My Insides Are Roiling

A concert tonight

means leaving practice early.

Coach didn’t say anything

when I first told him

but that was two hours ago—

steam’s had time to build,

and sure enough, he follows me

when I leave the wet heat

of the wrestling room.

Outside, the cool air

feels like an attack.

            “Remind me why you’re leaving,

            when the rest of the team is

            in there working their asses off?”

            Chest out

                    aggressive stance

                    face pushed

                    toward mine.

I pull my head back

out of range

of his sour breath.

“I have to babysit my little sister.”

He doesn’t say anything

he just stares at me

like I’m diseased or something.

His eyes get squinty.

         “Babysitting is for fags,”

         he finally snarls, before

         slamming back into the gym.

I stand there

a minute.

My legs

are still shaking

but not from the squats.