CHAPTER 18

LONDON

JUNE 1939

Eva took great care with her appearance, selecting a green cotton day frock with a large white linen bow at the neckline. The belt cinched her small waist, the narrow skirt emphasizing her height and slender build. It was from this year’s line at Lushtak’s, but Madame had let her buy it for a reasonable price; she said that Eva wore it better than any of their well-heeled customers.

Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Eva quickly pinned on her hat, then left the room, walking down the long hallway to the foyer. Precious had begun lining the walls with photographs of the two of them that had appeared in Lushtak’s advertisements. She’d become friendly with the photographer, who had been charmed into giving Precious the photographs she requested. Ever since Sophia had announced that Eva and Precious would be attendants at her society wedding, photographers appeared at every social engagement and even at Lushtak’s. It had been very good for business, and Madame showed her gratitude with increased salaries and deeper discounts on clothes.

Eva followed the sound of voices into the front parlor and found Graham and Precious at the large front window. They were standing very close, and Graham pointed out the architectural details of St. Marylebone Parish Church across the road. “You really missed your calling,” Eva said to announce herself. “Is it too late to change careers and become an architect?”

Graham walked toward her with a grin. “I’m of the firm belief that it’s never too late to try something new.” He kissed her gently on the lips, his eyes warm. Turning to Precious, he said, “Are you quite sure you don’t want to come with us?”

Eva held her breath, willing Precious to say she was. She was desperate to be alone with Graham. Between his traveling for work and Sophia’s social invitations, it had proven nearly impossible.

“I know you’re just being kind, and I thank you. But I think I’ll stay in and catch up on some letter writing. My daddy can’t read or write, but my sister can, and she tells me that it does Daddy a world of good to get a letter from me. So you two go have fun. If the mood hits, I might watch a film later with some of the girls from Lushtak’s, so don’t worry about me.”

Eva tried to hide the relief in her voice. “All right, then. I’ll see you later.” She tucked her hand into Graham’s proffered elbow and allowed him to escort her downstairs and out into the early Sunday afternoon sunlight.

“Aren’t you going to ask me where we’re going?” Graham said.

“You said it was a surprise, and if I ask and you tell me, then it’s not a surprise anymore.”

“So if I put a blindfold on you now and didn’t remove it until we reached our destination, you’d be all right with that?” His lips twisted up in a half smile.

“Absolutely. I like holding off on surprises until the very last moment. Because once it’s revealed, it’s over. Like unwrapping a birthday present. I always found the anticipation of opening the present much more rewarding than the present itself.” She recalled her mother’s intermittent attempts at birthday and Christmas gifts, obvious hand-me-downs or discards from her customers, the wrapping paper old newspaper she’d found in bins, but always tied with extravagant bows made from fabric scraps. The bows were intricate sculptures of loops and curls, and Eva had hated to pull the strand that would unravel them, unspooling her mother’s hours of focused concentration and effort with a simple flick of her wrist. She’d much rather have kept the bow intact, the present unopened, a single object of beauty and hope. But her mother would make her open her present, seemingly intent on destroying the one thing that separated them from desperate obscurity.

“Duly noted,” Graham said. “Which is a shame, really, since I’ve brought you a small token of my esteem.”

“A present?” She clasped her hands together, then dropped them immediately when she realized how childish she must have appeared.

He noticed, which made him grin even wider. “I do appreciate your enthusiasm, Eva. It’s what I love about you the most, I think. The way you treat each experience as something brand-new. So many women exude a studied ennui so that it’s impossible to tell what they really like. But with you, I know exactly. You’re not afraid to show your excitement. And sometimes I might even say that I know what you’re thinking.”

She wanted to tell him then how each experience was new to her, how she was still studying how to pretend it wasn’t. How she’d lied to him, because Ethel Maltby wasn’t worthy of Graham St. John, but Eva Harlow could be.

But the sun was bright and warm on her skin, and at that moment, Graham was hers. Not Ethel’s or Eva’s, but hers. She would tell him the truth. She would. Just not at that moment, when the sort of happiness she never thought she could claim was clamoring through her veins like racing horses, causing her heartbeat to thunder in her chest.

