Midnight

The wedge of light

under Mom’s door

is snuffed out.

I line up the pills

on my nightstand

one row of twenty

is this it?

rearrange them

two rows of ten

I don’t think it will hurt

now three of six

with two left over

and even if it does—

now four of five

with none left over—

it’ll stop eventually

now two of seven

with six left over

No school tomorrow;

they’ll let me sleep

now two of eight

with four left over

hours from now

I don’t know where I’ll be—

now two of nine

with two left over—

but this body will be here

stiff,

cold?

          “BRENDY!!!”

          My door slams open

          a hallway shriek,

          night-terror eyes wild

          hair sticking out.

My heart explodes

like it did

that night

in the graveyard.

Courtney’s too freaked

by whatever monster

she’s seen

to notice my girlish yell

          or the pills

          on my nightstand.