My Problem

is back in a big way

since the day

of The Nutcracker.

(I would love the irony

of THAT if I could love

anything right now.)

For weeks

that word had been quiet

and I didn’t mind

my body all that much.

Not totally at peace, but it was

serviceable, functioning.

And sex—

    itself feels great

even if the parts sometimes

seem a little wrong

and it floats through

my head more often

than it should

that I’d give anything

to experience it

the way she does

                    from the other side.

Still, it’s my body

that gets to feel it

and that made

the rest … livable.

But that’s not

enough anymore.

I have to get away

from Andy’s questioning stare.

“Catch you later,”

I say.

            “You’re a freak.

            You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

He        falls

             back

          into

              step

          with

me.

Arrrrgggghhhhh.

We head to GameStop,

shop a little longer,

check out

new games.

          “Let’s go see Lindy.”

“Gotta get home—”

            “C’mon, Dude.”

He drags me over.