They stopped walking at the corner of Marylebone Road and Park Square West and stood in front of the heavy black iron gates surrounding Park Square Gardens. Eva smiled up at Graham, the small brim of her hat shading her eyes. “And what am I thinking now, sir?”

He leaned closer, his green eyes darkening. “You’re thinking that I should kiss you.”

“Is that all?”

His face became serious. “Do you want that to be all?”

“No,” she said without thinking. Because it was the truth. Because she was finally beginning to understand the great passion she saw on the big screens at the theater. “I don’t.”

He kissed her right there, on the sidewalk, while people walked past them and pretended not to see. Then he took her hand and led her across the street to the crescent of white stuccoed buildings she admired each time she passed them on her way home from the Regent’s Park tube stop. “Where are we going?”

“I thought you didn’t want me to spoil the surprise.”

“But what about my present?”

He spread his arms wide. “What if I said this was my present? To introduce you to the great architect John Nash. He was a friend of the prince regent and the grand designer behind Regent’s Park and these beautiful terraces, as well as eight villas. The summer palace planned for the prince was never realized, but what was actually built is perfect, in my humble opinion.”

“In your humble opinion? Is there such a thing?” Eva was laughing now, enjoying his boyish exuberance and his apparent joy at sharing his passion for buildings.

He pretended to be offended. “Yes, my dear. I’ve been known to have a humble opinion every once in a while.” He looked up at the columned portico with the ram’s-horn capitals. “The color is called crown cream, and it’s not meant to be changed, even by those who live in the residences.”

Eva bent her neck backward so she could admire the entire building before turning back to Graham. “I think this is what I love most about you—the way you notice all the details. Most people walk past this piece of history every day and never see it. But you see everything.”

“Yes,” he said, his grin dimming a little. “I do.”

They stared at each other, seemingly oblivious to the Sunday strollers who passed by.

“Thank you,” Eva said.

“For what?”

“For my present. It’s lovely, and I will never be able to pass any of these terraces in the park and not think of John Nash and you.”

“You’re welcome. Although this isn’t really your present, you know. I do have something else. It’s not wrapped, so there won’t be any anticipation. No chance of being disappointed.” He raised his eyebrows in jest, but there was seriousness to his eyes.

“I’ll love it because it’s from you.”

Without dropping his gaze, he reached into his pocket and pulled out something small that he kept hidden in his fist. With careful hands, Eva turned his fist over and began to gently pry open each finger, revealing a small ivory carving in the middle of his palm. She picked it up and held it carefully over her own open hand. “It’s lovely. I think it’s the most lovely thing I’ve ever seen.” She thought briefly of the cigarette case Alex had given her, of the heavy silver and intricate carvings. But it wasn’t like this. Not a gift given from the heart and cherished because of it.

“It’s an Irrawaddy dolphin—highly regarded in Burma. According to an enduring myth, the Irrawaddy dolphin was a fair maiden endowed with the body of a fish. Unfortunately, an attempt by her parents to make her marry a magical python saw her proudly cast herself into the Mekong River. Her suicide bid failed, and instead, she was transformed—her enchanting contentment forever immortalized in the dolphin’s upturned mouth. Irrawaddy dolphins exude a timeless affability, and when I found myself missing England, I’d look for one of the smiling dolphins to cheer me up. A Buddhist monk I met during my travels abroad made this for me as a sort of happiness charm. It certainly seemed to work.”

“How delightful,” Eva said, her voice thick. “But how can you bear to part with it?”

He held her close to him, uncaring of where they were or who might be walking by. Eva kept the figure carefully guarded in her hand like one might cradle something as precious as an infant. “I have you now,” Graham said. “I suppose that means you’re my new happiness charm.”

“I hope so.” She stepped back so she could open her purse and carefully tuck the dolphin inside. “I don’t want anything to happen to it.”

They linked arms again and continued strolling into the park. “Were you sent to Burma because of your job with the Diplomatic Service?”

“Yes. I was sent to work in the governor’s office after Burma separated from British India and became a proper colony. It was more of a peacemaking mission than anything else, and I enjoyed my time there. I believe I was chosen because I’m rather good with languages. I read Persian and Arabic at Oxford and have picked up several more since.”

“I imagine that’s a good skill to have if you enjoy traveling out of your native country.”

