(BRENDAN)

Tonight the House Is Quiet.

That word is loud.

Back against headboard

laptop on knees,

I “research”

bathed in

the dim light of

of my computer.

It’s hard to see me

in snatches of statistics,

old words, new phrases

gnaw at my skull.

“Gender dysphoria” churns my stomach

with its science-fiction sound

and what does it mean

that I love Vanessa

mind soul body?

“Gender identity”

and

“gender attraction”—

two different things.

I snap the screen closed.

Not being gay doesn’t make me not trans.