘I’m not that old. And you’re not…’

‘I’m not what?’

‘You’re not a member of my congregation.’ He turned red and lowered his eyes.

I smiled briefly. Would he want that, though? An unmarried, pregnant woman in his church?

‘I don’t think it’s a good idea.’

I stood and beat the wood shavings off me. As we walked back to the farmhouse I thought about his suggestion, and I realized that I couldn’t even remember his name. He walked behind me and when we got to the door he caught up with me.

‘Your aunt also calls me Reijer.’

I shrugged my shoulder and shook my head. That’s what it was, Reijer.

‘I would like to be a friend to you, and that is impossible if you call me Reverend. Please think about it.’

‘I will.’ Reverend. Reijer.