“Indeed.” He was silent for a moment. “You know, I don’t think he remembers me, but I met Alexander Grof once in Burma. I never forget a face, and I’m quite sure it was him.”

The mention of Alexander’s name sent a chill down her spine despite the warmth of the day. “Really? And he didn’t recognize you?”

Graham shook his head. “Apparently not, and I didn’t want to call his attention to it if he didn’t, so I didn’t mention it. It was at the Pegu Club in Rangoon. Grof was visiting an uncle, a German aristocrat whose family owns one of the largest teak exporting companies in Burma. I spoke to him only briefly, so I don’t expect him to remember me.”

“But you remembered him.”

Graham was silent for a moment. “Yes, I did. It’s a special talent of mine.”

“As is selecting the perfect gift,” Eva said, eager to change the conversation away from any thought of Alexander Grof.

He squeezed her arm against his side. “I do hope you like the dolphin,” he said, sounding uncertain.

“I don’t just like it—I love it. Although it’s not the first thing you’ve given me, you know.”

“It isn’t?”

She shook her head. “Your embroidered handkerchief, remember? From the day we met. You gave it to me to protect my purse in the rain.”

“Right before you ran away.” His eyes held reproach, as if accusing Eva of finding him lacking on the night they met. As if that wasn’t as far from the truth as the sun from the earth.

“I wasn’t running away from you,” she said. “I was . . . nervous. I wasn’t dressed to meet . . .” She almost said someone like you but quickly changed it. “I wasn’t dressed to meet anyone in my bedraggled state. I didn’t want you to think I was a street beggar.”

He halted so he could look her in the face. “Do you think that would have mattered to me? From the moment I saw you, I thought you were special. Not just because you’re beautiful, Eva. That’s the obvious part that most people don’t bother looking beyond. I think it’s because I recognized a hunger in you. A hunger that I share. A hunger to be something more than what others expect from us. It’s why I went to Burma—horribly disappointing my mother in the process. But I needed to go. To test my mettle. To prove—to myself mostly—that I’m capable of being more than the life into which I was born.”

They continued to walk toward the park and the new Queen Mary’s Gardens, and Eva returned her hand to the crook of his elbow. “Why did it disappoint your mother?”

“Oh, Mother has certain ideas. She’s from an old and aristocratic family, and she married beneath her station—or so she reminds us, and our father, often. She has quite lofty ambitions for my brother. Poor William.”

“Poor William? He inherits everything, yes? The house and property? I’d say he’s quite lucky.”

“Yes—the estate will go to him upon our father’s death. But that means Mother is watching him like a hawk to make sure he marries someone suitable. She’s already chased off several girls who weren’t up to snuff. William was actually heartbroken over the last. He’s still in recovery.”

Eva’s tongue felt frozen with the ice from her heart. “It’s a good thing you’re a second son so you have the freedom to choose.”

He smiled down at her. “In many ways, yes. Except, well, William has signed up for the Royal Air Force. I think it’s partly to get over his heartbreak, but also because he’s convinced war is inevitable. And therefore our mother and father are convinced that something will happen to him.” He shrugged. “It’s the way with parents, I’m afraid.”

She tried to keep the brittleness from her voice. “So now they’re focusing their attention on you, to make sure that you’re safe.”

“Yes. They’d like me to leave my Home Office job and rusticate in the country with them, see how the war plays out.”

“But that’s not who you are, is it?” It was the part of him she loved, the adventurous man who willingly left the comforts of home to experience life in a country a world away, who befriended a Buddhist monk and recognized the charm of a smiling dolphin.

He shook his head. “No, it’s not. Still, it seems Mother has quite elaborate plans for my future. They’re very different ideas from mine. But my father is ill, which is one of the reasons I returned from abroad, and I don’t want to upset him. Especially so close to Sophia’s wedding. So I pretend to agree with Mother’s plans so as not to upset her or my father.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know your father was so ill.”

He was thoughtful for a long moment. “There is quite a lot we haven’t shared with each other. I think it’s because you’re so special to me. I don’t want the realities of the rest of our lives to intrude and spoil all of it. Does that upset you?”

She shook her head, her throat tightening. It was a moment before she could respond. “No, actually. I do understand. I don’t have any family, but I can imagine how important it is to remain close, especially in times like this.”

“I knew you would, Eva. I want to introduce you to my parents, to let them know that you’re special in my life. But I can’t right now. It will be hard enough for them. To me, it doesn’t matter that you’re a country doctor’s daughter—I love you as much as if you were the daughter of a duke. But I’m afraid they don’t see it that way. Can you be patient with me?”

“If you’re asking me to wait for you, you know I will.”

He kissed her. “Just until my father gets better. The doctors are hopeful, so that’s something.”

She swallowed, attempting to sound cheerful. “At least your job now is quite tame in comparison. I expect that must be a relief to your parents.”

Graham didn’t answer right away, making Eva look at him sharply and recall how Alex had correctly assumed she knew nothing about his job. It shamed her how easily Alex could read her, that he knew how unsophisticated her world experiences were. She’d simply imagined Graham sitting at a desk with piles of papers and a telephone. It was juvenile, but she had no experience or knowledge to imagine anything different. “I know you work at the Home Office—but what exactly do you do there? You’re gone so much. I’m imagining it’s not Burma, but still quite exciting.”

“No, it’s not Burma.” She waited for him to say more, watching his thoughts darken his face, but instead he smiled unexpectedly. “We’re not here to talk about work. Now that I’ve shown you not one but two surprises, I’d like to take you to the boating lake. It was too cold the last time we tried, but it’s nice and warm now. Shall we?”

She took his hand and entwined his fingers with hers. They walked slowly, enjoying the rare time spent alone together. Couples stretched out on the green lawns on blankets, their white skin like the underbellies of fish as it pinkened in the sun.

Wanting Graham’s playful mood to return, Eva said, “I’ll only get in the boat with you if you do the rowing. I’m afraid my arms are too sore from holding them up all day yesterday to be fitted for an entire wedding trousseau for Daphne Wigham. They’ve moved up her wedding—her fiancé’s joined the Royal Navy. It’s as if the whole country thinks we’re at war already.”

Graham was silent as they walked down a manicured path toward the boating lake, already dotted with rowboats cutting through the dappled water. “I will admit to being worried about what’s going on in Europe. But today is just you and me. Let’s pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist.”

He pulled on Eva’s hand and nearly ran across the lake on the steel bridge to the boat stand. As promised, he took the paddles but pretended to rock the narrow boat as the attendant seated Eva. She gave him a mock frown, which made Graham lean forward to kiss her, causing the boat to violently swish from side to side. Eva gave a shout, and Graham put a steadying hand on her leg, the heat of his touch sinking into her bones. His green eyes sparkled in the sun. “Don’t worry, Eva. I’ll keep you safe. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

He pushed off from the boarding dock, and they coasted between geese and fellow rowers until they were clear enough that he could begin rowing. Eva had never been to Venice but had listened intently to the stories the Italian girl Rosalie told at Lushtak’s, tales detailed enough that she felt she could see the ancient city in her mind. She could imagine being with Graham in a gondola, transported by a singing gondolier through the beautiful waterways.

But being with Graham in Regent’s Park was its own piece of magic, the sky as blue as it must be in Italy. Eva leaned back, allowing her fingers to dangle in the water, still cool despite the heat of the day. Closing her eyes, she sighed. “Please don’t wake me. I think I might be dreaming.”

She could hear the smile in his voice. “What do you dream of, darling?”

She smiled, keeping her eyes closed. “Of you.”

“Really? What else?”

Eva thought for a moment. “The house I will one day live in.”

“Ah. And what does it look like?”

The rhythmic slap of the oars was a lullaby, the sound of his voice hypnotic. “It’s high on a cliff, overlooking the sea. I can hear the crash of waves through my bedroom window.”

“Are you alone?”

The soft sounds of other people in the boats around them and the movement of water against the boat seemed very distant, lulled as she was by the heat and by the warmth of Graham’s voice. “No.” She opened her eyes to mere slits, his image through her eyelashes like a mirage. “I’m with you.”

She closed her eyes again, felt the pull of the little boat through the water, thought of her house on the cliff by the sea, and remembered how Graham had promised to always keep her safe.